Anything for You

<Part 4>

    Spike wandered down the streets of Sunnydale in a daze.
After Willow's announcement he couldn't just stand there any longer. //The
Whelp loves me. Me. I was the demon in the cemetery. I was the one he was
all broken up for. I was the reason he wanted to die.// The vampire fought
down the icky feeling creeping through his body. //I should be proud that
I managed to cause all this damage even with the chip. . . but Xander. .
. I don't want to hurt him. I like the bloody whelp! He's. . . he was my
friend.//

    Without realizing he had come to stand in front of Xander's
apartment complex. Blue eyes lifted to the Slayerette's windows and he watched
the play of shadows behind the curtains while Xan got his kids ready for
bed. //I used to help him do that. I was a part of that.//

    But it wasn't his problem! So the whelp had a stiff bit
for him, it wasn't his fault the brat was so damned unlucky with all the
girls he'd been with! It wasn't his fault the kid liked him more than he'd
thought. //I have Buffy! The woman I've been after since the start of this
whole bloody mess. I slept with her. Fucked her through the floor I did!
Literally!. . . but. . . She never smiled like sunshine at me. Never told
me she loved me. Never let me be a part of her family. . . but that isn't
what I wanted from her!//

    The shadows gathered on the bed and Xander's voice carried
through the open window, "Time to sleep now guys."

    "One story daddy?" They were talking in tandem again.
Spike felt a smile form over his face in spite of himself.

    "Then you'll sleep?"

    Little Essej's voice peeped up, "After a song?"

    Xander was smiling, the vampire could hear it in his voice.
"A story 'and' a song? I don't know. I think I'll need some extra goodnight
hugs for that."

    Giggles wafted over the night air to the man below and
Spike could picture the four of them wrestling for hugs and messing the neat
bedding.

    "Now we have to make to bed again!" Xander sighed in mock
exasperation.

    More giggles and rustling of cloth followed, "Now what
story do you want to hear."

    "When you found out you loved Wil-daddy."

    "Essej!" The other two yelled at him.

    "Shh, it's ok." Xander was slipping into story telling
mode. "It didn't happen all at once. Not like love at first sight. It started
off as admiration. Spike was always so calm and cool and he acted like he
knew exactly what he wanted and the world had better give it to him or else."


    "That's Wil-Daddy!" Ssol giggled.

    "I was watching him, to try to teach myself how to be
that sure of everything, that's when I started to notice how blue his eyes
are, and how his skin is the color of marble, and how his hair curls behind
his ears. And I started to want him. To be close to him. It was a long time
after, Spike got hurt and came to live with me. He wasn't a bad guy any more.
. . well, at least he couldn't kill us, but I wanted to be careful anyway,
so I tied him up."

    "To a chair!"

    "Hey! Who's telling this story?"

    More giggles and Spike found himself giggling too.

    "While he was living with me I realized that behind his
beauty and calm, he was a really fun guy. He likes good music, he's got a
great sense of humor, and soon, when I was around him, my whole body felt
safe. It felt like Spike made me whole. And all other sorts of mushy grown
up feelings."

    "When did you know you loved him?"

    Xander didn't speak for a while and Spike thought he might
not answer. Then the voice rose again. "When Buffy started dating Riley,
and we found out he was from the group that hurt Spike. I would have given
everything I was to take the pain and fear and rage off of Spike's face.
That's when I realized I loved him. Of course, I could never tell him. It's
not that he's a vampire, it's that he's in love with Buffy. I couldn't take
that away from him."

    "But Buffy lady knew you loved him?"

    "I had to tell her. He was hurt and the sun was going
to come up. She told me to leave him. I got really angry and shouted it out."


    "But Wil-daddy was knocked up!"

    Spike choked and Xander chuckled, "Knocked out. He was
knocked out."

    "Will he ever come back daddy?"

    "Yrral, if he's in love with Buffy then he's happy now.
I would never take that away. That's what real love is all about. Wanting
your loved ones to be happy."

    "We're happy daddy."

    Once again Spike could hear Xander's smile. "Then so am
I."

    "Even if your heart is broken?"

    The smile faded a bit. "Even if my heart is broken."

    "Sing us a song now daddy."

    Spike almost spoke out loud, //Oh no you don't mate, you'll
get it stuck in your head again!//

    "This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and
on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and
they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn't
end. . ."

    "Daddy!"

    Spike couldn't take anymore. He walked away from the apartment
building and the giggles and songs and stories, and went home to his crypt.
//So I'm not a part of the family anymore, so what? It isn't like I wanted
to be. I was just distracting m'self!// He flopped down in the tomb and let
his shoulders droop. "I was."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The next night, everyone gathered at the magic box. Officially
it was a research party, but really they just wanted to know what Xander
was doing with the three demons. When the whelp walked in Spike stepped back
into sha shadows, forgotten by everyone present. The kids trailed in behind
him, nervous about meeting the people from their daddy's bedtime stories.


    "Xander!" Buffy ran to him and hugged him tight, "I am
so sorry! I really forgot! God I've been so messed up lately I. . ."

    "It's ok Buffy." He smiled, "Really."

    "Xan. . ."

    "I'm good. The kids are taking care of me."  He stood
between the three large demons and smiled, "This is Ssol, Yrral, and Essej.
My kids."

    "Garkreshin." Giles' eyes were wide. "Garkreshin demons
are very solitary creatures, a mother is with her children until the death.
How did you. . . ?"

    "The death part happened early for their mom. They'd just
been born. I rescued her from one of those slimy pink tentacle things. .
."

    "Bogyreate." Giles offered automatically.

    "Yeah the Booger rats."

    The kids giggles and Xander grinned at then and held them
close. "She was dying and she told me where her babies were and asked me
to take care of them."

    "So you did."

    "Of course."

    "How many years have you hidden this Xander?!" Willow
asked in shock.

    "Four."

    "Four years. You've been living with three demons for
four years and we never knew?!"


    "You've been preoccupied."

    "For four years?"

    Xander shrugged.

    Willow didn't let him off that easily. She looked at him
with her puppydog eyes and sobbed, "We haven't been very good friends, have
we."

    He shook his head, "You're great friends Wills. It's not
like we never do anything together, you just don't come home with me or anything."


    Giles was the one to put them back on track. "And the
Garkreshin?"

    He blushed, "They're my babies. I didn't want to overwhelm
them with all of you.asking about them and questioning me and them. I knew
you'd love them after you got to know them, but I didn't want to put them
through all of this."

    "Then they found us instead." Willow pointed out.

    The three boys swayed a little and blushed then spoke
in tandem, "Sorry."

    Giles blinked, "Extraordinary."

    Yrral froze and Ssol and Essej turned with him to face
the shadows Spike was hiding in. "Wil-daddy."

    "'ey whelps. Thought I'd see 'ow you were gettin' along."


    All three of them back to stand in front of Xander and
glared at the blond vampire. "Leave."

    "Guys!" Xander admonished, "Spike's part of the gang.
He can be here if he wants to be."

    "No!" The were upset now, talking in tandem again. "He's
a bad man!"

    "We talked about this." He sat them down on the couch
and crouched in front of them. "Everything that happened was my own fault.
Spike had no idea how I felt. He wasn't being a bad man. He can be happy
now." The last was said in a whisper, but Spike caught it.  And he felt
horrible.

    "Are you?" Yrral demanded. "Are you happy that you aren't
our daddy anymore?"

    Essej looked up with tears in his eyes. "Are you glad
daddy's being sad so you can be happy?"

    Ssol wouldn't even look at him when he spoke, "Are you
happy you have your Buffy kisses now? And all daddy has is one Spike kiss?"


    Xander shot up and gathered the boys together. "This was
a bad idea. Come on guys. We're going home."

    Spike growled. "Wait!"

    He froze. //Shit!//

    "What is this about a Spike kiss?" He looked the whelp
over carefully, "I never kissed you."

    Willow gasped, Giles began cleaning his glasses furiously,
and Buffy groaned, "You DIDN'T!"

    "I. . . when Buffy came to you, after the Buffy Bot thing.
. . it wasn't. . . it wasn't Buffy."

    Spike's eyes were wide.

    "You kissed him as me?!" Buffy grit her teeth.

    "You were hurting so much I thought. . . if I could give
you one thing to hold onto. . ."

    "So you kissed me."   //an' let me 'ave that
comfort while you took my pain.//

    Xander nodded once then ushered the kids outside. "I'll
uh. . . I'll see you guys later."

    The door closed and the scoobies began talking a mile
a minuet. . . and Spike stood staring at the place Xander had stood. For
ten minuets, maybe more, all he could do was stare.  //'E loved me tha'
much? 'E really is a white 'at.//

    ~Are you glad daddy's being sad so you can be happy?~


    //No. No I'm not.//

    ~Are you happy that you aren't our daddy anymore?~

    //Course not! Being a part of that was the best feeling
I've ever. . . had.// He blinked in realization. "I love 'im."

    "What?" Willow turned and asked Spike, "Did you say something?"


    "Bloody 'ell. When did. . . How did I miss. . ."

    "Spike?" Buffy asked him cautiously.

    "I 'ave to go see Xan-pet!" He sped through the words
and ran out the door leaving the scoobies once again in shock.

    "What was that all about?" Giles wondered out loud.

    Willow smiled.



    Buffy smirked, "Looks lSpikSpike finally got a clue."


    "Do you think Xander will listen to him?"

    "He's in love!"

    "He's been hurt."

    Buffy deflated quickly. "Shit."

    "Lets go before we end up picking up the pieces." Giles
groaned and led them after Spike. This could shape up to be a disastrous
confrontation.