Finding Love

They reached Buffy's house in under ten minutes. Once in the driveway, neither of them wanted their time together to end. Buffy glanced down at their intertwined hands. She had never felt anything like what she was feeling for Spike. He made her feel so treasured. No one had ever made her feel that way.

Sure her mom made her feel special, but not in the way that Spike could make her feel. Spike tugged on her hand, bringing her back to the real world, "What are you thinking about, luv? You seemed to be out of it there for a bit. Everything okay?"

She smiled at him, "Yeah, I just don't want to get out of this car."

He chuckled, "Yeah, I know how you feel. But you've got to get inside. Your mum wants to talk to you about your day before she leaves right?" Buffy nodded, "Then you best get in there."

She sighed, "Yeah, I know you're right." Pondering something in her mind for a bit longer, "You know, I bet my mom wouldn't like me staying here by myself for such a long time, and especially at night. She might want me to have someone there with me just so I don't get scared, you know?"

Spike saw the little glint in her eyes, knowing exactly what she was suggesting, "Yeah. You might wanna tell her that you need someone to watch over you. Someone manly. Don't you think, luv?"

Buffy giggled, "Sure. Whatever you say. As long as you believe that you're manly, that's all that matters." She laughed harder when she saw the glare that he was sending her through hooded eyelids.

She glanced down at their hands again, noting to herself that he was, indeed, a hand holder. She liked it. She had never really been with a guy that had been into displays of affection like Spike was, and in all honesty, it scared her. She didn't want to get hurt again, and she knew that it was bound to happen.

'Might as well save myself the pain of getting hurt again before it's too late,' Buffy thought to herself, as she silently pulled her and out of his grasp, missing the hurt and confused look on his face, "Actually...you know...I-I don't think that-that this is such a-a good idea," she stammered out.

Spike looked at her confused, "What do you mean that you don't think this is such a good idea? You mean, us? You don't think we should be together? You don't want to go out with me? Or do you mean tonight? Are you afraid something is gonna happen? Cause if it's about tonight, I can promise you, I will be a perfect gentleman!" Spike was rambling now, but he didn't care. He had just found this girl, he didn't want to lose her now.

Buffy sighed, "The whole 'us' thing. I don't think it would be such a good idea. I'm sorry." She looked down, avoiding the intense gaze that he was sending her way.

"Why? What happened between the ride from the Espresso Pump to you house? Did I do something wrong? If I did, then, please, tell me. I need to know. I want to fix it if I did. Why are you running scared? What's wrong?"

She daringly looked up at him, noticing the fear and pain in his eyes, "I don't want to get hurt and if we end up being together, then that is exactly what is going to happen. I know it will. That's how it always is with men. No matter what the connection is, they always leave. And soon after we're together, you'll get bored and you'll leave, just like all the others. I know it."

Spike pulled her into his arms, delighted that she didn't pull away, "No, sweetheart. I won't. I promise you that I won't leave you. I promise. I need you. I know that we've only known each other for a little bit, but I know it. I need you. I don't want to find out what it would be like without you. Please believe me."

Buffy pulled back, trying to keep the tears from falling, "I want to believe you, I do. But I'm not sure if I can. I just-I just don't want to get hurt. I want you to be different."

Spike kissed her forehead, "I promise you, I will do everything in my power to be different for you. I promise. I don't ever want to see you hurt. Please, believe me."

She took in a deep breath, "Okay. I'll try. I don't know what you are expecting of me, but I can't promise a lot so soon. But I can promise that I'll try."

He let out a breath that he didn't know that he was holding until she said that. He wanted to be the one that was different for her, but he needed to know what different meant to her. 'What did those other gits do to her to make her so insecure,' he thought to himself, while holding Buffy in his arms.

Spike pulled her back a bit to look her in the eyes, "How about you go in, talk to your mum, tell her about your day, then ask if you can have me over while she's gone. Call me and let me know what she says. I'll bring some movies and a pizza if you like? Then we can talk, okay?"

She smiled, "Okay," pause, "I better get in there. She's probably wandering what is taking me so long. I'll talk to you soon," she finished saying as she grabbed the piece of paper that had his phone number out of his hands, putting it in her back pocket. She leaned over, placing a soft kiss on his lips, "See you later."

WIth that, she got out of the car, not noticing that Spike didn't leave the drive way until well after she had gone into the house. He had stayed to make sure that she was in her house, safe and sound, before he pulled out of the drive way, heading home, hoping to hear from his girl soon.