Hearts and Secrets

Angel and Wesley sat silent for a few moments, awkward and unsure, neither knowing what to say about Spike’s sudden departure. Finally, when one went to speak, the other did as well, apologies coming from both sides.

“What do you mean you’re sorry?”

Angel shook his head. “I should have known it was a bad idea. Things have been sort of, I don’t know, tense maybe?” He took a long, deep breath, gripping his water glass between both hands, staring down at the table. “Spike wasn’t in love with the idea of my working with you. He’s been feeling a little… insecure.”

Wesley sat back in his chair, folding his arms in front of him. “Angel, we’ve been working together for two months, and you never gave any clue that Spike was at all unhappy. You couldn’t have warned me before I made a complete prat of myself?”

Angel looked up slowly. “I just assumed it would work itself out. I never thought- ”

“That your boyfriend would feel a slight bit of animosity toward a man who you’ve had relations with?”

Angel fumbled with his napkin, folding it in half several times before finally answering, “It’s not like we’re… and it was so long ago. He should know better than to think...”

“Angel,” Wesley interrupted softly, “affairs of the heart aren’t easily overlooked. If the situation were reversed, I highly doubt I would be handling it any differently than he is. I don’t think I’d feel entirely comfortable sharing you either.” The last words were spoken softly, barely audible.

“But it’s business, Wes. He has to understand- ”

“Understand what, Angel? That his lover is neglecting to spend time with him? All those times I know you should have been at home and you were still at the office, with me.”

Angel frowned and traced the rim of his glass with his finger. Softly, he answered, “I enjoy spending time with you. It’s been nice, without…” he tapered off.

“Without the complications of a romantic involvement?”

Angel ignored the question, instead adding, “I’ve missed having you to talk to.”

“And now you have Spike, and speaking of, why didn’t you tell him you were thinking of starting your own agency?”

Angel shrugged. “It never seems to be the right time. We’re always… busy. Or something.” His face took on a saddened expression. “Conversation isn’t exactly what drew us together, Wes.”

Wesley cleared his throat. “I see.”

The air seemed thicker around them by the silence that followed. After a minute, Angel finally looked up, directly into Wes’s eyes. “It wasn’t always bad with us, remember? Our sex life was never an issue until….”

“Until I began trying to force you into something you weren’t ready for?”

“Wes…”

“I pushed too hard, Angel. I know that. And the more I pushed, the further you pulled away from me. Especially, well… physically.”

“I never should have. It wasn’t really about that.”

“No. But it was a normal response to the situation. I knew you weren’t ready for that amount of commitment. Still, I thought if I could just convince you...”

Angel shook his head. “I think that’s why I was so attracted to Spike in the beginning. He was so carefree, so wild and energetic. I knew he wasn’t looking for anything too serious.”

“And living together isn’t serious?”

Angel shrugged. “Well, we don’t talk about things like commitment, and forever.”

“No. It seems as if you refrain from talking at all.”

~*~

Spike scanned the bar, eyeing the pool tables and small dance floor before finally giving up. He wouldn’t admit to himself who it was he was looking for. That would mean he went there with an actual purpose. He’d hate to think he was the type of person who would do something just to get back at Angel. But maybe Angel deserved it. After all, he hadn’t given a rat’s ass about Spike’s feelings. Inviting the man he used to fuck to a cozy little dinner in their restaurant. Or maybe… Spike shuddered at the thought. Maybe it had been Angel and Wesley’s restaurant before…

Fuck it. There was no use going down that road. He needed a drink. Not too much, just a little something to take the edge off before putting in ten hours of manual labor at the docks. The docks that were old and boring and smelled like dead fish. He hated it there, but the nightshift was cool and the pay was even better. Not many people preferred keeping the hours he did, so the extra bonus of working graveyard was well worth the less than glorious parts of the job. Like being set up.

He’d been used as a scapegoat when some drug lord scum decided to use the dock he worked to smuggle cargo into the country. That was how he and Angel had met. Spike had gotten curious after seeing a mass amount of unregistered shipments and decided to do a little investigating of his own. When he caught wind of a plan to pull himself and Gunn into it if the illegal activities were ever discovered, he decided he needed help from a professional. He’d asked around and was told Angel was the person to contact, so eventually, he’d asked for his help, bringing down the entire ring within a few weeks. They’d been living together ever since.

Maybe things had moved two fast. There was an instant attraction neither of them could deny, but maybe they’d begun playing house a little too soon. Spike wanted the security of a steady relationship. Angel wanted company and moving in together worked out well for both of them. Love was something they casually grew into, and there was no doubt in his mind that they did love each other. But as the novelty wore off, they’d begun to argue more and more, with silly habits and pet peeves causing most of the problems between them. But that was normal, right? All couples had problems. Normal problems that didn’t include Angel spending half his time with his ex-boyfriend.

Angry again at the thought, Spike stomped up to the bar and ordered a shot of Jack. When the kid behind the counter spun around from where he was stacking glasses against the wall, their eyes caught and Spike smirked. Admittedly, this was what he’d been looking for when he’d stepped into the bar.

“Bartender, eh?” he asked, sliding his leg over a barstool.

The kid smiled back. “Gotta make a living, right?”

Spike’s brow rose and then he reached for the shot glass that the boy put in front of him, swallowing it quickly. “Sure you’re old enough to be serving me alcohol?”

The boy smiled. “Is that your subtle way of asking me how old I am?”

Spike shrugged and said, “Another Jack.”

With a nod, he was handed another shot. “Driver’s license says I’m twenty one.”

Spike grinned back. “And your birth certificate?”

“Look, I like this job. You’re not gonna get me in trouble, are you?”

He shook his head. “Just curious, mate. Don’t give a bloody damn if you’re legal or not.”

The boy leaned in. “Nineteen, almost twenty.”

Spike couldn’t hide the smirk. “Just as I suspected.”

“But I’ve been around.” The boy pulled away and began cleaning the bar with a towel, then stuffed it into his back pocket. “So, I didn’t think I’d see you around here again anytime soon.”

Spike kicked back the second drink, slamming the empty glass on the bar. “Guiness,” he ordered, motioning toward the bar and then added, “Why’s that?”

“Well,” came the reply as the boy reached into a freezer and grabbed his beer, “the way you ran out of here last night…”

“What? Thought you’d get lucky?” He tipped the bottle to his lips.

“You weren’t exactly coming off uninterested. Kinda figured maybe there’d be something.”

Spike shrugged. “Had somewhere to be.”

The boy grinned. “So, you were into it.”

Spike lifted an eyebrow, thought of Angel, stuffed that thought away and then asked, “You getting off anytime soon?”

The boy leaned toward him, talking low enough so only Spike could hear and answered, “Guess that depends on you. You wanna get me off?”

Spike suddenly felt a stirring in the pit of his stomach. This was wrong. This was something he shouldn’t be doing, but he pushed the feeling away and said, “Flattered, but I meant your shift.”

“I know what you meant.” The boy smiled coyly. “And not for awhile, but I have a break coming up in a few minutes.”

Spike pretended to consider it, taking another drink, and then surprised the boy when he asked, “There anywhere private around here?”

“Out back,” came the answer a little too quickly. “Can lock the door leading out. Meet me in about,” he glanced down at his watch, “eight minutes?”

“Yeah.”

Spike sipped his beer and watched as the boy returned to the other people he was supposed to be waiting on with a little extra hop to his step.

~*~

Five minutes later Spike was leaning against a brick wall, a burning cigarette between his lips, trying to figure out what the hell he was doing. He smoked, he paced, he leaned, repeating the process several times before the door opened and the boy stepped out.

“Took you long enough.”

The boy chuckled. “Okay, so it took me ten minutes instead of eight. Somehow, I knew you wouldn’t be the patient type.”

Spike flicked his cigarette onto the ground and slid his hands deep inside his duster pockets. “Don’t have a lot of time.”

“Let me guess. You have somewhere else to be.” The boy was moving closer as he spoke, leaning into Spike’s space, almost touching, but not quite.

In the back of his mind, Spike wondered what Angel was doing. “Something like that, yeah.”

The boy nodded. “So.”

Spike answered back, “So.”

This time when the boy spoke, he moved in, sliding a knee between Spike’s legs as his hands reached into the leather coat to rest on Spike’s hips. “My name’s-”

“Don’t wanna know, mate. And I’m not telling you mine, either.”

Smiling, he answered, “Hmm, mystery man. That’s kinda sexy.” He moved his leg, brushing it slowly against Spike’s crotch. “So, what are we doing out here, all alone, in the dark?”

Spike let his tongue curl against the back of his teeth. The look he always used when he was trying to seduce Angel. “Finishing what we started.”

“Sure you won’t take off this time?” He rubbed against Spike’s hip, and Spike could feel the growing bulge of the boy’s cock. “Do you know how bad I wanted you last night?”

Spike pulled his hand from his pocket and slid his palm against the front of the boy’s jeans. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t get you outta my head,” he moaned, “and then I had to take care of it myself. You had me so horny… almost hurt I was so fucking hard.”

Spike moved closer, almost whispering into the boy’s ear as his thumb flipped the button on the boy’s jeans. “Did you think about me when you were... taking care of it?”

“Yesss. I wrapped my hand around my cock and imagined it was you I was fucking.”

“Yeah?” Spike’s hand pushed firmer, feeling the bulge increasing beneath his fingers. “Bet you were a hell of a sight, pet.”

“If you would’ve come home with me- ”

“Told you. I don’t go home with strangers.”

“We gonna fuck right here then?”

Spike’s hand fumbled with the zipper and then pulled, sliding it down slowly, letting the loose fitting jeans slip down the boy’s hips slightly. “Didn’t say we were gonna fuck.”

“Will you kiss me like you did last night?”

Without another word, Spike closed his eyes and leaned into the boy, moving his tongue to caress the smooth, wet lips. They opened to him and he took the initiative to slide inside, tasting a minty flavor on the boy’s tongue. The kiss continued for several minutes, both men panting heavy, moaning into each other, their tongues probing and licking, mapping every crevice inside.

Spike tried not to compare, but noticed the subtle differences between this kiss and the ones he and Angel shared. When he kissed Angel, there was a definite feeling of submission, and he realized he always let Angel guide the way their tongues moved and caressed one another. This kiss was equal, both of them taking turns dominating the other. It was nice. It’d been a long time since he’d spent time just kissing someone.

When he and Angel first met, they’d enjoyed long hours of making out, fondling and teasing until one of them gave in and begged for more. Those days were long gone, and now, Spike realized it had been a long time since he’d felt this kind of passion. Like the boy would eat him alive if he let him.

He felt the hands on his hips tightening, squeezing, trying to pull him closer, but he resisted, instead working his hand into the waistband of the blue boxers sneaking out from under the jeans. He pulled away slightly, his mouth still open as he gasped for air and slid his fingers past soft curls, finding the boy’s stiff and leaking cock.

“Gonna bring you off, pet,” he said, wrapping his hand around the base of it, his mouth barely brushing kiss-swelled lips.

“Almost,” the boy answered breathlessly, “almost did already.”

Spike smiled and stroked upward toward the head.

“Wait.” The boy reached down, shoving his jeans and boxers down to his ankles. “I have to go back to work after this.”

Spike nodded. A wet spot would surely raise a few questions and he doubted the management would take too kindly to one of their employees receiving a hand job on the premises. He looked the boy in the eyes and began a long, leisurely stroke, up, down, up, down, up, swirl around the tip, back down. When the boy’s head tilted back, Spike’s gaze wandered downward to watch his hand.

“Look so fucking nice, pet. Full cock, so big and hard for me. Almost a shame I can’t let you fuck me.”

“Oh, God.”

“I’d love to feel your cock poundin’ into me… stretching me.”

He continued to pump, steadily quickening the pace as he changed position and moved behind the boy’s body, nudging his crotch against the boy’s bare ass. His free hand reached around and slid underneath the long t-shirt to tweak a nipple, rubbing sensuous circles around the hardened nub. His lips ghosted softly against the boy’s neck, stopping when he reached his ear. “Do you fuck as good as you kiss?”

The boy’s breath quickened. Spike’s finger pushed against the slit in his cock.

“Fuck my hand, pet. Show me how you'd fuck my arse.”

The boy’s hips began to move, obeying the words from behind him as the hand circled around his cock. Spike held still, letting the boy pump into his fist, setting the pace that would bring him to his climax.

“That’s it. Close your eyes and fuck me, feel how tight I am around you.”

The boy made a sound, not quite a moan, not quite a whimper. Something in between that had Spike on edge. The boy was already driving him crazy, rubbing against his cock each time he pushed back. He was painfully hard, but not about to do anything about it. Somehow, getting the boy off seemed okay. Getting himself off, well… that felt too much like cheating. At least this way, he felt like he was wanted with just a small amount of guilt to deal with. He allowed his mind to drift again, wondering what Angel was doing. Probably something a hell of a lot worse than this.

The boy moaned and Spike felt him shudder as he came, shooting his release onto the pavement in front of him. After a moment, the boy slumped against him, panting lightly, holding onto his wrist as Spike milked the last drops from him. When Spike felt the wetness on his hand and the boy’s body next to his, the reality and guilt of what he’d just done came crashing down on him. Not the tiny flicker of guilt he felt before, but a giant bubble of ‘What the fuck am I doing? I have a boyfriend’ kind of guilt.

“Damn, that was…”

“The last time,” Spike finished for him.

The boy pulled away, reaching down to pull up his boxers and jeans and then turned around to face him. “Okaaay? Not exactly what I was gonna say, but… what did I miss?”

“Nothing,” Spike answered, looking around for something to wipe his hand on, but finding nothing to use.

“So, why the attitude all the sudden? I mean, we just…”

“What? We snogged a bit; you got your rocks off. Now toddle on back inside to your cozy little job.”

“That’s it? That’s what you came here for?”

“No. Came for a beer, you were just a bonus.”

The boy shook his head, an incredulous look on his face. “So you just came to mess with me.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “You know what? You’re a real dick.”

Spike cocked an eyebrow and gave his best smirk. He saw the dark eyes as they moved over his body, then the boy grabbed the bar rag he’d stuffed into his back pocket and tossed it in Spike’s direction. “At least I’m not the one leaving with a hard-on this time,” the boy said, turning to unlock the door. Before he walked through, he turned back around. “I may be forward, and I may have come on strong with you last night, but at least I don’t play fucking head games.”

The door slammed shut and Spike was left alone in the alley. He began wiping his hand on the rag, disgusted with himself for letting things end up this way. He was pissed at Angel and his plan was to flirt a little, just to make himself feel better. He wasn’t supposed to let it go as far as it did, but it was too hard to stop once he felt the boy’s hard, tight body against him. He should have stayed away; knowing his immediate attraction to the boy would lead him down a path he knew he shouldn’t go.

TBC