The Silent Urge Series

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Thanks for the comments! But, erm, well, I'm worried to hear you are having break-downs and nosebleeds from reading my fic. Maybe I'd better stop posting? *grins*

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~ Xander ~

I can feel that Spike’s worried, but putting up a tough front. I’m not dumb. I get that fighting with Angel and all the vampire lore stuff must be stressy and awkward to deal with. But he can trust me. I’d do anything so he doesn’t get hurt or worse.

I want to show him that I’m capable of protecting him, too. I just don’t know how. Otherwise I hope we’ll never get into a situation where I have to protect Spike – I don’t want to get into such situations.

My neck feels tender – that’s what you get from being choked and shaken by a master vampire – but not at all as bad as I thought it would. I wonder if there’re even bruises showing.

My knee still hurts from the un-dynamic tumble I took down to the floor and against the counter half an hour ago and I feel it twinge when I get onto my knees. My wrist is okay though, doesn’t mind popping the buttons, one after the other, at all.

I’ve got to get used to this, I guess, okay, maybe it doesn’t need that much persuasion. Spike’s hard leaking cock just looks tasty and incredible arousing. I look up, meet his eyes and they’re dark blue. No gold. Interesting.

The way he pulls at my hair gives away how badly he wants me to suck him and yes, why not. I’d love to.

The taste is salty and my body sings with it, just like it does whenever Spike gives me blood. It’s not as strong, but enough to make me want more. Yes, more. I suck him in, use my tongue along the length for stimulation and can’t help moaning because, fuck, it’s good. It’s great to be filled. Spike goes harder on me, pushes deeper, makes me gag. I can’t help it. I want him to make me open up and lose control. I want him to be everything I can feel and think about. I try to loose my throat, but the more I think about it, the more I gag and so I finally just hold onto his hips and let him fuck my mouth as hard and long as he wants.

I hope it shows in my eyes how much I like it, being taken by him. How much I like it when he takes me, comfortable in the knowledge that I am his completely.

He pulls back and for a second I’m disappointed, but then I feel his come hit my face, several spurts, creating a complete mess. I can feel him growling “mine” and I’m a second away from begging for my own release when he shoves at me, turns me harshly until I’m on hands and knees.

My new leather pants fall to the floor after that awkward tearing sound and my cock is freed finally. I’m able to breathe again! Spike’s hands on my face, wiping off his come just to messily spread it down my ass crack. Fuck!

Spike’s inside of me before I have the chance to protest. Still loose from earlier, my spit and his come on us makes it easy enough, the slight burn just adds the extra shudder going through my body. Spike pumps into me, hard, fast, then his arm finds his way around me and he drags me up against him, cutting me off from air.

There goes the T-Shirt, it rips over my shoulder and the next second I’m screaming.
Intense pain where neck and shoulder meet.

Please is the only thing left in my thoughts and I don’t know what the hell I’m begging for exactly.

~ Spike ~

I need to have him.

Mine. Mine. Mine.

It’s a train wreck – I know, but I need to have him, right now.

I’m not gentle, I can’t be gentle right now. I feel like I’m gonna break into a thousand pieces if I’m gentle right now, if I let go on the tight leash I have on my emotions.

Xander turns almost willingly and he moans when I slick him up and shove my fingers, then my cock inside him. Fuck. He feels so good, so hot.

His heart pounds, pumps the blood through his system at a dazzling speed. I can practically hear it rushing through his veins. He sweats and his skin is a complete blush, blood shining rosy through to the surface. He gasps and shudders and I reach around and pull him up, my forearm across his throat, a vampire’s hold onto a victim, a master’s hold onto a subject.

The rest comes from instinct, sniffing, probing, tasting his skin. Approval. Then the change into the true face and finally I sink my teeth deeply inside his flesh, right where neck becomes shoulder, where throat meets collarbone.

He screams – music to my ears.

I suck harder, drink more of his blood and then I pull back, ripping my teeth out of the wound with the most damage I can cause.

I look down at the blood still flowing freely from the bite, ragged edges of flesh weeping crimson down his torso and I follow its trail with my hand and pull his cock. He’s so hard and leaking for relief despite all the pain he’s screaming his lungs out for. I jerk his length, his blood slick between my fingers, until he comes, shuddering and clenching his hole around me.
Yes.
Yes!

It throws me over the edge. So powerful I’m shaking.

Mine.
Rightfully mine, marked for life as the lore requires.
Mine.
Mine forever.


~ Xander ~

Hurts.

Pain’s the last thing I was aware of – the first thing I am aware of again after the haze of orgasm fades.

Did I black out?

Paingasm.

I feel ridiculous giddy, nearly giggly.

Spike?

“Spike?”

I’m alone, clothes torn I’m lying on the hard floor in come and blood. Rape-victim-style.

“Spike?” My voice is hoarse. I remember screaming. Carefully, I feel for the wound on my neck. It stings when I touch it and my fingers come away bloody. I lick the blood off my fingers and slowly, oh so slowly, get up on my hands and knees. The room’s turning around me. I feel weak, I hurt all over and Spike’s nowhere in sight.

“Spike?” I try again.

I try to free myself from the remains of my first, my only, my favourite leather pants with shaking hands. It’s cold – okay?!

My chin wobbles and my throat clenches up. “Spike?” I ask again and my voice seems to echo back to me, hollowly. “Spike, please, I need...” I don’t fight the tears anymore and they spill down my cheeks and mix with come and blood.

I’m helpless – can’t even get out of the damn pants that tangle up over my shoes and Spike’s gone, Spike’s gone, Spike’s gone and I cry openly, exhaustion, anger, pain – all this mess catching up with me.


The door to the apartment bursts inwards.
Wood breaking and splinters flying everywhere.


Willow stands there in the doorway, eyes freaking black, hair billowing in mystic wind.
She’s chanting with her hands against the invisible barrier. It breaks – only seconds later.

Willow, Buffy, Giles, Riley spill inside Spike’s safe-place like the flood breaking the dam.

I scream inside my head – like that magic man told me – but I don’t get a reply.

“Oh my god, Xander!”

It’s Willow and Buffy, their hands on me and Giles, too. Helping me up, helping me out of a pool of blood and semen and torn clothes.

“I... it’s not what you think...” I stumble and they hold onto me stronger, Buffy’s hands are hot like Spike’s never are. “I... where’s Spike?”

“Thought you could answer that question.” Riley says in that military staccato voice and relief floods me. Spike is not here, but they haven’t gotten to him either. Just where is he?

Giles presses a handkerchief to my bite and I flinch away but can’t get anywhere, Buffy’s grip is like a vice holding me in place.

I shake my head, look down and realize I’m naked, blood and semen on my skin like a perverted tattoo. I don’t have the energy to blush, to do anything. I feel faint.

“I... Spike’s not...”

“Ssshh.” Buffy and Willow quieten me in unison. “Don’t you worry about him. I’ll get him. I promise, I’ll get him and he’s gonna pay for what he did to you.” Buffy says in slayer-voice and panic builds deeply in my gut and rises up my oesophagus until I can’t hold it anymore. I can barely bow forward a little before I’m retching, spilling the contents of my stomach on the floor for everyone to see.

“Oh god! He’s puking blood!” Willow cries. “He has inner injuries! We’ve got to call an ambulance!”

I don’t feel like I’ve got inner injuries, don’t feel that much injured at all, actually.

“Willow.” And that’s Giles voice in that clipped watcher’s tone. “It’s to be assumed that that the blood he dispossessed himself of is not his own.”

“What?” Willow sounds stunned. “I don’t... why’d he...” She breaks off when I look up at her, finally manage to draw my arm out of her gasp. There’s horror in her eyes. I drag the back of my hand over my mouth, trying to get rid of acid spit and blood still clinging to my lips.

“Does he feel different to you, Buffy?” Giles asks and dark spots start dancing in my eyes.

I can feel her hesitate. I don’t dare to look at her. I don’t want to see the same rejection in her eyes, too. Her grip gets even tighter. Spike won’t like bruises on me, I think inanely.

“No... I don’t think so. No. He feels like Xander, like always.”

“He hasn’t been claimed yet. That is a good sign, he can still be saved...” Giles keeps talking, but I don’t listen anymore.

Not claimed? Spike hasn’t claimed me? But he bit me? Why didn’t he claim me when he could? Why bite me, hurt me and then not claim me? I don’t understand.

And where is he? Has he left me? Has he royally fucked me over and left me to wake up in my own blood and semen, alone and nowhere to go back to and...

My own thoughts start to echo in my head and there’s so much noise suddenly, the blood rushing in my ears and the pounding of my heart while cold envelopes me. The dark spots grow larger and when they merge, when there’s only thick black darkness, I let myself go.


_______________tbc soon__________reviews motivate me____________

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