Fall From Heaven

Spike looked up at the large apartment building and sighed. Home, right. I’m living with the great poofter, he chastised himself. The blonde vampire took a cigarette out of his pocket to have a smoke, thinking about the last few days. He had stayed with Lorne, not just because Lorne had a great collection of music, but he was still was upset with Angel. But, why was he going home? He was concerned when Angel didn’t show up at Wolfram & Hart. Wesley had taken him aside earlier that day to talk about Angel. It seemed that Angel was not returning phone calls.

As the elevator carried him to the penthouse apartment he began to think. He really didn’t likat Aat Angel just left the club without saying a word the other night; no goodnight, no see you later, or goodbye you idiot, nothing.

Why should he be worried? After all Angel was over 200 years old and capable of taking care of him self. But, it’s Angel, and he wouldn’t be h if if he didn’t have anything to brood about, Spike though t to himself.

The elevator stopped. As Spike stepped out, he looked around the apartment. His vampire senses tingled, . . . danger! He walked softly taking note of the wild damage to the apartment; chairs flipped over, holes in the walls, pictures ripped down, doors off the hinges, and drawers emptied out. He walked carefully, checked out the kitchen, - nothing there, - then into each room, the bedrooms, the study and finally the living room.

He heard whimpering sounds coming from the sofa as he came quietly into the living room. Carefully he moved it over, to find Angel curled up in a ball. He had never seen Angel or Angelus like this before. It concerned and annoyed him. Angel looked up with sad brown eyes, tears streaking down his face.

“Go away!” Angel growled at Spike.

Spike stood for a moment trying to collect his thoughts. He was moved by what he was seeing. He was tempted to e hie him like this. He looked around and saw empty bottles of vodka, empty plastic bags containing human blood, and on the coffee table was the sketch book.

Spike carefully sat down beside the man that he had once looked up to. Angel picked up the sketch book and rapidly flipped through it.

“Do you remember William? Do you remember when we were a family?” Angel showed the drawing of the four, Darla, Angelus, Dru, and him. “Do you remember the killing, William? Do you remember, the sweet intoxicating kill, the taste of fear, the taste of warm fresh blood, and the feeling that we owned the night? Shouldn’t we want that again?”

“I feel it everyday, mate.”

Angel grabbed the book back and held it tightly. Spike understood the rage within, controlling the demon inside. He remembered when he begged Buffy to kill him but she wouldn’t. He understood the madness.

“You wanted this, Spike. Angelus didn’t.”

“You’re drunk.”

The elder vampire’s face changed as he tried to attack Spike. The blondie vampire slipped out of the way as Angel fell flat on the sofa, - out cold, drunk.

”Come on, it’s beddy time for Angel.” Spike lifted the drunken vampire up off the sofa and took him to his room. Vampire strength did have its advantages, Spike thought to himself. He dropped Angel on his bed and started to walk out, but he came to and spoke softly.

“William.” Spike was getting annoyed at the older vampire’s instance in calling him, William. “Stay,” he commanded. He stopped in his tracks.

His urge was to go to his room, shut the door and let Angel be. But part of him understood Angel. There was no one there with him when he spent those long days alone in the school basement. This is the reason, he said inwardly. “This is the reason why, I am not good at this,” he said as he looked upward. He turned around and walked over to the bed and began to sit on the floor beside the bed.

“Bloody hell.” Spike said as he saw Angel, slumped into a ball, weeping again. This image tugged at Spike. If only someone was there for him. “Bollocks, this Darla.” he whispered. He moved over to the bed taking off his coat and throwing it on a chair. He really didn’t know how to approach the bed, nor did he really want to. But, he remembered the pain and the fear. Would it ever go away? Would he be trapped in hell forever? He sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“What is it, Angel?”

“It hurts. It won’t go away.”

“I know.” Spike said softly. “You have to stop this.” Spike sniffed and saw the state of his clothes. “Look at you, mate, you stink and your clothes are a mess. Your hair is out of that gel you like.” he said snarkily. Angel looked up at Spike with a snarl. “Well, you do. Let’s see what we can do.” Spike got up and walked to the bathroom and turned the shower on. Took out towels and lthemthem down on the vanity. He moved out of the bathroom and saw that Angel was sound asleep in a ball. He went over and gently woke him up.

“For your own good, mate,” he said as he helped Angel out of bed.

“Where we going?

“You stink.”

“No I don’t,” the drunken vampire said with a slur.

“Oh, I know some stink demons that smell better than you.”

Once in the bathroom, Angel fell to the floor.

“You need to help me,” Spike said angrily.

“I don’t want your help.”

“I don’t care what you want.” Spike picked him up and leaned him against the shower door and started to undress him. Angel pushed him away.

“May be drunk, but I still can...” He staggered forward as he started to unbutton his shirt. Spike cursed under his breath.

“Bugger this, I don’t have much patience.” He started again to help Angel.

“No, I can do this myself.” Angel said with a slur. He started to take his shirt off again. Finally, the blonde vampire helped take his shirt off, then started to take Angel’s pants down, but stopped when he saw his semi-erection. Spike couldn’t believe that older vampire was getting off on this.

“Bloody hell.” Spike declared as he turned Angel around and faced him to the running water. Angel just stood motionless. Spike reached in and turned the controls to cold and then threw Angel a bar of soap.

“I am not washing you.”

Angel sneered at him and began washing. Spike didn’t go far, and watched as Angel washed. He was fung wng with the soap.

“Does it have to be this cold?” he asked Spike.

“You need to get sober.”

Angel turned the control to warm and laughed, then continued the shower in silence. After a moment he stopped the shower and he got out. Spike handed him a towel, but Angel dropped it and then tried to pick it up.

With a little help, Spike managed to get Angel back to his bed. The still drunk vampire slid into his bed. Spike started to walk out the door, hoping that his job was done. Angel called out to him again.

“Spike, it’s dark.”

Annoyed, Spike turned around against his better judgment and walked to the bed and sat down on the edge. He pulled his boots off and made himself comfortable sitting up against the headboard.

“She had your smell on her,” Angel said unhappily.

Spike remembered that night, the night that Buffy gave him the amulet. It was painful to see the woman that he loved kiss another man. Spike was itching to use a snappy comeback but decided against it. He understood all too well how Angel felt.

“Angel, you need to get some sleep.”

Angel closed his eyes. No matter how much Spike fought it, he understood Angel like no one else could. Yet, there was something missing... Spike knew that he had to find out about the deal. Angel tossed and turned in his sleep, restless from what ever was haunting him.

“No, Connor, no… CONNOR.” Angel cried over and over and over again. Spike was worried. He gently touched the nightmare plagued vampire, but that woke him. His eyes flew open. Angel had a wild look in his eyes. Instead of attacking, he fell into a ball, sleeping again. Spike didn’t touch him, but watched as Angel slept,…but Spike could not.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Red!” Spike said happily.

“Spike, I really didn’t do it.”

“I know pet, you don’t have to say again. I know why I am back.”

“Really? ‘Cause that’s a good thing. I was worried about that. You still have your soul, right? Because, not having it would be a bad thing.” Willow said hurriedly.

“Yea, it’s in its proper place,” Spike said chuckling. He sat at Angel’s desk.

“You wanna talk to Buffy?”

“Nope called for you. I need a geek.” Spike said playfully.

“Oh, that’s me, geeky Willow.”

“I need your help to crack into a computer system.”

“Hey, no problem. I can do that.”

“Don’t volunteer yet, pet. I haven’t told whose computer system is,” Spike said teasingly.

“Is it a company that is set out for world domination? ‘Cause if it is…”

“You know then it will have mystical protection too.”

“Got that covered. But, Spike, why do you need me to break into the system? I have no problem doing it,” Willow asked softly.

“I need you to find anything that you can on the deal that Angel made.”

Willow was quiet for a moment and he almost could hear her spaz out. He chuckled softly. Spike really did have affection for her. She reminded him of a female William, only a lot cooler.

“Sorry, what deal did he make?”

“I don’t know that’s why I need you, pet. Can you do it?”

“Well, yeah, I am a goddess now! But, it’s Angel.”

“I know, Red, but something is tugging at his soul. I think there’s more than he’s telling me.”

“Say that I do; you going to tell Buffy about this?” Willow asked.

“That leads me to question number two, Red. Can you let Buffy know?”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Spike had people come in and out of Angel’s office looking for guidance all morning. He didn’t feel comfortable being the responsible one; it just wasn’t him.

For the third day in a row, Angel didn’t make it to work. Spike had questioned him about his uncharacteristic absence. Angel shrugged his shoulders and told Spike to deal with it, he was the champion now and would have to face his responsibilities. Willow hadn’t been able to find a back door into Wolfram & Hart, yet, but she assured him that she could do it.

Willow also sent him a care package: one laptop, super enhanced by magic and science with the best wireless internet connection money could buy, an encrypted email account, and tons of information stored on the hard disk drive. She also sent him a few more items, just in case he didn’t want to be dependent on Wolfram and Hart; a shiny new American Express® Platinum Card, a Green Card, British Passport, and a California state license.

He looked carefully at the name on the paper work. He laughed and then sneered. His legal name was William Randy Giles. He forgot that he hadn’t given Willow his real surname. After a moment’s consideration, he liked it, because it would surely piss off Rupert Giles.

Spike sat back in Angel’s chair as he ignored the person speaking in front of him. He would let Gunn or Wesley handle what ever this number cruncher was talking about. It wasn’t important enough. He just had to shake his head yes or no to let the bloody fool know that he was following. He turned the computer on and opened the encrypted email. He scrolled down the emails and saw one that shocked him. It was from Buffy. He tapped the keyboard gently and looked up to the talking head, and coughed.

“Well, that seems to be okay, mate, but I can’t sign off on it until the boss comes back.”

“When will Mr. Angel return? I wouldn’t want him to miss out on this opportunity.”

“Any day now, he’s just taking a few off.”

“Please let him know about this plan.” The man got up and walked out the door leaving Spike to his email.

From: Buffy@cow2.uk Sent: October 10, 2003 @3:30am
To: Spike@cow2.uk
Subject: Checking In

Hey, I am writing this on a computer. Buffy and computers are not mixey things. When Willow told me that she sou uou up with an email address I had to test it out.

I had a long talk with Willow and we will do what ever it takes to help you. The other night when we talked, I had hoped to hear from you sooner. When you did call, you called for Willow. Are you angry at me? I hope not. I want us to be able to talk and be friends.

How is Angel doing? I tried to call him at home, on his cell and even at Wolfram & Hart; he is not returning any of my phone calls. Not that I expect him to call me, because our last conversation was very rough on him. He didn’t like that I was with you, Spike.

Dawn is doing good. Giles has her entered in a private high school in Bath. Along with her regular classes she is taking ancient languages and learning to become a Watcher. She found some friends and thinks it’s cool to hang out legally at a local pub after school. It’s good to see her laugh again, but her main goal in life is being a pain in my butt. Giles does spoil her too much; I think it is because he feels bad for her. Dad alienated himself again, by not caring very much that our home was totally destroyed. So I guess Dawn adopted Giles and surprisingly he doesn’t mind. You should see them together father and daughter.

Spike, it’s been hard knowing that you are alive and not being able to see you or talk to you. Does it have to be this way? We have wanted to set up a council office in California, although I love it here, and will keep Dawn with Giles, I want to go home. I am not suited for dingy libraries and afternoon tea. I want to lie in the sun and shop. I want to order a pizza at 3:00am in the morning, if I want to.

Most of all, I want to be with you. I want to make sure Angel is safe. Let me come and help you. I want to set things straight. I think I am cookies now.

Truly
Buffy

Spike sat back in the chair and read the email over and over again. She didn’t say I love or any words of affection. What was her game? He shook his head and scrolled down the list of emails; five emails from Dawn, ten emails from Willow, two from Faith, 1 from Xander, 3 from Andrew, and 5 spam emails. He guessed that word got around fast about his return, but was wondering why Andrew or Xander would be emailing him. He decided that they could wait. While he was searching Yahoo he also subscribed to a Passions’ spoiler board and received a membership approval. He also subscribed to a group that told him how to download all the episodes that he missed.

The door opened and Lilah walked in.

“It’s not going to work, you know.” She said in confident voice.

“What? Spoilers for Passions? I know the writers don’t like them but it keeps the fans, honest, you know?” Spike joked.

“Angel will be ours, body and soul, and there is nothing that you can do about. A magic laptop and help from the powers that were, isn’t gonna change a thing.” She spoke in a soft teasing tone. “Angel knew the deal; there is no getting out of it.”

“Right, there is always a way out.”

“You’re as misguided as Wesley, there is no way out. In the end we will own all of you.” She laughed in confident victory. She got up and started to leave.

“Not bloody likely.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“What are you going to do tonight? Are you going to go with Angel or hang out with me?” Lorne asked.

“I don’t know. Depends on Angel.” Spike lit a cigarette and took a long drag.

“Why so gloomy, sweet cheeks?” Lorne asked Spike.

“I feel like I am missing a piece of the puzzle.” Spike sat back and took a long drink from his beer then taking a drag of his cigarette. “Lorne, who’s this Connor, bloke?”

“I don’t know, sweet cakes. Why do you ask?”

“Just a name I heard, is all,” Spike said quietly. He had no luck with trying to track down the name that Angel had cried out for; it could have been anyone from a kill to a family member. Another name, Lorne might know, a name that Cordy moaned after she first woke from her coma. “How about Groo?” He questioned unsure of the name.

“Oh, that I can answer. He was Cordy’s main squeeze, until...” Lorne took a drink out of his glass.

“Until what Lorne?” Spike asked.

“I guess I read it wrong. I thought Cordy was for Angel. Cordy let him go because of me.”

“Oh so you don’t always get the readings right then?”

“Well, I do, but…” Lorne said confused. “I think that my readings were played with.” Lorne took a deep drink.

“This Groo, was good for Cordy?” Spike asked.

“Yea! The big lug worshiped her.”

“Do you think it would help if we found the man?” Spike asked as he played with his beer mug.

“It couldn’t hurt. She is pretty messed up thinking somehow it is her fault that Jasmine used her.” Lorne took another drink.

“How does one find an ex-leader of a demon world?”

“You don’t, I do, it’s the least I can do.” Lorne said softly. “Well what’s it going to be cup cake, are you going home with me or going back to tall dark and handsome?”
“I suppose I should go and check on him, right. I imagine it’s my job in all.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Haunting footfalls echoed behind Spike. The air was rich and perfumed with intoxicating fear. Fear, sweet and urgent, bathed him. He was horrified and aroused at the same time. Part of him wanted it, the violence and the fear, but that would be wrong, he thought to himself. He looked behind him and no one was there, his pace quickened and he understood. He knew the footfalls from another time and another place. It’s the artistry of the kill William. Track your pray, make sure they know you are there, but make sure they never see you.

Spike was afraid of those footfalls, because he knew them like he knew his own soul. How could that be? Step by step the growing fear built up in him. He was being hunted. He knew it. “Bugger this!” he whispered. Another footfall and another footfall fell to the ground behind him. William let them know; let them fear, fear is good. Use it as a weapon. Spike moved quicker now ducking in an alleyway and up the side of the building.

Spike swore he heard a deep dark laugh of satisfaction. Boy, are you listening to me? You’re nothing if you don’t remember. Play with your food; seek out their innermost fear, attack slowly. Never let your guard down. Spike crossed the rooftops swiftly; he knew it was close, the draw, the pull of sweet fear, overwhelming and thick. He looked down from the building and saw a fresh victim, laid out, calling to him. His name floated in the air.

“William.”

Spike was frightened. Take your time, make the kill squirm a little. Take what’s theirs and use it against them. Spike moved quickly to Angel’s apartment building. Picking up the pace, but he still could hear the hollowed footsteps, could hear the laugh, he could still smell the intoxicating feeling of power.

You are mine boy, I am your master, you will obey me or I will punish you, then show you. I will show you real power, power you have no idea how to use. Angelus pulled him close, raised his chin and kissed him. You are mine, he repeated, and will always be, no matter where you are or what you pretend to be. Angelus led the frightened William to his bed, where older vampire punished him and showed him pleasures that he could not even fathom as William the bloody awful poet. William became Angelus’ that night.

The memory of another time and place weighed heavily on his soul, a time when he tried to be the adept student for Dru, his sire, but she never was his master. Always protect your perimeter. Know your enemies’ wants, needs, and desires, then strike. The voice spoke in his mind.

Spike knew this was irrational, the great poofter was snug as a bug in a rug at the apartment, lost in himself. I am not telling you this, boy, for your own good, I could care less how you feed. If you want to drink all of London, do it. But one good kill, one good day, is worth the wait’s t’s the way of things, William ma boy. Angelus echoed in his mind. His Yoda, his teacher, plagued his thoughts as he moved swiftly away from the footfalls.

Take your time, William, make your prey come to you, beg you for release. Give them what they want. Drink the fear, embrace it like a lover. He tried to shrug the feeling away but could not.

He moved quickly off the elevator into the living room. Angel was there watching TV, feet propped up on the coffee table and hands resting behind him head. He slowly turned his head to greet Spike, his lip curled, a smug look wrapped comfortably on his face.

“Did you have a good walk, William?”

Spike looked at Angel and replied carefully. Something wasn’t right. It was Angel, but something deep inside was warning him. Don’t let your guard down sweet William, defend it well, nothing is what it seems, the voice of Angelus echoed in him

“Yeah,” he lied.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Spike lay on the bed, naked. He liked the feel of the sheets against his skin, and it also pissed Angel off that he slept in the nude. The walk troubled his mind. How could it be Angelus? It couldn’t be because he was trapped deeply in Angel, a soul wrapped around the perfect vampire, a demon whose art was death.

Spike couldn’t help but remember the night Angelus took him. He was naïve about the touch of a man. He remembered how it felt as Angelus pushed him down on the bed. You will learn, he commanded. William was frightened and aroused. I can show you things you can never imagine. The young vampire lay back as Angelus took his clothes off, tenderly. A low growl came from the master vampire’s throat as he manhandled William. Spike moaned as he remembered the kiss.

I will make you beg for more, boy. I will make you forget everything, bring you pain, show you pleasure. Angelus moved to assault the young vampire’s lips, parting them with his tongue. The older vampire’s tongue ran across his teeth, hands moved over his naked body, stroking, caressing, and teasing; his cock had a tugging urge. Extracting pleasure with pain is an art. Softly, Angelus took William’s hard member and began to stroke it. William gasped as Angelus’ hand took his balls and squeezed them softly, while his other hand pumped his cock. Pain is pleasure, boy. Angelus moved down and kissed him again, soft and tenderly while stroking his growing member roughly.

Spike became hard at the thought of that night. His mind wandered again, as Angelus reached out and stroked him hard and roughly. Do you remember our nights of passion, how we made love over our victims? Do you? How we four made love drenched in blood? The memory of Angelus’ voice teased. Spike remembered it well.

Angelus stroked William violently, his mouth kissing, penetrating deep inside. Angelus pulled away and began to unbutton his pants. It was the first time Spike had ever seen another man totally naked, William, the man, would have blushed at the sight, but William the vampire was aroused by the thick throbbing erection before him. With pleasure there is pain, Angelus said as stroked his own member. Roll over boy, Angelus commanded and he obeyed, aroused but scared that he would die. Angelus bent down and parted William’s cheeks, then slapped them. Pain, William, makes us who we are. The older vampire’s hand caressed the soft virginal cheeks, and ran a finger down the crack, stopping at the puckered entrance. Again he slapped. One finger penetrated the hole. You are tight, tight is good, Dru was tight when I took her. The young vampire held his un-needed breath as two fingers entered. He could feel Angelus’ cock as it entered with a quick thrust ripping and grinding in the small hole. Angelus moaned against him in pure delight. William was in pain but his own cock, pulsating with pleasure, wanted more.

Spike moaned at the memory. His hand moved fast over his needy cock, and then gently he stroked it, moving it back and forth. His memory played again. Angelus moved down kissing William’s back while plunging his cock quickly and deeply inside William. A hand moved around and began to roughly stroke William hard. William wanted to come, some how the older vampire could sense it. Not now William, it’s about control, don’t come until I tell you too. Angelus was rough with him. Finally, Angelus came, in one long steady stream deep in William, just as Angel spoke softly. Come for me, William and he did.

Spike moved his hand harder trying to get his release. His cock throbbed with desire. He stretched out. His mind went from his first time with Angelus to the thought of Buffy; her beautiful skin, the small curves of her breasts, the tender spot on her neck, her eyes, and her clit between her legs. His body reacted to his desire to have her. His hand slowed down, as he applied nice even strokes.

An image of Buffy appeared to him. She shimmered glowing in a warm light. He knew that she was not there, but she was so beautiful. He couldn’t remember the last time that he was with her. He yearned for the touch the feel of soft skin underneath him. He moaned out loud.

The image floated over him; he wanted and needed to kiss her soft small breasts, to play with the erect nipples, to slip into the warm, welcoming entrance, and to kiss her tender, red lips.

His hand glided over his skin. His fingers tingled in anticipation. A deep yearning ran through his body. The image of naked, glowing Buffy hovered over him.

Gently, his hand moved in long slow strokes, from the base of his balls to the tip of his cock. Two fingers and a thumb running along the head. He moaned Buffy’s name.

Glowing Buffy was on him, moving, mirroring his own strokes. She moved up and down keeping pace with his hand. Her head moved upward in a moan as she rocked against him.

Spike moved his hand fast over his cock.

He moaned again, wanting for sweet release, finally coming. Glowing Buffy disappeared as he opened his eye.

“A bit of cold comfort.” He said out loud to the empty room, unfulfilled.


“It’s not fair, you know,” Spike spoke out loud. “What am I? Who am I? Am I yours?” He looked upward. No response, but he knew in his heart that he would be forever linked to the woman that he loved, and to the man that he sometimes hated, feared and loved.

Spike was concerned for the man that was sleeping in Angel’s bed, not knowing who it was. Was it Angel or was it Angelus? Or someone new? Spike got up looking for his cigarettes.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From: Spike@cow2.uk Sent: October 14, 2003 @2:10pm
To: Buffy@cow2.uk
Subject: RE: Checking In

Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I wasn’t ignoring you. I just thought it would be easier for the both of us if I just went through Willow. I didn’t think you would mind her helping me out.

Angel has harshness about him, you would not recognize the man, and he is not the Angel or Angelus that you knew. Buffy, I remember the madness. If it wasn’t for the vacant look in his eyes, I would be done with this place. I know what it is like to feel totally bonkers with no help. I just want to do right by him. Although I do have to admit one minute I want to help him and the next I want to antagonize him. Does that make me bad?

I thought of you last night. You were here in my room, effulgent.

Oh, how I long to touch you. Can I touch you? Can I love yWillWill you let me show you how much I changed?

I am glad that the Little Bit is doing well. She deserves to be happy with everything that you two have gone through. She emailed me and wanted to know if she could come on school break. I told her no, for now, but we would talk about it again later. I really don’t know what will happen here.

The one email that I was surprised to get was from Harris. I feel bad for the man, losing his Anya. I hope things go well for him. He needs friends. If you tell Harris that, I will deny it.

I will write soon I promise

Your humble servant
Spike

Spike heard the door swing open and Angel and Wes arguing as they entered the room.

“I don’t care. What right did Lorne have to call that man back here?”

“It cheered her up to see him. She is still weak, Angel.”

“I don’t care you should have cleared it with me.” Angel was furious.

“I didn’t realize we had to clear our personal lives with you.” Wesley stood firm. Both men looked sternly at each other, neither man knew that Spike was in the room.

“You don’t have too, but this is Cordy.”

“And that makes a difference?”

Spike got up from the comfortable chair and strolled over to the two men. He felt bad because it was his insistence that they find Groo. He didn’t know that Lorne had found him so fast.

“Angel,” Spike interrupted.

“What?” he said sternly.

“Don’t take it out on your friends. It’s not Wes’s fault nor is it Lorne’s fault. If you want to roar at someone, get your sodding facts straight.”

“Really, enlighten me blondie. Who’s idea was it to have that man come here?”

“Mine.”

“And you are the authority on my friends?” Angel’s face became red with anger.

“No, I’m not mate, but I have eyes.”

“Right and they see so well.” He came close to Spike’s face. Angel’s body was in a tight, defensive position, hands ready to launch a strike.

“They see more than you. The woman is happy to see him, right?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Why?”

“He will take her.” Angel walked away and slammed his fist into his desk. Fred, Lorne and Gunn came into the room.

“Well, yeah, that was the whole point.” Spike said defensively.

“You don’t get, it do you, Spike? You have no clue to what has happened. They are my friends.” Angel came close to Spike.

“Like you still want to connect to your friends? That is the point innit, Angel? They are your….”

“Don’t give me any shit, William. You know what I mean.”

“Like you making a deal with the devil for what? Puppies and happy meals? You put them on the line for your own vanity. You didn’t think of the affect it would have on them.” Spike and Angel locked eyes for a moment. At that moment Spike hated his mission. He didn’t want to be here and he resented Angel for not seeing what he had in front of him. He hated his stand-back attitude, it reminded him of another.

“You know I have had enough of people that don’t connect. I really have. First the Slayer and now you”

“As usual, Spike, you don’t know what the fuck you are talking about. You leave Buffy out of this. This has nothing to do with her,” Angel roared.

“Bloody hell it doesn’t. You’re alike, the lot of you, can’t see past yourselves. Living in your own bleeding world with your own bloody rules. Trampling over people that you call friends. All in the name of doing good, well screw that. I am sick of it. I don’t bloody care anymore, go bugger off!” Spike struck back.

“Angelus should have listened to his instincts when Dru first dragged you home, he should have staked you. You know what he thought of you. To him you were a dumb sparkly toy for Dru to play with.”

“Gentleman!” a voice called out.

Both Spike and Angel looked angrily at Wes as he stood bravely between the two.

“I must say, you did a good job bashing up Cordelia’s room, you shan’t fight here. You will act accordingly and sit down.” he said boldly.

Both vampires backed down. Angel, not turning away from Spike, went to sit at his seat and Spike went to sit down in his chair. Angel had given him a desk and chair that morning, mentioning that he didn’t want Spike to get in anyone’s way. Spike fired a nasty look at Angel. Wesley, Fred, Lorne, and Gunn took chairs and sat down. Each fidgeted in their chair, waiting for something to be said.

“I want him gone,” Angel said with a calm voice.

“Who gone?” Gunn asked. The group looked between Angel and Spike. Spike almost got up and left on his own.

“The Groosalugg, send him back to his own dimension.”

“That’s selfish of you. Didn’t you see her face when they talked, how he was completely devoted to her.” Fred spoke softly.

“The little scared chick finally has a voice.” Angel spoke harshly. “Wrong time. Open a portal Fred and send him back!”

“It’s not that simple, and I won’t do it Angel. Cordy needs to be happy. She deserves it.”

“What about my happiness? Am I missing something here?”

“Cinnamon cakes, let me read you again. Evil control is now gone, let me see…” Lorne was cut off.

“NO!”

“Angel, be reasonable,” Wesley chimed in.

“Don’t you all get it? I alone am responsible for all of you, even the idiot over here.” Angel pointed to Spike. Silence came over the room. Spike could see restrained Angel on Angel’s face, but deep down he also smelled fear.

“That is a bit arrogant of you. We were all aware the risks when we came to work for Wolfram & Hart, each of us wanted this, Angel, for our own reasons. How dare you say that you and you alone are responsible?” Wesley spoke confidently.

Angel said nothing for a long time. “If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be here.”

“That may be true, but we all are adults, and make our own choices, good or bad.”

“That is not the point, Wes.”

“What is the point?”

“I am…” Not finishing his sentence, he looked at Spike, Wesley, Fred, Gunn, and Lorne. Spike understood, Angel thought that these people were his family, and he tried to rule them like Angelus ruled his family. Angel felt the need to be a leader, the protector, the hero, and the champion. Spike got that; it was a part of who Angel or Angelus is. Without others to lead and protect he was nothing. Bloody hell, he thought to himself.

He studied the man behind the desk. Angel really hadn’t changed deep down inside, his moral compass may have made a 180 degree turn for the better, but he was still a man that needed to be loved, accepted as the leader, looked up to, and be the glue that held his people together. Would Angel take Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, or Fred and shape them into a killer, lover, brother, or sister? No, but he would hold them, cherish, keep them safe, guide them, and help them. Could they really, truly understand Angel? Spike really didn’t want to think about it, but the answer was no, because they really didn’t see the true nature of Angelus. They didn’t look up to both the monster and the man. None could understand the transformation.

Spike moved to his desk as Angel moved to his. Angel seemo beo be calmed down. Spike could see that Wes still stood. It took awhile for tension to ease back. The group all took seats in the office. The conversation moved to the important points of the day.

Spike happily stayed out of thnvernversation. He wanted nothing to do with the inner operations of Wolfram & Hart. He flipped open his laptop and read his email. He chuckled over a joke that Andrew sent him. Angel looked up and looked over to Spike.

“What’s so funny, William? Would you like to tell the class?” Angel asked.

“Nothing, just an email.” Spike closed his laptop with a grin.

“Oh!” Angel said. Silence came to the room. Wesley pulled Angel’s attention back.

“I was going through my apartment, Angel, I was trying organizes my prophecy collections and I came on that I never saw before. It’s strange because I don’t remember working on it but there it was. It’s my handwriting. It’s simply said the father will kill the son.”

Spike watched as Angel brought two fingers up to his mouth. A blank look rested on his face as his eyes narrowed. Every part of Angel’s body tensed up as he got up out of his chair. He moved quickly to the door and closed it hard as he left.

“What was that about?” Gunn asked.

“Do you think we should go after him?” Fred asked.

Spike spoke softly, “No, Fred, I will go to him later. Leave him be for now.” After a quick review of the gloomy faces, he spoke again. “So, the reunion of the love birds worked I take it?”

“It was perfect, strudel, I called him and he came within the hour. He was upset that he couldn’t get here earlier. Cordy perked up the minute she saw him, and with one little kiss they were back, to the sickly sweet cooing and awing of romance. At least some one should have a happily ever after,” Lorne said uneasy. “Groo sang to his princess and it was good.”

Spike was happy for the woman; by all accounts she’d had a rough year and deserved happiness.

“That’s good.”

“As soon as she is able, Groo is going to take her to live with him,” Fred added.

“Good!” Spike said looking at the door. He wondered how much time he should give Angel. He was worried about him, this prophecy made Spike wonder what was going on.



++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Spike rode the elevator up to Angel’s Apartment in silence. He didn’t know what he would do or say when he saw Angel. He knew that he was right; there was something very different about Angel. He was almost like Angelus, but with a soul. The soul was the burden, he knew what that felt like. Spike was certain of it. He knew the battle well; he’d lived with it for a long time.

Spike stepped out of the elevator. Angel was there standing in the alcove. They stood for sometime not saying a word, but Spike could feel the anger and fear. He knew that Angel wanted something but didn’t know what it was. He could tell by the look in his eyes, by the way his jaw clenched, his lip tucked in, and by how his brown eyes were sad.

At that moment Spike was reminded at how different Angel was from Angelus. But in some way, the man that stood in front of him was neither Angel nor Angelus.

“I should get an apartment of my own,” Spike said softly.

“Maybe you should.”

Angel came close to Spike, so close they almost touched. Spike looked up to Angel defiantly. It was a tense moment, both men were jockeying for the upper hand. Spike put his hands to his waist. Angel growled.

“Right. You have a problem with that mate; you clearly told me what you thought of me in front of everyone; that I am nothing more than a play toy who you should have staked before Dru got attached to me.”

Angel slammed Spike up against the wall pinning him by the shoulders. The older vampire’s hands were quickly wrapped around Spikes neck, as he raised Spike to come face to face with him.

“You will do as you are told, William.” Angel growled

“It’s Spike.” He loosened Angel’s grip. Just as Angel let Spike fall, he swung a right hook into his face. Angel fell back and came back swinging. “I don’t want to fight you, peaches.” Angel hit him again, and again. Spike broke away and hit Angel again this time Angel landed up against the wall. “Bloody hell Angel, I told you I didn’t want to fight you.”

“What do you want?”

“Bugger this; I had enough of you. If the Powers take me back so be it; I can’t put up with you for another bloody minute, you…” Angel pushed Spike up against the wall, Angel’s hands pinning his shoulders to the wall, Angel’s hips and thighs held his legs in place.

“You are mine, do you hear that, boy?” Angel declared as he reached down and kissed Spike roughly on the lips. He pressed his body closer to Spike. Spike felt Angel’s arousal through his pants. Spike bit Angel’s lip and wrapped his arms around Angel’s waist and pulled him closer. Angel pulled away and hit him with a right hook to the face.

“What’s this, Angel? What are you playing at?”

Spike felt cold lips attack him again, this time rougher and harder. His arms were forced above him. The kiss was one of anger, desire, lust, and longing. Spike understood these feelings all too well. It wasn’t the first time that Angel had kissed him or used him. It was different this time, this wasn’t Angelus. At that moment, Spike felt part of him yearning for those days in London, where everything was new and exciting; Angel was his mentor, his Yoda. But that was all lost. The man that attacked his lips was someone else.

Spike didn’t understand the reason why he let Angel hurt him, like he did. Angel’s hands roughly manhandled Spike. Angel undid Spike’s belt and un-snapped the button on Spike’s jeans, then eased the zipper down. Angel’s cool lips worked their way to Spike’s neck nipping and sucking. Spike’s body reacted as Angel began to stroke his semi-hard erection. Spike moaned as Angel moved his own hardness against Spike’s hip, in a slow steady movement of up and down, mimicking his hands pumping of Sikes growing member.

“Angel,” Spike whispered. “Don’t.” Spike drew an involuntary breath as Angel began to move his hand faster and fast over his cock. Angel moved from his neck to his collarbone. His hand slid from Spike’s member up his shirt and played with his nipples. Angel’s wet mouth teased the other nipple, biting and pulling. The older vampire moved his hips and grinded them against blonde’s hard on. Spike moaned.

“Angel, this is um…” Angel moved his hand back down and unsnapped the button of his own pants. The two cocks met each other. “Oh, bloody...”

“God has nothing to do with this, William.” Angel pulled away. “You are mine I told you that. I am going to show how much you are mine.” He kissed Spike roughly and then wrapped his arms around Spike’s shoulders and spoke. “On your knees boy!”

He pushed Spike downward. Bloody hell, what the fuck am I doing? Spike asked himself. He felt the downward pull. He was hard and needed release. Bloody hell, bloody hell, bloody, bleeding hell, he repeated over and over. Spike’s balls were aching as he got down to his knees.

Angel’s hands were in Spike’s hair urging and pulling him forward. Angel didn’t wait for an invite and pushed his cock into Spike’s mouth in long, slow thrusts at first. Spike was aroused and confused at the same time. His own body needed release. Slowly he moved his hand over to his own erection and started to rub it slowly to mirror Angel’s thrusts.

“Don’t do it,” Angel commanded. Spike moaned, as Angel eased up on his thrusts. “Work me with your hands.” Spike moved his hand from his cock to the one in front of him. Using slow strokes with his hand, his mouth explored the head licking and biting the tender crannies of the covered helmet.

Spike felt a burning throb from his own cock, it needed attention. He craved it. Buffy he thought. I am going crazy. He moaned. Angel ran his hands through his hair and urged him up, Spike kissed and licked as he slowly moved upward.

Angel kissed his lips again then pulled away. “Into the bedroom!” Angel commanded again. Spike cursed to himself, as much as he wanted release he knew this was wrong.

He quietly spoke,”No, Angel. I am not going to do this.” His body throbbed and his cock screamed that it needed attention.

Angel hit him, Spike hit back. Angel fell over his pants and rolled down the hall as Spike jumped on him, each taking blows, hard against the face and body. Their arousal grew as their fight took them into Angel’s bedroom.

Spike zipped his pants up as Angel fell backwards on the bed. He was sore and hurt in places that hadn’t hurt since Buffy . . . That name rang through his soul, and he was blindsided as Angel regained control. He was face down on the bed as Angel pinned him down. He felt his pants being pulled down. He didn’t struggle, he wanted this, needed this. Angel lay on top of him, neither man spoke. Angel gently stroked Spike’s face.

“You’re mine, William.” Violently he ripped Spike’s shirt off and began to bite and kiss down Spike’s back, stopping at the base. Spike moaned as Angel’s hands began to stroke his inner thigh. “Turn around!”

Spike moved, slowly. He had to remind himself this was not Angelus, it was Angel, -two different men. He faced Angel as he came down on Spike kissing. “So, perfect. I hated that you had her attention. I made her to be mine,” he whispered in Spike’s ear. Angel ran his hand down and started to tenderly caress Spike’s cock. “You learned well, William. And you were brave enough to defy me.” Angel rubbed his cock against Spike’s. They moved together. “I had to teach you, my boy.”

A hand moved down beneath Spike’s balls. A finger probed the outside of his hole. “I made you what you became.” Two fingers entered. “Cruel, evil, and vain.”

Spike moaned as the fingers moved in and out. He craved Angel to enter him.

“I am taking back what is mine.” Angel moved his rock solid erection to Spike’s hole and plunged in. One thrust, two, four, five. Angel changed into his vampire face and sank down into Spike’s neck biting deeply and drinking, as he drove deeper and deeper in.

Spike moaned as Angel sucked on him. His mind was filled with ecstasy. In the back of his mind, he heard a little voice. “Good, sweet William.”

His cock was pumped by Angel’s free hand, hard and rough. “Come for me William,” Angel begged and Spike did. Angel released himself deep inside William. At that moment Angel looked down and met Spike’s eyes. Something changed as Angel pulled away from him. Angel swung at his face and turned away running into the dark of the room.

“Bloody hell,” Spike said as he wiped the blood from his nose. Great, another hit and run, he laughed bitterly. He moved to the bathroom and reached for a towel and cleaned himself off. “What a mess?” he said as he grabbed another towel. He was used to being kicked in the head with Buffy. He knew where Angel was in the room, he moved slowly, not wanting to scare him. You have practiced, Darla should have noted. You did so bleeding well with the Slayer. He mumbled to himself. Angel was in a chair near the window. Spike threw the towel at him.

“You better clean yourself, I won’t.” Angel took the towel, but didn’t look at him. “What is it?”

“Nothing, go away.”

“What is this, shag Spike? Kick him in the head, when you are done with him? What, did you learn that one from Buffy?” he said bitterly.

“You don’t understand.”

“Try me, Peaches, I might please,” he said with a smile.

“Go to hell, Spike.”

“I’ve been there and didn’t like the decorations.” Angel gave him a dirty look. Spike knew that he never was a good at waiting to talk about things. Everything was connected. An inner voice spoke good boy; the name Connor; Wesley’s prophesy, . . . all connected. But how? He moved a chair over and faced Angel.

“Tell me, Angel, who Connor is.”

“Fuck off, Spike.”

“Yeah, mate well, you just shagged me, then gave me my usual payment. Tell me who he is.”

“I killed him!”

“I am sure you killed a lot of people, Angel, what makes him so different?” Spike asked sharply.

‘The father kills the son, Wesley was right. I was blind.”

“What did you do, Angel?”

“I killed my son, William. I killed him with my hands. I would have done…have done…”

Angel got up and paced rapidly back and forth. “He was mine, my perfect boy. I was going to teach him…,” words swelled up in Angel’s throat. Angel picked up a table and slammed it up against the wall. His demeanor changed, almost Angelus. “The artistry of the kill, I taught you that didn’t I, William. I taught you how to stalk your prey, take pleasure in the kill. I did it well.”

Spike wanted to run, hide, make a snarky comment, but most of all he wanted to help.

“Did you sire a child?” Spike was afraid, that Angel thought he could play God.

“What do you think I am? No, Spike, I did it the old fashioned way. Darla and I, with a little help from dark magics, had a perfect son.” Spike didn’t know what to say, was confused and baffled. He took a deep un-needed breath.

“A vampire can’t have children,” Spike declared. “We’re dead.”

“He was real. Darla sacrificed herself so he could live. I killed him. I have blood on my hands.” Angel tried to wipe the imagined blood off his hands. Spike stood up and went to him.

“It’s okay, Angel.”

“It’s not, okay, it will never be okay again,” Angel roared.

“What happened? Why don’t your friends know?”

“It’s the deal. The deal I wanted. It was tnly nly way to save him.” Angel moved closer to Spike. “Your blood is sweet.” He looked down to Spike’s neck. He moved closer to it tasting the almost closed over wound. Spike didn’t move back.

Angel pushed him away.

“William, I am losing it. I feel it slipping away, and I am afraid that no curse is going to bring it back.”

“Lose what, Angel?”

“My soul.”