Kathy's Revenge

Chapter 43
Faiths POV.

I walk down the street, nobody in sight. The darkness of the night envelops me. This is who I am, the dark slayer, the one who doesn’t need anyone. I am the one who can do anything, I don’t care about consequences, I just care about me.

I walk and walk, I don’t know exactly how long I walk for, I just keep going and going until the hunger gets too much, when I actually take note of where I am I find myself in some run down neighbourhood near the highway.

I walk down the derelict streets; potholes almost as big as the hell mouth are on the roads. Some houses are houses, though run down, looking like they were built in the 50’s and haven’t been tended to since then, other houses aren’t houses at all, just trailers that have been stationary for so long that grass has grown over the wheels.

I walk past one house and find that I have stopped. The fence around the yard is no more than chicken wire with an ugly metal gate; the yard is a mass of scrap metal, old tires and general trash along with small tufts of grass about a foot high.

The front door is painted what I assume used to be white but it is now sort of brown and yellow, the screen door looks dirty and on its last legs. I can hear screaming coming from inside the house, a woman screaming high-pitched and a man shouting back.

Suddenly I realise why I stopped here, reminds me of home…

I start to walk again, towards the highway, I still don’t know where I am going but I carry on regardless.

A green and yellow neon sigh indicates there is a truck stop up ahead; I guess they gotta have food there right? I walk at a faster pace through dark alleys.

I arrive at the opening to a large car park and smile as I see the words, twenty-four hour diner again in neon writing above an old tatty building. I guess that’s the theme around here, run down…

I sit in one of the booths that was once the back seat of some old classic car and read the menu, I know everything is going to taste the same; nasty, greasy and dirty but I don’t care. The waitress takes my order and I can tell she is trying to guess if this is all for me or if I have a family of ten back in the car waiting to come in.

I sit back and wait for my food to be cooked.

They hate me. They all hate me…

What if they don’t? What if this is the thing that got into you making you think this?

Does it matter? I don’t wonna be around them if they don’t care and if they do then I don’t wonna be around them either, I don’t want their pity and I don’t want them to get hurt because of me, because of something in me…

The waitress practically slams the food down in front of me and I snap out of my daze. Well the food looks like shit like I expected, here’s hoping that it doesn’t taste as bad as it looks.

I loiter in the diner for as long as I can, having refill after refill of coffee until I cant stand it anymore, I pay the waitress and to my surprise I leave a tip, I don’t realise I have done it until the words “keep the change” come tumbling out of my mouth.

I walk the streets again, I need to find somewhere to sleep. I can see some of the houses around here are empty but I don’t think I wonna sleep in this neighbourhood then I really would catch something or get shot in my sleep… you know… whatever.

I find myself in a graveyard; as usual the Faith navigational system takes me to somewhere dark and full of death, yay for me.

I scour the cemetery looking for any vampires or demons, I find only one a vampire in a large crypt that he has done up, much like Spike had done with his when he was a vamp.

I am too tired to bother fighting the vamp properly and avoid my usual banter and cat and mouse games. I go straight to the staking then I close the door to the crypt, go down to the lower level and lie on the dusted vamps bed with paranoid thoughts running through my mind until I finally fall into a nightmare filled sleep.

I am watching memories again, hearing everything he said about me, every bad thing anyone ever said about me. My dreams swirl around me almost swallowing me in the darkness.

The whirlpool finally stops and I am standing somewhere in pure darkness, I cannot see if it is a room or a large place, everything is black. everything but me and a small space around me, like I am standing under a spot light.

I hear a voice from in the darkness, it is behind me… I turn around to look where it is coming from, I can see nothing.

“They will abandon you, they wont save you. They’re having too much fun without you, never liked you and you know that don’t you Faith.”

I recognise the voice but I don’t know where from, it seems so familiar but I cannot place it.

“She doesn’t love you, no one ever loved you they just got what they wanted then left. That is what she will do.”

“Who the hell are you?” I shout into the darkness.

“That you will have to figure out for yourself.”

I peer into the darkness for a while, I cant see anything, no shapes or colours or anything. Just pure black.

“She will never love you like she did her, she loved her with all her heart and soul, you can never match that… you will never be enough for her, you will never be enough for any of them, you’re not smart enough, not kind enough, not chirpy enough, not happy enough, not as open as they are… you will never fit in their little group.”

“She loves me, I know she does!” I shout back.

“Ahh little Faith always trying to be what she isn’t.”

I fall to the floor with my hands over my ears rocking back and forth slowly.

“Just because you have your ears covered doesn’t mean you can’t hear me. You will always hear me, I will always be here, you can’t hide from me.”

“Leave me alone!” I shout.

“Why what you gonna do to me Faith?” The voice asks in a patronising tone.

“You can’t exist if I don’t want you to, this is my head! I don’t want you here!” I am still rocking.

“Only way you can get rid of me is by killing yourself…”

“No!” I scream.

“Oh why not? Not like you have anything to live for anyway, no one likes you, no one needs you around. You’re not even The Slayer anymore… there are loads of them out there. The world doesn’t need you and neither does she!”

When I wake I am sitting up, I guess I must have bolted upright in my sleep. A cold sweat is covering me all over and I am fighting for breath as if I have just had a two-hour battle with a really strong demon.

I catch my breath and have a smoke before falling to sleep once again, I am thankful this time that my sleep is filled with nothing, no nightmares, no dreams, no nothing.