So Damn Domestic

The Following Tuesday. FPOV


Monday sucked, you have no fuckin clue. I didn’t tell B about that chick askin me to take her to the dance. I asked for an extension because I still haven’t made up my mind. So I have to give her my answer on Friday. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna turn her down because she’s a minor and I’m married and I don’t really wanna go to a dance with someone other then my wife. Plus I don’t like school dances, they’re lame. So yesterday was kind of a bummer ‘cause when I asked to hold off on my answer ‘til Friday she looked like she was gonna cry, and trust me today isn’t looking any better. We just got our math tests back and I got a D+, which is gonna lower my grade to a C-. I’m sorry but a C- isn’t good enough for me. I really wanna pass all my classes with B’s at least.


It’s this math shit that’s kicking my ass. I have an A in psychology and a B+ in English, I will admit that I’m pretty kick ass when it comes to this school shit. If I had been this focused when I was in high school I probably coulda passed with flyin colors. But none of that matters now. I’m just glad I’m lucky enough to get to go back to school and hopefully I’ll be getting a job after this shit. B’s right, we can’t be living off of Giles forever, we’ve slacked off enough, and it’s time to get serious. Jeez, when did I start growin up?


I can’t really blame Buffy for takin off like that ‘cause it was mostly the hormones getting to her but sometimes when I take a step back and look around at what my life is I start to question things. All the other things I could have done, the things I could be doing right now if we didn’t have kids and yeah I get a little overwhelmed too, but I love my family more then partying and going out. If we didn’t have Matthew there’s no doubt in my mind that I’d be an alcoholic and B woulda left a long time ago. I woulda fucked around like I used to and there’s a possibility I coulda gotten a disease or two. I know I wouldn’t be as careful when it comes to the slaying so there’s the chance I could be dead. So this life is a little overwhelming, but I’m thankful for it.


I’m just glad school is fuckin over for the day. I’m tired and a little grumpy ‘cause of that shitty grade. I have no idea how I’m gonna make up for that. But whatever I’m done thinkin about it. If I keep thinkin about it it’s just gonna drive me crazy and we all saw what happened the last time I was crazy. Don’t really wanna do that again. So I get in my car and jet outta the fuckin parking lot. I guess everyone knows to stay the fuck outta my way ‘cause I never have a problem with the traffic, and trust me, the traffic in a high school parking lot at the end of the day is fuckin insane. But I usually get out with no problem, and I’m glad today is one of those days.


I can’t wait to get home and see B. I think it’s a little crazy that I miss her so much during the day. It’s so weird, you’d think we’d get sick of each other but we don’t. Ok, well sometimes we do, that’s why when we still lived in Shasta Lake she’d go over to Willow’s house and hang out with her. It’s not just us, if two people are around each other all the time they tend to get a little snippy and sick of the other person, and that’s what happened so we worked out a solution. But whenever we’re apart a little bit of me misses her, ya know? Eleven years together and I’m still crazy in love with her. Insane huh? Yeah, I think so. But this is a good kinda insane.


I pull up into the driveway and shut off the engine. And I’m home again. I can hear the craziness that’s goin on inside from out here. But it’s like this almost everyday, I’m used to it. Hell, if it were quiet that’s when I’d be worried. Quietness and kids mix as well as pizza and mashed potatoes. But whatever. I get outta the car and grab my backpack and the closer I get to the house the louder everything gets. I almost don’t wanna open the door.


But I do. I open it up and walk into the house and I can’t help but smile. It’s strange that walking into something like this can make me smile, you’d think I’d wanna run for the hills or something but I don’t. Joey’s in his little swing thingy crying, Mattie’s jumping from one couch to the other, Addy and B are screaming at each other, and there’s somethin cooking on the stove that smells great. There are toys all over the living room floor, markers all over the couch, pen marks on the walls, and a naked Barbie doll with a toe lace tied around it’s ankle and hanging from the ceiling fan, which is on the lowest setting so the Barbie is just kinda swinging around with all of her hair cut off, and that is on the floor as well. Aw, the fuzzy tingly feelings of home, and no I’m not being sarcastic.


“Matthew, off the couch,” I tell him and he jumps off and lands on the floor. He gives me a hug and then runs off, probably to color the neighbor’s cat with the non-toxic washable markers. He’s been doing that a lot. It’s not all his fault, the cat sits there and lets him do it. Now to settle this little argument my wife and daughter are havin. It sounds like it’s gettin serious. B is gettin pretty pissed. Her ears are turning red, that is never a good sign. I think she needs to have her blood pressure checked if ya ask me, but nobody did so I guess I’ll keep my mouth shut on that subject.


“Oh Addison, cut the act, I can read you like a book,” B says. I look over at Addy and she has tears welling up in her eyes. That’s what B was talkin about. Addy’s been doin that lately, trying to cry her way outta things, and it worked for a little while, until B realized it was all an act. Ever since then Addy hasn’t gotten away with much. And my little girl get pissed that B called her out, and the tears disappear and she stomps her foot really fuckin hard and little hands ball up into fists.


“Well then turn the page!” she screams and stomps down the hall to her bedroom and slams the door hard enough to shake the windows in the living room. Fuck, her voice is so damn annoying when she screams like that. Oh right, Joey’s crying, totally almost forgot about that. Poor little boy, he must be feeling really ignored. I pick him up outta his swing and he stops crying. Hmm, guess he just needed to be held. I give him a little kiss on the bridge of his nose and he fusses a little bit. He’s just the cutest little baby in the world. What? When it comes to my kids I’m allowed to be mushy.


“Hey baby,” I say oh so sweetly and give B a kiss on the cheek. “Another fight, huh?” She just gives me a threatening look. Ok, I guess she doesn’t wanna talk about that right now. That’s cool, we can just talk about something else. “Whatcha cookin?” She walks into the kitchen and I follow her ‘cause it smells really fuckin good.


“You need to have a conversation with your son.” Hmm, I didn’t know that was a food. See, I would say that out loud, but I choose to live. “His teacher called today. Apparently he and David Lynch got into a bit of a spat.” That kid is an ass, and he’s always giving Mattie shit, and we have no idea why. Mattie never tells us what he says. But the teacher’s been callin to tell us about the arguments. “And when David called Matthew a doodyhead.” Ok, trying not to laugh. “And Matthew thought it would be a good idea to call David a douche nozzle.” Yeah, that’s my boy. And this is the part of the conversation that usually goes bad for me. “Now, where do you think he would have learned that?” Maybe if I act like I don’t know what she’s talking about I won’t get into trouble here.


“Well, B, we don’t really monitor what he watches, maybe he saw something on T.V. or in a movie.” She pours whatever was cooking into a big bowl and fuck that looks good. But then she slams the pot in the sink and I think the handle just broke off. Joey starts cryin a little but I calm him down. I hold him up so his face is hidden in my neck. Mostly so that B will see I’m holding the baby and she won’t be so quick to attack me right now. Yeah, I’m using my son as a human shield, you’d do the same thing if you saw the murderous look in her eyes. Ok, I need to get the conversation off this subject.


“So is this a bad time to tell you I got asked to the junior prom?” She gives me this ‘oh my fucking God!’ kinda look. She stomps off to the bedroom and slams the door so hard I think the fuckin wood just cracked. “I guess it was.” Well, at least she knows and I don’t have to tell her later. I’m kinda thinkin about going. I mean, I dropped outta high school, I missed the dances and getting dressed up and that kinda shit, so why not do it this time? I just can’t spike the punch ‘cause I could go to jail.


Ok, I can’t ignore that smell anymore, I gotta try some of that shit. I get a spoon outta the drawer and walk over to the bowl. Hmm, looks like some kinda soup. I take a little taste and it’s like...I can’t even describe it that’s how great it is. It’s like there’s a fuckin orgy in my mouth. Ha, a ‘fuckin orgy’ what other kinda orgy could there be? Stupid ones, that’s what. A ‘fuckin orgy’ is the only kinda orgy to have. If you’re into that kinda thing, which I’m not. Yeah, I’ve been around, but group sex...not somethin I’ve ever wanted to try. I guess ‘cause it’s a little harder to control a whole group, and back then for me sex was more about the control, the power. Now it’s about just being close with B and gettin laid at the same time.


“Ah, Moose, you gotta try this stuff,” I tell him and lick the spoon clean. He just looks up at me like I’m a total freak. I dip my fingertip in the bowl and carefully put it in his mouth. He fights it at first but then he starts suckin like there’s no fuckin tomorrow. “See, I told you it’s fuckin good.” I take finger outta his mouth and keep on eating. There’s enough for like six people here and I know I can eat it all. I wonder who else this was for? The kids don’t like tomato soup and she usually makes simple stuff for lunch, ya know, sandwiches, pizza rolls, chicken strips, chicken noodle soup, or spaghettios.


“Faith what are you doing?” B yells and makes me jump. FUCK! I almost dropped the baby. I turn around and look at her like she’s insane. What does she think I’m doing? I’m eating lunch. You’d think she’d be happy that I like the food that she made. “Mandy’s mom passed away I was going to take that over to her, I just wanted to change my clothes first.” Oh...oops. Or should I say, Uh-Oh Spaghettios! Hahahaha, I am so fuckin funny! “Alright, you only ate half, that’s enough.” Then she looks down at little Joey and her eyes get big. “You gave some to Joseph!” ..................I’d rather not say. “Faith he might be allergic to tomatoes and he’s still too little to fight off a reaction.” Uh-Oh Spaghettios. Ha, I still got it. And he is so not allergic to tomatoes. And I know this ‘cause I gave him some ketchup last week.


“B, he’ll be fine. He’s a little slayer, and slayers aren’t allergic to food, it’s biologically impossible. It’d be like a dog bein allergic to ass sniffin, or leg humpin.” And she gives me yet another one of those ‘what are you , on crack?’ kinda looks. It used to bug me that people look at me like that sometimes, but it has now become my mission in life to get that look at least twice a day. I got one this morning from my psychology teacher and now one from B so I have filled my quota.


“What are you talking about? Matthew’s allergic to pears.” Oh right, he is, isn’t he? Totally forgot about that. How did she even know I gave some to Joey? I look down at my little boy and he looks up at me like he’s agreeing with B. What a brat. But then I see it. He has a red ring around his mouth. I coulda sworn I was more careful then that. I guess not. I wipe up the soup and look up at B with a little smile and put plenty of dimple in it. Then she gives me a look of defeat. “Ok, I can’t deal with this right now. I have to go over to Mandy’s. I’ll be back in a little bit.” I watch as she puts the soup in some tupperware and grabs a clean spoon. “Just, don’t kill the kids while I’m gone, ok?”


“Right, don’t kill ‘em, got it.” My sarcasm is so not lost on her. She gives me a little death glare. “So, about the dance. I was thinking we could have Vicky come over for dinner one night, ya know, let you meet her before I take her. I think it’s only polite, and then I could go over to her house the next night for dinner to meet her parents.” Her glare gets so fuckin scary I back away a little bit and she leaves. I am so not getting any tonight. But fucking with her sure was fun. I look down at my boy and tickle his chin a little bit. “Yes it was, messing with your mommy’s mind is so much fun.” So I’m talkin baby talk, so what? “Come on, let’s go see what’s on T.V.”


BPOV


I can’t believe Faith is being like this today. I’m stressed enough as it is. And she knows I’m stressed, she saw the end of that argument I had with Addison. She saw how tense I was, and I glared at her a lot, and she knows that means I’m stressing out. But does she care? No, she doesn’t. She just wants to make her stupid jokes, and remind me that she’s wanted by everyone around her, and not give a shit about my day. I know I’m overreacting but I really don’t care. Addison has been arguing with me ever since she got home from daycare, and Dawn’s been calling me a lot because her due date is coming up really soon and she’s freaking out because she thinks she isn’t going to be a good mom. It’s all normal first pregnancy stuff, but it gets a little irritating because she called seven times today.


I left Mandy’s house about ten minutes ago. She’s so...broken. I totally get it and I do want to help her through this because we’re friends now and everything, but being around her is really depressing, and I know that sounds selfish, but it is, and I am so not the only one that is thinking it. Ok, so maybe it’s not so much her that’s depressing, but the situation, and all of the depressing memories that being around the situation brings up. I walk down the sidewalk and just take a look around. Suburbia, that’s where we live. I’ve always kinda wondered why it’s little suburban towns like this that are so full of evil. Well, ok to be fair Sunnydale is the only other comparison, but still.


I get why the big cities have a lot of demons and vampires, because it’s a big city, there’s plenty of people to eat, plenty of places to hide or take over and call your own. But little places like this? I just don’t get it. Maybe it’s the quiet? Vampires have excellent hearing. Being in a big city with all of the hustle and bustle has got to give them a migraine after a while. As much as I hate it I need to slay. If I don’t get a good slay in every once in a while I get stir crazy. I clean non-stop, I try to bake but it never works out, I get really snippy with the kids and with Faith, but she understands and doesn’t fight back most of the time. Sex will help calm me down a little but sometimes it just isn’t enough.


I walk up the driveway and then on the little pathway to our porch. I sit down on the steps and just look up at the sky. Today isn’t going like I thought it would. I got the call about Mandy’s mom about half an hour before I left. It didn’t take me long to make that soup, it was mostly just chopping the added stuff, then opening up some cans and heating it all up. It shouldn’t have taken that long but Addison just wouldn’t stop bothering me. She’s usually really independent when she plays, or she tries to play with Matthew and his friends, but today she wanted me to play with her and I couldn’t because I had to finish making that soup and then run it over to Mandy’s house.


The fights with her are getting worst. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really wish I had someone to talk to, someone who knows how to handle it. I would talk to Faith but she’s just as lost as I am. And apparently Faith was a little angel when she was little because Chris doesn’t really know what to do either. He said that sometimes Faith would argue and sometimes have a flip out, but not all the time like Addison. Me and her are starting to fight more, but the fights she gets in with Faith are horrible. Those two just clash in the worst of ways. I’ve had to break up so many fights because they get out of hand really fast. I try not to help Faith win her battles with the kids because they need to know that she’s in charge too. I tense up when I hear the door open but it’s just Faith. She walks out and sits down to me and lights up one of her cloves.


“Hey,” she says and takes a drag. I don’t say anything, I just rest my head on her shoulder and stare straight ahead of me. I feel her hand slowly sneak into my and we interlock our fingers together. I love that we still do the hand holding thing. You’d think after eleven years we wouldn’t, but we still do sometimes. It’s strange how comforted I feel just by holding onto her hand. You’d think I’d need more, maybe a hug or something, but no, all I need is for her to hold my hand. “I straightened up the living room and loaded the dishwasher.” Aw, she’s trying to make my stress go away. I lift my head and give her a kiss on the cheek. I’m going for the silent communication because I really don’t feel like talking right now.


“So, we’re good?” she asks and takes another drag. I nod my head and rest against her shoulder again. “‘Cause I was just joking when I said we should invite that girl over for dinner. That’d be a little corny.” I can’t stop my eyes from narrowing and my blood boiling just a little bit. Ok, I’m jealous, so what? Big deal. Faith gets jealous all the time. “And it’s just the junior prom, no big deal, right? I already planned on taking you to my prom.” Wait...what? I sit up straight and look at her with a very confused look on my face. She smiles and lets go of my hand and uses her thumb to gently caress my right eyebrow.


“I’ve never been to a prom, B. Figured this is my last chance. You can wear one of your new dresses, test it out, make sure it’s gonna be comfortable enough to wear on our anniversary.” That is a good point. I smile and give her another little kiss on the cheek. She’s smoking right now, there’s no way I’m kissing that mouth of hers until she’s brushed her teeth. I rest my head on her shoulder again and we sit in silence for a few minutes. That is until it’s interrupted by a loud scream of frustration. I let out a very unhappy groan and hide my face in Faith’s neck.


“Remind me again why I wanted a girl,” I say and Faith laughs a little. I feel her bracing herself to get up. “Don’t worry, finish your cigarette, I’ll take care of this.” She gives me a little kiss on the lips and I get up and go inside. I see Matthew run out of the kitchen and Addison chasing after him, holding something in her hand. Addison is screaming at him and it makes him run faster. They run through the living room and down the hall and I hear his bedroom door slam. And now Addison is banging on it, and trying to get it open. I better get over there before she breaks it down. She may only be three but she’s a slayer and if she gets angry enough she can break a door if she wants.


“Addison!” I yell to get her attention as I walk down the hall. She doesn’t stop though. She keeps hitting the door with her fist and twisting the knob with the other hand. “Addison,” I say a little lower and grab her by the arm and turn her so she’s facing me. “What’s going on in here?” She looks so pissed off. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this before.


“Look!” she yells and pick some up off the floor. I’m about to say something about the yelling but then she holds up one of her Barbie dolls and it’s arms, legs and head have been ripped off. “Look what Brother did for no reason!” And here come the tears. She does this a lot. She gets really mad then she sort of breaks down and starts crying. We really need to teach her how to control her emotions. I just wish I knew how to teach her to do that.


“I didn’t do it for no reason!” Matthew yells from behind his bedroom door.


“Yes you did!” Addison screams. They keep yelling at each other, going back and forth like a ball at a tennis match, and then Joseph starts crying. Oh my God, where is Faith? It doesn’t take this long to smoke a fucking cigarette. She’s probably finished already, and waiting for the screaming to stop before she comes in so she doesn’t have to deal with it. That sounds like something she would do. But I did tell her I’d handle it so I guess it’s mostly my fault. Why did I tell her that? I can’t deal with this right now. I’m starting to feel a little overwhelmed but I can handle this. I can do anything as long as I stay calm.


“Both of you shut up!” I yell there’s silence. It’s pretty rare that I yell like that but listening to them scream at each other and Joseph crying in the background was starting to get to me. And I do feel a little better now. “Matthew, come out here please.” I hear him grumble and huff and stomp his feet but he opens the door and stands in the doorway. “Why did you do this to your sister’s doll?” I know my son, he wouldn’t do that for no reason.


“‘Cause she kept hitting me with it, and I told her if she did it again I’d rip it up, and she hit me again so I did.” What happened to the good ol’ days when they used to get along? Well, they still do but they’re starting to fight more. Just normal sibling stuff. How did my mom survive this? I feel like I’m ready to kill something and they’re only nine and three. How did my mom survive eighteen years of this?


“I did not!” Addison screams. “You’re just mean!” Ok, her screaming is really starting to get under my skin in a very, very bad way. I so need to go slaying tonight. Either that or have unrestrained, rough sparring with Faith followed by hot sex. I just need a way to get this frustration out before I freak out.


“Addison stop screaming,” I don’t yell but my tone is stern and hopefully she won’t scream at me like she normally does. “Matthew go in your room and stay-” he rolls his eyes and sighs really loud and it just pisses me off even more, and because of that my voice gets as hard as stone. “Stay in there until I say you can come out.” He backs into his room and closes the door. He isn’t a door slammer, thank God. “Addison, go to your room too. You know not to hit your brother.” She throws the destroyed Barbie to the ground and stomps her foot.


“No,” she says and looks me right in the eyes with the same defiant look I give the vampires that I fight. I used to give it to my mom sometimes too. Now I know why she would get so mad when I’d do that. Every time she looks at me like this it makes me rethink my whole ‘not spanking my children’ rule that I set up for myself. Sure sometimes a light smack on the butt every great once in a while but never a full out spank. But I stay calm and control myself.


“Don’t tell me no. Now go to your room.” She’s gotten into the very bad habit of telling both me and Faith no when we tell her to do something. Sometimes she just completely ignores us. I think that’s worst then being told no. At least this way she’s acknowledging us.


“No,” she says again and stomps her foot. Ok, this has gotten insane. She needs to learn to listen. I grab her by the wrist and start walking towards her bedroom, and she’s fighting me. “No! Stop! Let go!” She screams over and over and over again. By the way she’s screaming you’d think I’m beating her or something. And trust me she is throwing a fit. She’s screaming and crying and grabbing at my hand with her other hand, and diggin her heels in the floor to try and stop me from pulling her, but I’m stronger so it isn’t working. I open her bedroom door and force her inside her room. She turns around and looks at me, tears are running down her face and I just want to scoop her up in my arms and hold her until she stops crying but I can’t because then she wins.


“Now stay in here until I say you can come out.” I close the door and she lets out a long scream. Great, and now she’s throwing things against the wall. I can’t deal with this anymore, and Joseph has been crying for like five minutes now. I take in a deep breath and let it out very slowly. I rub my forehead a little bit and walk into my bedroom. He was asleep until his older siblings started fighting. I pick him up and gently cradle him and his crying calms down but it doesn’t stop. “I know, sweetie baby, I know. Did those big kids wake you up?” I ask in baby talk and pull down my left strap on my dress. Luckily this is the kind of dress you don’t wear a bra with. I hold him up to my breast and then silence. Thank God. I sit down on the bed and turn my head from side to side, popping my neck bones.


“Jeez, what was all that about?” Faith asks from the doorway. I look over at her with a death glare and she physical recoils a little. Then she points over her shoulder with her thumb and gets desperate look on her face. “Ya know, I just remembered I have a psychology paper due tomorrow, I better go work on that.” Yeah you do that. She turns around and walks away. Faith and I have been together for eleven years, been married for almost one, so when it comes to dealing with the kids why do I feel all alone?


FPOV


Well boys and girls, today is the day. It’s Friday and I have to give Vicky my answer. No more of this ‘give me more time’ bullshit. I have to be honest and it’s gonna be hard but I have to tell her no. Come on, goin to a school dance with some underage chick I don’t even know? Sure I know who she is, I’ve seen her around and stuff but I don’t really know her. She seems like a nice girl but how would I really know that? And she could be a total fucking psycho.


Ok say I do go to this stupid dance with her, and then she thinks it means something and she starts buggin me about it and she wants to spend more time together and she starts callin me at home and shit like that. B would be really fuckin jealous, I’m just bein honest, the kids would probably get a little freaked, Mattie would get pissed and think that I’m cheating on B, and then I’d have all this unwanted drama and fighting and being stalked all because I went to some fuckin dance with some girl I don’t even know. So I’m going to save myself the headaches and just say no.


This class is so fuckin boring. I hate it. I wanna drop it but I need the credits so I have to suffer through it. It isn’t even interesting anymore. Learning about the human mind and all that shit used to be kinda cool but now it’s just work and I don’t wanna do it. There are lots of things I don’t want to do but I have to do them so I might as well just suck it up ‘cause this isn’t as bad as changing shitty diapers. Finally the fuckin bell rings. I thought I was gonna be in here forever. I get up from my desk and leave the room. The halls are always pretty crowded. They’re not very big and there are a lot of kids that go here so it can get a little tight but I don’t care. It’s not like any of these people could physical hurt me and if I really wanted to I could just shove my way through.


But it’s lunchtime, and it’s kinda bittersweet. Sure I get an hour break from class and I get to eat, which is always good, but I’m going to tell Vicky that I’m not going to take her to that dance, and she’s probably going to cry. I really hope she doesn’t cry in front of me. And what really fuckin sucks is the dance is in five days, so I’m pretty sure everyone else is already taken. I shouldn’t have cut it so close. I should have told her no when she first asked me ‘cause then she would have had time to find someone else. Ok, Faith stop thinkin like that. You’re just gonna guilt trip yourself into saying yes and that would be bad.


I haven’t exactly talked to Buffy about it. Sure she knows I got asked out and all that shit but she never brought it up again and I really didn’t want to tread those waters, it coulda been deadly. I don’t know what Buffy’s reaction would be if I were to say yes. I mean, she didn’t care when I made out with that guy in the woods, and this is just a school dance, so why would she care? Because she’s a girl, and we’re fuckin weird. Me makin out with that guy was no big deal because she knows I would never cheat on her, and he’s a teenager and all hormonal and shit and thinkin with the wrong head, and it meant nothing to him. This is a school dance with another girl and she’s probably going to get all emotional and it might mean a lot to her, and that’s what’ll piss Buffy off. She’ll think I’m cheating on her emotionally or something. Yeah, how fucked up is that?


I walk through the cafeteria and outside to the table I always sit at. I greet the guys and they keep on talking about whatever it was they were talkin about before I got here. But I don’t join in. Nope, I just sit here and keep my eye out for a certain blonde girl and I’m going to ignore the knot that I’m gettin in my stomach. It’s the feeling of guilt and I fuckin hate it. I hate that I care so fuckin much. Why should I care? I don’t even know her. But I do care now, I care how other people feel and it’s all Buffy’s fault. Ok, I can’t really blame it all on her, the kids have softened me up over the years, but it’s mostly Buffy’s fault. If I end up saying yes I am going to be so pissed. Let’s just hope she doesn’t cry.


I look over at the cafeteria doors and I see her walk out with a couple of her friends. She’s lookin good today, I gotta admit. And I really need to stop bein a perv. I’m in my thirties for fuck’s sake and she’s only seventeen. But fuck, can you blame me, when she’s dressed in a tight ass top, and a little skimpy skirt showin as much leg as she can, and damn those are some nice legs. She’d look so fuckin hot with those long legs wrapped around me while I fuck her with the strap on. Dammit! She’s seventeen, she’s seventeen, she’s seventeen. Maybe if I keep repeating it in my mind over and over again these pervy thoughts will go away.


“Hey Faith,” she says and rocks back and forth from her toes to the heels. She sounds so...bubbly? I don’t know, it’s hard to explain but she sounds like she’s in a really good mood. Now I feel like a real ass. “So, it’s Friday.” She’s lookin at me with those big brown eyes and they got this sparkle in ‘em and I know exactly what it is: innocence. She’s so young. She hasn’t experienced hardly anything yet. She isn’t jaded or callous or cynical. She hasn’t been damaged by the world yet. Ah, to be young again.


“Yeah it is. Lets talk over here.” I get up and we walk to the same spot we talked last time only the difference is her friends are sitting at a table and watching us. I guess she asked them to come along for moral support. Now she’s looking at me all expecting and shit and it’s making me nervous. I’m married for fuck’s sake, I turn people down all the time, so why is this time so damn hard? Maybe because all those other people I’ll never see again, and I walk passed her all the time.


“Look, I know you really want me to take you to this dance, why I don’t know, but you do and...” She can tell this isn’t going to be good and her eyes are already starting to water. Fuck. I sigh and look down at my feet. I can’t believe I’m doing this. “What time do you want me to pick you up?” She fuckin squeals and wraps her arms around me in a big hug that I don’t have time to return ‘cause she realizes what she’s doin and lets go, and now she looks all embarrassed. Her blush is kinda cute. Stop it Faith!


“Well, the dance starts at nine so how about eight? That way we can get something to eat before we get here. And here’s my address, and phone number in case you need it.” She hands me a little slip of paper and in pink very girly looking hand writing it has her phone number and her home address. I am gonna need that. Not the number but the address. I look her in the eye and I can tell she’s really excited about this. I need to make her understand something.


“Look, I don’t wanna sound like a bitch, but me taking you to this dance, that’s all it is. This is a one-time thing and I don’t know what you’re expecting to happen but we can’t do anything other then dance together. I’m married, and you’re seventeen, you understand?” By the expression on her face you’d think I just slapped her or something. But she nods her head and says goodbye and walks over to her friends. I check out her ass as she walks away and I swear she’s putting a little extra sway into those hips. Fuck, what did I just get myself into? I can’t believe I just said yes to her.


I just hope B doesn’t get pissed ‘cause of this. I really don’t wanna sleep on the couch tonight. That’d probably make Addy really happy though. Right, I should probably explain. Ever since we got back from the motel when B took off Addy’s been sleepin in our room. She throws the biggest fit at night until B finally gives in because she feels guilty. And she feels guilty ‘cause Addy always says shit like ‘but if I wake up Mommy might be gone again’. And that type of stuff always gets to B so she caves and lets Addy sleep in our bed and it’s the same shit like before. She cuddles up real close to B and pushes me away. And she doesn’t get jealous when Joey wakes up for his middle of the night feedings. She moves over while he’s eating and then cuddles up to B when he’s done.


I walk back over to my table and I feel like an ass ‘cause I was totally fuckin manipulated back there. I hate it when people get the best of me and that bitch just did. She knew I was gonna say no so she pulled out the crocodile tears and used ‘em against me. She remembered how I couldn’t say no to ‘em last time. Oh well, fuck it. I look around at the guys and they’re lookin at me like I’m God or something. Ok, what the fuck is goin on? Then Mike speaks up. I swear, it would do that boy some good to keep his mouth shut. He gets himself into trouble by just flappin his jaw.


“You’re taking Vicky Albert to the junior prom?” he sounds like it’s a good thing. Trust me this is gonna ‘cause some grief at home. I just nod my head and steal one of his fries. Again with the awe-struck look. “Dude, you are so going to hit that.” Excuse me? I start chokin on the fry but I get it swallowed and let out a strangled ‘what?’ “Vicky’s been talkin about this since she was a fuckin freshman. She wants to lose her virginity before she turns eighteen, something about hating her dad or somethin, and she’s been talkin about the junior prom for fuckin ever. She’s so gonna let you hit that.” Wow, this is a big fuckin deal.


“No, I’m not gonna hit that. I’m married, you fuckin retard. I’m just doin her a favor so she doesn’t have to go to the dance alone.” I steal a couple more of his fries and he frowns a little and pulls the carton outta reach. Well fuck, I’m hungry but I don’t wanna go back in the cafeteria. Way too fuckin crowded and people always grab my ass. Mike leans forward on the table a little and looks at me like I’m retarded.


“What are you not getting? Vicky is fucking hot. You can see, right? You have eyes and they fuckin work?” I should hit him for talkin to me like this, teach this little punk some respect, but whatever. Me and my friends used to talk to each other like this all the time.


“Yeah, jack ass, my eyes work. But you don’t get it, I’m married so I can’t ‘hit that’. Besides she’s only seventeen, which equals jailbait. I hit that I go to prison for the next fifteen years and no thank you to that.” It’s true. And now they’re all lookin at me like I’m retarded. What is it with people and looking at me like that? It’s really starting to piss me off.


“Jack ass, this is Vicky Albert and her virginity. You’re honestly saying you don’t wanna be the first person to go inside that pussy? Be the first to make her moan and fuckin scream.” Wow, I forgot how teenage boys could be and now I know. Great, Mattie’s only three years away from tunring into these guys. I just hope he has more respect then this.


“Look, I got a wife and three kids, I’m not about to give all that up just for some virgin pussy. It may not seem like it now but there are more important things then getting laid.” Who just fuckin said that? Did I just fuckin say that? Wow, maybe I have grown up. Who is this bitch and what has she done with the real Faith? Looks like B has whipped me into shape. I’ll have to give her shit about it later. I wonder if any of this shit is true. I mean, this is high school, rumors like this get started all the time. I’m not gonna ask her about it ‘cause I’d rather not get arrested for solicitation or whatever. I just need to be cautious. Take her to the dance, take her back to her place, give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek, and fuckin go home. I’m a slayer, there’s no way a little girl is gonna get me to do something I don’t want to......shut up, the dance thing is completely different.


BPOV


So Faith is taking that skank to the dance tonight and I’m at home with the kids. She promised me nothing would happen, said she was just going to take her to the dance, take her home and then come back here. But still, I worry. She’s a teenage girl and those can be very persuasive. But I trust Faith. I know she won’t cheat on me. It’s the other girl I don’t trust. But whatever. I’d rather be home tonight anyway. The kids haven’t been so bad today and right now we’re curled up on the couch and drinking hot chocolate. I realize that it’s fifty degrees outside and not really cocoa worthy or anything but I just felt like having some and the kids wanted some too. We didn’t have a lot of hot chocolate this winter because I was in bed rest for all of it and I wasn’t supposed to have a lot of sweets. But that’s all over now and I’m making up for lost time.


“How’s your hot chocolate? Good?” I ask and they nod their heads and keep watching T.V. I have no idea what they’re watching because I haven’t been paying any attention to it, but it’s keeping them quiet so it’s fine with me. I’m too worried about that dance. They’re going to be dancing together, and it’s a junior prom so there are going to be slow songs and Faith won’t turn Vicky down because she’s too nice. I’m just worried that girl’s hands are going to get a little curious and touch places I’m only allowed to touch. Just thinking about it is making my blood boil a little bit. Oh just wait until she gets home, she is so in for it.


“Mommy, why is Mama at the dance with that other girl and not you?” Addison asks and takes a sip from her mug. The kids bugged Faith about it earlier but she didn’t really answer any of their questions. She just sort of tiptoed around them. She can be a coward when it comes to them and their questioning. She knows that if she were to try and explain it they wouldn’t have understood and probably would have been mad at her for taking Vicky out and leaving me here. They’re weird like that.


“Because your Mama doesn’t know how to say ‘no’.” Addison lets out a little huff at that and then mumbles ‘she says no to me all the time’ and takes another sip from her mug. As much as I like spending time with my kids and trust me I love it, but I really want to know what Faith is doing and they can tell I’m distracted. I’m just glad they’re not asking me questions about it because I really don’t feel like sharing right now. Alright, it’s time for them to go to bed because I want to get ready for when Faith gets home. She is in for a big surprise. “Ok guys, time to go to bed.” They both grumble and whine a little and then Addison looks up at me with the biggest pout on her face.


“But we wanna wait for Mama and watch you yell at her for goin out with that other girl.” I try as hard as I can not to roll my eyes and it’s pretty damn hard. And saying no to her is pretty hard because she has one of the best pouts I’ve ever seen. I use it to my advantage all the time. Whenever I want Faith to run to the store to get some ice cream or something I’ll tell Addison about it and pick her up so her face can be next to mine and I’ll ask Faith to go get some and then both me and Addison will pout and Faith doesn’t stand a chance. But that hasn’t been happening a whole lot anymore since I’ve been too tired from taking care of Joseph all day.


“No, you two need to go to bed. You both have to go to school tomorrow and I don’t want you being cranky in the morning.” When Addison started going to daycare it was fine, but after the first couple of weeks she decided she didn’t want to go to daycare she wanted to go to school like her brother, so we started calling daycare school and now she’s fine. They grumble some more and I really hope this isn’t going to turn into a big hassle. “Put your cups down and go brush your teeth.” There, I used my stern voice and it seems to be working. I know it isn’t me, they just don’t feel like arguing right now because they had a long day. I’ve been out of shape since I had to go on bed rest and I decided to get back into shape so I filled up some bottles using the pump and had Chris watch Joseph for me and I took the kids out to the shed and we trained for a long time.


While they’re brushing their teeth I put the mugs in the sink and rinse them out. They can stay in here until morning because I really don’t feel like unloading the dishwasher just to put in three mugs. And right on schedule Joseph starts crying and I go into the bedroom and feed him. I can’t believe how big he’s gotten already. He’ll be two months old on the ten of May. He likes to just look at people. Whenever someone holds him he doesn’t cry or anything he just stares up at their faces with a little scowl on his face. It is the cutest thing ever. And he’ll follow things with his eyes and he ooohs and ahhhs sometimes. He’s just the cutest little baby in the entire world and I am so glad that I got better because now I get to enjoy this.


When he finishes eating, which usually takes about twenty minutes, I tuck him in the basinet and give him a little kiss on the forehead and check on the other two. Matthew is changing into his pajamas and Addison can’t decide which nightdress she wants to wear, the Cinderella or the Beauty and the Beast. It takes fifteen minutes for her to finally pick the Sleeping Beauty even though that wasn’t an option at first. After tonight I am burning all of her nightdresses and buying new ones, plain colors only, all of them will be pink and she won’t have to choose which one she’d rather wear.


“Mommy,” she says as she climbs into bed, and she’s using her stuck-up voice. She’s going to ask for something, I know she is. “I’m your favorite daughter in the whole world, right?” I walk over to the side of the bed and help her get under the covers. I let out a little ‘right’ and don’t bother telling her that she’s my only daughter because it doesn’t matter. She’s still going to ask for something. “Since I’m your most favorite daughter in the whole world can I get a lady dog for my birthday?” We’ve had this conversation about a million times so far. I cover her up and pull over one of the little chairs that go along with the little table and sit down.


“Addison, you know you can’t have a lady dog because we already have a dog. And if we get a puppy Tucker will get really mad at us and he might hurt the puppy.” He’s never had to share anything with another dog and that’s one of my biggest concerns. I don’t want to get a puppy so the kids will get attached and have Tucker hurt it and Faith give it away because that’s what will happen. And the kids will be heartbroken. But Addison looks so sad because she really wants her own dog, a little dog because she’s only a little bit taller then Tucker. “Tell ya what, tonight when your Mama gets home from the dance I’ll talk to her about it.” Hey, Faith isn’t here so it’s totally fair to leave the decision up to her.


“Ok Mommy.” She knows that Faith is going to say no because she’s been saying no for the last year or so. I give her a little kiss on the lips and tell her I love her and she does the same. I put the chair back and turn out the light and close the door almost all the way but she’s going through a phase right now and doesn’t like the door closed completely. I don’t know why but she’ll freak out if it’s closed all the way and I’d rather avoid that right now. So I leave her room and check in on Matthew. He’s already in bed but his lamp is still on. He was about to turn it off when I opened the door and now he’s just looking at me kinda funny.


“I’m too old to be tucked in, ya know,” he says and lays his head down. He’s really tired, has been all day. I don’t think he’s been sleeping well and I have no idea why. I tried asking him about it but he doesn’t want to tell me and I really don’t want to push the issue because I don’t want to be the kind of parent that forces their kids to open up to them. I’ll leave that up to Faith. I just roll my eyes and walk into the room. He sighs and moves his legs around a little bit.


“You’re never too old to be tucked in by your mother,” I tell him in a mock-serious tone and he rolls his eyes. I remember when I started telling my mom I was too old to be tucked in. I was twelve so he’s got me beat by two years. But I guess boys start fighting it a lot faster then girls. That’s just a guess it’s not like I’ve sat down with every mother in the world who has a son and gone over how old they were when they started saying they were too old to be tucked in. I pull up the chair that he’s had in his room since he was a baby.


It isn’t a rocking chair, just a really nice wooden one that Faith found before he was born. She used to sit in it whenever she’d read to him or she’d stay up late with him when he was sick and couldn’t get to sleep. I sit down and look into his eyes. Dark brown, just like Faith’s. Now that he’s getting older he doesn’t look a lot like Faith anymore. No, he’s starting to look like Chris. I don’t have a problem with it, Chris is a handsome man, I will admit, but it would be nice to see some of me when I look at my son. But whatever I’m not going to complain.


“You’re growing up really fast,” I tell him and he just rolls his eyes. I smile a little because he’s acting a lot like a sleepy Faith right now. “I mean it. It seems like only yesterday you were a little baby, crying whenever you were hungry and breaking the lamp in the living room almost everyday.” He still does that sometimes unfortunately. I’ve probably spent well over a thousand dollars just replacing the original lamp. It was such a nice lamp too and I’ve never been able to find one exactly like it. But that was years ago so I’m over it.


“You’re not gonna do that thing where you get all nostalgic and start crying and then we hug? ‘Cause I just got comfortable and I really don’t wanna move.” My son, ladies and gentlemen. If he were anymore like Faith he’d be her clone. I reach over and ruffle his hair and he tries to avoid it.


“No you little smart aleck, I’m not going to start crying. I’m just making an observation.” And here comes the part of the conversation that gets a little uncomfortable because it’s the serious part. “What I’m doing a bad job at saying is that you’re growing up, and there are going to be some things that you’ll have questions about and you’ll probably be embarrassed to ask them.” He looks a little confused now but that’s ok. “But I just want you to know that you can always come to me and Mama, or even grampa Chris.” I nod my head a little at my own advice. What? It’s a good idea. “Yeah, I think he’ll be able to explain things a little better then us girls, but you can still come and talk to us if you want.” He still looks thoroughly confused. Way to go Buffy. “Well, I’m just gonna go. Goodnight.” I give him a little kiss on the forehead and he says goodnight and I flick off the light and leave the room.


It’s only ten o’ clock. I still have a whole two hours before Faith gets home. But that’s ok. I think I’ll just go to bed. I’m not really in the mood for anything frisky anyway. I was going to take a shower mostly to get my hair wet and dry it off a little but leave it pretty damp and then go to bed nude and surprise Faith when she tries to sneak into bed. But I think I’m going to change into my pajamas and go to sleep. I didn’t realize how tired I really am until just now and boy am I exhausted. This whole ‘being a mom’ thing is a lot more exhausting then I thought it was going to be before I became a mom.


So I change into my pajamas and shut off the light and crawl under the covers. This is a really comfortable bed. I’m glad we went with the more expensive mattress and not the one that was on sale because this is great. I hear the door slowly creak open and I can’t help but smile. I was wondering when she was going to try and sneak into my bed. Ever since I got back from running away Addison has been sleeping in my room. I’ve tried making her sleep in her own bed but I just feel so damn guilty. She thinks I’m going to take off again and she wants to make sure that I won’t. Now normally I wouldn’t let guilt get in the way of making her stay in her own room but this time is different because it’s my fault. If I hadn’t taken off she wouldn’t be so freaked out.


I don’t say anything as she climbs up on Faith’s side of the bed and crawls under the covers. She’s a lot like Faith in that they both like to get away with stuff. So I’ll let Addison think she’s sneaky and sly and I’ll let Faith deal with her later. Faith hates it when Addison sleeps in our bed. She says it’s because she doesn’t want Addison getting jealous of Joseph, but she doesn’t. I know it’s because Addison cuddles up to me and doesn’t want anything to do with Faith. Faith is the jealous one, not Addison.


Well, I shouldn’t say that because once when Addison dozed off Faith carefully picked her up and moved her over so she could cuddle up to me, and Addison woke up and got really pissed and said that Faith is selfish and wants me all to herself. They fight over me a lot and it used to be a little funny and kinda of cute but now it’s really annoying. But things will get better soon once Addison realizes I’m not going anywhere. Oh yay, Faith’s home. I can’t wait to give her a bad time about going to that dance.