The Brink Of Your Mind

Break Me Down
A/N: ok, new part. And full filling the promise I gave to you the other day Q.Zulu. Nothing *much* happens in this one though, unfortunately. It’s just the set-up for something else. But I’m not telling you what, because I’m evil. [insert evil cackling here]

~ ~ ~

She estimated the time to be somewhere in the evening hours, as the sun was slowly falling towards the horizon. Soft streams of the failing sun whispered through the trees, drenching parts of the forest floor in a bright, yellow light. And every now and then, as she’s step over a pile of leaves or a fallen tree branch, the sun would catch her in the right eye, temporarily blinding her in that side. She didn’t mind though.

The surrounding forest seemed to go on forever, trees and underbrush trailing far beyond her sight, with new saplings clawing desperately for the canopy above, in the pure hope that maybe they would be the young one to survive. But it was a futile attempt to grow past the hundred year old roots that networked their way through the earth beneath the soil, to push their way through the gnarled tree trunks and weave their way through the branches that stuck out from the old trees. They were like guards, defending their right to be there, to protect their master.

Faith felt exactly like that right now. The youngest of the slayers, being forced to slow down, to wait, for the elder, who carefully surrounded herself in her own guards, her own friends. It made it so difficult for her to become one of them, because they were such a close group, so tight knit. They’d gone through hell and back together, and all they saw when they looked at her, was a slayer who’d failed her watcher and come running for help.

Although she’d like to think that they thought she was weak, she knew they didn’t. They thought she was dangerous, and unstable to say the best of things. Hell, maybe she was. She didn’t know that, never been to a shrink to try and get a straight answer.

She didn’t need to talk to a stranger to know that her childhood had had lasting damage on her psyche.

Despite the thoughts and emotions being in the forest was arousing within her, she didn’t think she’d felt so much peace before. The only sounds that surrounded her were the quiet chirping of the birds, the insects as they rustled beneath the levels of twigs and leaves, and somewhere there was a gentle stream. She could hear it trickling as it washed over it’s bed of rocks and mud.

She pulled herself over a fallen tree truck, mindful of the sharp areas of bark as she threw her backpack over, before dropping to the floor again.

The trans-am had run out of gas about five miles out of the woods, on a road that cut a path through the fo, wh, which grew tall on both sides. And being the person she was, Faith was never one to simply walk the path already laid out for her. She stood there for a good five minutes, trying to decide which way to go, before turning on her heal and disappearing into the greenery.

She must have been walking for a good two hours, but seem as though she never thought to pick up her watch, from her bedside table, she didn’t know. Buffy had bought her that watch, because she was always late to meetings and training and just hanging out at the bronze. And it did work for a while, because she simply refused to take it off unless she was showering. It was when it had caught on one of Buffy’s shirts while they were training, and ripped the simple material, that she finally agreed to remove it. And she hadn’t remembered to put it back on since.

As she pulled herself back out of her thoughts, she noticed a new sound that echoed off the trees and got smothered in the dense forest; people. Maybe she was coming up to a campsite, either way there’ a t a toilet there, and she desperately needed to go. And although she was the ‘do that’ girl, she really didn’t feel like peeing in the woods.

She broke out of the tree line to find herself on a parking lot. There was a row of trucks parked off to her left and a store over on the other side of the lot. Picnic tables surrounded the entire area, with garbage bins scattered around. Trying to preserve the forest. Yeah, right. Because slapping a gas station in the middle of it does it so much good. She tried not to complain though, as she headed off towards the store, because at the end of the day, it’s nice to be able to get a bottle of water and have a pee without half of the cast of Bambi looking up your ass.

~ ~ ~

A tension hung between them in the air now,ce Bce Buffy’s revelation yesterday. She hadn’t meant to be so blunt with Willow, but hearing her say she was the other slayer’s friend made something inside of her twitch. Because the simple truth was, that no one from their little group was Faith’s friend. Not one of them. Xander had a hard-on for the brunette a mile long, Willow was all sorts of jealous and nervy around her, Giles was her boss and Buffy.. she didn’t know what she was.

The other slayer? A pain in the ass? A kill joy? A big mouth?

She honestly didn’t mean to say anything about Faith’s dad the other day; it just slipped out without her consent. She should have known that Faith would react like that. No one can survive that kind of past, without being a little damaged by it.

What she didn’t understand was why the other slayer was trying to hide it from her.

She shook her head, looking out of the library window as the sun curled towards the earth, and wondered where the dark slayer was right now. She’d been to her motel room, and as usual found the door unlocked. Because as Faith had said many times before ‘What the fuck would they steal?’. Taking a quick look around, she found most of Faith’s things still there, including her watch and most of her bathroom stuff. Minus her toothbrush and a cake of soap. But some of her clothes were missing, and a few pieces of her weapons gone too.

It was clear that she’d gone somewhere for a few days, hell maybe even a few weeks for all Buffy knew. But it was also obvious that she’d be coming back. She’d left her bedside lamp there, one she’d told Buffy that her mother had given her. She wouldn’t leave that behind for anything in the world.

“Buffy?” she snapped her head around to look at her red haired friend and raised a questioning eyebrow. “We were gonna go get some food from town. Do you wanna come?” there was a soft hesitation in her voice, almost a plea for the chance to talk about what had been said between them.

Picking up her sweater, soddeodded her head and offered a weak smile, beffollfollowing her two best friends out the doors, and leaving Giles to his stack of dusty books.

~ ~ ~

“Are you kidding me? Four dollars for a small bottle of water?” the clerk behind the counter just shrugged as it to say ‘hey, I didn’t price it up, I just take the money.’ Who the fuck would work this far out of civilisation anyway? She grudgingly handed over the money and walked back outside to one of the picnic benches, taking a deep swallow of the cool water as she dropped her bag to the floor at her feet.

There weren’t too many people here, other than the truckers, but her eyes fixed upon a small family on the other side of the lot. The trunk of their car was open, and they all sat around the wooden table, eating sandwiches and drinking soda from a cooler they had. They were laughing and messing around with each other, and Faith felt a forbidden yearning rumble up from within her.

She violently shoved the emotions back down inside of her, knowing that although there may be a chance somewhere along the line, to be apart of something that nice and comfortable, now wasn’t the time, so longing for thinthing that wasn’t available to her right then was pointless.

She sighed to herself. That’s what it was always abowasnwasn’t it? Knowing she can’t have something and repressing the emotions for whatever it was, deep down inside of her. It was creating a vacuum inside of her, to wall up those feelings, and although it hadn’t failed her so far, she knew that the more she suppressed those emotions, the more likely it was that that vacuum would break, and they’d all come rushing back at her at once.

Shaking her head to rid herself of her morbid and depressing thoughts, she looked over towards the row of trucks, and the truckers who were leaning on their front bumpers talking to each other in little groups. Some of them wandering from group to group and talking with them all. She was trying to decide if she was going to continue at her gentle pace through the forest, or hitch a ride to a city. Because although she was enjoying the peace and silence of the woods, she was really a city girl at heart.

She’d lived in them her entire life, the concrete jungles. She’d decided when she’d headed out of Sunnydale that she’d head to a city for a few weeks, loose herself in the thriving bodies that pulsated the sidewalks at day, and throbbed in the clubs at night. To remember what it felt like to be a part of something that didn’t care where you came from, what had happened to you. Didn’t know your destiny or cared about it for that matter. To loose herself in a place where she was just one of many, and where no one cared what your name was.

But right now, she was finding it difficult to make a decision. She wasn’t anywhere near a state that would rain almost constantly, so it was quite safe to camp out at night with nothing but yourself for cover. On one hand, she wouldn’t have to pay for a place to stay out here and save her money for something useful like food. On the other hand though, she’d rather stay in a tent with a sleeping bag.

Scanning the parking lot, she watched as the family packed up their things and got back into their car. But they didn’t drive away. Enhancing her sight, she watched as the front passengers lowered their seats, as the kids pulled some blankets out of the back and handed them forward to their parents. They were settling down for a sleep, before they carried on with their journey.

Her eyes flickered over their roof racking, taking stock of the things they’d tethered to the bars with elastic ropes.

She smiled softly to herself as she settled down on the bench to wait.

~ ~ ~

“Buffy I.. what did I say yesterday?” Buffy brought her eyes away from Xander as he stood at the counter, waiting to get served for coffee, and back to her best friend, who sat across from her.

“What’d you mean Will?”

“When you walked off. I mean, what did I say?” the red head looked hesitant, almost fearful of incurring Buffy’s un-naturally calm wrath again, and although a small part of her felt shamed by that, most of her was rolling it’s eyes and wondering when the wicca stopped paying so much attention.

“You said you were Faith’s friend Will.”

“We all are. I don’t get it Buff.”

“No, we’re not.” The simple statement stunned Willow into silence, her mouth open and closing as if to come up with some form of sentence to refute the simple truth. “We’re not. None one of us are. How many times have you and Xander crashed out at my house since she’s been here? And how many times did we invite her? When was the last time we called her for anything other than slaying?”

Willow clicked her jaw shut, the truth of Buffy’s statement washing over her mind. They’d never invited Faith to hang out with them when they slept over at Buffy’s, never once asked her if she’d like to come to the espresso pump with her, or to a movie. The only reason she’d ever been at the bronze with them, is because they knew she’d probably end up there anyway, and didn’t want to anger the steely brunette, by having her arrive there to find them already at a table, having not invited her.

Buffy knew what her excuse was, and although she’d like to blame Luc for it and her not ing ing to work with the devil, she knew she’d just be lying to herself. The truth was that she was scared. Of who Faith was and where she came from. She’d never met anyone in her life that had that much badness happen to them, who’d been through that much pain. Truth be told, she had no idea what to do with the information she found herself having, or how to deal with a person who was in as much pain as Faith was.

What she didn’t get was why Willow did it, or why Xander did it.

“I know why I don’t let her in Will. But why don’t you?” the blonde cocked her head to the side slightly, her eyes trained on Willow as she waited for an answer. Just as she looked about ready to say something, the moment was broken as Xander arrived back at the table with their drinks.

~ ~ ~

Faith stood back in the little clearing she’d found, and surveyed her work. The tent was only a small one, made for kids, but as it was just her, it didn’t really make that much of a difference. She’d waited a good hour before moving silently over towards the car she’d been watching, making sure everyone inside of it wast ast asleep, before unhooking the ropes and sliding a tent and a large, rolled up sleeping bag from the racking.

She’d slipped back into the forest, melting in with the shadows that now surrounded the lot and becoming just another part of the scenery. A black, ink like shadow as it moved silently through the trees, not making a single sound, even as ste stepped upon piles of crisp leaves and over twigs ripe for snapping.

The sun had long since faded from the sky, and although she had no flashlight, or source of light at all, she could see just perfectly. Could still pick out single details on a tree trunk, even in the dark of night. It was whate a e a slayer so effective during the night; the ability to change their eyesight so the darkness that fell like a shroud was no longer a problem.

Another thing she’d liberated from the family back at the lot was one of their coolers. They had four of them, and she’d looked inside of them all, before she found the one she wanted. The one that had all the tins in it, all the bags of pasta, a couple of large bottles of water, and a propane gas cooker. She could quite happily live of sandwiches and junk food for days when she was younger, but now her metabolism had sped up to increasing fast levels, to cope with the amount of adrenaline that often coursed through out her entire body.

She set up the cooker and chose a meal of beans and spagetti-o’s, before sitting herself on the ground and watching the flame as it burned.

As her eyes re-adjusted to the light that was now present, she was endlessly fascinated by how the trees on the edge of the clearing, became darker and darker, creating a wall of black that she couldn’t see through, and wouldn’t be able to until she’d extinguished the gas cooker.

It was as she was looking out at that tree line, that she saw a figure, moving through the trees. For a split second she thought it might be fae family, coming to look for their stuff, but quickly dismissing the idea because she’d hiked a further five miles into the forest, after she’d liberated them of their stuff.

She watched as the figure moved, weaving in and out of the trees silently, and although she could tell it was a female, she couldn’t see her face. A small portion of adrenaline started to weave its way through her body, causing her muscles to start bunching up in readiness for any fight that might come. To the casual observer, her position hadn’t changed, and it’d take another slayer to notice the differences in the way she now held her body.

It wasn’t until the figure was directly in front of her, thought still far back in the trees, that she saw her face.

“Buffy..?” she whispered softly into the dense silence of the night.

~ ~ ~

Buffy’s dream was so vivid, she thought it was real. She was walking in a forest; gaining on a source of light she could see in a clearing, the outline of a tent and of a girl as she sat watching the flames from her cooker. But somewhere in her mind, she knew that when she reached the clearing, she couldn’t walk into it, but instead had to stay within the line of trees.

And she couldn’t talk, only walk and see, but somewhere inside of her she knew that she had to get the attention of the girl sat by the flames, and the only way she could figure out how to do that, was to walk to the other side of the clearing, so she was opposite. As she walked, the trees and shadows swirled around her, as if warning her to stay away, to go back to where she came from. But this was a dream, and she had no control over what happened here, had learnt along time ago that the dream would be over faster if she just went with the flow. To see what her mind was trying to show her.

It was when she reached the other side of the clearing and turned to look at the girl, that she heard it, her name. Whispered on the wind.

“faith.” The brunette girl stood slowly, extracting herself from the underbrush she had made into her own little seat, and looked at her over the dancing light of the cooker. Her face was washed in confusion as she stared at her. Buffy could almost feel her wondering how the hell she had gotten there.

“How the fuck did you find me?” the blonde slayer cocked her head to the side slightly as she studied her counterpart. The girl who was her exactly opposite, and yet not so different from herself at the same time.

“You called out to me Faith. And I followed.” All the bluster of the girl was suddenly drained out of her, as she looked upon the almost ghostly figure stood across from her. Her eyeist ist in the warm night air, and a slight tremble to her hands. She didn’t know what to say, and although she hadn’t physically called out to her, Faith somehow knew that at some point, maybe from deep inside of herself, she had. She no longer questioned the supernatural, because although half of it was evil, the other half always had a reason for being. “I know who you are. I’ve seen you walking in the shadows. But you don’t have to walk there any more Faith. Not alone.”

“How can you possibly understand what I’ve been through?” the brunette slayer ran her hand over her face and back through her hair, sighing almost in defeat.

“Maybe I don’t need to understand Faith. Maybe I just need to know.”

Suddenly, Buffy was jerked from her sleep as Giles dropped a book to the library table.

“Good dreams Buffy?” he raised an eyebrow at her, and she didn’t know how he managed to make that one facial expression seem both amused and annoyed at the same time.

“Maybe. We’ll see.” She offered him a small smile, before leaning forward and taking hold of another book.


To Be Continued