So Damn Domestic

Three Months Later. BPOV


I’m lying on the couch watching television. Matthew’s curled up in my lap, leaning against me, pretending to know what’s going on in the program. It’s a ‘grown up’ show so he doesn’t understand, but he likes just spending this quiet time with me, and I love it. There’s almost nothing better then cuddling with your kid. Now if Faith were here holding me while I’m holding him then things would be perfect. But she’s gone tonight. No, we didn’t have a fight. Willow went out of town on a business trip and Kennedy asked Faith to: “come over and have a couple of beers and relax sine the ‘little misses’ is gone.” That’s Kennedy’s way of saying: “I miss my Willow, will you come keep me company?”


Faith promised not to drink and sealed it with a kiss before she left, that was three hours ago. Since then I’ve washed all the dishes from dinner, given Matthew his bath, changed him into his pajamas which is a lot harder then it sounds, and now we’re relaxing on the couch while I watch ‘Charmed’. What? I think the Piper chick is hot, so sue me. Anyway, he’s doing his best to keep up with the story, I can tell because he’ll ask the occasional question and I explain a little bit, but it’s complicated for a five-year-old so I have to keep the explanations simple.


My hand is on his stomach, holding him in place, and I’m gently rubbing him thumb over the cotton shirt. Doing this has always soothed him and hopefully I’ll be able to put him to bed without much of a fight. He’s usually really good about going to bed, but Faith isn’t here and whenever she’s not here at bedtime he tries to stay up so he can say goodnight to her. It’s a Friday so I’m not too worried because he doesn’t have school tomorrow and we don’t really have anything planned so if he sleeps in a little later then normal it’ll be fine.


“Mommy,” he says so quietly that I almost don’t hear him. If I didn’t have slaying hearing I wouldn’t have. He continues before I can say anything. “What’s that?” He points to the television screen with his free arm. The other is rested on top of mine and he’s grasping onto my ring finger. Anyway, on the T.V. Piper and Phoebe are talking while Piper is feeds the little baby, um Chris? I think his name is Chris, and the older boy, Wyatt, is playing with his toys. I’m about to ask what he’s talking about when there’s a close up of baby Chris. “That. What’s that?” I’m a little confused by the question. He’s seen babies before, he knows what they are, so why is he asking?


“That’s a baby. You know that Matthew,” I say gently and he shifts in my arms so he’s lying on his back and looking up at me. There’s a lot of seriousness in his big brown eyes. His eyebrows are crinkled a little bit. If he looked anymore like Faith right now I’d be holding her and not him.


“I know that, Mommy. But they called him something else. The Paige girl, she called him a ‘little brother’. What’s a little brother?” Oh, how am I supposed to explain this? He’s never questioned things like this before and Faith and I were hoping he’d hold off on it for a couple of years when he’s a little older so he’ll better understand the concept of only a man and a woman can have a baby, unless magic is involved. How do you explain something like that to a five-year-old? But I have to try because he’s waiting for an answer and he’ll keep asking until he gets one that he thinks is good enough. Ok, just take a breath...inhale...exhale. Good now, start talking before he gets impatient.


“Well, you know how me and aunt Dawn are sisters? We came from the same mommy and daddy?” I ask and he nods his head yes. “Well, a little brother is like a little sister only a boy. So if I had another baby you would be a big brother.” His eyebrows knit together a little tighter as he thinks about what I just told him. I can see the wheels turning inside of that little mind of his and he seems to come to a decision. His demeanor is a little different. Instead of the seriousness with a little confusion, he’s serious with a little determination. I’m really not liking where this conversation is going. He looks over at the T.V., I don’t know what’s going on because I refuse to take my eyes off of him. I hear the sound effects of an explosion and then some screaming when it’s quiet again he looks back into my eyes.


“Can you and Mama have another baby? I wanna be a big brother.” Wow. My head is spinning. I mean, I guess it’s normal for a little kid to want a little brother or sister, but I never thought that he’d want one. And he’s just so serious about it. I don’t know what to tell him. We don’t even know what spell was used to create him. Willow was looking into it but after he was born and we saw that he was a healthy baby, instead of something else, we just sort of forgot all about the spell and focused on him. But if Willow ever found that spell would me and Faith have another baby? It’s crossed my mind once or twice, that maybe having another baby would be nice, but I’ve never said anything about it. Luckily I don’t have to say anything to him because Faith comes walking through the front door and he jumps off of the couch and runs into her arms.


We put him to bed and say our goodnights. Then we go into our bedroom to relax a little. My mind has been racing ever since Matthew asked that question. She’s sitting at the vanity desk rearranging the make-up that Matthew plays with when he sneaks off. I probably spend almost a hundred dollars on lipstick alone. I’m lying down on the bed, my calves are hanging over the side and my bare feet are rubbing on the carpet. I’m staring up at the ceiling still thinking about what Matthew said. ‘Can you and Mama have another baby?’ Can we have another baby? Has Willow even found that spell, has she been looking, and if she ever does find it will Faith want to have another one. We don’t regret it at all and he’s the love of our lives, but Matthew was an accident but would we consciously have another little baby?


“Hey Faith,” I say and arch my back a little so I can stretch my neck and look upside down at her. She looks at me funny but I ignore it. Like I said before, I’m very well aware of my age, doing dumb almost childish stuff is just apart of who I am. Getting back to the point. She looks over at me and I know I can’t have this conversation looking upside down at her, for one thing it’s giving me a headache. I sit up and turn around and sit Indian style on the center of the bed. “Matthew said something earlier. He asked me a question. I know he asks like a million questions a day, but this one was serious, and I was just wondering. I mean, I’ve been thinking about it for a while actually it isn’t just him, but-”


“Breathe, you’re turning blue. I’m a little tired, could you just get to the point?” What the hell crawled up her ass and died? Ok, that was a little gross, but you get the idea, right? She’s really cranky, I wonder what brought on the mood shift. She was fine when she came home. She could have been acting so she wouldn’t upset Matthew. What the hell happened over at Willow and Kennedy’s? Whatever it is I hope she’ll get over it quick because if I don’t bring this up now then I’ll never talk to her about it.


“I was thinking about asking Willow if she ever found that spell.” She knows what spell I’m talking about. She eyebrows furrow together and she has a very confused look on her face. I know she isn’t confused about what spell I’m talking about. She’s probably confused about why I’m saying this, which is understandable and I’m going to go ahead and explain since she doesn’t look like she’s in the mood to ask questions. Maybe I should just hold off and talk about this later. “I was thinking that maybe if Willow ever found the spell that maybe, and this is a huge very hypothetical extremely what if situation. But if she does find the spell, would you want to have another baby?” She looks at me like I just told her I want to smoke the worlds largest crack rock. Why is she looking at me like that?


“Why would you want to have another one? We have Mattie, we don’t need another kid.” What the fuck? You don’t have a baby because you need one, you have one because you want one. I’m just about to make that statement verbal but she keeps talking. She slams the vial of lipstick down on the dresser and stands up. She’s pissed off about something and I know it’s not about what we’re talking about. She’s holding things inside, there’s something seriously bothering her. “I know what this is.” Oh really? ‘Cause I doubt you do. “You just want a little baby around because Mattie’s in school now. He’s going to be gone all day, why not replace him with another one?” What!


“What! How could you even think that? You know I love Matthew. I’d do anything for him. I just thought that it would be nice for him to have a little brother or sister.” And I did, I do. Sure, it would be nice to have a little baby again to hold and cuddle and stuff like that. But I would never try to replace my son. How the hell can she even think that. What the fuck is she on? She has to be on something. I know she isn’t drunk because I can’t smell it, but maybe she smoked something while she was over at Kennedy’s. What happened from the time she left until the time she got back, because whatever it is it has her really pissed off.


“Sure, that’s really what you want.” I hate it when she’s sarcastic. “How come you didn’t want to have a baby before he went off to kindergarten? Tell the truth Buffy, you just want a little kid around the house because you miss having him here during the day.” Oh my God, what is wrong with her? I jump up off of the bed. There’s no way in hell I’m going to just let her think that. I step closer to her, my shoulders are tense, my fists are clenched, I’m trying to make myself look as pissed off as possible, and it’s working very well. But she’s not going to budge either, it’s not in her nature to back down from a fight.


“Don’t you dare.” My voice is low in volume, but it’s rock hard and stern. I don’t think I’ve ever been this pissed off before, especially not at Faith. “Don’t you DARE question my love for our son. Just because I want to bring another baby into this world doesn’t mean I don’t love him or I’m going to stop loving him.” I can tell she’s trying to come up with something to say but I don’t let her. Her voice is the last thing I want to hear right now. “What’s really going on here Faith?” My voice has softened a little but I still sound mad. “You were fine when you left. What happened over at Kennedy’s?” She shakes her head a little and backs away from me. She looks passed me, over my shoulder. Whatever happened must’ve been bad, she hasn’t avoided my eyes for a really long time, like a really long time.


“Nothing happened. I’m fine. I just don’t think we should have another kid. The last thing I want is for Mattie to feel like we’re pushing him aside. Because that’s what happens. A new baby comes in and the older kids just gets kicked to the curb.” She looks into my eyes and I can see some type of pain in there. It’s faint but it’s still there. She isn’t talking about Matthew anymore, she’s talking about herself. How come she thinks that because she had a bad childhood our kid is going to have one too? She’s a great mom, she is never going to be like her mother was, she needs to understand that.


“Faith, we love him more then our own lives. We’re not going to just stop loving him if we have another baby. You’re not going to push him aside if we have another baby.” My voice is soft but I can tell that she doesn’t believe me. I never knew Faith was a big sister. At least I think she is, from what she’s saying. “What happened tonight? You were fine when you left, what happened? Did Kennedy do something, say something? ‘Cause I know she can be a little rude sometimes and doesn’t know how to mind her own business.” Faith shakes her head again and puts her hands in her front pants pockets.


“Nothing happened. Nothing is wrong. I’m fine.” Her voice is hard like steel and as cold as the ice caps. A shiver just ran down my spine at the sound of her voice. No joke, it really happened. I take a step towards her, a very slow, non-threatening step but she backs away from me very quickly, like if she touches me she’ll get some horrible disease or something. I know to back off because she’s still fuming. The only time I ever saw her this mad was when she found out I was pregnant with Matthew, when she thought that I had cheated on her. What is wrong with her?


“No, you’re not fine. Ever since we walked in here you’ve been mad. Please, just tell me what’s going on.” My voice is still low and she looks up at me. Her eyes are narrowed and they look fiery, but not in that sexy way she gets right after a good slay. No, this is the bad kind of fiery that she gets when her walls have no chinks in them and no matter what I say or do she won’t let me in. I hate that she still has those walls and she puts them up whenever something happens. At least all the other times I knew what was wrong, she was just pissed off. I don’t even know what happened to make her mad, and because I don’t know I can’t do anything to fix it.


“There’s nothing going on! God, Buffy, you can’t just let it go, you can’t just drop it, can you? You have to keep pushing and pushing until someone reaches a breaking point. Maybe I’m not the one with the problem, did you ever think of that!” Ok, when did this become about me? She grabs a couple tubes of lipstick and throws them as hard as she can against the wall. And because she’s a fucking slayer they go through the wall and the plastic on them breaks. So not only do I now have three holes in my bedroom wall, I have two different colored pinks and a nice burgundy colored holes in the wall with little pieces of plastic inside of the plaster. What is her problem? She takes a deep ragged breath and stomps off towards the door.


“I hope you like Wisteria Lane you major drama queen!” Ok, I know I shouldn’t have yelled that, mostly because it was a really stupid thing to say and I think someone said it on television show that I watch, but she really made me mad. She slams the door and I hear her stomp off towards the living room. She’s either going out to the garage or she’s leaving. I hope she’s just going out the garage for a while because even though I’m pissed off I really don’t want her gone. I still have my insecurities too and one of them is that she’s going to get tired of me and leave. I hear Matthew start to cry and I quickly run towards his bedroom. But he’s not in there. He’s in the living room leaning up against the couch sobbing very loudly and calling out the word ‘mama’. It’s still unclear if she went out the front door or just out to the garage but I’m not going to check.


I pick him up and he struggles against me. He’s never done that to me before. I swallow the lump that’s starting to form in my throat and I hold him close to me and he stops fighting. He rests his head on my shoulder, still crying really hard and calling out for Faith. It breaks my heart to hear him say that because I want her to come back just as badly as him. I want to know what is wrong so I can fix it. But mostly I want to know what she was talking about. If she’s not the one with the problem then who is? Was she talking about me or somebody else? It’s going to drive me crazy until I find out but I’m afraid to go after her.


“I want...Mama,” he sobs and starts to twirl my hair between his fingers. I don’t like it when he does that because he always leaves these wicked huge knots. Oh my God, did I just say ‘wicked huge’? Ok, someone needs a reality check and very quickly. I’m not a teenager anymore, I don’t need to be talking like that. But whatever, right now I need to focus on my boy because he’s upset. The only time I’ve ever seen him more upset was when Faith moved out. “Mommy...I want...Mama.” I want her too baby.


“I know sweetie, I know,” I whisper as I rub his back and gently rock him back and forth. He continues to sob and I already feel exhausted, like I’ve been trying to sooth him for hours. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. She can’t just take off every time we get into a fight like that. I don’t know, maybe it is better that she leaves. Then she has time to cool down before she talks to me and Matthew. I would hate for her to say something mean to him, even if it is an accident. I know she would never do anything to hurt him on purpose. “Shh baby, go back to sleep. Mama’s coming back, I promise.” After I say that I can’t help but think: ‘did I just lie to my kid?’


FPOV


I leave the bedroom and I hear her yell something out about Wisteria Lane and then she calls me a drama queen. I don’t say anything back because I know I’m over reacting. But I’m really pissed off, have been since I left Kennedy’s I just don’t want to talk about it to anyone. I’ve known her since I went back to Sunnydale, and even though we didn’t get along at the time because of all the stress she’s like a best friend to me, so it’s not like I can just say what happened. Especially not to Buffy. Buffy can’t know because then really bad things will happen. But then why do I feel so bad for keeping this to myself?


I walk down the hall after I slam the bedroom door. Probably not the smartest thing because I can hear Mattie running towards his bedroom door to come out and investigate. I know we woke him up with our screaming but after that really bad time in my relationship with B and I moved out for like three months every time one of us slams a door after we’ve been fighting like that he always has to see what’s going on, in case one of us is leaving. He sees that I’m making my way out to the garage, he’s standing by the couch and he speaks as I’m reaching for the doorknob.


“Mama, where’re you goin?” I sigh but I don’t say anything. I know I should but I don’t want to. What do I say to him? I don’t move and I don’t speak and I can feel that he’s getting nervous and upset. “Mama, don’t leave. Please.” I need to get out of here though because if I don’t I might just run my fist through a wall or something. I need to get rid of this anger before I try to be around him or else I might say something that I’ll harshly regret later.


“Go back to bed, Mattie,” I say in a low voice. I have to force the niceness to it otherwise it would have come out very cold and that’s the last kind of tone I want to talk to him in. Before I can turn the knob he’s clamped onto my leg. He’s starting to cry a little bit and this is breaking my heart and making me feel like I can’t breathe. Plus he’s putting his slayer strength into it and my leg is starting to go numb.


“No Mama, stay. Don’t go, please don’t go.” Without saying another word I carefully get him off of me and set him down next to the couch and then walk out into the garage. As soon as the door is closed I hear him start to cry very loudly. I think about going back inside but I know that B will take care of him. No matter how pissed off she is she’ll always take care of our boy if he needs one of us. I go over to the shelves and push away the cans of paint and grab the bottle of JD. I twist off the cap and take a long sip. God it’s been so long since I’ve had some of this. Too long in fact and I start to couch from the burn in the back of my throat. Ok, at this point you’re probably thinking: God Faith, how could you be so dumb? You’re fucking everything up, your baby is in there crying out for you and you’re getting drunk in a garage breaking your promise, what the fuck is your problem? Well I’ll answer your questions, but it might take me a little while to tell the story because I’m so pissed off about it.


Ok, so Kennedy called me a little before dinner time so I told her I’d be by her place after I ate. Just because Buffy made that one perfect meal without burning down the house doesn’t mean she can do it again and I don’t want to get a call saying that my home is now a pile of ruble because she overcooked the chicken enchiladas. So we had dinner, I promised Buffy that I wouldn’t drink even though Kennedy might be, I even sealed it with a kiss. I gave my boy a kiss and hug goodbye and then I left. I took the Ninja, taking the long way to Kennedy’s so that I can speed on the back roads. It’s been a long time since I’ve done this, and it’s very freeing. All of the stress of having a family just goes away and I feel like I can fly.


So I pull up in her driveway and I notice that there’s a strange car parked in Willow’s spot. It’s a little convertible and I remember seeing one at a dealership and Buffy said that it looked: “Just like Barbie’s”. So Kennedy has a Barbie doll coming over, she didn’t tell me that on the phone. I shrug it off and take off my helmet and put it on the handle bar before strutting up the driveway and knock on the front door. I hear giggling in on the other side and I can’t help but think: ‘what the fuck?’ Kennedy opens the door and it’s obvious that she’s already a few beers. Not only can I smell it on her but her eyes are kind of glazed over a little.


Ok, I need to take a little break from the story. I sit down on the hood of my Camaro and take another long swig of the warm amber liquid. I can already feel the alcohol starting to take affect. It’s calming me down a little bit but I’m still really mad. I just can’t believe Kennedy sometimes and tonight is no fucking different. I lay down on the car so that my head and shoulders are on the windshield, my knees are bent and my feet are on the hood as well. And this is the car that I clean vigorously if I see one little smudge of dirt on it. But now it just doesn’t seem very important.


Back to the story. Kennedy let me in and she’s playing some music in the background. I don’t recognize it but it sounds pretty cool. I might even ask her what it is. I have a really bad feeling about this though. I mean, I know girls giggle when they’re drunk, I’ve known Buffy long enough to have proved this fact, but I still have a weird feeling. I walk into the foyer, down the little hall and into the living room. And oh yeah, she definitely has a ‘Barbie’ over here. She’s a total trophy wife: blonde, silicone, and young. I don’t know how young but she has a car that looks just like Barbie’s so that’s saying something.


“Faith, thisss iss.” She’s slurring her words pretty bad. How much as she had to drink? “My friend Ally. Ally thiss iss Faith.” Barbie waves and says hi and I wave back. It looks like she’s been hitting the booze pretty hard too. I feel a little out of place right now but I’m not going to leave. Kennedy wanted me to come over so I’m going to stay here for at least an hour and then take off if she doesn’t start to sober up a little. I really don’t like being around a drunk Kennedy, at least when I’m sober. It just isn’t any fun. We sit down on the couch next to the doll and the first thing that I notice is that Kennedy sits a little too close to her. Maybe they’re just drunk and don’t have that awareness for personal space, I don’t know. But I become even more suspicious when I see that Kennedy isn’t wearing the ring that Willow had given her four years ago. Sort of like the cross between a promise ring and wedding, just a symbol that they’ll always love each other and be together. I hated it when Willow gave her that because Buffy complained that I never buy her jewelry.


Anyway, Kennedy starts telling the story about the time when we got really wasted and ended up flying out to Boston so that I could show her memory lane. We woke up in a hotel with the worst hangovers in the history of bad hangovers and she had a tattoo on her inner thigh, and I had a certain body part pierced. I took out the piercing but she couldn’t just get rid of the tattoo. We flew back to California the same day and not only had to sleep off jet lag, but a couple of really bad hangovers. I notice that as she’s telling this little story, Barbie is getting closer and closer to her, until she’s practically sitting on Kennedy’s lap. I glare but I don’t say anything because Kennedy isn’t really paying attention to what Blondie is doing. But then I see the blonde start to kiss Kennedy’s neck and she doesn’t do anything to push her away. She puts her hand on the back of this girl’s neck and pulls her closer.


At this point I’m pretty pissed off. I mean, I’m friends with Kennedy but no one hurts Red, at least not like this. And I’m not going to just sit here and let it happen. I get up from the couch and push the blonde off of the dumb ass. They both start yelling at me but I don’t care. I grab Kennedy by the arm and pull her up and drag her into the hallway so little miss play thing won’t hear our conversation. Not that I care, but one of the last things I need right now is a dumb blonde yelling at me while I’m trying to yell at my obviously stupid friend.


“What the fuck is going on? And you better tell me the truth. How long have you been fucking around on Willow?” I sound pissed and she knows it. But she’s too drunk to really understand how severely I can kick her ass. She tries to shrug me off and walk away but I grab her by the shoulders and throw her up against the wall. She stares at me through her drunk haze, at least I have her attention. “I’ll ask you again, how long have you been cheating on Willow?” She pushes me back and I let her go to give her some space. I know she’s not going anywhere, I won’t let her. She straightens out her shirt and glares at me.


“What doesss it matter to you?” She’s still slurring really bad. Oh yeah, this is going to be so much fun. She tries to get passed me again and again I slam her up against the wall, using some of my slayer strength to really make the walls shake a little. She looks a little scared but then pissed off. She’s a very defiant girl, always has been, and she’s really bad when she’s drunk. “Fuck you Faith. Thisss iss none of yer damn business. I’ll fuck Ally if I wanna fuck Ally, you hear me?” Oh she did not just talk to me like she’s my superior. Time to show this little girl who’s really in charge.


“No, you’re not going to fuck Ally. You love Willow, remember? And Willow loves you. And I care too much about Willow to have you break her heart over some blonde bimbo.” Ok, so I’ve gone really soft, oh well. She pushes me back, well at least she tries too. The alcohol has really affected her motor skills and I’m using that to her advantage. I hear the bimbo in question start to walk towards us. She tell us to come back into the living room because she’s getting lonely. I tell her to fuck off and then I drag Kennedy back to the bedroom and slam and lock the door so that the ho can’t get in. Kennedy gets pissed and tries to leave but I don’t let her.


“You wanna fuck Willow, go ahead. I’m not gonna stop you. You’ve been with Ms. Tightass for so long you could probably use a good lay, and Willow is a pretty good lay.” I know I shouldn’t because she’s drunk so she doesn’t really know what she’s saying, but I punch her in the face and she stumbles back. I don’t feel bad for doing it because nobody talks about Willow or my girl with such disrespect. She gets up in my face but I push her to the ground she tries to get up but I knock her down again.


“What the hell is going on Kennedy? Your anniversary is coming up in like two fucking weeks. Doesn’t Willow mean a damn thing to you?” I let her get up since she doesn’t look as mad and now she’s starting to pace. I wait for the explanation a little impatiently and then it starts up. I can hear the emotion and the hurt in her voice and normally I would have sympathized, but she sounds more like a spoiled child then a hurt lover.


“I don’t mean anything to her. ‘Least no anymore. She just left to go on that damn trip, wouldn’t let me go with her. She doesn’t need that job ‘cause I’m supporting us. I asked her not to leave, told her we should start celebrating our anniversary early, go away for a month to get away from it all, but she said no. She said she has to work ‘cause it’s important to her. I used to me important to her, now look what’s happened. She’s down in San Fran, probably fucking a hooker while I’m left here, and you’re on my ass and it isn’t helping.” I take a deep breath and try not to hit her again. Willow would never cheat on Kennedy, she loves Kennedy. Yeah I know she loved Oz too, Buffy told me the story, but that was different. She’s changed so much since high school.


“Willow would never cheat on you. Especially with some filthy whore. You on the other hand are nothing but a spoiled little kid. Grow the fuck up, Kennedy! You’ve been together for seven fucking years, learn to adjust to her job. Just because she wants to work it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. She’s still as ooey gooey about you as she was when she first started dating you, and if you weren’t so fucking pampered maybe you’d see that she’s the best thing that’s ever going to happen to you.” She tries to hit me but I block it and push her back. “When she gets back from her trip you’re going to tell her that you’re fucking someone else and then you’re going to either work out your problems for find a new place to live. You hear me?”


“You’re not the fucking boss of me Faith.” She’s starting to sober up, which is good because if I’m going to kick her ass I at least want a little bit of a challenge. “You can’t tell me what I’m going to do or not. This is my life, not yours. You’re my friend, at least I thought you were. You’re supposed to be here for me but instead you’re giving me orders and putting Willow above me. You two don’t even like each other very much.” She has a point, a very good point. Not about me and Willow not liking each other, we tolerate each other but our personalities just don’t mesh very well. What the good point is, is I’m not her boss, I’m not her mother and I can’t tell her what to do. So I stay quiet because there’s no way I’m going to voice that. I see her walk over to the dresser and pick something up. She tosses it to me and I catch it one handed. I open up my fist and resting in my palm is the ring that Willow had boughten her. “Give that to her when she gets back from her trip.”


I let her leave the room. I hear her talk with Barbie about something, but all I hear is mumbles. Then I hear the front door slam open and then closed and then the sounds of tires screeching on the pavement as the convertible pulls away. I don’t hear anything else so it’s safe to assume that Kennedy went with her. I hope they don’t get into a care accident for driving drunk. Innocent people don’t deserve to get hurt just because those two girls are stupid.


Back to now, I’m sitting up on the hood of the car now, slouched over. I’m holding the bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and the ring in the other. It’s on the last digit of my middle finger and I’m twirling it around with my index and ring finger, watching the light bounce off of it. So, Kennedy’s been cheating on Willow for...who knows how long? And she left. Hopefully when she wakes up in the morning she’ll realize how retarded she is and get her act together. Seven years ago I didn’t think they’re relationship was going to last because Ken and Red are just too different, but when they were together for two years and still happy I thought that they were going to last forever. I guess I was wrong.


So, that’s why I’m in such a shitty mood. I just found out that my best friend has been cheating on her girlfriend, who just happens to be my girlfriend’s best friend. Everything is so fucked up. And then Buffy springs that kid thing on me outta nowhere. If she had just waited until I was in a better mood then maybe I would have sat down with her and talked about it rationally instead of acting like...like...such a drama queen. I don’t know if I’m open to the idea of a second kid. We have Mattie, why would we need another? I just don’t want to mess his life up, make him feel unwanted because newborn babies need a lot of attention, and if we’re paying attention to the new baby he might start to hate us, and the last thing I want his for my boy to hate me.


I take the last drink out of the bottle and throw it in the trash. It’s at least a twenty foot shot and I make it dead on. Even drunk I’m still good with the slayer accuracy. I hop, well slide and then stumble, off of the car and put the ring in my pants pocket. I’m going to wait to see what happens, try to get a hold of Kennedy before I just go runnin to Willow and ruin what she thinks is still a happy relationship. I turn out the light and crawl into the back seat of the car. The leather is cold and I rather be in my warm bed wrapped around my lover, but I think I’ll just stay out here tonight. The last thing I need right now is a pissed off Buffy getting on my ass about drinking again.


BPOV


I wake up feeling horrible. After Matthew fell asleep last night I put him in his bed and Tucker started to whine, he’s been sleeping outside, so I let him in the house. He followed me into the bedroom and sat down near the chair in the corner while I changed into my pajamas. I turned out the light and crawled under the covers feeling lonely. The bed felt so cold because she wasn’t in it. I did something I never in a million years thought that I would ever do. I let the dog sleep in the bed with me. Call me a hypocrite, I don’t care. She left and I really needed to feel some type of body heat pressed up against my back, even if it was from a dog.


I walk out into the kitchen and put on the coffee. I need some caffeine or I might just collapse here in the kitchen. I hear Tucker walk down the hall and he sits down next to me. I reach down and lightly stroke him on the head, and gently pull at his ears. He can sense that something’s wrong and he’s a little depressed. Yeah, well so am I. I get out my favorite coffee mug and pour the hot liquid into it after the little beep goes off. I put in the right amount of sugar and milk and then sit down at the table. I still haven’t turned on any lights and it’s kind of dark, but that’s fine. My head hurts a little right now. I woke up in the middle of the night, thinking that the fight was just a dream, and I started to cry when I realized it wasn’t. Tucker did his best to calm me down, and his version of calming someone down is trying to lick their tears off of their face. I love him for trying but I didn’t let him.


I look over at the microwave clock and see that it’s almost nine. That’s kind of late for me, and for Matthew. He’s usually up by seven, but he had a long night so I understand his little body needing more rest. But as if on cue, he walks out of his bedroom and down the hall. His hair is a frightful mess, I’m sure mine is too. He’s rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and he’s looking around. Looking around for Faith no doubt, but she isn’t here. I still haven’t checked the garage. It’s a possibility that she slept in her car last night, but it’s also a possibility that she took off and stayed somewhere else. And I don’t want to go out there and see an empty garage, because I don’t think I could take that right now. But I know I have to go out there, because that’s where we keep the dog food and Tucker is getting hungry. Damn dog. I think about just letting him each ‘people food’ today but I know that if Matthew sees me feed it to him just this once he’ll be feeding him ‘people food’ for the rest of that dog’s life.


“Tucker wants his breakfast,” Matthew says and starts to walk off towards the garage. Faith and I have been teaching Matthew to take responsibility for the dog, it is his dog after all, but I don’t want him to go out to the garage, because I know that if he sees that her car is gone, if it’s gone, then he’ll get really upset. So far he hasn’t said anything about last night, and I want to buy myself some time before I have to answer his questions. And I most likely won’t have an answer for most of this questions. And I hate being asked questions that I don’t have the answers to, it makes me feel blonde.


“I’ll feed Tucker, sweetie, you go watch cartoons. Do you want waffles or pancakes?” I ask but he doesn’t answer me. As soon as he heard ‘cartoons’ he tuned me out. He does that a lot. He is half Faith’s after all, selective hearing comes with the Lehane package. I get up and walk towards the garage. I stop in front of the door and slowly reach out and turn the knob. I stand here like this for what feels like an eternity. But I need to go out there, because if that dog doesn’t stop whiney I just might hurt him. Ok, maybe not, but I’ll definitely go insane. I open the door and walk down the steps. I sigh a huge sigh of relief when I see that both her car and her bike are parked. So she did sleep in the car, and she drank the bottle of alcohol that she had hidden out here. She better not even try to lie about it because this room now reeks of the stuff.


I walk over to the car and open the door. She’s passed out and the smell of alcohol is just as strong in here as it is about there. I push the driver seat forward and lean into the car and start to press on her leg, trying to wake her up, but it doesn’t work. I push hard and she moves a little but only because of what I’m doing, not because she’s waking up. I hate it when she drinks because it’s so fucking hard to wake her up the next morning. It never used to be a problem and I didn’t really care, but when you have a baby everything changes. But I’m not going to get on her ass about drinking because something was obviously bothering her. If she was mad enough to pick a fight that large then there’s definitely something going on that I should probably know about.


“Faith.” More pushing and still nothing. “Faith, get up.” Still nothing. There’s only one way to get her wake her ass up. I take in a couple of deep breaths and let them out slowly. Then I take in one really deep breath and hold it for a couple of seconds before: “Faith! Come quick, I set the kitchen on fire again!” She jumps up so fast that she hits her head on the ceiling of the car. I have to bite my lips to keep from laughing.


“Fuck! What the fuck?” she yells and holds her head. The pain is a mixture of the hangover she has and from hitting her head on the car. I don’t even want to imagine what she’s feeling right now. She opens her eyes and looks around, confused. “B, where am I, what are you doing?” She’s not a black out drinker, so don’t be thinking it. But you’d probably be confused if you woke up to someone screaming and then you hit your head on something hard. It’s funny as hell though, that I’ll admit.


“You slept in the car last night, Faith, remember?” Just testing my little theory. She never used to black out when she drinks, but she’s not used to drinking an entire bottle of...whatever the hell she had. She sits up straighter and looks over at me, sleep is still clouding her mind, along with the hangover and it takes her a couple of minutes to answer. What she says isn’t surprising, but I was hoping she wouldn’t go on the defense so quickly.


“Yeah, I remember. And don’t get on my ass about the drinking, I needed it. I can’t tell you why, but I really needed.” What can’t she tell me? What happened that was so bad that she can’t tell me? We tell each other everything. “You didn’t really set the kitchen on fire, did you?” I laugh a little and she takes that as a no. She flops back down on the seat and winces out in pain for doing so. I realize that my hand is still on her leg and I pull it away, reluctantly, but I still do.


“I’ll give you five minutes to compose yourself a little, but then you need to go in there and talk to Matthew. You have no idea how upset he was last night. He thought you were moving out again.” She doesn’t even take the offer for five minutes to wake up a little more. She sits up and motions for me to move. I stand up and back away from the car and she jumps out. She staggers a little and has to stop to find her balance. Once she does she walks into the house and I’m left out here like an afterthought. Oh well, at least I don’t have a hangover. I close the car door and then walk over to the workbench and pick up the dog bowl. I scoop it into the large bag of dog food and walk back towards the steps. On my way back into the house I press the little black button on the wall to open up the big garage door to let the smell of alcohol air out of here. I’ll let it slide for now but we’re going to have to have a long discussion about this later.


FPOV


“So you’re not goin away?” he asks me and I smile. Of course I’m not going away. Just because I got into a fight with B doesn’t mean I’m going to leave. He wraps his arms around my neck and I hug him back. As much as I love this tender moment, I really need a shower, and some aspirin wouldn’t be of the bad. I pull back from the hug and he has a big smile on his face. He hops down off of my lap and starts to watch his show again. I get up off of the couch and he turns around and watches me walk towards the hall, I think he’s making sure I’m telling the truth.


I go into the bathroom and strip down and then turn the water on as hot as it’ll go. I step into the shower and feel the scolding pellets of water do their damage on my skin, but it feels so good right now. I grad the soup and start to clean myself up. You know that saying: ‘that smells like the thing that cat dragged in’...? Well, I smell like the thing that the thing would eat. I know that doesn’t make much sense, but whatever. I rinse the soup off of my body and grab the shampoo. I really do need to cut my hair because it’s getting really long and we go through like ten bottles of shampoo a month, and that’s when we’re being conservative about it. I hear the bathroom door open and the silhouette of someone on the other side of the shower curtain. Too tall to be Mattie so it’s gotta be B.


“Hey, baby.” I call out over the loudness of the spray. “Will you make me a cup of coffee? This hangover is something wicked.” I continue to lather the shampoo in my hair before rinsing it out. I’m not really expecting a reply from her, except for maybe a sarcastic remark about me drinking. But I don’t expect to hear is this:


“Sure honey, I’ll get right on that.” I roll my eyes and grab the conditioner and put a generous amount in my hand before setting the bottle down and then working it into my long dark locks. “I thought you quit drinking Faith, like, five years ago? Is there something going on that I should know about?” She always has to know everyone else’s business doesn’t she? I guess that’s how she got her nickname. I think. I don’t know, it was a long time ago.


“No Brat, nothing’s going on. At least nothing that you need to know about. I had a bad night, so I downed a bottle. Not that big of a deal.” Why I am even talking to her like this? So friendly and happy while I’m nude and the only thing keeping her from seeing my sexy body, yes I have a big ego I’m aware of this, is a thin little shower curtain. But then again, do I really care? No, no I don’t. Ok then, I guess I’ll just be quiet about it. I hear her turn off the faucet of the sink and I rinse the conditioner out of my hair. I wait for her to leave so I can get out but I don’t turn off the water. It just feels too good to turn off just yet.


“Faith, we need to have a conversation.” Oh great, not another one of her ‘If you hurt my sister you’ll wake up on fire’ speeches. Yeah, I heard about that, and she’s threatened me before. When she first started the threat it was a little hard to take her serious because it’s Dawn, ya know? But the detail that she used when she was saying what she would...I’ve murdered two people and I almost got sick, that’s saying something fierce. I don’t respond because I know that she likes to hear herself talk so she’ll just go right ahead into the ‘conversation’ whether I say anything or not. “If I find out that you’re cheating on Buffy, or hurting her in anyway shape or form, I’ll look up the ingredients to that drug Giles used on Buffy to suppress her slayer powers.” I remember that. I wonder if there is any around. Hmm, maybe we should look into that, it could get deadly if a demon gets his hands on it. “And while you’re nothing more then a weak human, I’ll knock you out, hang you from a ceiling by your wrists, wait for you to wake up and then gut you like a catfish.” See what I mean about the scaring? “Oh, and Buffy wants me to tell you that breakfast is ready.” She sounds so bubbly now, how the hell does she do that?


She leaves and I get out of the shower. I grab a towel and wrap it around myself. I’m about to leave when I remember the ring that’s still in my pants pocket. I bend down and take it out and I put it on my finger so I’ll be able to hold the towel up just in case Kyle his here. He loves Dawn, but he’s a guy after all and I don’t want to give him a free show on the way to my bedroom. I quickly walk down the hall before anyone catches sight of me and I close my bedroom door behind me. I drop the towel and walk over to the dresser and start to pull out what I’m going to wear. I hear her coming so I don’t turn around when the door opens and in walks Buffy. I can feel her eyes on me as I slip into my underwear and then put on a bra. I towel dry my hair so it isn’t dripping water everywhere and I toss a shirt and a pair of jeans onto the bed.


“Is there something you wanted or did you come in here just to stare are my ass?” I ask. I know I shouldn’t be a bitch to her right now, but I can’t help it. Being sarcastic is a part of who I am. She learned to deal with it a long time ago, hopefully she’s in a good mood because if she isn’t then we’re probably in for round two. She doesn’t say anything and I turn around to grab my shirt off of the bed. I pull it on and then slip into my jeans. I’m going to just go bare foot for now. I don’t care if we have guests or guest, whatever, I don’t feel like wearing shoes. She looks down at my hands as I zip up my jeans. I forgot to take the ring off, let’s just hope she doesn’t notice.


“Why are you wearing Kennedy’s ring?” So much for hope. I don’t want to answer her right now. I don’t want to think about what happened over at that house last night but I know that she’s going to demand some answers. I would too if I were her so I’m going to be a little cooperative. I don’t want to tell her everything because I don’t want her to tell Willow. I want to give Kennedy a chance to think about what she did and hopefully she’ll grow up. “Faith, what happened over there last night? You know you can tell me, I won’t tell anyone else, even if it is bad.” I know she’s not lying and she won’t tell anyone, but she’ll feel guilty and I don’t want her to have to carry that around.


“Look, it is bad, ok? But I don’t wanna talk about it right now. Kennedy was drunk, gave me the ring for safe keeping.” If it were only that simple. “I promise, after everything calms down I’ll tell you what happened, but not now, not while Dawn’s here.” She agrees with me but more importantly she can see what this is doing to me. She can see that my insides are being chewed away be this, by the guilt, by not knowing what to do. On one hand, Kennedy is my best friend I can’t just run off and tell that she’s cheating. On the other hand, it’s Willow, and she deserves to know if she’s being lied to and cheated on. I just don’t know what to do. I feel Buffy pull me into a hug and I don’t fight it. I hug her back and we stand like that for a few minutes. I pull back and start to kiss her. It’s slow at first but quickly grows in passion and want and need. The best part about fighting is the making up.


I walk backwards until the back of my knees bump into the bed. I sit down and pull her into my lap. Our tongues are battling for dominance and I let her win. She nibbles at my bottom lip in that little way she knows just drives me crazy. I pull back a little bit and start to leave hot kisses on her neck. I take her earlobe in between my teeth and give it a gentle tug before I suckle on it. She starts moaning a little and I let go of the body part and blow some warm air on it. She moans out a little louder then before. That always gets her going. Her hands are in my damp hair, and mine are rubbing her back under her shirt. She turns in my lap so she’s practically straddling me, one legs is on either side of my hips and she’s slowly grinding up against me.


“They got into a big fight last night. This is what they do when they make up and stop fighting,” I hear Mattie say from the door way. Oh crap, Buffy left the door open. As much as I should stand up and close it, I find myself too distracted to do just that. “They’re probably gonna get loud. They get loud a lot but they’re really, really loud when they do this after a big fight.” Ok, how embarrassing is that?


“Well, this is gross. Wanna go to the park?” I hear Dawn ask. Thank God for the littlest Summers. I don’t think I could break away from Buffy right now even if I wanted to. Which I don’t, I’m perfectly fine right here. He must’ve nodded his head because the next thing I hear is: “I’m taking Matt to the park. I’m probably saving you a bundle off of his therapy bill. I expect to be paid in full.” Yep, still a brat. Do I really want my kid hanging around someone like that? Well Buffy’s hand just slipped in my pants so right now I can’t really think of anything else. Dawn’ll keep him safe, I trust her.


“Take this off,” I hear Buffy say and she starts tugging on my hand. What is she talking about, take what off? Oh, right, the ring. Yeah I really should take that off. I slip the ring off and put it on top of the nightstand. After it’s safe and sound she attacks me, practically rips my clothes off of me and just dives in. That not I mind, but remember that hangover that I had when I woke up? Well it’s still here and it’s making this whole ‘I’m sorry we fought let’s never do it again’ process really difficult to enjoy. But I bear with it and everything is better once her tongue is working inside of me. I cry out and I’m glad that Dawn took Mattie to the park because he was right, we are loud. I feel her pull her tongue out of me and she starts sucking on my clit, really, really hard. I scream as I come and I feel her lap up every drop of juice that comes out of me as I watch the display of colors presented to me.


When I come down from my high, not only is she lying next to me, but she’s naked. She’s smiling this cocky smile that I know I’m going to be wearing soon, and without any type of warning at all I pounce. I flip her over onto her back and she yelps out in surprise. I don’t wait for her to try and catch up with me as I spread her legs as far apart as they can go, which is pretty damn far. I take my three middle fingers and plunge them into her. She cries out and digs her fingernails in my shoulder blades. I wince a little bit and I think I can feel blood on my back. I ignore the pain, no pain no game right? I start a quick rhythm and she meets me thrust for thrust. I toy with her clit with my thumb and she starts moaning and groaning and withering under me. I can feel that she’s close, oh so close and she’s practically screaming in nothing but pleasure. So I stop.


She grunts as I take my fingers out of her and I crawl down her body, showering her salty skin with kisses on the way down. I slowly slip my tongue into her and then pull it out before she has a chance to respond. I’m not teasing her I just have something else in mind. I take her throbbing clit in my mouth and suck really hard. She starts moaning again and her hips are bucking so wildly I have to hold her down. I start to lap up the fluid coming out of her but I don’t swallow it. I don’t know how she’s going to react to this, it could go either way, but I’ve been wanting to do this to her for the last couple weeks now, don’t ask me why, I just do. Anyway, I gather up as much of the stuff as I can and then slide back up her body. I hover over her a little bit and she comes to me, like I wanted her to. Her mouth is already open against mine so when I open my lips all of her juices spill out into her mouth.


She pulls back, her eyebrows are furrowed and I’m expecting to get yelled at. But instead of yelling she just turns her head to the side and spits the stuff out and then goes back to kissing me. I gotta say, I’m surprised. I thought that would lead to a fight for sure. Well, she’s probably just too turned on to fight. I’m sure once I get her off the yelling will come. Well, a different kind of yelling and a different kind of coming. Not like the ones she’s doing right now. My fingers are buried deep inside her and I’m pressing on her G-spot as hard as I can and because of it she’s yelling out for all she’s worth. I wouldn’t be surprised if the neighbors called the cops.


I watch as she rides out the high I just sent her on. So many things are going through my mind at the moment, and not all of them are good. I’m thinking about how beautiful she looks right now, if she really is serious about having another baby, and if she is do I want to have another baby? I’m also thinking about what’s going to happen when Willow gets back from her business trip, which is in two days. I’ll have to talk to Kennedy, see if she’s come to her senses and I have no clue what I’m going to do if she hasn’t. Should I tell Willow? Tell Buffy who will in turn tell Willow? I don’t know. And I hate not knowing what to do, it’s driving me crazy.


“What are you thinking about, baby?” I hear her ask in that sexy post-sex voice of hers. I cuddle up to her, needing to feel her arms wrapped around me. I know I’ve gotten really needy after sex, and it used to bother me, now it doesn’t, but I need her to hold me for different reasons. I need her to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok, even if everything won’t be. I don’t tell her that though because she’ll just ask why and I really don’t want to answer that question right now.


“Nothing but you baby.” It’s not a complete lie, I was thinking about her. I feel myself being lifted up like I’m nothing, and she covers us up. I cling onto her a little tighter. I don’t want to let go, not yet, I can’t yet. She’s great about it like she always is and she tightens her grip on me in return. I nuzzle her neck with my nose and I take in the musky smell of our lovemaking. God, I love that smell. I can also smell her sweat and it smells delicious. As I drift off to sleep I open up my mouth and take a nice long lick of her neck and I feel her shiver.