Complement

XXIX - Crown of Scars
(Part A)

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Forget about the fight to wear the crown of scars ~ Cause you've already won ~ Forget the pain and leave tears behind you ~ Bury underneath your feet the remains ~ Of what's been left behind ~ Cause you have got a long, a long way to run ~ But now you dance the rest of the way ~ And you don't look back ~ Can you hear the angel singing ~ As you rise ~ Now you fly away ~ And you don't look down ~ And you laugh till you can't launy lny longer ~ As you watch your chains fall to the ground ~ Will you fall against the wall that you have built with your own hands ~ When you trip upon the thorns that you have tied your legs together with ~ When you walk upon thin ice that you know you should not be walking ~ Why do you wonder why that you fell through...
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Buffy stayed motionless her arms still out in front of her like Faith was still within them as she listened to the sound of the door close and lock. What happened? How did this happen? HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN? She had the irrational thought to find Angel and just stake his undead ass for doing this to them, as if this were all his fault. She knew it wasn't his fault, it wasn't anyone's fault.

She didn't understand any of it and she wanted to know where the hell her Faith was because the woman who had walked through that door wasn't her Faith. Wasn't the Faith she knew now, wasn't any Faith she had ever known. The Faith she knew was passionate, alive, vibrant, whether she was happy, sad, angry, psychotic or sane. Her Faith now and even three years ago would have gone into some sort of tirade, whether it had been mumbling under her breath, throwing her hands up in the air and pacing or even throwing punches taking her anger out on something or someone. She might have even run away scared, afraid to fight for what she wanted, but any of her Faith's would not have stood in front of her speaking with dead calmness like the stranger that had gone into the bathroom.

That woman wasn't even the young girl she met three years ago who had hid her pain behind a wall of indifference. The young girl who had flirted outrageously with her, who had made her laugh and cry. Who had admonished her to find the fun. Wasn't the young confused, lonely, scared girl who had sided with the Mayor, wasn't the young girl, she had stabbed or had switched their bodies. Wasn't the young girl with a death-wish who had tried to get Angel to kill her. At least that young girl had been alive, had some fire in her eyes, in her soul.

The woman in the bathroom wasn't the woman who had come back to Sunnydale even knowing she might get her ass beaten or even killed. Who was looking to make up for the past, to find redemption. Wasn't the woman who had set, who still set, Buffy's own senses on fire. Wasn't the woman who had stayed even though Buffy had treated her like shit for months, had treated her like the whore Johnny and her Mother had brainwashed and abused her into believing she was. Wasn't the woman who had sacrificed her own wants, desires and was willing to let Buffy hate her, even kill her, in order to force Buffy back on the path to healing, to opening herself back up to the world so that Buffy didn't go down the samed shd she had gone down. At least that woman had done it with a passionate voice, tears in her eyes, with some life to her.

And that woman in the bathroom certainly wasn't the woman Buffy had fallen in love with. Wasn't the woman who she knew had an innocence she hid under the Bad Girl exterior. Wasn't the woman who could be both shy and brazen at the same time. Wasn't the woman who was willing to sacrifice her own soul for any one of their large extended family. Wasn't the same woman who made her laugh, maer cer cry, smile, feel things she had never thought possible. Wasn't the same woman who made her heart flutter and her breath catch with just a look. Wasn't the same woman who had handed herself ovo tho the cruelties of both Johnny and Glory in order to protect her. Wasn't the woman whose sheer strength of will had let her survive not only her childhood, but their trip to Glory's Slayer Hell. Strength of will and determination that had enable them both to survive their trip to hell.

And she sure as shit wasn't the woman Buffy had spent the morning having a water fight, then a tickle fight with. Not the woman she had spent hours cuddling with today, whispering, sharing, getting to know again, starting to heal with, heal from, their seven-month ordeal in hell. Wasn't the woman that Buffy knew didn't know the meaning of never or couldn't, would never just throw up a white flag and just surrender without some kind of fight. Wasn't the woman who had made such a beautiful declaration of love to Buffy at the Joining reception. Wasn't the woman that Buffy was learning could bring out the absolute best in her there was. And she sure as fuck wasn't the woman who had kissed Buffy this morning with her own soul as Buffy had kissed her back with her own soul as well.

The woman Buffy knew had retreated further then she ever had before, past the wall of indifference into a sort of nothingness. On some level, Buffy understood it, after all that had happened to Faith, happened to them, all the fears that she was struggling with, all the fears and emotions Faith had felt when she stood staring at herself in the mirror that morning. Then everything she had gotten from Buffy when she had remembered the day Angel had become human. She knew that Faith had just assumed that it all still held true now and had misinterpreted what Buffy had felt after she remembered. It had just escalated all the other fears, it had overloaded her, it had been the final straw that had sent her spiraling down that long tunnel into the nothingness, much like Buffy had when Glory had taken Dawn. And somehow, down in that black hole Faith had lost touch with the bond they shared as more than Slayers, the bond they shared as eternal soul-mates.

Without even realizing she had done it, Buffy had changed into jeans and a t-shirt while the thoughts had been thundering through her head. She caught sight of herself in the wall mirror, her mascara was streaked down her face, the tears were still falling and she let them. Her eyes were almost glowing, the gold flecks in them flashing at her with determination. It was as if they knew a secret that had yet to surface in her own consciousness. She looked back at the door as if she could see through it to her mate on the other side.
She moved to stand right in front of the bathroom door; she closed her eyes and tried to see her mate with more than just her eyes. She saw the light, the thread that still shone there, luminous and beautiful just like her mate. It still connected them; the thread that Atropos had told them could never be severed. The one that bound them throughout eternity, it called to her and she followed. She saw the woman wearing Faith's face sitting on the floor crying and rocking. Then she followed the thread further and forced her way through and felt her mate slamming against something, trying to break free, screaming the same thing over and over...

And even if Buffy hadn't found the thread, even if she hadn't followed it into Faith's mind, into her heart, into her soul, she knew. Knew for the first time in her life, exactly what she wanted, who she wanted, where she wanted to be and who she always wanted to be there with her forever and she knew with every part of who, what she was, that Faith wanted to be right there with her, right there beside her.

And it was why Buffy didn't believe for a minute a goddamn word Faith had just said to her.

She reached out and placed her hand lightly on the door...

"Faith, I am yours and you are mine..." she whispered and knew Faith, her Faith, heard her with more than just her ears.

And then she broke down the mother-fucking door.
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Faith didn't move as Buffy crashed through the door, it was like she was encased in ice. She saw an array of emotions all blazing out of Buffy's flashing golden eyes. Pain, sorrow, regret, hurt, anguish, fear, loss and once again, the strongof tof them all, fierce, unconditional, eternal, love. They burned their way to her, into her, scorching her, blazing a path straight down into her soul, melting the ice on their way to free her from her self-imposed prison.

Then as if she were on autopilot she felt her mouth begin to move, the words coming from only the gods knew where, they weren't her words, weren't the words she wanted to say. "Buffy what the fuck do you think you're doing? Get the fuck out of here Buffy! IT IS OVER BUFFY! DO YOU HEAR ME? DO YOU BUFFY?"

Buffy just stood with her hands on her hips, looking down at her with the same and-another-thing look she had given her this morning. The look that told Faith, Buffy was going to tell her something that was for her own good. At any other time she would have been looking back at Buffy incredulously considering what was happening right now, instead she stared back at Buffy with an emptiness that she saw Buffy physically flinch back from. The voice in her head started screaming louder, throwing itself more forcefully against the steel barrier keeping it confined and separated from its hurting mate.

"Oh I heard you Faith. I heard you loud and clear. It's not me who isn't listening, it's you. I broke down one door to get to you and now it's time to break down the wall, so that you can hear, feel the same thing, I hear and feel."

Faith never saw Buffy move, one second she was standing in front of her and the next she was being held in those strong arms, wrapped in Buffy's warm, comforting, but steely embrace. She really didn't have the energy to try to escape, she was exhausted, and still so very cold, she made a feeble attempt anyway. Hoarsely she whispered, "Buffy wh..."

"Be quiet and just listen, just feel. And Faith... stop fucking calling me Buffy!" Buffy tightened her arms around Faith and leaned her forehead against Faith's, following after her when Faith tried to lean back away from her. She locked her eyes with Faith's, compelling Faith against her will not to break the stare, Buffy's eyes started to glow almost gold.

With ease, with surety and confidence born out of the knowledge that it was meant to be there, that it was right to be there and that it had always been there, she found the thread within her that bound, connected them and followed it to her mate. She felt Faith shivering in her arms and her skin still felt so cold, she tightened her embrace even more. She felt Faith jump slightly when she slipped into her mind, slipped into the place between their conscious and subconscious minds, where they had spent almost seven months together sharing their dreams, building a place where they had both felt safe. It was there she found her mate, separated from her and trapped by the steel barrier that had gone up to protect her when the world came crashing down upon her today.

They stood staring at each other in the dreamscape. It was nothing like the place they had built for themselves in Glory's hell. This place was stark, dim, barren, devoid of sound, of warmth, dead. It was cold and sterile and it frightened Buffy down to the depths of her soul that her mate, her Faith was trapped within the confines of this place. It frightened her but it did not stop her from letting everything she was, all that she felt, from completely opening her mind, her soul; she hid absolutely nothing. No, it did not stop her from letting it all flow from her to Faith.

She could not break the steel barrier, could not banish the shadows or the fears that dwelled within this place. The only one who could do that was Faith. She held her hand out to Faith in silent supplication, letting her know she was not alone, letting her know that she would wait, wait forever, would stay here with her if she chose not to leave, letting her know that it didn't matter where they were as long as they were together.

Both Slayers let out an anguished, relief-filled sob when the Faith in the dreamscape reached right through the steel barrier with a hand trembling with fear, and a soul full of love and clutched onto the hand being held out to her and let her mate lead her out of the cold, barren, pain-filled landscape of her self-imposed exile.
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She pulled the shivering Dark Slayer closer to her, her hands rubbing Faith's arms, back, trying to get some warmth back into her. Christ, Faith's lips were even blue from the coldness of that barren place she had exiled herself into. Buffy had a moment of panic when Faith seemed to be pulling away from her and then she felt her mate's arms surround her, holding her so tightly, she thought her ribs were going to break.

"Oh god I'm sorry," her voice was hoarse and shaky. "Oh god I'm so sorry. I don't know..." She moved herself a little out of Buffy's embrace so she could see her. She looked into Buffy's hazel eyes and was stunned once again and she had a feeling that she would always be stunned by the love that blazed in them for her. She lifted a trembling hand and gently caught some of the still falling tears from her mate's eyes. She started shivering almost violently, she felt Buffy pull her more tightly to her and she buried her head into the crook of Buffy's neck. Then the tears started again, great wracking sobs and she couldn't get them to stop. Words slipped out from between the sobs only this time they were her words. They were disjointed and jumbled but they were hers.

"I don't know. It, the world... everything... it all came crashing down on me. It was too much. It was already too much. When I... when I saw what happened... felt how you felt. I thought. I got scared. I felt like I had lost you. After everything, it was too much. I couldn't feel you inside anymore. Couldn't feel the, feel our bond and I... I wouldn't have survived Glory and him without you. Wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for you. And I don't know if I can get past it now without you. When I, when I thought I lost you... I shut down, I hid... I'm such a coward. I went back in my head to that place I lived in when I was a kid. It's so cold there, so lonely and I couldn't get back out. I tried, but I couldn't get back out. All that stuff, all I said, I didn't mean it, I don't want it to be over. I don't want to lose you, not even to Angel." She was clutching at Buffy's shirt, her whole body trembling. "I'm not going to lose you, am I? Please... pleaon'on't leave me..."

Buffy felt Faith's hot tears cascading down her neck, her collarbone, soaking her shirt, she just held her more tightly to her, her own body shaking. Afraid to let her go, afraid if she did, Faith might slip back into that safe place again and this time she might not be able to get her to come back out again. More than ever, Buffy knew they had to talk about all of it, Glory, Johnny, Faith's childhood and now that lost time from her own past with Angel. Right now though, she needed to reassure her mate, get her warm, and get her to sleep. She could feel the exhaustion coming off Faith, felt it in her own bones deep down. They were both exhausted physically and emotionally, today had been one long bumpy ride.

"No baby you're not going to lose me." She picked Faith up and carried her out to the bedroom. "I love you, I'm not going anywhere. I promise." She put Faith down on the bed, knelt down in front of her and captured her eyes and her hands with her own. "I'm in love with you. I don't want to be with anyone else. And I'm going tep oep on telling you that until you finally believe it. I don't care about what happened, what might have happened, what could have happened. You and I are forever Faith, and that's just the way I want it to be."

Buffy spoke with more than just her words, she spoke to Faith through their bond too, pouring all the feelings behind what she was saying into Faith, and for the first time since this had all begun Faith started to feel warm again.

"I think I'm starting to truly believe that. Starting to finally trust in you, in me, in us. I... I love you too."

Buffy smiled tenderly at Faith and rose from the floor; she gave her a quick hug. "I'm gonna see if there is anything warm for you to sleep in. You're still shivering."

She made a quick search of the drawers in the dresser and found a matching pair of flannel pajamas. She couldn't help the smirk that formed on her face because she knew there was no way in hell that Faith would put the pajamas on. Damn Fates had a warped sense of humor they surely did. "Found something."

She walked back over to the bed, handed a one of the sets of pajamas to Faith and started to strip out of her own clothes. She risked peeking at Faith from under her lashes when she noticed that Faith had made no move to put on the pajamas. In fact, Faith was sittin thn the bed staring at the pajamas with a look of horror on her face. She just couldn't resist the temptation to tease Faith about it.

"What's the matter baby?"

"They're... they're... they're Barney pajamas... No way am I putting these on. I'd rather sleep in my clothes." Faith threw the offending pajamas from her like they were a Slime Demon.

Buffy couldn't help but laugh when Faith actually wiped her hand on her jeans as if it had gotten dirty by touching the pajamas.

"And you aren't sleeping in this bed with them on either!"

"Really?"

"Really. That purple thing gives me the creeps and if you're going to sleep in this bed with me you ain't wearing those, B... an..." Faith trailed off when Buffy gave her a smile that was so brilliant that she felt blinded by it. "What? What's that smile for?"
"You said my name!"

"Huh? I always say your name." Faith looked at Buffy in confusion.

"B! You said B, not Buffy, but B!" She saw the confusion still on Faith's face; she probably hadn't even realized she had been calling her Buffy and not B. "Before... when... when you were telling me it was over... You kept calling me Buffy and..." The tears Buffy had been holding back started to fall, "...and every time you said Buffy instead of B it was like someone was driving a knife through my heart."

This time it was Faith who was holding Buffy within her warm, strong embrace. She ran a soog hag hand over Buffy's hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing it. I'm sorry B."

She picked Buffy up, carried her back over to the bed and softly lay her down. She crawled up onto the bed next to her and pulled her back into her arms. She felt Buffy shiver in her arms, "We should get under the covers and where the hell are we anyway?" She thought to herself that she should be scared. She had no idea where they were or how they had gotten here, but for some odd reason she wasn't.

The sound of a piece of paper fluttering came to them, Faith turned her head towards the sound and saw a ordinary piece of white notebook paper on the nightstand on Buffy's side of the bed. She half crawled on top of Buffy and reached for the paper. She picked it up and read it aloud to Buffy. "B and Grasshopper, you looked like you could use some privacy so I faded you to the cottage by the lake. Lilith and I will stop by in the morning and show you around. Everything has been arranged and your belongings are there. Sleep well my sisters, Clotho and Lilith."

Buffy laughed a little at Faith's growling of her nickname. Faith gave her a quizzical look and Buffy smiled up at her, she wrapped her arms around Faith and unconsciously started rubbing her thumbs in small circles on her back. "You look so cute when you growl." For a brief second her eyes flashed gold, and the emerald green flecks in Faith's eyes flashed back at her. Buffy's smile grew a little larger when she felt and heard the half-growling purr rumbling in Faith's chest, her own rumbling purr answered her mate.

Faith smiled down softly at the sound of Buffy purring underneath her. Her smile faded as she wondered if she were pushing things, acting like nothing out of the ordinary had happened in the past few hours. She sat up abruptly and didn't miss the fear that flickered across Buffy's face at her actions. She sat back on her calves and ran a shaky hand through her hair. "B... are we... are we all right? I mean are..."

Buffy sat up immediately and scooted down next to Faith, she took her hands into her own. "Yes, Faith, we're all right. I know everything isn't perfect. There is a lot we have to work out, a lot we need to talk about. But we'll do it together, we'll get through it together. I want you, me and you to feel comfortable with each other again like we were earlier today. No matter what happened or happens I don't ever want either of us to feel like we can't hold or be near each other." She smiled a little, "Knowing us if it's not what either of us wants we'll let the other know." She reached up, and what seemed to be becoming a habit of late she tucked a few stray locks of Faith's tresses behind her ear. "I can feel how exhausted you are and I know I'm tired. I think though now the best thing for us would be to sleep. Unless you want to talk now, cause if you do we can. Whatever you want baby."

"I want to talk but I'm tired and I can feel how tired you are." A shit-eating grin that went from ear to ear spread across her face when she realized how good it was to feel Buffy through their bond again.

"What?"

"I can't even tell you how wonderful it feels to feel you again here." She put her hand over her heart and couldn't stop the smile from growing even larger, then fade as she got serious. "I felt like the best part of me was missing when I couldn't feel you anymore, I felt so empty, like a piece of me was missing. I never want to feel like that again ever B."

Buffy didn't say anything, instead she leaned forward and kissed Faith so softly, so lovingly that both Slayers didn't breathe for a good minute after it was over. Faith was staring at her with that wide-eyed amazed look she got sometimes and Buffy had a feeling she was staring back at her with the same look. She shivered, from both the look and the chill in the air. "Damn it's cold in here. I wonder if the Fates ever heard of heat?"

"I'll make a fire..."

Buffy shivered again only this time it was from the low husky timber of Faith's voice. God, she loved the sound of her voice when it like that. "You want me to see if there is something else for yo sle sleep in?" Buffy asked Faith her voice just as low and husky, as she reached for the ugly Barney pajamas for herself.

"B..." Faith began hesitantly as she peeked at Buffy through the curtain of her hair; she tossed a log into the fireplace. "B... do you... um, you think we, well that maybe."

Buffy smiled encouragingly at her, waiting for Faith to sort out what she wanted to say. She already knew, had gotten an image in her mind from an echo. But she waited giving Faith the chance to ask for what she wanted.

"I well, I, the only thing I want to sleep in or next to is just you and ah nng eng else. Just you B..." She was flustered, why the fuck was this so hard and now she felt stupid on top of everything else. "Ah fuck that didn't come out right." She dropped her eyes to the floor and concentrated on starting the fire.

No sooner had she gotten the fire started when a very naked golden-haired Slayer was lifting her up. She was deposited on the bed and gently pulled up into a sitting position. Buffy leaned down and lightly kissed her on the mouth, then she reached down and grabbed the bottom of Faith's shirt.

"B... what ah..." She couldn't stop the tremor of fear in her voice or her whole body from stiffening. She wasn't, that wasn't what she had meant, and she felt the cold ghost of his touch starting to crawl over her skin.

Buffy's hands stilled the second she felt it, she pulled Faith into her arms and softly stroked her hair. "I'm sorry Faith... Oh god I didn't... I mean... I wasn't going to... I know you're not ready for that... I was just so happy... cause I like sleeping like that too and we always did whether we were gonna or not and we haven't in, and I miss it, miss your warmth. Shit, I'm not making any sense am I... I'm sorry... I..."

Faith relaxed in Buffy's embrace, she felt the truth of Buffy's words flow over her, the echo of what Buffy had felt when she had asked her if they could sleep without any pajamas. The fear had snuck up on her and it was the only thing she had felt, it had drowned out everything else.

"B, it's okay... It k jus just sneaked up on me. I know you would never... I just... You don't have to apologize. Today's been just one big emotional roller-coaster ride for us both. It's okay really... And I still want to sleep that way, cause I... I miss sleeping like that too." Faith pulled back and gave Buffy a lopsided grin to let her know that she meant what she said.

Buffy smiled back, she jumped up on the bed and got under the covers, thinking that maybe it would be best if Faith undressed herself. Faith stripped herself of her clothes in record time; she crawled under the covers and without the slightest hesitation curled right up and into Buffy.

She tucked her head under Buffy's chin, her breath caressing the skin across Buffy's chest. She draped one arm over Buffy's stomach, her thumb lightly tracing circles. The whole length of her body pressed into Buffy's side intimately, one leg thrown over both of Buffy's. She started purring contently as she felt Buffy's arm come around her shoulders, her hand gently stroking her hair. Buffy's other hand began tracing patterns along the length of her arm, her cheek resting on the top of her head, and Faith could hear the answering purr coming from deep inside of her mate.

The word slipped from her without conscious thought, "Mine."

Buffy lifted her hand from Faith's arm, and gently tipped her face up towards her. She gazed down at her for a second, her eyes once again glowed gold, "Yours." She dipped her head down at the emerald glow that flashed back at her, and once again, softly and lovingly kissed her mate. "Mine," she growlow wow when their lips parted.

"Yours," Faith growled low back. She rested her head once again down under Buffy's chin and heard the purring in Buffy's chest get a little louder, and she answered in kind.

They let the sound of each other's loving, comforting purring lull them to sleep.
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She was in the place between wakefulness and sleep listening to the sound of soft purring and the steady and even heartbeat beneath her ear, which let her know, her mate was still deeply asleep. She let the scent that was uniquely her mate's wrap itself around her senses, as she stayed steadfast in this in-between place. Her hand slid gently, lightly of its own volition over a hard, flat stomach, up to the underside of one softly rounded breast, caressing her way over the slope of it, to stop and lightly tease a nipple, which woke to greet her fingertips and the palm of her hand. She smiled sleepily when she heard the heartbeat and the breathing of her mate quicken. Her hand continued it's meandering to trace along her mate's collarbone, along the length of her neck, fingertips remembering, tingling with the joy of touching familiar, silky smooth skin. She paused for a second or two, to rub the satiny strands of golden hair between her fingers before moving to trace along her mate's jawbone, her fingertips sweeping up to touch high cheekbones, then finally down to soft lips. She let her fingertips outline them, and smiled again sleepily when they parted at her touch.

Without conscious thought and still in that in-between place, she slid up and over her mate, hovering over her, looking at the beautiful, peaceful face below her with eyes heavy with sleep. She slowly lowered her head and replaced her fingertips with her mouth. She kissed the corners of her mate's mouth with light kisses, then completely covered her mate's mouth with her own. She kissed her delicately, with reverence, and love. Her mouth gently caressing her mate's as she silently asked for her to join her in this in-between place.

She smiled against her mate's mouth, when she felt hands come up and around her. She increased the pressure of her kiss slightly as she felt her mate's hands sliding, moving lightly on her back, smoothing, making delightful patterns with her fingertips. She let her tongue sneak out to taste, and relearn the texture of her mate's lips. Thinking to herself once again, as she had the very first time they had shared a morning kiss, that her mate tasted sweeter then even the sweetest wine.

She felt her mate's hands run up her back to come to tangle in her hair, the fingers tenderly massaging her scalp. She deepened her kiss, her tongue seeking entrance to the velvety softness of her mate's mouth. She felt her mate yield to her request, drawing her in, her mate's tongue sliding, dancing with her own. A thrill rippled under her skin and through her when her mate moaned her name into the kiss.

She felt her mate completely surrender herself to her kiss and to her, giving to her total control, and unwavering trust, letting her lead them to wherever she wanted them to go. She felt herself succumb to the seductive lure of her mate, it freed her, and awed her, the trust that her mate placed in her after all they had been through in the past eight months and just yesterday.

She deepened their kiss even further, moaning her mate's name back. Her thumb stroking along her mate's pulse point and that was when she felt the shadow of the same touch upon her own pulse point. It was erotic and strange all at once this new echo they now shared through their bond. Then the dawning realization came to her that if she could feel the ghost-touches on her own skin as she touched her mate then so could her mate feel the same ghost-touches upon her own skin when she was touched.

She pulled back from the kiss and started teasingly running her tongue along her mate's soft delectable lips as she tried to remember when these new ghost or shalikelike echoes had started. It was with horror she realized that she already knew the answer. She had shoved it down with the rest of the feelings, the memories from that place, from the hell they had endured for seven long months. She had tried to fool herself into believing that it had only started when they had spent the ten day respite at the Fates' domain, had needed to pretend in order to keep on surviving. Which meant she hadn't been able to completely protect her mate from knowing his touch, because she knew that there had been times when she had been unable to keep the block up cutting off her mate from feeling what she had been feeling. Her mate had felt the shadow-like cold touch of him on her skin, much in the same way that she now felt his touch.

Without having to be told, Faith knew that Buffy was being haunted by his touch now as well. In her own mind, there was little difference between feeling it secondhand and feeling it first hand because Buffy had also been forced to watch it all too. Faith realized that at some point she had stopped kissing Buffy and had lifted up slightly to rest upon her elbows, while Buffy was lightly massaging her tense shoulders. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Buffy staring up at her with concern, love, want, desire and need.

"You felt it when it was happening didn't you? Felt his touch too, didn't you?" Her voice trembled with suppressed emotions.

"Yes, but you blocked it most of the time. And even when you couldn't block it anymore, you dulled it somehow. It felt like there were twenty layers between the echo and me. I know you dulled it because now, when someone touches you, it's clearer, less muffled."

"I'm sorry. I guess I didn't protect you as well as I thought I did..." Faith felt the guilt pressing down on her once again, making it hard to breath.

"Don't! Don't ever say that again. You did everything possible, including sacrificing yourself. So I never want to hear you say that again. Faith, yesterday we promised each other to stop blaming ourselves for what happened there. None of it was your fault, including this."

"I never wanted you to know what that was like. No one should ever know what it's like."

"I don't, not really. I can never know, feeling this second hand, it's not the same thing as it really happening to you. It's not like what he did to you. I will never know what that is like and that's because of you. Because... because you stopped that from happening. I don't know how to say this without it sounding weird or selfish or fucked up somehow, but I am grateful to you for doing that and I can never hope to ever repay you for what you did for me ever. And that just sounded so fucked up..."

"No it didn't. There wasn't anyway I would let that happen to you. I already survived him. There was nothing that he..." Faith eyes started to glow a feral emerald green, and anyone else probably would have ran from her in fright, but Buffy wasn't afraid at all. She imagined that her own eyes were glowing an answering feral gold. "There was just no way B! No way I was ever going to let you know what it feels like, what it does... what it..." She felt it start to crawl under her skin again, the feeling that herald the ghost of his touch. She couldn't talk about this right now, she felt like she was starting to overload again.

"No I don't know, but you can talk to me. Tell me, when you're ready."
"I will... I just can't right now. It's just too much. Can we... can we just forget about it for today? Can we just have... I don't know... just not talk about it today, can we do that B?"

"Whatever you want... I am all yours... your wish is my command, whatever you want..."

There was a soft knock on the front door, and neither Slayer moved, they continued to stare into each other's eyes. Faith slowly lowered her head again and she kissed Buffy's forehead. She lifted herself up and stared into Buffy's eyes, her own once again a deep, dark, chocolate brown. She started to rise and stopped when Buffy lightly touched her arm, there was hesitation in Buffy's eyes when she looked at her.

"Faith, would you... would you just hold me for a second or two before we get up?"

"I'd hold you forever if that’s what you wanted." Faith told her and then swept Buffy back into her arms. They lay holding each other until the soft knocking turned to insistent pounding and they heard Lilith say, maybe they should break down the door.

"NO!" Both Slayers yelled out together and then started laughing, the last thing they both wanted was to get caught au natural a second day in a row.
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Continued in Chapter XXIX – Crown of Scars (Part B)