What If??

Tara smiles softly as Buffy kisses her before heading out the door to do a quick patrol with Faith, and check out the campus to try and find out some information on the Initiative.

“Is it okay if I go ahead and fix the last couple pies?” Tara questions softly, looking at Joyce, smiling as she looks up from where she’s curled up against Giles’ side.

“Let me help.” Joyce starts to stand, stopping when Tara shakes her head.

“It’s okay, Joyce. Let me do this. Between the oven being filled with a couple hams tomorrow…” Tara giggles as Joyce rolls her eyes.

“I think I need to buy another stove. With Buffy and Faith here, both of them will wipe out a ham themselves.” Joyce grumbles, making the rest of the group laugh as they remember how the two slayers had demolished one roast by themselves that night.

“Are you staying tonight, Xander?” Joyce questions softly looking down at the young man watching the Christmas movie on the television, occasionally bouncing his shoulder into Willow’s.

“If you don’t mind? I’ll curl up here on the floor.” Xander pats the floor, smiling up at Joyce.

“You can use the couch, Xander! You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” Joyce shakes her head, laughing at Xander.

“Thanks.” Xander groans as Willow smacks him on the head.

“I’m going to get some more popcorn and sodas.” Willow uses Xander’s back to help her up, making sure to press down on her best friend.

Xander grunts. “Mean, mean person. I’ve been used and abused with this group, and you come home and do the same thing.” Xander pouts, looking up at his best friend before rolling quickly away as she gets a wicked look on her face. Xander starts laughing as Willow pounces on him, tickling him mercilessly.

“Do you think they’ll ever grow up?” Giles questions Joyce softly, watching the two teens.

“I hope not.” Joyce whispers, laughing quietly as Xander finally calls uncle.

Willow rubs Xander’s head, laughing as she hops up and walks into the kitchen, smiling as she watches Tara gathering the ingredients. “Do you need any help?” Willow offers softly.

Tara looks over her shoulder, smiling at the redhead. “No, thank you. I pretty much have it under control.” Tara shrugs, chuckling softly. “We’ve already baked four pies, but with this crew…”

“They can definitely eat.” Willow nods her head in agreement as she opens the refrigerator, groaning at the sight of the packed appliance.

Tara chuckles as she looks at Willow. “We bought another refrigerator that they put down in the basement. I think the next investment is going to be a huge freezer just for meat.”

Willow laughs quietly and shuts the door. “I guess if Joyce doesn’t want to go to the grocery store every day, that is pretty much a given, huh?”

“Pretty much.” Tara nods her agreement as she mixes together the ingredients for the crust, watching as Willow grabs down more popcorn, throwing a bag in the microwave. “Xander and Buffy’s missed having you around.” Tara offers softly. “They’re always mentioning you.”

Willow blushes lightly and looks down. “I miss them, too. We’ve been through a lot.”

Tara smiles, before chuckling quietly. “I’m still hearing some of the stories, probably will be for years.”

“Probably.” Willow sits down, laughing quietly. “I want to thank you for your help with Faith. I think it hit Buffy pretty hard when that went down with her.”

Tara frowns before sighing quietly. “It was tearing her apart. I did it to try and help Faith, but I was really hoping to help Buffy come to terms with what happened. The guilt she felt for stabbing Faith…” Tara shakes her head. Turning back to the pie dishes, she splits the dough between them, leaving a portion for the top, before starting to gently press it out with her fingertips. “How did your talk with Faith go?” Tara questions, before turning her gaze to Willow. “I’m s-sorry. That’s not any of my b-business.” Tara frowns heavily, dropping her eyes back to what she was doing.

“No, no.” Willow shakes her head, smiling softly. “It’s okay. You’re family now, even if it does seem a little strange seeing Buffy like that. She was never like that with…” Willow trails off, blushing darkly.

“You can say his name, Willow. I won’t get upset.” Tara looks up, a crooked smile crossing her face. “Buffy loved Angel, but like we had discussed, her slayer half would never have accepted him. We talk about the things that have happened quite frequently, actually.” Tara blushes lightly as she looks up at Willow. “Usually late at night.”

Willow laughs, shaking her head. “Why do I find that hard to believe?”

Tara shrugs her shoulders, blushing even darker. “Well, we do… sometimes.” Tara grins crookedly at the redhead.

“You’ve been good for her.” Willow admits, watching the blonde as she trims the excess dough from around the edges of the pie pan. “I don’t ever remember seeing her this happy.”

Tara nods her head, her eyes serious as they land on Willow. “I think her calling was starting to take its toll on her. You can only have so much death and violence in your life before it eats away at you, before it makes you wonder how much good you’re actually doing. She needed something to help her get back to herself.” Tara grins crookedly. “Still kind of hard to believe it’s me.”

“Why would that be hard to believe?” Willow questions quietly, her brows furrowed as she watches Tara.

Tara shrugs and blushes as she turns the oven on to preheat before cheating and getting the pie filling out, her and Joyce discussing that for the peach and cherry pies, that they’d use the filling. “I actually didn’t ever think I’d find someone, truthfully. As I told Buffy, I planned on living out my days teaching English, painting on the weekends and have either a dog or a cat for company.”

“You paint?” Willow perks up, her eyes widening. “This hasn’t come up before.”

Tara blushes and nods her head. “The painting above the mantle is one of mine.” Tara admits softly, before continuing in even softer tones. “I did a painting for Joyce for Christmas, plus wrapped another one that seemed to interest her when we were going through them.” Tara shrugs, smiling self consciously. “Joyce is planning on having a showing with my work in a couple months. She said something about it would be better to wait until Spring, plus that gives us time for me to finish framing the rest of the paintings.”

Willow blinks in surprise as she thinks about the painting above the mantle, remembered that it was new and noticed that it was a beautiful landscape with the mountains, but not having really looked at it closely. “You must be really good, for Joyce to want to have you in her gallery.”

Tara bites her lip and shakes her head. “I think I’m okay, but everyone keeps telling me that I’m really good.”

Willow’s lip quirks up as she sees the innate shyness and lack of conceit the woman has, wondering how much she has changed in the last month or so, remembering Buffy mentioning something about Tara having been extremely shy and uninitiated in the world when she met her. Seeing a little of that showing through now. “Joyce doesn’t say something that isn’t true. So you must be an extraordinary artist.”

Embarrassed, Tara drops her head and places the crusts in the oven with the pie weights in them to bake them for a few minutes before opening the cans. “Buffy, Faith and Xander are insisting on all of us going to the Bronze while you’re here. I think they plan on us going there two nights from now. Buffy’s tried to talk me into going before now, but I’ve been able to sidetrack her.” Tara sighs softly, still feeling uncomfortable about going, especially since she can’t dance.

“You haven’t been to the Bronze, yet?” Willow blinks in surprise. “That’s kind of like ‘the’ place to be.”

Tara bites her lip and shakes her head. “If Buffy hasn’t already explained, I will. I pretty much went to classes and studied. I didn’t do much of anything else before she came into my life.”

“No dating?” Willow blinks in surprise, remembering Buffy saying something about Tara being a year older than them. “You’re nineteen, right?”

Tara nods her head quickly, the embarrassment obvious on her face.

“Hey! I thought we were going to have popcorn and sodas!” Xander rolls in, looking from a surprised looking Willow to an embarrassed Tara. “Okay, what am I interrupting?”

“My explaining about my lack of interaction with people.” Tara looks up, slowly grinning at Xander as he makes a face at her after her words.

“Yeah, and look at you now! You’re a teasing, picking machine!” Xander wraps an arm around her shoulder, squeezing her gently. “This woman has been the cause of many of my bruises and headaches, Wills. Don’t let her fool you. Once she relaxes, she has a wicked sense of humor and she LOVES getting me in trouble.” Xander grunts and rubs his ribs after Tara elbows him.

Willow laughs quietly, shaking her head. “I think you can get into trouble all on your own, without any help, Xan.”

“I can, but a lot of time she instigates it on purpose.” Xander whines, plopping down at the island, grinning at his best friend. “Buffy’s threatened, seriously, mind you!! To literally beat me to a pulp. It’s not my fault that they’re always making out and I happen to see them!”

“You’re not the only one.” Tara blushes and rolls her eyes. “We didn’t hear the end of it for days when Faith caught us.”

Xander’s eyes light up, and he starts grinning hugely. “I heard a little bit about that. Something about the garage becoming a playroom and Faith having to close the door?”

Tara throws a towel at Xander. “It wasn’t my fault! I was painting, Buffy went nuts for some reason.”

Xander laughs loudly as he looks at Tara, seeing the slight confusion in her eyes with her comment. “You still haven’t a clue, do you?”

“What?” Tara questions, turning back towards the stove to pull the crusts out to let them cool before finishing the pies.

Xander looks back at Willow and shakes his head, smiling sadly at the redhead. “She doesn’t realize how beautiful she is.” He whispers softly, seeing the surprise in Willow’s eyes as she glances back at Tara. “I think Buffy has this thing about you and paint.” Xander speaks up, so Tara can hear him.

Tara blushes as she thinks about one of the presents she has tucked away in their closet for Buffy. With the slayer picking on her and teasing her so often about body paints, she’d used some of her saved money to buy some, along with the other items that she had decided on for the slayer, with a little help from Joyce. Chuckling to herself as she remembered their trip to the mall.

“There’s no reason to be embarrassed about buying sexy lingerie. I’m actually going to buy some for myself while we’re here.” Joyce jokes, winking at the young woman.

Chuckling softly and shaking her head, Tara brushes some hair behind her ear as she looks at Buffy’s mom. “You should say that to Buffy, she turns all kinds of fascinating colors whenever you do anything that hints towards you and Mr. Giles.”

“I know.” Joyce smirks wickedly as they walk towards Victoria’s Secrets. “I’m glad she’s taking it better than I thought she would, though.” Joyce admits, smiling at Tara. “I have a feeling you had something to do with that.”

Tara shakes her head, looking down. “I just mentioned to her that she wouldn’t be happy with you dating anyone. Then I brought up the fact that she already loves Mr. Giles like a father, how hard would it be to actually consider him as one? I think that kind of surprised her and made her think more than anything. Then I finished it off by mentioning how much happier you’ve been lately.” Tara’s eyes twinkle as she looks at Joyce. “You don’t want to know WHAT I had to do to keep her from going over to his apartment and banging on his door when you called and said you were going to stay there that night!”

Joyce blushes darkly and shakes her head. “No, I probably don’t.” Joyce starts to laugh as she wraps her arm around the young woman. “Come on, let’s pick out some sexy underwear for all of us. And…” Joyce leans down to whisper softly in Tara’s ear. “I’m buying, so no arguments, okay?”

Tara looks up, surprise in her eyes, slowly shaking her head. “But, Joyce…” When Joyce frowns at her, Tara sighs softly and finally smiles. “I owe you.”

“No you don’t, but we’ll discuss that later. Come on, let’s see if we can find some differing shades of blue for you to wear and make Buffy a happy slayer.” Joyce urged her into the shop, the two women laughing and having a good time shopping the rest of the day.

Tara blinks as she comes back, looking at Xander and Willow, looking at her expectantly. Blushing darkly, she whispers. “Sorry, what did you s-say?”

Xander laughs quietly. “Buffy moment. No, we were just wondering what all we were having for Christmas Dinner tomorrow.”

“Oh, sorry. Two hams, a meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, steamed carrots, stuffing, corn on the cob, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, waldorf salad, potato salad, assorted pies…” Tara trails off shrugging her shoulders. “Probably a few other things that I forgot.”

Willow groans and wraps her hands around her stomach. “I can feel my aching, full stomach already! We’ll all be crashed around the house, snoozing soon after eating all that.” Willow jokes, her eyes twinkling as she looks from her best friend, to a woman she hopes to become friends with.

“Wait until you taste her sweet potato casserole.” Xander licks his lips and moans loudly. “That is if you can get any before Buffy scarfs it all up.”

“I’m making a huge batch of it, just to be on the safe side.” Tara swats him softly on the back before turning and emptying the filling in the pie shells. Rolling out the tops, she gently places them over the filled pies, pinching it gently against the edges before carefully trimming the excess away, finally placing them back in the oven and setting the timer. Looking at the clock, Tara bites her lip, wondering how much longer Buffy and Faith might be before they get back, knowing that Buffy had felt a couple demons, which shouldn’t take too long for the two slayers to take care of. But with them wanting to scope out possibilities of how to get in the Initiatives stronghold, knowing it might take a little while. Sitting down besides Willow, Tara grins crookedly at Xander. “So, I’ve heard about your little love spell where everyone wanted you, but nobody went into any details about your other ‘demon’ attractions. Start to spill.”

Xander whimpers and drops his head on the island. “No. Don’t wanna. Ask Willow about Malcolm instead! Oh! Oh!! No, tell her about Vamp you.” Xander lifts his head grinning at his best friend. “Come on Wills!! Tell her. Willow and leather… Yummm.” His eyes glaze over as he thinks back to that time.

Willow blushes and rolls her eyes while reaching across to smack him. “Stop that!”

Xander shrugs his shoulders, grinning hugely. “Well, think about it! I have since you mentioned you and Amy! I vaguely remember you saying something along the lines of… ‘And I think I’m kinda gay.’ there somewhere.”

Willow laughs and slowly nods her head. “But that was extremely weird being hit on by myself.”

Tara looks from one to the other, with a raised eyebrow and a slow smirk on her face. “I have so got to hear this one.”

Willow rolls her eyes before finally starting. “Well, it was like this…”

***********

Buffy growls quietly as she and Faith look around the campus. “It feels like there’s literally hundreds of demons here, doesn’t it?”

“I’ve never felt such a concentration before.” Faith agrees quietly as she looks intently at the ground, seeing a slight disturbance. “B?”

Buffy trots over to Faith kneeling with her on the ground. Both women working their fingers along the disturbance. “I feel it, let‘s try lifting it gently. I don‘t want to rip it off, if it‘s locked.” Buffy admits quietly.

“Gotcha.” Faith agrees, the two women grasping the cover, surprised when it doesn’t give any resistance. Seeing the well oiled hinges and the shiny metal under the grass, Faith raises an eyebrow. “I think we hit the jackpot.”

“Looks that way.” Buffy stares intently down into the dark hole. “Damn, if I go down there Tara will kick my ass for taking chances.”

“But it wasn’t locked or latched. Maybe if we just check it out a little ways? See if it’s actually part of the Initiative, or just another access to the sewers.” Faith suggests, frowning slightly.

“We know this isn’t an access to the sewers.” Buffy looks up shaking her head at Faith. “It’s too well kept, plus it being hidden is pretty much a give-away.” Seeing Faith sigh and nod her head in agreement, Buffy pats her on the shoulder. “We’ll just look, we won’t go far. But if I get in trouble, I’m blaming you.” Buffy smirks at Faith.

“Great. Just what I need, Blondie ready to kick my ass.” Faith grumbles, slowly following Buffy into the hole. “Like I don’t get into enough trouble on my own.”

Buffy chuckles quietly. “You like being in trouble.” Buffy whispers softly, waiting for her eyes to adjust, not using her slayer sight, since Faith had made the comment when they were in the tunnels that her eyes glowing orange were pretty much a dead giveaway one night when they were out on patrol. Finally able to make out some of the tunnels, Buffy questions Faith softly. “Your eyes adjusted yet?”

“Yeah, things are sorta coming in now. Still fuckin’ dark down here.” Faith admits, pulling a knife from her holder as they slowly creep forward, searching out the area.

“Hold up.” Buffy places a hand on Faith’s shoulder as they get ready to turn a corner. Barely peaking around, Buffy’s eyes search out the area, frowning when she sees a pale flashing light down at the end of the corridor. Zooming in as much as possible, Buffy growls quietly and backs up. “There’s cameras in this section, Faith. I don’t know if they caught me or not, but I’d say we should get out of here.”

“Let’s go.” Faith trots quickly back the way they came, grunting as Buffy literally tosses her up out of the hole before jumping out behind her. “Could have warned me you were going to do that.”

“Sorry.” Buffy puts the camouflaged cover back over the hole, tapping Faith on the shoulder before they jog quickly away. “Hold up. Can you climb a tree?”

“Who needs to climb?” Faith growls, jumping up to the lowest branch before scampering up a little further into the tree, watching as Buffy quickly follows her. “What’s the plan?”

Buffy shifts around until she can see the area they had come from, watching to see if anybody follows them. “I want to watch and see if they send someone after us.”

Faith straddles the branch and leans her back against the tree trunk as she looks at Buffy. “So, what’d ya’ get Tare for Christmas?” Faith finally questions after a few minutes, grinning.

Buffy chuckles, glancing at Faith. “Well, the items that will be able to be opened in front of everyone are some clothes, paint supplies and a few other things.” Buffy unconsciously wraps her fingers around a small box in her pocket. “Then there are a few things that are presents for her, but kind of actually for me.” Buffy admits, blushing lightly.

Faith grins wickedly at the blonde slayer. “You snuck out and visited that shop, didn’t ya’?” Faith laughs as Buffy quickly nods her head, blushing even more.

“I picked up a couple things.” Buffy whispers quietly, her eyes searching out the campus. “Nothing extreme, just a few things to try. We’ve discussed it, and I know that she’s okay with it, but I don’t want to push too much, you know?”

“Yeah. Tell ya’ the truth, I wonder if it might be somethin’ to do with us being slayer’s.” Faith admits seriously. “I’ve always kind of enjoyed a certain amount of roughness.”

Buffy looks at Faith, surprised that the woman is bringing this up. “It may be. With our calling, violence is kind of second nature to us. Or maybe we feel that we need to be ‘punished’ for not being able to protect or save everyone.” Buffy admits quietly, watching Faith. “I know the guilt sometimes bogs me down, and even though I discuss it with Tara, it’s still there.”

Faith slowly nods her head. “Yeah. That’s kinda how I feel about it. Sometimes I just feel like I need a good ass kicking. I’d ask you to do it, but I figure Tare would go ballistic on both our asses if I come in looking like I’d been put through the wringer.” Faith admits quietly.

“Maybe I could talk to her about us sparring together.” Buffy offers softly. “If I explain to her that we both need to get out some of our frustrations, she might not get so upset.” Buffy runs a hand through her hair as she turns her gaze back out on the quad, watching as a group of five men come across the campus, laughing and joking a little too loud. Tilting her head, Buffy watches them intently as the men joke and push each other around, but at the same time she notices they seem to be paying a lot of attention to the campus around them.

“Got the feeling that’s a ruse?” Faith nods her head towards the group. “Feels like a set-up to me.”

“Yes, it does.” Buffy leans forward a little more, recognizing one of the men. “That’s Riley, one of my TA’s.” Buffy shakes her head as she looks over the other men, noticing a few look familiar, but not being able to place them at that moment. “Well, I’d say that answers one of the questions Tara and I had batted back and forth to each other.”

“What’s that?” Faith whispers as she watches the men finally head away from them.

“Come on, we’ll talk on the way back to the house.” Buffy drops down from the limb to the ground, watching as Faith climbs down partway before dropping the rest of the way. The two women quickly striding away from the college. “We discussed there was a good chance that either the people working for the Initiative were acting like students, or even possibly professors, or other things here at the college. Seeing Riley just now, confirmed that thought. Also makes me wonder a little more seriously about our Psych Professor, Maggie Walsh.” Buffy admits softly as she thinks about it. “I never did like her. Makes me curious if there was more of a reason why I didn’t like her than just being rubbed the wrong way.”

“Good possibility.” Faith agrees quietly. “I don’t like ‘em experimenting on the demons. If the demons are bad, they need to be killed. Do they even leave the non-violent demons alone, or are they capturing them, also?” Faith questions softly.

“They’re capturing all of them.” Buffy admits, frowning heavily. “A lot of the demons that were non-violent packed up and headed out of town once they got wind of what was going on. As for the other demons, what few have come into town, we’ve taken care of before they’ve had the chance to get them. If they’re experimenting on them, that’s equal to torture, and we are going to need to put them out of their misery.” Buffy looks over at Faith.

“Yeah. And we can’t just let them go, to give them a fightin’ chance.” Faith thinks, running a hand through her hair. “We’re probably gonna have to take them out down there. What about the humans?”

“I don’t know.” Buffy shoves her hands in her pockets and hunches her shoulders. “This is shit we’re going to need to talk to with everyone, get their input and ideas. But the sooner we take care of it, the better I’ll feel. I think they’re just asking for trouble to have that many demons in that concentrated of a place.”

“Yeah, what would happen if their power went out, or some shit like that? You know as strong as some of the demons are, they gotta have some kind of electric barrier around them.” Faith offers up the thought.

“Jesus… if that went out, it’d be a massacre --- for the humans.” Buffy shakes her head, her eyes opening wide at the thought. “We’re definitely going to have to figure out something quick.”

“Should we wait and have this discussion after Christmas?” Faith hesitantly questions, her eyes turned to look at Buffy as the two slayer’s come to a stop on Buffy’s street, unconsciously having decided to finish this conversation here, before going any further.

“I don’t know.” Buffy shakes her head. “In a way, I think we should get this taken care of fast… but in another way I want everyone to have a good Christmas without worrying about this shit. I don’t think Tara’s had very many good Christmas’ the last few years.” Buffy admits softly.

“Your call, B.” Faith shakes her head, looking at the slayer. “I’ll go with ya’ either way you decide.”

“Thanks, Faith.” Buffy smiles distractedly at the slayer. “Damn. I want to wait, but Tara will know something’s up. Even before we connected on a more deep level, she always knew if something was bothering me.” Buffy growls quietly, looking up at the night sky. “Fuck it, we’ll tell them, then go from there. All of us can decide whether to have a non-demony day tomorrow, or hash things out between eating, opening presents and other stuff.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” Faith chuckles quietly, smacking Buffy gently on the back. “Come on, let’s go in. You know your girl is probably worrying about ya’ by now.”

Buffy laughs quietly. “Not just me, Faith. You know she worries about you, too.”

“Yeah.” Faith blushes and looks down. “You’re one lucky lady, B. I hope I find somebody that loves me half as much as she does you.”

“There’s someone out there, somewhere, Faith. But I can honestly tell you, I wasn’t looking for her when she showed up. And I definitely wasn’t looking for a woman… I still can’t believe that we had never run into each other before that time.” Buffy shakes her head in disbelief.

“Fate.” Faith whispers softly, looking at Buffy as Buffy snaps her head to look towards her. “Maybe you weren’t ready for it. You had the whole Angel thing going on, we were fighting…” Faith shrugs, as she sighs, looking around. “Her being added into the mix might have fucked everything up, B. You may have had to come to the understanding that Fang wasn’t really what you needed. Would ya’ have even looked at her twice when he was around?” Faith questions softly.

Buffy frowns heavily as she thinks about it. “I never really even considered being with a woman much before her, Faith. And if I had run into her then…” Buffy shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

“Talking with Tare has made me think about these type things.” Faith admits quietly. “She honestly believes that Fate has a lot to do with what happens. That Fate didn’t want you two to notice each other until you did. Everything since then was guided by the hand of Fate. But she also insists that we all still make our own decisions. Fate just offers up the chances, and hopes that they’re acted upon. Kinda like me.” Faith sighs heavily. “What woulda happened if Tara hadn’t been around? If I woke up from a coma, I probably never would have believed what I remembered. I would have thought it was a dream.”

“A lot of things could be different, but they aren’t.” Buffy wraps her arm around Faith’s shoulder, squeezing her gently. “No sense in thinking about that, Faith. We’re here together, a family. That’s what’s actually happening. No sense in worrying about what could have happened, we’ve all got enough guilt to work through with what we DID do, we don’t need to add what we could have done.”

Faith chuckles quietly. “You have a point, B. Come on, I know you’re wanting to see Tare. And I could use a little something to snack on, if they’ll let me eat anything.” Faith jokes.

“You know Tara makes a couple sub sandwiches and puts them in the refrigerator for us to munch on at any given time, just to keep us from going hungry until the meals are cooked.” Buffy smacks Faith gently on the shoulder.

“Yeah, I know. Damn, did you eat one of those that she fixed with the hot banana peppers on it? That sucker was good.” Faith grins, her eyes lighting up.

“I didn’t have one of them.” Buffy frowns. “I wonder if there are any more of them?”

“I’m sure there are. She put the sandwiches down in the refrigerator in the basement. We’ll look when we get in there.” Faith smirks as Buffy starts to pick up her pace towards the house.

************