Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

As Xander had taken his time, when he walked home he was nervous. This was it, the big night. And while he trusted Spike, he was evidently more of a girl than a male, despite the gayness. Because he wanted this to be just right because in the back of his head he knew that there would be only one “First Time”.

It wasn't actually Valentine's Day, though; that was Monday. Today was the Friday before but that made his idea all the better. Because everyone knows that holidays on the Hellmouth tended to get blown all to hell, one way or another. Knowing his luck, they'd be attacked by little hate pixies in diapers trying to mess around with Cupid or something.

As he walked into the house, he knew he had to do this right. It wasn't like he could just jump on Spike and say “Take me, you brute!”

Well, he probably could but that wouldn't be any fun.

The shades in the house were drawn but the sun was starting to set. Usually when he got home he went around and opened any of the curtains that weren't facing west. Not tonight, though, because hopefully he would be too well fucked to worry about the blinds and he didn't want Spike to get crispy if he went for a mid-morning snack at some point in time.

“Spike?”

“In here, luv.” Spike was in the kitchen, messing around with the tea pot. Xander walked in and hugged his boyfriend from behind. He'd planned ahead, even down to sneaking fresh clothes into his locker in school and showering before he left. His breath was minty fresh. “Want something to eat, Xan?”

“Mmm, nope. Not hungry right now. At least, not for food.” God, could he get any more clichéd? “We can order Chinese later or something. Hey, I've got a wacky idea: let's do Valentine's Day tonight.”

“What?”

“Okay, so I meant for that to come out a hell of a lot smoother. It's just...well, it's the weekend. And the gang knows I have plans so if I don't leave the house no one is going to come looking for me.” What Xander didn't say was that if he was late for school, Giles had promised to come looking for him. It was damn embarrassing having to explain to his mentor why he wasn't going to be showing up for lessons on Saturday.

Xander nuzzled Spike's neck. “I kinda wanted to make it special, probably because I'm a girl in a boy's penis and, boy, does that sound wrong.”

Spike laughed and turned around and soon they were kissing. Xander loved to kiss Spike; his lover had this feel and taste that didn't seem human. Probably because he wasn’t. Not that he went around kissing other people just to compare, but Spike always seemed to taste like...Spike. Cool, with the faint taste of copper and liquor and tobacco and something else he couldn't name.

When they pulled apart Xander grabbed Spike's hand and led him towards the bedroom. “Okay, I wanted to give you something special for Valentine's, but I figured you could either take whatever you wanted or steal enough money to buy it. And I so don't see you as a watch type of guy.” Spike snorted at that and Xander grinned. “So I'm going to give you something only I can give you. Me.”

Spike looked at him and Xander knew his lover was taking him seriously. “You sure about this?”

“Yes, I want...I want you to take me. Make love to me, all the way. And...”

Spike stepped closer and Xander felt like he was about to be swallowed alive by steel blue eyes. “Yeah? And?”

“I-I want you to bite me.” The last part of the sentence came out hushed and Xander could feel himself blushing. He didn't know what he'd do if Spike said no. For that matter, he wasn't sure what would happen if Spike said yes.

A cool finger traced his lips and Xander could feel his heart beating inside him as if it was trying to escape his chest. He knew Spike could hear it, could probably feel his pulse in his lips, even. And he wondered if Spike would like how his blood tasted.

“Xander, I love you, and I love that you're offering me this but...are you sure? Don't want to you make any mistakes here, pet, because once this happens...”

“There's no going back, huh?” Spike was quiet and Xander knew that this was his way of giving Xander a way to stop, to back out. They hadn't really talked about it. The big It. The fact that if something happened to Xander, Spike would turn him. There was so much that they didn't talk about. The girls would probably say it was unhealthy but for them it worked.

But for this moment, Xander allowed himself to think about it. He didn't want to kill people, not really, but maybe without his conscience it wouldn't bother him. He already looked the other way when Spike came home from a walk and had the taste of copper in his mouth.

If he didn't feel guilt, it wouldn't hurt so badly when Willow was mad at him, or when he made a mistake. All he would care about was Spike's opinion of him, and Spike loved him as much as an evil vampire could. Spike would do anything for him; Xander knew that. There was a power in it, even if he didn't ask anything of Spike.

Xander took one step away from Spike, not very far. Just far enough to pull off his tee shirt. Then he stepped back into Spike's space, even closer this time. Their chests were touching and Xander wanted just to rub himself all over Spike until they smelled the same.

Spike's eyes had just a hint of gold. Xander kissed him softly on the lips, just a quick press before tipping his head so his neck was bared and his lover could have full access. “Do it.”

Arms wrapped around his waist and he was tipped onto the bed as Spike nuzzled his neck. “Fuck. So good, Xan. Love you so fucking much. Never letting you go.”

“Good. Oh! That's...so good. Spike...”

Spike's nuzzling had turned into licks and Xander could feel all his blood rushing to two places, his dick and his neck. Spike's tongue was magical. It was smooth and rough and cool and the feel of it licking his neck from the junction of his shoulder all the way to his ear made Xander shudder. “So fucking good...more, Spike. Do it now.”

“You're mine, Xander Harris, from now until the end of time.” The soft words were followed by an even softer kiss on the nape of his neck, which was followed by a sharp pain and the sounds of Spike feeding.

But instead of hurting, the pain turned into pleasure and Xander gasped. It was almost as if he was falling into Spike, or Spike was burrowing under his skin…he wasn't sure. He arched up, pressing his neck against Spike's fangs and his dick against Spike's hip. The zipper on his jeans hurt against his rock-hard cock but it hurt so damn good.

Xander could feel a whimper in the back of his throat and his hands roamed Spike's back, pulling up his shirt so Xander could feel the skin underneath. He raked his nails down Spike's back and Spike growled and pulled him closer.

Suddenly the suckling sounds stopped and Spike, still in his true face, was looking straight into his eyes. Xander lifted one hand to trace his brow. He would never tell Spike this but he kind of thought his lover looked...cute that way.

Or it could be the blood loss.

“You look so fucking beautiful like this, luv. All wanting.”

“Yes, please, now. Whatever, just...hurry!” Xander was sure he was going to burst, or come too early or something. All the blood had left his brain and he only knew enough to know that he wasn't being really coherent.

Suddenly his dick felt better and his pants were off. Maybe vampires had magic pant removing powers? There was a pinch to one of his nipples and Xander gasped as he pulled Spike down to kiss him again, just to make sure, and Spike chuckled against his lips. “Like that, pet? I like doing that to you. Your nipples are so fun to tweak and play with. They're like little volume buttons -- turn them and you get louder.”

Spike tweaked them again and Xander proved him right by groaning. He felt both hot and cold all at once. This was different than the other times they had brought each other off. For one thing, there was hardly any fumbling. Xander knew just where to touch Spike, how he liked it when Xander blew warm air onto his skin. Spike knew that one place at the junction of Xander's hip and thigh that drove him mad.

They knew each other, and trusted each other. And now Xander was giving this last bit of himself as a gift, and that was how Spike was treating it. He couldn't imagine just doing this sort of thing on a whim; he was glad he had waited.

Then all of his higher thought processes went bye-bye as a slicked finger brushed against the cleft of his ass. The figured that Spike had found the fresh bottle of lube he'd stashed before going to school that morning.

Spike's first two fingers slipped in him easily but Xander found himself nearly undone by Spike's tongue as it teased his navel. They'd done this bit before, Spike showing him just how useful the prostate gland was, but this time it felt different, more intense.

“Gods, you're so tight, pet, so warm....feels so damned good.”

“It's...” Xander gasped as a third finger was added and his hands clutched at the sheets. “It's feeling pretty fucking good from this end, too. Hurry, Spike! I'm gonna pop!”

“Oh no, you bloody well don't!” Slim fingers wrapped around the base of his dick and Xander groaned. “You are going to damn well wait for me and we're doing this together. First time ought to be proper, memorable for the next five hundred years or so.”

Xander barely had time to process that statement since Spike was treating his prostate like his own joy buzzer. Press it and watch Xander writhe in ecstasy. “Aaaahh! Hurry then, damn you!”

Spike's laughter was low as he kissed his way up Xander's torso and, if anything, Xander got harder just hearing it. “Impatient? No worries, luv, I'll take care of you. Trust me.”

The teasing sound had left Spike's voice and Xander could feel Spike positioning himself to enter him. By that time Xander was able to lie back and look directly up into storm blue eyes. “I do. Trust you, that is.”

“God. I am so lucky that you're touched in the head, luv, and I don't mean the bloody visions. You were touched long before that to even talk to me. So damn fucking noble. Ironic that I love that about you, innit?” Spike brushed a kiss against his lips and Xander pulled him down for another. He may want Spike in him, and now, but he would never pass on one of Spike's kisses.

But his hips were thrusting up and he felt so odd, almost as if he was empty inside. He'd read that, in some of his pornier books, but until now he had never really understood it. He broke away from the kiss. “God...now, Spike, please!”

“Yes, now. Take a breath, Xan, and push down and try to relax.”

Xander felt Spike enter him, felt the pain and burning of his first time, despite being stretched. He threw his head back and grit his teeth and tried to concentrate on breathing. He could feel Spike's hand on his hips, one stroking softly to soothe him and the other gripping him tight. Just the thought of having bruises in the shape of Spike's hand made him want and he pushed back as hard as he could.

“Christ!! Xan...”

“Urgh!” Xander panted. That had hurt but it felt really good all at once and Xander couldn't help but wonder what other types of pain could feel good. He had a feeling that with Spike he'd eventually find out. “God...gimme a second.”

“Right. Need a bit of a breath myself.” Spike's voice sounded odd and Xander had to laugh. It was such a power trip, knowing that he could make someone as beautiful and strong as Spike lose it.

That thought made the pain fade into the background and Xander gave an experimental thrust back at Spike. His lover actually gasped so Xander did it again. “Spike, has anyone ever told you that you’re cute when you breathe?”

Xander couldn't believe how...husky his own voice sounded. Spike seemed to like the sound of it as well because he got all growly and bumpy, which only made Xander move again and whine a bit in the back of his throat.

“Like that, eh pet? I'll show you just which one of us breathes in this relationship.” Spike took a firmer hold of his hips and thrust and Xander felt his lover's cock hit his prostate and screamed.

“FUCK! SPIKE!”

“Later. First I'm fucking you. It would take too long to switch.”

“ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod.” Xander wondered if it was possible to explode and implode at the same time and felt as if he was finding out. Spike did something weird with his legs and the next thing Xander knew he was nearly folded in half and Spike was going at him even harder and it felt so damn good he wanted to cry. Spike was in him, moving in him, loving him, inside and out. “Spike!”

“My beautiful, beautiful boy. My Xander. Mine!”

“God, yes, yours! Just...need to come. Spike...”

“You know, pet, one of these days I'm going to fuck you with a dildo while you suck me off. That should keep you from talking...”

“FUCK! Spike....” He was whining; Xander knew he was whining but that mental image had just been engraved on his eyeballs and it sounded fun. “Please...”

Suddenly Spike's voice was in his ear and he was being pressed down even harder into the mattress. “Don't think I don't know you haven't been planning this, my love. Found your vitamins last week with the extra iron supplement. I have to say, pet, you've completely surprised me, though. Never would have thought you'd want that. Now, I'm going to bite you again, Xan, and you're going to bite me. Hard. I want to see my blood on your lips.”

Xander groaned and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head. “Fuck!”

Spike only growled and ran his fangs along the nape of Xander's neck, all the while his hips continuing to piston in and out. A cool hand moved between their bodies and Spike started to pump his cock firmly and at that moment Xander didn't care if Spike drained every bit of blood from his body as long as he just kept going.

He couldn't stand it anymore; he had to come and if Spike was waiting to bite him just to drive him insane, well, he had another think coming. Xander strained forward as well as he could, considering his ankles were very nearly around his ears. His nose finally bumped into Spike's neck. Xander closed his eyes as he turned his head and bit as hard as he could, and the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth.

“Bloody fuck!” Xander heard Spike growl but didn't let his jaw relax even though he felt as if he was about to fly apart. His legs hurt, his back wasn't used to this position and Spike felt huge inside him. And Xander wouldn't give this moment up for all the money in the world.

Suddenly he felt Spike's fangs slide into his flesh and it was all too much. Xander felt as if he was electrified and had a feedback loop between his neck and his cock and his ass and it all felt so good and so overwhelming all at once. Xander let go of Spike's neck and screamed Spike's name as he came and collapsed on the bed.

Spike growled and worried at the bite on Xander's neck, almost as if he didn't want to let go, but finally he did, if only to give an unearthly howl as he came. Xander could feel Spike's come filling him and if he wasn't so damned exhausted he would have gotten hard again.

Dimly Xander noted Spike taking care of him, putting down his legs and massaging his muscles, cool fingers tracing the bite on his neck. Spike licking him clean, which almost caused Xander's cock to twitch despite its earlier workout. “God, Spike, what you do to me.”

“Me? You're the one hitting all my kinks here, pet. Being all...warm and cuddly and fuckable and biting me when I wasn't expecting it. You're evil, Xan.”

Xander was getting sleepy but forced himself awake long enough to smirk at Spike. “Learning from the best. Love you. I mean, really, I do.”

“Love you too, pet. Sleep now.” Spike had finished whatever fussing he was going to do, evidently, and picked him up long enough so that they could curl around each other.

Before he could sleep, though, there was one thing Xander had left to say. “Mmmph. Happy Valentine's, Spike. You're better than chocolate.”

*****