Wounded Hearts

Last night I prayed the Lord my soul to keep
Then I cried myself to sleep
So sure life wouldn't go on without you
But oh this sun is blinding me
As it wakes me from the dark
I guess the world didn't stop
For my broken heart

Clocks still ticking, life goes on
Radio still plays a song
As I try to put my scattered thoughts in place
And it takes all the strength I've got
To stumble to the coffee pot
The first of many lonely mornings I've got to face

I guess the world ain't gonna stop
For my broken heart
--Reba McEntire, “For My Broken Heart”

Buffy sat, white as a ghost in the corridor outside of the coroner’s office. She had lost what little she had in her stomach when they had pulled the sheet back and allowed her to see her husband one last time. Spike had been there to hold her up and assist her into the bathroom.

Afraid he would have a similar reaction, he put on a brave front and told her he would be O.K. to go in and see Drusilla on his own without her. In all reality, he just didn’t want Buffy to see him break down.

He stared at his dead wife trying to make his mind grasp the horrible truth settling in on him. She was really gone. Spike grasped her cold hand and kissed her forehead.
“Goodbye, luv.” was all he could think to say. Stupid git, he chastised himself as he turned on his heel and walked away from the table she lay on.

Buffy looked up as Spike came through the door. At first appearance, he seemed calm and handling himself well. Buffy’s first thought was very short-lived as without warning, Spike let out a cry of anguish and began attacking the room. Chairs were thrown. Magazines were ripped. A wall was punched before several police deputy’s came running and tackled Spike to the ground.

“Spike! Please stop…Spike!” Buffy cried out.

Buffy ran over to the heap of men on the floor and as Spike’s shoulders slumped and he stopped struggling, the officer’s released their hold on him. Buffy crouched down and drew Spike to her, cradling him against her.

“We could press charges against you for assaulting a police officer” one of the deputies spoke up. He jHe just lost his wife. Have some compassion!” Buffy looked up with tears in her eyes.

“I am sorry about that ma’am but you can’t just go around destroying property. He will have to pay for the damage.” The officer replied.

“Fine! Buffy scrambled up and grabbed her purse. She roughly grabbed her check book and started writing furiously. “How much?” she looked at the officer pointedly.

“Umm...we don’t know yet. We’ll have to wait ande bee began but Buffy cut him off.

“Here’s a thousand. That should more than cover it. Now, if you don’t mind, we’re leaving.” Buffy handed over a check.

Buffy moved back to Spike and helped him to his feet. “Come on, Spike. Let’s go.” She led him away and out into the bright sun as the shocked deputies watched them go.

As soon as they were about a block away, Buffy stopped holding her breath and starting gasping for air as she tried to calm her frayed nerves. Spike just stood still by her, like a zombie.

Buffy started looking around the town, taking in for the first time, the hustle and bustle of everyday life. She watched a group of children goofing off as they walked down the opposite sidewalk together. She watched a woman come out from her flower shop and start watering her display of plants. She watched a family exit a restaurant, laughing and smiling.

How dare they? She thought to herself. How dare they be happy. I’m dying inside. How can they be so happy? Don’t they know? Don’t they understand? Angel is gone. My husband is dead. HE IS DEAD, her mind screamed at her.

Just then, Spike finally spoke up, “I need a fag.”
Buffy shook her clouded head and scanned the street, locating a corner store about half a block down.
“There’s a store. Let’s go.” She grabbed his hand and started off.
“I thought I had some. I don’t know what I did with them.” Spike said monotone.
“It’s O.K. Do you have money?” Buffy asked as they entered the store.
“I’m no bleeding charity case, pet.” Spike snapped.
“I didn’t mean anything by that, Spike. It was just a question. Don’t bite my head off.” Buffy snapped back.

“What can I get for you folks?” the old man behind the register asked.
“A pack of Marlboro Reds and bringing my dead wife back would be good.” Spike laughed maniacally.
“That’s not funny, Spike.” Buffy smacked his arm slightly.
“I think it’s funny. I think it’s real fucking funny!” Spike said loudly as the store’s other patrons started to look over.
“That’ll be $3.50” the cashier said, trying to ignore the rudeness of the bhed hed blonde man in front of him.
Spike handed over the money and waited for his change as he started to open pac pack of cigarettes. He lit one.

“There’s no smoking in here, Sir.” The old man informed him as he handed him his change.
“That so?” Spike said with a challenge in his voice.
“Come on, Spike. Let’s go before you cost me anymore money or end up in jail.” Buffy said, dragging him away by the elbow and silently apologizing to the old man with her eyes.

Once outside, Spike whirled on her, “What money?”
“You were there! The money I just gave the police.” Buffy told him. “We’re you so out of it that you don’t remember?” Buffy asked.
Spike looked down and closed his eyes, piecing together the events of what had happened since he left Drusilla’s body. He was mentally blocking things out apparently.
What he had done finally washed over him and he looke at at Buffy as shame and guilt crossed over his features.
“Remember, now?” Buffy said.
“Yeah…sorry. Uhh...I’ll pay you back. I will. I promise.” Spike informed her.

“So…now what?” Buffy said looking around again.
“Well…said they’d fly the bodies…uhhh...Dru and your husband to wherever we are burying them.” Spike said, upset that he had referred to their spouses as bodies.
“Well, Angel and I don’t really have any family to speak of from where we came from. We already bought the house in California. I suppose that’s where I will be living, at least for now so I need to find a funeral home and cemetery around there.” Buffy explained.
Spike looked down sadly then back up, “I don’t have a place to put Dru. We kind of moved around a lot. No family either for us. Just each other. Where am I gonna take her, Buffy?” Spike asked, wanting someone else to give him all the answers that he couldn’t come up with himself now.

Buffy looked into Spike’s soulful sad puppy dog eyes and swallowed hard. It took only a split second to make her decision.
“We can put her with Angel. It seems only right, I suppose. Maybe they can comfort each other wherever they are…” Buffy broke off in a sob.
“Ssshhh, pet, don’t cry. That’s right decent of you to offer. I think Dru would like that. It’s settled then.” Spike agreed.

“I guess we need to find someplace to stay.” Buffy said softly.
“There’s a motel up the road a ways, I passed earlier today.” Spike offered.
“We’ll need to make flight reservations too, I reckon.” Spike said as they started to walk in the direction of the motel.
“Umm...about that. Buffy and flying. Not mixy things. I’d rather rent a car and drive the rest of the way.” Buffy informed him.
“That’s a long way to go by yourself, Buffy.” Spike replied.
“Well, what if I wasn’t aloneuffyuffy said, and then blushed.
“Me? You want me to come along for the ride?” Spike questioned.
“Yeah, I was kind of hoping you would. Buffy and driving aren’t really mixy things either.” She blushed in embarrassment again.
“You need me to chauffer you?” Spike became a bit irritated.
“No…it’s not like that. I can drive…just not so good but I want you to come along regardless. It only makes sense since Angel and Dru will be buried at the same place. If we fly them out and then we drive we can meet them at the funeral home.” Buffy said then stopped abruptly.

“Spike…I’m not very good at lying…even though all of that is true…the real reason, I want you to come with me is…” she looked down and teared up, “I’m just not ready for you not to be here, yet.”

Spike stared at her long and hard before replying, “Right then. Let’s go do this then.”

The odd couple walked awkwardly down the road as the world went on around them as if nothing had even happened at all.

Continued in Chapter 4