Nusac

Chapter 44
Faith POV

My lungs fill as I try to calm my jagged breaths. The world around me, void of colour disappears behind the veil of my eyelid. I feel as the muscles in my shoulders clench, my mind beginning to calm pushing the primal force within me back down.

My lungs empty through my nostrils and my eyes once again open. The rich colures of the Bronze interior fade back into focus. And I turn once again to the woman still holding my shoulder. “Never left.”

My fingers once again clasp around the cold metal of my blade. It’s pulled free of the still body on the floor with a sickening squelch. As the sharp point is pulled free a thick dark mist surrounds the heap on the floor. Slowly pulling it apart piece by tiny piece dragging the corpse back down to hell. Until, all that is left from my fight are my deep breaths and the gawping faces around me. Even the tip of my sword is now clean of the thick purple blood.

“Don’t ya just love it when they clean up after themselves?” The blade slides gracefully back into its sheath at my side.

“Well… that was… bracing.” My beloved Pike, always knows how to kill the tension.

The corners of my mouth pull up into a smirk of their own accord. I turn to my left, and stare past the unmarked floor where Sweet met his end into the face of the brown haired teenager still standing in her mismatched excuse for a dress. “You okay?” Her eyes are wide as I look into them.

She just nods gently. I hold out my arm towards her, hell I don’t want to scare the hormonal female. “Lets go.” Her eyes flick up from the floor and land on me for just a split second.

It must be a Summers thing… that’s all I can think, as I am being crushed.

“God I missed you.” She says sniffing, snuggling her head on my shoulder. I stand, not sure what to do for a while until I finally remember how to use my arms, I briefly hug her back and she rewards me by letting go. “It’s okay that you didn’t… I know you can’t remember, I just forget sometimes.”

When I look away from the girl to the rest of the room I find them watching us, well nearly all of us… the two blondes are conspicuous by their absence from this.

“Where’s…?”

I shake my head at Dawn. “She needs space and time” my gaze comes to rest on the redhead. “From all of us.”

Willow is gently sobbing, Tara is trying to comfort her as best as she can. I take the few steps to the end of the stage and jump down before helping Dawn down. I then walk straight for the door, clasping Namine’s hand as I pass. I hear the others shuffle out behind us.

We walk in what I assume in contemplative silence for a while. “We need to go find her.” Willow says stopping in the middle of the street.

“We need to get home and get me fed, Buffy needs time, she doesn’t want you all looking at her in pity, and she doesn’t need to see you all with guilty looks on your faces either.” Blunt - yes, mean - maybe, but it needed to be said.

“I should be…” Giles starts.

“No you shouldn’t. She doesn’t want or need us right now and yeah that must sting but you guys need to come to terms with this before she gets back.” I say starting to feel my anger rise. This track is starting to get old. Leave the dammed woman alone for a little bit.

Anya studies me for a second. “You knew.” It doesn’t come out as an accusation, just a fact.

I start walking again, slowly so they all get the hint and follow. “Yes I knew, that’s why I came back.” I sneak a sideways glance at Dawn, she doesn’t seem to react to that. “This…” I say motioning to all the people around me who are in various states of guilt and self loathing “… is why she didn’t tell you in the first place. You guys did it but no amount of self-reproach is going to change that.”

Xander and Giles give me a look, startled. “No, she wouldn’t.” I answer to their thinly veiled question.

I walk up the front steps and enter the always-open house. I stop and turn when I don’t hear the others coming up the stairs too. “We’re gonna...” Xander says gesturing down the street wrapping her long arm around Anya’s shoulders. I shrug and walk into the house followed by Willow, Tara, Pike, Nam, Dawn and Giles.

Giles closes the door quietly behind him and everyone lingers in the hall, my shoulders shrug and my heavy leather jacket fells into my waiting grasp. I throw it over the coat rack in the hall way and make my way into the kitchen. This slayer needs some food and soon.

I make a beeline for the fridge and pull it open easily. Now what do we have here? Lots of leftovers. When did Buffy start eating Chinese? My hands reach out and rummage through the contents of the fridge. Jackpot. Cold pizza. It takes me a moment to remove the large box and put it on the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Pike comes over and takes a seat close to me. He likes to be near the food. I open the cardboard box and imminently deflate. A whole three slices left. Not going to be enough for one hungry slayer and one constantly hungry ex student; who has faster reflexes then I remember. His hand shoots out and claims a slice for himself before he retreats to the other side of the kitchen and behind Tara by the cooker.

Damn now all I want is pizza. I pull a slice into my mouth and close the box. This will have to do for now.

Dawn sits down at the island looking at her fidgeting hands like they are the only interesting things left in the world. Red leans her shoulder against the doorframe, her arms coming up to hold herself tightly. Tara shifts her gaze out of the kitchen window, her jaw clenching and relaxing periodically. Giles has disappeared off to some other part of the house. Nam and pike just go along with the silence not wanting to break this illusion.

These people need to start acting normal or they will fuck B up even more. “I am going to order pizza, who wants?” No one answers me. Pike looks at me with a pleading look on his face and Nam shifts her attention to Red with a small frown on her face.

I have come to like the quiet in the last few years, most of the time back home it was silent but for the birds and animals rustling about in the nearby forest. Sitting outside with Nam in the sun with a loaf of bread and some cheese in the silence is one of my favourite things to do. The silence seeps into your body from the ground beneath you, completely filling you until all you feel is numb, but in a good way. This type of silence is completely different, it fells empty. “Anyone want anything in particular?”
Red pushes herself off the doorframe and makes her way away from all of us and up the stairs, so much for acting normal. My eyes close as a long sigh is pushed from my lungs. Before I open them again a small hand lands on my shoulder. For the second time tonight Namine pulls me from a far off place with her deep pools of blue. She pulls her lips into a tight smile and slowly leaves the kitchen and tentatively climbs the stairs to follow the redhead.

My hand reaches out for the phone as I order the pizza. Turning my back of the deafening silence running through this room. All three fully loaded pizzas are ordered and I have to hang up the phone and face these people again.

I slowly sit at the side of the island and prepare for even more silence.

I sit for a further thirty six seconds, listening to the unbearably loud ticking of the clock hung on the wall. I have to move before I literally, physically explode. “I’m going downstairs.” I blurt out as I hurry down to the basement.

Ahh proper silence… but still, I pace.

I hear the door click open and then closed before I have finished one lap of the basement.

Dawn slowly descends the stairs, her shoes clipping on the wooden steps with each footfall. I watch as she makes her way to the couch in the dark room and flops down onto it.

“This is a pile of shit.” Dawn say looking at me.

I honest to god have to do a double take. Where did she learn a word like that? “Don’t think big sis would like you using words like that.” I say leaning against the wall.

“Oh come on, you have heard far worse from me, the cussing sessions we used to have…” From me, obviously. She takes a breath to continue talking and then stops herself. “But you wouldn’t remember any of that.”

“Yeah, think I would have liked those memories. Sounds like we had fun.”

Dawn smiles at me. “Yeah we did.”

The mood in the room suddenly changes. I don’t look at her as I ask. “You want to talk about it?”

The girl shakes her head at me. “That is pretty much the last thing I want to do right now.”

I nod and take a seat on the bed Namine and I have been sharing down here. Pulling myself up until my back hits the cold stonewall. I rest my head back and allow the world to disappear behind my eyelids. It’s only a matter of time before she starts up some sort of conversation. I figure it’s better if she starts it.

“I was really angry at you.” She says, her voice barely above a whisper. My head lifts to face her but she’s not looking at me. In fact I would say that she was doing everything in her power in order not to look at me.

How the hell do you answer something like that? Especially when you can’t remember doing anything. “Yeah you know that wasn’t me right? And if it was.”

“Not for that…” She cuts into my sentence. Her blue eyes cutting to me. “For leaving.” She watches me for a moment before speaking again. “I know you didn’t mean to, I just didn’t know, no one knew. The rest of them thought maybe you skipped out the country or something.”

I say nothing, waiting for her to continue.

She quietly stands and comes over to the small bed sitting down cross-legged next to me. “Tell me about it, where you went.”

I smile and close my eyes for a minute. Just letting the images of the wide-open fields, dense thick forests and the deep winding rivers run through my mind. I immerse myself so deep into the images I can almost taste the air, almost feel it running past my skin and through my hair. “It’s beautiful.”

The illusion breaks as my eyes open and I’m back in the dank dimly lit basement of the Summers home. Just to top it off Dawn doesn’t look any happier. Her eyes are downcast and her jaw slightly clenched. “You’re going back… aren’t you?”

Oh crap. How can I possibly phrase this? “That was never in question.” There are tears in her eyes. She tries in vain to blink them back before I can see them brimming just below the surface. “It’s my home Dawn.”

“Sunnydale was your home once.” One tear escapes and travels the length of her cheek.

“No, it never was.” My hand reaches out to her. Fingers travelling just below her hairline and my thumb rubbing one stray tear into her skin. “Somehow I think you already knew that.”

She sniffs back the rest of her tears and nods my fingers from her hairline. My arm drops back to my side as she frantically rubs her eyes on her sleeve. “I just got my best friend back.”

“Shouldn’t pin your hopes on me.” I stand from the small bed stretching out my arms behind me. Killing that demigod has lit a fire within me. Now I just can’t seem to keep still. I pace across the small basement wondering exactly how many hours of night are left. Would it be enough time to track something down?

“Why do you always do that?” I let my gaze snap back to my companion with an utterly confused expression on my face. “That self-deprecating thing you always do.”

I have to blink back the surprise. I used to be self-deprecating around Dawn? We must have been better friends that what I have come to understand. “Old habits die hard I guess.” I stop to take a deep breath and to choose my next words very carefully. “How close were we D?”

She shrugs and stands to make her way to the steps. “Pretty close.”

My arm shoots from my side before I have a chance to stop it, my palm gripping her upper arm. “How close? How much do you know about me?” Fear streaks its way through my veins turning my blood cold.

“You’re hurting me.” Her eyes flick up from my tight grip on her arm. Instantly I drop her. “We used to talk a lot.” She pauses her tongue coming out to moisten her lips as she searches her mind for the right words. “I know enough to understand why you lashed out back then.” I have to gulp back the large lump that has appeared in my throat. That close huh?

I nod and lower my gaze to the concrete floor. Trying to process this information. There is a hell of a lot of stuff about me no one in this house knows about me. And I’m including Pike and Nam in that list. Things I’ve done, things that have been done to me. It’s a very closely guarded secret that over the past two or three years I just haven’t thought about.

Now this person; who I’ve only just met; is telling me that, all those years ago when I thought I was getting good at hiding just how damaged I could be, that she managed to pry my secrets from me.

Her footfalls begin again as she makes her way to the wooden staircase. She stops half way up to the doorway and turns, leaning heavily on the banister. “I didn’t tell anyone Faith.”

My gaze slowly turns to her. I can feel my own fear filled tears filling my eyes. “Thanks D.” She continues further up the stairs and closes the door on her way out. Blocking out the thin rays of sunlight just begging to peak over the horizon. Bringing with it a whole new day filled with a whole new bunch of possibilities.

Above me I hear a loud consistent knocking on the front door. It pulls me from my fear filled daze and wipe angrily at the unshed tears in my eyes. Sounds like the pizza is here. Strange, how I’m not that hungry any more.