Lost Memories

They sat in a dark corner of the room, as far from the band and as private as possible. They each nursed a beer, but neither spoke. She was holding his hand. Not the loose cupped handhold of a friend, but a tight intertwined grasp more like a lover. Her small frame rested against his arm. Though there was nothing particularly intimate about their position, holding her hand was more comforting than anything he did with the slayer.

He knew why she wasn’t speaking, but he wished he knew what was going on in her head. He wasn’t sure why he’d laid his pain and humiliation out for her. Somewhere between the Summers’ residence and the Bronze, he’s just dove in. He’d filled her in completely on the chain of events that had put him on that sidewalk to catch her. She’d let him talk never once interrupting him, blaming him, or - and this was the most important- laughing at him. Maybe that was why it’d been so easy to reopen his wounds for her. She hadn’t even mentioned the fact that he was beneath her friend and unworthy of the love and affection he so deeply craved.

Now she was just sitting there, staring into the crowd. He didn’t really think she was seeing any of them, it was more like she was looking through them. He knew she was deep in thought, but about what? He wasn’t sure. He knew the kind of tangents her mind could take if left to it’s own devices. It was very likely she was no longer thinking of him, or even Buffy. She could very well be simply pondering the fates of the dinosaurs who’d once roamed the earth.

Why wasn’t he talking? Goddess knows he hadn’t had a problem being forthright just moments ago. He’d dropped a bombshell that had her mind reeling and now he was sitting there as if nothing were any different.

She knew that Xander would be upset that Buffy was sleeping with the “evil undead”, but that’s not what was bothering her. Buffy was using Spike, hurting him in the most cruel way. She had taken his devotion and love for her and had turned it against him. Spike had almost single-handedly kept them alive and mostly unharmed while Buffy was gone and this was how she’d decided to repay him?

Gone? Uh, no, Buffy hadn’t simply been “out to lunch”, she’d been dead. Willow had brought her back, pulling her from heaven in the process. She’d caused all of this, it was all her fault.

To speak or not to speak - that was the question. Ah, bloody hell, he’d never been one to keep his mouth shut for long.

“Red?”

There were tears in her eyes when she looked at him. He wasn’t sure if they were for him or herself. Hell, maybe they were for Buffy. Didn’t matter much though, he’d brought her here to cheer her up, and now she was crying. There was a time when her tears would have pleased him, but things had changed, he had changed.

“Spike, I….”

“Nope, don’t say it, let’s dance”

“Dance?” She was confused. He wasn’t mad at her? Didn’t he realize she was to blame for everything? And, Spike? Dancing? Yes, very confusing indeed.

“Yes luv. You, me, dance floor, holding each other and moving to the beat?” This was starting to sound more like a seduction rather than a simple friendly offer. If she noticed or if it bothered her, she didn’t comment.

“Sure, that’s something I want to see.”

Oh, a small smile. Not quite the normal ray of Willow sunshine he was used to. It didn’t reach her eyes, but it was a start. He wasn’t sure at what point tonight her smile had become important to her, but he was determined to help her find it.

He led her a little closer to the band but not into the crowd or out of the shadows. He wondered how he was supposed to hold her. She looked as if she needed to be held close and tight, if only to keep her from falling apart. Could he handle the rejection he might see in her eyes if he misjudged the boundaries of their……. whatever this was?

Her turned to face her, keeping her right hand in his left and placing his other on her waist. The song was slow and his movements were almost delicate. He was guiding her in an old fashioned waltz, but he was making slight adjustments so that they wouldn’t look out of place in the small club. Sure, he had the coordination - vampire - but she was amazed with the gentle and beautiful way he was leading her. Surely someone as evil as he claimed to be could not be this graceful on the dance floor. Only one thing could make this moment more perfect. There was about a foot of space between them and it was entirely too much. She wished he would pull her closer, but as one song turned into the second, she decided to take matters into her own hands.

The little redhead caught him off guard when she stepped closer. Their bodies weren’t quite touching, but just a tiny move forward on his part changed that. He was thoroughly pleased when she didn’t cringe at the contact. He didn’t even sense any tension, it seemed she needed this as much as he did. He suddenly realized just how beautiful she was. For years he’d thought of her as nothing more than the slayer’s mousy sidekick. Now though, she was all grown up. When had she become the amazing, sexy woman he saw now?


She was completely relaxed in his arms, her head resting on his chest. He idly wondered if not hearing his heart beat was disturbing to her. He couldn’t believe she was this at ease with him, especially being as close as she was. He’d put her through hell over the years.

He’d kidnapped her, threatened to kill her, tried to kill her, and then spent the last couple years making vague threats aimed at the lot of them. Yet, here she was looking to him for friendship and understanding. Yep, a lot had changed.

He was on cloud nine right now. Nothing could ruin this or drag him away from the wonderful creature in his arms. Bloody slayer herself couldn’t even make him give this up, whether by threat of pain and torture or the promise of mingling bodies. They were really one and the same now anyway, right? Curiously enough, in his current position, thoughts of Buffy didn’t excite him. But this? He looked down into striking green eyes, a bloke could get used to this.

She met his gaze with a sharp gasp. There was so much fire and intensity in his eyes. The blue trimmed ever so slightly in gold made her wonder if his demon was trying to come out to play. It stirred something deep inside her and moved her in a way she’d never experienced before.

The atmosphere around them shifted the moment their eyes met. Later he wouldn’t know what made him do it, he’d only know he had no control. There was no thought process involved, only raw need and desire. As he leaned down to bring his lips to hers, she pushed up on her toes. They met with a breathtaking jolt of electricity that stunned even him. She was out of his arms and running for the door almost before the kiss had even started. Bloody hell, he’d screwed up and it wasn’t even really his fault.