So Many Tears

Title: So many tears 4

Rating: NC-17

Author: justchicky2Bme

Pairing: B/F it’s not possible for me to write any other.

Summary: Buffy and Faith are together, but with love comes pain. I don’t know where the story is set just put it somewhere in there.

Endorse: The show and characters belong to J.W. and M.E. The story however is mine, so if you would like to archive please let me know, my name must be attached.

Feedback: I love feedback, pretty much anything except for really mean stuff.

Notes: Ok well I’m not as happy about this chapter as I am the others, lemme know what you think. And thank you to everyone for the feedback, especially Tygerlily cus your feedback keeps me writing.



Never thought that I could love

Living in shadows, faded existence

It was never good enough

Within the darkness, you were the light

That shines away

The Calling – For You



Faith burst into the front door of the house, startling Willow and Kennedy who were coming down the stairs. She ran past them up to the bedroom. Buffy wasn’t there, the bed still unmade. She ran back out into the hallway searching the rooms, finding nothing she ran back downstairs and through the house, but could not find her girlfriend anywhere.

‘Hey what’s going on?’ Kennedy asked. She stood at the bottom of the stairs with Willow, both very confused. Faith stopped in front of them.

‘Where’s Buffy?’ She asked her eyes blazing.

‘I don’t know we haven’t seen her all morning.’ Kennedy said.

“What’s wrong, what happened?’ The redhead asked worried now at the look in the slayers eyes.

‘I fucked up.’ The brunette ran a hand through her hair. ‘God I’m so stupid!’ She punched her fist through the wall. The other two girls coiled back slightly and gasped.

‘What happened Faith?’ Willow asked. Faith’s chest was heaving as she looked at her fist.

‘I messed up Red. It’s all my fault.’

‘Faith what did you do, I’m sure it can’t be all that bad.’ Kennedy said. Faith looked up at them, a single tear dropped.

‘I cheated on her, and she found out. Those dreams she’s been having, and she’s been drinking. And we fought last night and she ran away and now I can’t find her. I fucked up, but I love her. I’ve got to get her back.’

‘You were like drunk or something right Faith, it was just one girl one night?’ Willow asked hoping that it was that simple. Faith shook her head not looking at the witch. ‘How many?’ The red heads voice was becoming stern.

‘That doesn’t matter right now.’ Faith said looking at her. She could tell Willow was becoming angry.

‘How many?’ She asked again, her voice almost growling. Kennedy was looking at her girlfriend unsure of what was going to happen.

‘I never wanted to hurt her. She means so fucking much to me. I messed up, I took her for granted, I took us for granted. I would do anything to take it all back. I can’t live without her Red.’ The witch could tell she was being genuine, but that didn’t take away from the fact that she had hurt her best friend. Of course she was not one to be talking on forgiveness or anything. The witch closed her eyes a moment and tried to calm her growing anger.

‘I believe you.’ She said quietly to the dark slayer. Willow really wanted to tear her apart at that moment but that wouldn’t help the situation any.

‘I’ve got to talk to her, that’s all I want.’ Willow sighed.

‘When she comes back………we’ll see. But I swear, if you do anything wrong, say anything wrong, you wont live another day.’ Then Willow turned and walked away. Kennedy stared after the girl then looked at Faith.

‘Your hand.’ She said. Faith looked down at her hand.

‘It’s nothing.’

‘You should tcarecare of it.’

‘I’ll be fine.’ Faith growled and walked out of the house.

********************

All I ever wanted was to be at your service

But now I’m alone cause you were here and you’re gone

And all I ever wanted was to feel I had a purpose

But now that’s all gone

Saliva – Bleed For Me



‘It’s all your fault you fucking bastard!’ She threw himagaiagainst the wall and pinned him with her arm.

‘I don’t know what your going on about slayer.’ Faith reached into her jacket and pulled out the flask. Spike looked down at it. ‘She said she couldn’t sleep.’

‘She was drinking more than this!’ She slammed him harder back into the wall and he grimaced.

‘She’s a big girl I think she can take care of herself.’ Faith glared back at him.

‘How bout I give you a little sunburn?’ She growled.

‘Look I didn’t do anything slayer, so I suggest you get your bloody hands off me.’

‘It’s your fucking fault!’

‘Buffy would have been enough for me.’ He glared back at her.

‘What did you say?’ She leered at him.

‘I wouldn’t have wasted something like that.’ Faith let go of him and he dropped down to the ground. She backed away staring at him. ‘I think your problem is a bit bigger than that.’ He pointed to the flask in her hand.



****************************

Understand my hate for you

What is wrong

Oh, what is right

I push you through

I can't live with or without you

Endo – Simple Lies



Willow looked up from her book when she heard the front door open. Buffy walked slowly in. Willow could tell her friend was fighting desperately not to cry.

‘Will.’ She managed to say. The redhead immediately rushed to the blond and wrapped her arms around the girl. ‘Faith she….. ‘

‘I know.’ Willow said quietly.

‘Why?’ Buffy broke down crying into her shoulder.

‘I don’t know.’ Willow couldn’t stand to see her friend in such pain.

‘I loved her.’

‘You still do.’

‘I don’t want to.’

‘I know it hurts, but things will work out I promise.’ She tried consoling the blond. Just then the front door opened. Xander and Wood walked in.

‘Hey Buffster.’ The smile from Xander’s face faded. ‘What’s going on?’ Buffy straightened up and tried to wipe the tears from her face.

‘Why don’t you go take a shower.’ Willow looked at her giving her a small reassuring smile. Buffy gave her a small smile back and walked silently up the stairs. They all watched her leave then both men moved forward.

‘What’s going on?’ Wood asked. Willow sighed and sat down on the couch. She knew what would probably happen if she told them.

‘What happened Will?’ Xander asked.

‘It’s Faith.’

‘She’s dead?’ Wood asked.

‘No ummm she cheated on Buffy.’

‘What!?’ Xander looked shocked.

‘How am I not surprised.’ Wood said quietly.

‘She came in this morning looking for Buffy and she told me.’

‘And you didn’t kill her?’ Xander asked in disbelief.

‘No I didn’t want to go all evil and try to destroy the world again. I think once is enough.’

‘Where’s Faith now?’ Wood asked.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Well I think we better find her.’ Xander walked to the weapons chest and pulled out a sword. Then he followed Wood out the door.

‘Where are they going?’ Kennedy asked walking into the room.

‘To find Faith.’ Willow said quietly, her hands folded in her lap.

‘And you’re just gonna let them?’ Kennedy asked, eyes wide in astonishment.

‘It’s not her problem.’ Buffy’s voice drifted to them as she walked down the stairs. Her hair was back in a pony tail and she had changed clothes. ‘It’s mine.’ There was a cold gleam to her once glowing eyes. ‘Where’s Dawn?’

‘At a friends house.’ Kennedy replied.

‘Good she doesn’t need to be involved in this right now.’ The blonde looked at her friend. ‘Don’t worry Will, I know what I have to do.’ She turned and walked out the door.

*******************

I feel so alone

again

I know that I need you

To help me make it through the night

and I pray

That you believe in me

You gave me my strength

To face another day alone

12 Stones – Let go



She seeped anger, anger at life, anger at herself. She had convinced herself that she had changed but now realized she was still the same. Her foot shot out and cracked the vamps knee causing him to collapse. She brought her own knee up against his face and she heard the crack of his nose. Another vamp came at her back but she swung around and kicked him in the gut before he could get to her. Faith decided she would make them suffer as long as possible, that way she could get some of her anger out. Another vamp grabbed her arm, she grabbed it and twisted his arm back breaking it. The one with the broken nose lunged at her managing to tackle her to the ground. She fought him off and rolled to her feet. One vamped kicked her exposed back and sent her forward face first into a gravestone. She grunted and felt blood trickle down her face.

‘Now you’re just making it worse for yourself.’ She growled looking up at the advancing vamps. She kicked her leg up high kicking one in the face. Another one managed to kick her in the stomach, but she recovered and threw and uppercut. Suddenly her legs were taken out from underneath her and she was on her back and a vamp was on top of her. He leaned down teeth bared, then suddenly exploded into dust. Faith wiped the dust from her eyes and looked up. Buffy was standing over her. Faith didn’t know what to say or do, she became paralyzed for a moment.

*******************

It was you

Who could get me high

With whatever you say

You're telling me something real

What we do

It doesn't matter now

Whatever it takes

For you to stay with me

Revis – Caught in The Rain



‘B I……’

‘I know you’re sorry.’ She cut in. Faith stood up dusting herself off. Buffy’s eyes glowed coldly at her.

‘Are you ok?’ Faith asked moving a step forward.

‘You know I went back home and when I went into our room I saw the picture.’ Faith knew what picture she was talking about. Willow had taken a picture of her and Buffy standing together, Faith had her arm wrapped around the blondes waist. It was taken after they had first gotten together. ‘I realize how naive I was then. I believed you, I trusted you. I thought you loved me.’

‘I always loved you. I changed for you.’

‘You changed?’ Buffy looked at her incredulously.

“I know I messed up. I’m not perfect, I’ve never been perfect. And don’t pretend that you are either. I fuck things up, I always do.’

‘Don’t play martyr with me. You can’t always blame the past for your mistakes, you need to grow up.’

‘I’m not, but I can’t forget the past and you can’t either. This has nothing to do with that. I’m sorry, I love you can’t you see that? I’m begging here, I never do that.’

‘You want to know what I see? I see you and those other girls. Tasting them, your fingers inside of them.’

“Stop.’ Faith pleaded.

‘Your tongue inside of them.’

‘Stop!’

‘What’s wrong Faith, that’s what you did isn’t it?’

‘But it was never like it was with you, I love you!’

‘You should have let me die.’ Buffy said coldly.

‘Don’t’ say that.’ Buffy pulled her jacket off and pulled her shirt down some exposing her heart. She lifted her stake and pressed the tip to her skin. ‘What are you doing?’ Faith moved forward to grab the stake. Buffy grabbed her by the wrist with her other hand, holding Faith’s hand on the stake and pressing it against her skin. Faith could see the tiniest bit of blood.

‘This is what you’re doing to me.’ Her voice cracked with emotion. Faith’s face was inches from her own.

‘I never meant to hurt you.’ Buffy pressed the stake a little harder. Pain barely registered on her face. ‘This isn’t you.’ She pressed a little harder.

‘Things will never be the same, you might as well press it in.’ Buffy glared into Faith’s eyes.

‘You know I would never do that.’

‘I thought you’d never cheat on me.’ They stared into each others eyes.

‘Tell me what to do.’

‘I don’t know, I don’t know if there is anything you can do.’

‘Give me a chance.’

‘Every time I close my eyes……….’ Tears fell from Buffy’s eyes. Faith reached up slowly and wiped them away with her thumb, and left her hand on the blondes cheek.

‘It’s killing me to see you like this. We can talk to Willow, she might be able to take care of those fucking dreams.’ Buffy gritted her teeth trying not to lose her resolve.

‘I don’t think I can ever forget this.’

‘Do you want me to go. If it’ll make things better I’ll leave.’ Faith was trying to hold back her tears.

‘I love you.’ Buffy whispered. ‘I don’t know…. I…..’

‘Hey!’ They were both startled at the voice and turned their heads to the sound. Wood and Xander were running in their direction. Faith’s hand was still on the stake at Buffy’s heart and she pulled back.

‘Look it’s not what you think.’ Faith said.

‘The hell it’s not.’ Wood yelled running to attack Faith.



TBC