Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

“You're going to have to be there for him.”

Spike didn't even turn from where he was looking out the window. “'M not bloody stupid! Of course I've got to be there for him! I just wish the little arse would let me be there for him now!”

The call had came to the Watcher's flat, hours after Xander had all but shoved Spike into the tunnels behind the stacks in the Library and forced him to leave. Wouldn't talk about his damned vision or what he saw. Spike understood; he knew that Xander was not only trying to keep from breaking, but he was also making sure his little friends all looked shocked when they found out. Plausible deniability and all that crap.

But Xander had forgotten that Spike was evil. It wasn't like he had to worry about the local constables. For one thing, they were a joke. For another, once he'd taken up with a mortal Spike had paid a pretty penny to a demon in LA for ID. Not fakefake ID, but the real-looking stuff. He even had a record of reckless driving added to his driver's license and medical records doctored up, with a history of broken bones, mumps, measles, right down to him having a mild form of xeroderma pigmentosum that made it nearly impossible for him to go out in the daylight.

So Spike could have stayed, or could have gone with Xander to the morgue. Not that he actually gave a shit about the boy's Mum-- bitch had had a chance to protect her son and had never taken it. But he knew Xander, bleeding heart that his lover was, would not only be upset that she was dead but blaming himself for it.

When he saw his lover, Spike wasn't sure if he was going to kiss him or beat him on the arse for making him stay away. And having a nosy Chaos Mage telling him what he already knew wasn't helping any. Then again, Ethan didn't know what Spike knew, that Xander's Father was dead and that Xander had already put that behind him.

Put it behind him so well he still allowed his Father's killer into his life. Into his damned bed.

Xander's friends were all in the Watcher's living room, waiting for their friend and to hug and coddle him. Ethan had been on the phone with the funeral home and had been muttering something about custody but Spike had just ignored it all and watched out of the window in the back room, waiting for Xander. Willow had been crying, big fat tears rolling down her cheeks and Spike had had to leave them, had to move before he opened his mouth and said too much.

He could feel Ethan coming up to stand behind him. “I know you know this. Still, you need to hear it. Despite the influences of reprobates like the two of us and the young Miss Chase, Xander is still basically a good person. He'll feel guilty, even though it's not his fault. He'll get the idea that he should have seen what was going to happen and stopped it.”

“You know, you'd be a lot more help if you told me something I don't bloody well know! Now if only the little shit would get here so I can be there for him!” His fingers itched for a cigarette. Hell, he was just itching for a fight. He wanted to bloody well find Angelus and see how long it would take to strip every ligament of muscle from his bones, one by one. Chain him to a wall in his own lair and carve him up, piece by piece. Spike knew how to do it, even to an old vampire like Angelus. He'd make it last weeks.

The phone rang in the other room but both men ignored it. It would give the children something to do. The sun had set hours ago, the late February sun casting long shadows, and Spike ached to go hunting. But if he did he wouldn't be there for Xander. The fact that he was so obviously torn so that Ethan felt the need to remark on it made him even more angry, this time at himself.

“Ethan!” The cheerleader's voice was full of anger and both Spike and Ethan hurried to the other room. This time it was the Slayer crying, and Willow trying to comfort her. The wolf looked like he wanted to help but didn't know how and Cordelia was gathering extra weapons out of Giles's chest. “Okay, Buffy's mom was “mugged”. Her neighbor heard it and called the cops and an ambulance. She's okay, but she's hurt. We're all going to the hospital. I figure a group is best right now since Angelus has obviously flipped his really bad wig.”

Spike growled but couldn't argue with that. Right now the Slayer would be dangerous, and someone needed to babysit her. Her friends could do it and, while the cheerleader may not have the physical strength of a Slayer, she was devious. Spike trusted a wicked mind more than strong fists any day. “Right. We'll stay here until the Watcher and Xan gets back and meet you there. If she's staying overnight...” Spike trailed off.

They all knew hospitals were public places.

Cordelia nodded and started ushering the others to the door, putting her coat on over a crossbow and quiver. “God, Buffy, how do you buy a coat big enough to hide your weapons?”

The Slayer gave a weak laugh. “I haven't. I keep hoping Ralph Lauren will do an undercover cop line or something. Until then you have to settle for looking lumpy.”

Willow wiped at her eyes. “I bet they have something in Sharper Image. Or, you know, one of those places that sell those teddy bears with nanny cameras in them, and the purses with hidden compartments for guns. Or—oh! We could use the Home Ec. Room and design our own line! Fashionable wear for the discriminating demon hunter! Only, I can't really sew...”

Spike rolled his eyes but their teasing even had a soothing effect on him. They were all just whistling in the dark to hide their fears, something these children on the mouth of hell were good at. If Xander had been here he would have added in and Spike felt his absence keenly.

“What you lot need is to stop looking for high fashion and go with the tried and true. A good leather coat and a simple pair of leather Docs are all you need, not all of those bloody fripperies you birds go for!” Maybe it was the lack of Xander babble that made him speak up but his comment had made the girls smile. Not that he cared.

“I've found recently that a tie-dyed shirt does wonders to hide bloodstains.” Oz's bland statement had Spike chuckling. He made a mental note to talk to Ethan about ways they could help the boy control his wolf. A were with full control would be a great weapon against Angelus, something the older vampire wouldn't expect.

“Right. Enough of this. As if I'm taking fashion advice from people who think denim and hemp are as good as silk. Let's get to the hospital before...” Cordelia trailed off and everyone froze. They were all thinking the same thing. Before Angelus got there.

Oz nodded and pulled his keys out of his pocket and opened the door. Then he closed it and looked at Spike. “You didn't happen to hear someone out here? UPS truck? Delivery man?”

Spike growled and nearly ran over Willow to get to the door. He threw it open and found a large box. He hadn't heard anything, had scented nothing and he'd been on watch. He could feel his true face slip out as he caught the scent of blood coming from the cardboard.

Spike picked up the box and started to take it inside. Everyone else in the room was watching him, except for Ethan. He was gathering newspapers and spreading them on the coffee table. Spike figured he must have guessed what type of package it was from his reaction.

Spike set the box down and then looked at the teens. “What the fucking hell are you waiting on? Bloody Christmas to come again? Get your soddin' arses to the hospital!”

Cordelia took a look at the box and Spike realized there was a damp patch on one edge of the bottom. She shook her head. “Right. Call us if you need us, I'll keep my cell phone on. Who cares if some old fart's heart machines stop working? Meet us when you can.”

Spike nodded and Cordelia led the others out of the flat and into the night. Once again, Spike had the wishful thought of taking the girl and turning her. She would make a fine Childe. While the Slayer was strong physically, Cordelia was strong emotionally, not caring what others thought of her as long as her goals were accomplished. But he loved Xander and would do nothing to make his boy doubt him.

On the other hand, if she ever asked....

Spike shook himself from those thoughts and drew his knife from its hilt on his ankle. Carefully, he cut the bindings on the box and opened the lid. There, wrapped in bloody newspaper, was the head of one of Xander's teachers. Spike only vaguely recognized her but Ethan's indrawn gasp had him looking at the other man.

“Bloody fucking hell. It's Jenny. Jenny Calendar. She's that gypsy that was sent to watch Angel, make sure he didn't lose his soul.”

Spike couldn't help but growl. “Didn't do a fucking good job of it, did she? Xander said that she'd known that happiness would break the curse but hadn't wanted to say anything. Something about not wanting to see Buffy hurt or some such bollocks.” As if the Slayer wouldn't have been hurt finding it out in time. Spike snorted and reached into the box. The woman's nose had been cut off, and there was a note in one of those plastic bags that Xander kept leftovers in.

He took the note out and handed it to Ethan and packed the gruesome trophy away. He'd get rid of it later. The body would either be found or not, but if they reported the package to the police that would bring unwelcome attention. Stupid as the Sunnydale peelers were, even they would question Giles if they found the head of one of his co-workers the same week as the body of one of his student's parent. No one could be that idiotic.

Ethan, meanwhile, had gone to the loo and put on a pair of disposable gloves. He opened the bag carefully, unfolded the note and read it out loud. “Giles. Sorry to leave this on your doorstep, but I seem to have been uninvited. I'm afraid your ex was snooping around where she shouldn't be, and I thought I'd leave you this reminder. I know you're busy. After all, William will be looking after his brat of a lover, won't he? Give my regards to my errant Childe, his lover and to dear sweet Buffy. I'll be seeing them all soon and, Blood Feud or no, we'll all be one happy family again. Until then, you're all in my thoughts. Angelus. Fucking bastard!”

Ethan threw down the note, ripped off the disposable gloves and went to the bookcase and started pulling down books. “Get that... abominable thing out of here. Ripper will call when they leave the station, and I'll call you, make sure you're back for Xander.” Ethan picked up a note and started writing. “I'll need a few things: crystals, nettles, dragon's blood resin, distilled water. A few of them I have on hand but you'll have to stop and get the rest.”

Spike nodded, not caring that he was being ordered. The Chaos Mage's anger was a palpable thing and it was all directed at his Sire for the moment. He wasn't going to do anything to get it aimed at his head. “Gonna scry for the bastard's lairs?”

“That and more. Not that I haven't been trying but I've been playing by my dear Ripper's rules for the most part. It's time to get a bit more nasty and if he doesn't like it...” Ethan trailed off and gave Spike a challenging look but Spike just grinned ferally back at him. Ethan returned the look. “Right. Not only am I going to scry but I'm going to cast a few other spells. Give Angelus a bit of bad luck. Let Murphy's Law step in and even things out. A few other ideas I have.”

Spike gave a rough laugh. “Bastard's probably cleared out of town for the moment, but at least we can get our pound of flesh. Eye for an eye and all that.” He got up and put on his duster before picking up the shopping list and the grisly package. Ethan was muttering to himself, something about calling down fire, and Spike made his way to the door.

There he paused and looked at the other man. They had much in common -- their lack of morals and their love of someone who had too many ethics was just the beginning. Spike cleared his throat. “He'll get over it, you know. For turning to your old magics. It might take a while but Xander's forgiven...”

“The fact that you killed his father? He has. Then again, Xander is younger than Ripper, not so set in his ways. We'll see. It must be done, at any rate. I may not be a boy scout but I am getting rather tired of looking over my shoulder at night if I take out the rubbish. Now go. They’ll be back soon.”

Spike nodded and slipped out the door, the box under his arm. For a fleeting moment he hated himself, hated this weakness inside that kept him by the side of a mortal child and making fucking well friends. That passed quickly, though. Spike could no more hate Xander than he could hate being a vampire.

Besides, there were others more worthy of his anger. As Spike left the area of the Watcher's flat to dispose of the box, he found himself hoping that Ethan would leave a few lairs for him and Xander to destroy.

After all, Xander still had a bit of C4 hidden under the bed. He'd like to see it in use now that he wasn't injured, and Xander would probably feel a bit better if he had the chance to blow his tormentor back into hell.

*****

Xander couldn't sleep. Well, he probably could since he was tired and felt like he'd been hit with a ton of bricks and his eyes had passed that grainy stage about four hours ago. But he didn't close his eyes and snuggle into Spike. To tell the truth, he was sort of afraid to. He was afraid of his dreams, of what he might see.

His Mom was dead. Jenny Calendar was dead. Buffy's mom had a black eye, bruised ribs and a sprained finger. The last one actually made him smile, though, because Joyce had gotten it giving Angelus a pop in the nose. Too bad Angelus was a vampire and it hadn't hurt. Still, Xander would have loved to have seen it. The Scourge of Europe being hit in the face and then sworn at in a voice loud enough to attract the entire block by the middle aged Mother of the Slayer.

Well, less than middle aged, actually. Young. Really young. Because now that Xander knew how well Buffy's mom could hit, he so wasn't going to take any chances.

But still that image was the only happy one to be had for the past twenty four hours. He'd gone from school, to the morgue, to the police department, telling his story about being kicked out and talking around social workers for hours. Only to get to Giles's apartment to find Spike looking even more moody than normal and Ethan looking into a silvery bowl that had black flames shooting out of it.

Giles had instantly stilled and had looked at Spike. It was then that they had found out about Joyce, and about Jenny. And instead of Giles getting mad over his lover using the dark side of the Force to track Angelus, Xander could sense his...tweedness being pushed away as Giles took off his coat and rolled up his sleeves and moved to help Ethan.

After visiting the hospital, they split up into two groups. The girls stayed with Buffy and her Mother, ending up at the Summers house for an impromptu slumber party. Buffy's mom thought that Angelus had been an ex stalking her daughter, not a vampire, so they should be safe but Buffy was still scared. Xander couldn't blame her; he was scared, too.

Oz had joined the rest of the men, and together they had found eight of Angelus's lairs around town. By the time dawn came they had all been burned to the ground or otherwise destroyed, Oz and Xander handling crossbows while Giles and Spike used swords and Ethan threw fireballs and magic spells that made Xander's head hurt to look at.

Xander ached all over and just felt numb. Everywhere. Part of it was shock and part of it was exhaustion but he still didn't want to sleep. They were all camped out at Giles's, Spike and Xander sharing the guest room while Oz slept on the couch. Xander was just thankful he wasn't expected back at school for a week.

“Xander, pet, will you shut your brain up and go to sleep? I can't rest while you're sitting there fussing.”

Xander moved just enough to thump Spike on his arm. “It's not like I don't want to sleep! I just...don't want to dream. Is that too much to ask? If I went and woke Ethan up, do you think he could spell me into sleeping without dreams?”

Spike moved just a little and pulled him even closer. “Probably. And then your brain would blow up and I'd be cleaning gray matter out of the sheets. Dreams are your mind's way of letting off steam, eh? And after tonight, well, you'll need it. Just go to sleep, and I'll keep the nightmares away. If you're too restless, though, we can always do something else....”

“Okay, ewwww! I am so not having sex within ten feet of Giles! That's just....gah! So very wrong!”

“Git. You're the one with the dirty mind. I was thinking hot milk, myself.” Spike's voice betrayed him, though, and Xander had to grin.

“Hot milk. Right. Is that what they're calling it now?”

Spike thumped him on his head. “Brat. Go to sleep, before I threaten to read you a bed time story.”

Xander smiled and snuggled into Spike, the feeling of safety he got from his lover welcoming. He knew he was going to have nightmares, but he also got the feeling that Spike was going to stay awake and make sure they didn't get too bad. Spike would protect him.

“It's going to be okay, right, Spike?”

“Yeah, pet, it'll be alright. We'll get Angelus yet, and then he'll pay.”