Inner Walls

ACT IV: Hope


***


Days went by. Faith no longer got out of her cell except for eating and washing but always escorted by Jessy. She had not uttered a word since her return from the infirmary. She did nothing apart from swallowing her pills and smoking. Jessy had never more dared to touch her.

And then one day, a guard stopped in front of the gate.


"You have a visitor, Faith."


Faith was lying on her bed and was smoking a cigarette. She did not react. The guard was waiting.


"Hey Faith, it's your first visit for three months, you're not interested?"


The dead have no visits... except for that of the worms...


"Wilkins, are you coming or am I gonna fetch you?!" the guard shouted, finally losing patience.


Wilkins... The boss... He's come to see me...


Without realizing that this assumed name had become hers, Faith rose and followed the guard to the visiting room.


***


The man sat behind the dividing pane of glass was not Mayor Wilkins.


He's dead... Buffy killed him...

Angel...


She sat down in her turn and picked up the phone which was used to talk through the pane.


"Hi.", began Angel.


"Hi."


Her voice was toneless, hoarse.


"How are you?"


You told me: "You'll probably be haunted and maybe for the rest of your life." How right you were Angel...


"Five by five..."


Angel scrutinized Faith's face and finally saw the marks left by the wounds.


"What happened?"


"A brawl... A girl who didn't like the color of my lipstick..."


"I told you I'd kill you..."


"I would have thought that..."


Angel did not end his sentence. He knew that no bars could keep a Slayer against her will, he also believed that Faith constituted more a danger to the other prisoners than the reverse.


"You didn't defend yourself?", he resumed.


I'm already dead, Angel... Already dead...


Faith gazed at him without answering, her eyes in the void again. Angel did not like this gaze, it was the look of renunciation, of resignation, of surrender to madness.


"Faith, look at me! You mustn't yield to easiness, to darkness, you must fight!"


"It's supposed to hurt. All that pain, all that suffering you caused is coming back on you. Feel it! Deal with it! Then maybe you've got a shot at being free."

Free... but what for, Angel?


As other words were coming back to her, she looked at him at last, an immense distress on her face.


"Angel... You told me once that - I didn't have to let the darkness swallow me... that I didn't have to taste evil..."


The vampire nodded silently.


"I tried, Angel... I tried... Pain and remorse, I've felt them... even stronger every day, torturing me every night... All the time - All the time..."


The tears were running down freely on Faith's cheeks.


"There are times... times when I can't bear it all anymore... times when I forget -"


I'm gonna stick this stake in you and you'll disappear into dust...


"- times when I'm at a loss... completely... and... and..."


"And when the darkness overwhelms you...", ended Angel.


And I feel so good... so good... in darkness... that I wish I never got out of here again...


"It's an endless fight, Faith... You'll never forget... But you must cling to the light, to the right things you did in your life, to what you still can do to make amends... You mustn't let the darkness and violence overpower you, you mustn't forget what you did. You can get through all this, Faith, I know you can make it..."


"But it's so hard... It hurts so much... I can't... I don't know... how..." Faith pleaded in a sob.


"It's supposed to hurt..."


"Each time I tried to be good for people, each time I saved a child, a human being, each time I killed another vampire... I said to myself that I was useful to something... and my immortality was easier to bear... Helping the others has given me a valid reason to go on living... You must find this light... The light of your redemption..."


"But what can I do if I'm locked up in jail?"


"What is your greatest wish?"


Buffy...


"What is the only thing that really matters to you?"


I'm sorry...


Angel saw that his words had struck home even though he was not sure of her answer.


"This is your light, Faith."


***


"This is your light, Faith..."


When her visit time had ended, Faith had come back to her cell repeating herself continuously this sentence, clinging to its resonance.


"This is your light, Faith..."


She must not give in, not yet, not before having done what she had to do to be in peace with her conscience.

When Jessy saw her coming in the cell, she was surprised by her expression. It was still haunted by unnamable demons but there was also something new. Determination. Whoever her visitor might have been, this person had succeeded in reviving a feeling inside her.


"Who was your visitor?" asked Jessy curiously.


Faith stared at her for quite a tim time then a small smile appeared on her lips.


"Your light... The light of your redemption..."


"An angel."


***


Weeks went by and the determination had not left Faith's gaze. She had ceased to take tranquilizers and had started to practise again under Jessy's suspicious but admiring eyes. She spent hours performing push-ups and sit-ups in her cell then executed a few series of blows. Kicks and punches accomplished with a speed that Jessy had never seen before. Sometimes she went out in the yard to train on the punching bag pulling blows to prevent the bag from unhooking again. The other prisoners watched her technical displays with envy and respect even if they kept in mind that Faith had been helpless in front of Trisha. Then Faith, exhausted, went downstairs to take a shower and came back to her cell.

Trisha and her gang observed and mocked her, delighting in the memory of the thrashing they had given her in the showers. Faith remained impassive focusing on her movements so as not to let her urges for violence overwhelm her again. She concentrated on her might and her precision repeating untiringly the same blows and repeating tiredlessly to herself the same sentence.


"This is your light, Faith..."


Nothing else mattered any more.


***


One day Faith went out in the yard and saw Trisha's gang surround Jessy. As she got nearer her Slayer hearing allowed her to catch words fraught with threats.


"If you go on slipping this crap to me again, you're gonna regret it, Jess!"


"What crap?" asked Faith when she was near them.


All the gazes turned to the intruder that noone had seen coming. Trisha's surprise changed quickly into a vicious smile.


"Look! Here is your silly cunt, Jess... She may end up like Pat if you don't change your dope..."


Faith looked at Jessy in astonishment, suddenly understanding what the matter was. Jessy was terrified and kept her eyes lowered.


"Ah! I understand better why you look like a zombie and have the brain like an oyster..." said Faith out loud with a little smile.


Trisha nearly choked.


"You little whore! You seem to have trouble in understanding, don't you?..."


"No. You don't understand. You don't know who I am."


Trisha roared, soon followed by the others. Jessy was looking at Faith imploring her silently to stop.


"Ah yes? And who are you apart from a pretentious little jerk who's gonna be bumped off... and this time that I won't miss?..."


Faith had kept her mocking smile.


"I'm the Slayer."


Trisha burst out laughing to hide the discomfort aroused by this persistent and provocative smile.


"The slayer?! And what do you slay? Punching bags?"


Faith did not answer. She folded her arms on her chest and continued to look at her, smiling.


"I'm gonna make you eat your fucking smile and your arrogance, you bitch! This time you're dead!", Trisha spat walking away with her gang and running her forefinger under her own throat to illustrate her words.


Faith's grin widened and she raised her middle finger clearly in order that nobody could misunderstand her answer. Then she turned to Jessy.


"What are you playing at, Jess?"


"No, you, what the fuck are you playing at?! It wasn't enough for you to be stabbed once? You really want to die like that?!"


"Twice..."


"What?!"


"I was stabbed twice..."


Jessy, despaired of her behavior, stared at her without understanding.


"Listen, if you want to be suicidal and be killed, it's up to you! But don't involve me in it, I still care about living!"


"So is it like that, that you keep Trisha at a distance? Is it what you call 'finding allies among the right people at the right time'?"


"You have to manage to survive in this fucking prison... And I'm not a saint, Faith, and neither are you, so don't lecture me!"


"You provide her with dope and she makes sure that nobody causes you trouble, don't you?"


"Basically, yes."


"And who's Pat?"


Faith saw Jessy's gaze darkening. She was visibly not the only one to struggle against past demons.


"She was... my girlfriend..."


Jessy's eyes had filled with tears. Faith thought about Trisha's words again, about the threats she had uttered.


"And Trisha killed her."


It was not a question. Jessy nodded. Faith resumed.


"What happened?"


"She didn't want to... sleep... with Trisha... She... didn't want to obey her..."


Jessy furiously wiped away the tears that were running down her cheeks with the back of her hand. Faith put her hand on Jessy's shoulder.


"She didn't want to be her whore... and this bitch... this... cunt beat her to death in the showers... like you... like me..."


Faith took Jessy by her chin and forced her to look at her. She caressed her cheek gently and gave her a slight kiss on the mouth.


"Things are gonna change, Jess. Things are gonna change, I promise you. And I'll avenge us."


***


Faith knew that she would not have to wait long. The affront had to be washed as fast as possible. It was a question of honor, of this stupid and blind honor which was used as a justification for so many odious crimes.

It happened two days after the altercation in the yard. As Faith made her way to the showers, she could feel tension reigning around her, in the gazes she met, in the eloquent silences. She saw discreet signs exchanged between some prisoners. She knew that she would be followed soon.

She came into one of the showers but did not undress. She turned the water on and slipped into the next shower. She waited, her keen Slayer senses on the alert.

She heard at last laughter, belly laughs, self-assured and domineering, but also laughs of connivance with the guard, tense laughs like before the killing.

Then they came, with their heavy step so recognizable, and stopped a few feet apart from their victim. Faith perceived in the eyes of some of them the astonishment of seeing her waiting for them.


"So Faithy, the slayer of punching bags, are you ready for your thrashing?"


"Tell me Trish, you're so scared of the girls you want to tame that you always need your whole clique?"


"I'm not scared of anyone! I can deal with you personally!"


Trisha rushed at Faith, her knife pointed at her. Faith merely avoided her with a dodge. She found herself between Trisha and her gang.


"Hey Trish, I'm not sure I want, I heard that you were so useless in bed that you had to threaten girls so as they sleeth yth you!"


Trisha uttered a cry of rage and charged at Faith. With a surprising speed, she dodged, again, blocking then pushing away the arm holding the knife and shot her knee in the stomach of her adversary who doubled up. Waiting for their ringleader to catch her breath, two girls attacked the Slayer so as to try to immobilize her. Faith used the run-up of the first one to take her arms and hurl her against the back wall. The second one tried to punch her on the face. Faith blocked the blow, seized her arm and gave a roundhouse kick in her head. The woman collapsed holding her head.

Trisha had pulled herself together. Taking advantage of the fact that Faith had her back turned, she flung her knife at her.

Faith heard something whistling behind her but understood a little too late what it meant. She had just the time to shift aside then she felt again the sensation of the cold blade sinking into her right side. She turned back slowly letting the pain overwhelm her, reinforce her consciousness of reality, sharpen her impulse of violence. A smile broadened on her face. She pulled the knife out and raised it to her lips. In a sensual and provocative gesture she made her tongue slide down the blade slowly, tasting the flavor of her own blood, never taking her eyes off Trisha's gaze.


"I should have known that you were unable to fight alone and without cheating..."


"You're just a fucking little whore and -"


"No, I am the Slayer. The rogue Slayer, mad and unpredictable, the one who allied herself with absolute evil, the one who likes killing, the one who's gonna kill you, the one who's gonna make you regret to be born."


Faith dropped the knife on the floor and approached slowly. Her concentration was total.

Trisha had risen. She punched Faith who did not flinch then gave a series of quick blows. Faith blocked them all, while stepping back until she found herself driven back against the wall.


"That's all?" she said.


Trisha seized Faith's neck to strangle her. The dark Slayer slid her arms between Trisha's and lifted her elbows abruptly making her release her grip. Faith gave her a blow of her head that cut her orbital arch and made her stumble back.


"But I'm also the other Slayer, the Chosen one, the one who had been chosen to fight against evil. And you are evil."


Faith gave a sidekick which hurled Trisha into a shower. One of her followers chose this moment to attack her from behind. She grabbed Faith by her shoulders and sent her knee in her back. At the same time Faith struck her liver with her elbow and flung her head back breaking the nose and a few teeth in addition. She turned back, gripped the girl by her hair knocknocked her out with a punch.

Faith focused her attention on Trisha again.


"You're evil. You've been terrorizing this place for years. Doing what you want all the time. You're evil. I know that. I was bad and I'm still. You've got nothing to teach me, you're only a beginner, you don't know what absolute evil is."


Trisha rose and took the knife. Simultaneously she kicked and pushed her blade forward. Faith parried calmly, pushing away the leg and grasped the wrist holding the knife.

With a wristlock Faith made Trisha drop the knife and she twisted her arm with another armlock, forcing Trisha to kneel so as to avoid it breaking.


"You don't know what absolute evil is."


Faith increased her pressure on the arm causing a stronger and stronger pain in Trisha, who was immobilized on the floor.


"Stop it! Stop it!" shouted Trisha who could no lontaketake such a suffering.


"I am absolute evil. I am your punishment."


Finally Faith sharply broke Tricia's arm, who howled. She dropped it and walked towards the other women who were watching, petrified by fear and pain, the downfall of their invincible leader. Faith looked at them for a while, almost feeling pity. Then she turned back, abruptly, again facing the other woman who was writhing in pain on the floor.


"I am the Slayer... I track..."


Faith approached Trisha who tried vainly to move back.


"I strike..."


Faith kicked her in the face making the blood spurt on the wall.


"I kill..."


She picked up the knife and, kneeling near Trisha who was moaning, she slid the blade slowly down her cheek tracing a thin bloody line in it. She studied for a while the blood trickling from the wound, savoring this moment of selfish power.

Then Faith stared intensely into the panicked eyes of her victim, a smile appearing on her face.


"Unfortunately... Only the worthy representatives of evil have the honor of fighting the Slayer... and of dying from her hand..."


Faith's smile broadened even more in front of the increasing terror of the other woman.


"Unfortunately, Trish, you don't belong to them... All this was only hot air... Look at yourself... You're just a terrified little girl... terrified by the idea that your whims won't be fulfilled... terrified of no longer being the focus of attention... terrified of having thrown off the mask..."


Faith rose and threw the flick knife away.


"Unfortunately you don't deserve the Slayer's interest... Where is the bad, the terrible, the awesome girl who ruled the prison with a rod of iron? A poor and terrified little girl... who's crying on the floor... 'cause her beautiful toy is broken...

Look at yourself... Remember what you told men Ien I arrived? That I was nothing here? You were wrong, Trish, and even if I know that you understand nothing about what I'm telling you, I'll tell you anyway 'cause you have woken her up, I'm still the Slayer. And you are in the way of my redemption.

But you, what have you got left now? Look behind you and ask yourself what you did, what you became."


A suffocating silence suddenly filled the room.


"You're nothing any more."


Nothing but the void...


Faith turned away and left the showers.


*****

To be continued in Act V