Quantum Xander II: In Wake of the Curse

Part 4

Xander was sitting at his desk eating his lunch and going over some invoices when the door to his trailer opened and Willow stepped inside. He looked up and saw her watching him with interest. He hoped that she couldn’t feel the magic on him the way he could on her; otherwise he wouldn’t be able to keep his secret.

“Hey, Wills. What brings you by? Scooby business?”

Xander tried to ignore the feelings of hurt and mistrust that washed over him. He really needed to try and get past this thing he felt for Willow; everyone made mistakes in their youth, after all, and if it weren’t for the spell he never would have been cursed and met his mate. Everything else aside, it was worth it; he would go through it all again if given the choice. What he had - hopefully would have again - with Spike was worth everything.

“No. Friend business. Xander, you’ve been acting weird with me ever since you got back. Why?”

Xander took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He stamped down on the part of him that wanted to leap across the desk and throttle her for everything he had been through. The pain of the bond had been unusually high today and he was in no mood for her to interrogate him. Instead, he turned the tables on her.

“Were you going to tell me about An and Spike?”

Willow flushed and guiltily looked at the floor. After a moment she raised her head and defiantly looked at Xander.

“No, not at first. Spike was gone so it wasn’t really an issue, then he was back but crazy so… and now, he’s living with you, and Buffy thinks we might need him for whatever is coming so we didn’t want to take any chances that you’d dust him.”

“And what? You figured what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me?”

“To be honest? Yes.”

Black rage filled him. He couldn’t believe she had just said that to him. Like he was better off having other people make his decisions? Hardly! From what he had seen of the other Xanders he’d met, the ones who had control of their lives had done pretty damn well for themselves. And yet, Willow stood there in front of him basically telling him that he wasn’t able to make the right choices on his own. That it was better to leave him in the dark.

“Who gave you the right to decide what’s good for me? I don’t think I want you making decisions for me anymore, Willow. I’d rather be hurt and learn from the pain than to have the decision taken from me. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a lot of work to do today and you’re taking up my time.”

Xander hoped she would leave. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold back the rage that was building inside of him. Willow looked at Xander strangely but turned and left. If she had stayed a few minutes longer she would have noticed how his eyes had turned black and his hair began to blow away from his face like a strong wind had suddenly swept into the trailer. She was back in the car and pulling away from the site when the explosion happened.

Xander hadn’t realized how much power he had been drawing into himself as he tried to control his anger with his oldest friend. He was fast losing control over it and knew he had to channel it into something before it got away from him. He hoped to hell that no one was in the port-a-potty, and let his power loose on it. He probably should have picked something less… messy.

Thankfully, being on the hellmouth, the crew had seen stranger things than an exploding toilet and were quick to come to the conclusion that it must have been the combination of the sun’s heat and methane gas that caused the accident. Xander wasn’t about to correct them. He was just glad that Rodney had exited the outdoor toilet before he blew it up. Although, he wished he had waited the thirty seconds it would have taken for the man to move out of range of the… spill. There was nothing sadder than seeing a grown man covered in shit and crying.

For the rest of the day, Xander fought with himself to remain at work. He was in utter agony; the loss of Spike was bad enough, but add to that the backlash from the power he had thrown around earlier and he was surprised he was still functioning. He thanked God that he was no longer on the crew and had a nice desk job now; he’d likely kill himself if he were expected to use tools today. He looked up as Jeremy rapped on the door and stepped inside.

“What’s up?”

“Just wanted to let you know that Rodney’s wife came and picked him up… in an open bed truck; said she was gonna hose him down in the yard before she let him inside.”

Jeremy grinned. Xander couldn’t help but smile back. The man was a sight, and you had to know Rodney’s wife to fully appreciate the situation. She was proud of her home - very proud. He was surprised she let Rodney inside on good days. That house was a sterile environment if he’d ever seen one.

“With what? A power hose?”

“Yeah, probably that and a whole shitload of bleach. I’m bettin’ Rodney is platinum blond by the time we see him again.”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah, the temp guys got the mess cleaned up. We didn’t lose much in the way of materials.”

“Good. Thanks for the update, Jeremy. Might as well tell everyone to pack it in for the day, nothing’s gonna get done with that smell out there.”

Jeremy nodded and left. Xander put his head down on the desk and tried to will away his pain. He was seriously thinking of biting his roommate if he didn’t find a way to relieve the pain soon.

After the crew had left, Xander walked out of the trailer, taking time to lock it up, and then headed for his car. He wanted nothing more than to just go home and crawl into bed. Unfortunately, he had several errands to run that couldn’t be put off. He had to go to the bank and deposit his paycheck, pick up some spell ingredients - he was going to try a healing spell on himself and see if it helped at all, and there was a book he had on order at the occult bookstore that had arrived this morning.

He was beginning to feel like Michael Douglas in the movie Falling Down. Traffic was never this bad in Sunnydale. He could picture himself just leaving his car in the street and going on a rampage. His day had started off bad and got steadily worse. By the time he got to the bank, it had just closed, leaving him no way to cash his paycheck other than the auto-deposit. He hated that option as it took at least two days before the money actually showed up in his account. Grinding his teeth in frustration, he pulled out of the bank parking lot and headed for the magic store on the other side of Sunnydale.

It wasn’t as nice a place as the Magic Box and the stock wasn’t always the best quality, but since he had no other options, he made do. The older man - though Xander suspected he wasn’t a man so much as he was a demon - who ran the shop was always pleasant to him when he came in. After getting the requisite herbs and other ingredients, Xander headed for the bookstore; if he was lucky, it would still be open - he was later than he had hoped he’d be. The owner of the shop - a small Asian woman - was waiting for him when he pulled up.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. Traffic was unusually heavy today.”

“That’s alright. For this book, I stay open.”

“What’s so special about this book?”

“You will see, young one. So much to learn still.”

Xander looked at the woman curiously. She was older, but not old enough to be calling him ‘young one’. All the same, he wanted the book so he followed her inside. She led him to a small table and then offered him tea. As she poured, she looked intently at Xander - it made him feel as though he were naked, that she could see right through him, to his very soul.

“You are touched by darkness, but it hasn’t consumed you. The book will wield its knowledge to you. But not until you are ready.”

“What does that mean?”

“Open the book. Tell me what you see.”

Xander opened the book and looked up the woman; confusion was clearly written on his face. He turned the page. Then another. Then another and another. He looked at her and she smiled.

“It’s blank.”

“I told you, not until you are ready.”

“You sure this isn’t some way of charging me a hell of a lot of money for a book full of blank pages?”

The woman laughed and smiled softly at him.

“I would not do that to someone of your power, young one. When you are ready, the book will reveal itself to you.”

“Okay. I uh, I need to get home. My ah, roommate will worry.”

“Yes, the vampire. He worries even now.”

“How do you…”

“I, too, am more than I seem. Fear not, I wish no harm to you or your vampire; he is no longer one of the hunters.”

“Uh, okay.”

Xander paid for the book and went back to his car in a haze of confusion. He sometimes wondered if he should take the advice that alternate-Willow had given him and leave Sunnydale. His life just got stranger the longer he stayed here.