Who, What, Why, Where, When?

CHAPTER 4

Willow awoke the next morning and stretched to get rid of the kinks from her night on the sofa. She reminded herself to persuade him to get more comfortable furniture for the increasingly regular occasions when she or one of the others had to sleep on it.

With a shock she remembered the events of yesterday and how the perfect day had ended in a nightmare of uncertainty and worry over his continuing struggle to remember the previous six years.

After Doctor Alexander had left the previous night she had taken some time to get the situation straight in her own mind. She hacidecided that she would always love Giles but she couldn't take advantof hof him in his present state. He obviously had feelings for her, she remembered with a shiver the kisses they had exchanged, but she knew that his feelings were in isolation to everything else that had happened to him since his arrival in America. After all, she rationalised, if he refused to see me in that way after knowing me for six years, how could he possibly be in his right mind now?

She had never told anyone, not even Buffy, of his rejection of her and their argument just before the final battle where he received his injury. She had finally plucked up enough courage to face him as an adult and tell him that her feelings for him went further than friend, mentor, role model. He had stared at her for several minutes before announcing that, while he was flattered, he couldn't take their relationship any further than it had already gone.

She had tried to be adult about it but had been angry at his calm rejection of her and she asked why he was so sure that they would never be anything more to each other. He had, again with maddening calmness, listed a number of reasons. She had to admit with hindsight that the reasons were perfectly valid and included several she had worried about herself: the age difference, the likelihood that they would live happily ever after while still in Sunnydale, Buffy's reaction and the effect this would have on her ability to keep up her duties. However, and she was able to admit to herself now, she had childishly hoped that their love would overcome all of these barriers and they would at least have each other through adversity.

He had finally lost his temper as well and they had ended up having a blazing row with her accusing him of treating her like a child and him yelling that she was acting like one so what did she expect. Shortly afterwards, before she had any chance to rescind any of her hurtful comments, he had been injured in the battle and she thought that she had lost him forever.


As she prepared a breakfast tray for him she vowed that she would never allow her feelings to get in the way of their friendship again and they would go back to being friends, research partners, teacher and pupil.

He had apologised for his behaviour when she took him his breakfast but she had told him he had nothing to apologise for and she was only concerned that he recover from the shock of his latest memories. She had tried to find out how much he had remembered after Doctor Alexander's inadvertent slip but Giles refused to talk a it it and claimed that he still had a headache. She had agreed that perhaps they should slow down on the introspective analysis of his memories every day and suggested a short walk to clear his head and get some fresh air.

He was glad she hadn't questioned him too closely about his memories of the previous day and night. He had finally remembered everything about Jenny, his feelings for her and why their relationship had been cut short. He had also remembered the grief and mourning process that he had gone through to reconcile himself to her loss and was able to admit that she was definitely nothing more than a very pleasant yet melancholy memory.

Nevertheless, he was shocked to discover that someone for whom he had cared very deeply had been forgotten so easily. How could he trust his feelings for Willow without having any knowledge of what else, or who else, was in his past. And yet, he knew in the deepest part of his being that he loved Willow, and he couldn’t believe that this had only occurred since his accident. He had to believe that he wasn't fickle enough to have allowed such an attachment to overtake him within the space of a few weeks. Whatever he decided his feelings towards her were, he knew that she would never trust him with her heart again. He couldn't conceive of anything he could have done the day before that would have morfectfectively ended whatever burgeoning relationship they had.

During their walk they talked about inconsequential nonsense. Only when he realised that they had discussed the weather for the third time did he sigh "I'm sorry, you don't have to stay with me today if you've got something better to do".

"It's OK" she said with a sigh of her own "You shouldn't be alone when you're feeling low and anyway I don’t have anything else planned for today"

"I'm sure you must have some paint drying somewhere that would be more interesting than spending your time with a sad old man like me" he stopped and turned to look at her "Honestly, I'd understand if you didn't want to be anywhere near me right now"


She shook her head "You are not sad and you're not really that old" she smiled up at him as she gently teased him "You're just a very good friend who is trying to rec fro from a very serious injury and is coping remarkably well"

He tried to pretend that the "very good friend" part of the pep talk hadn't sent a shiver to his heart, but he reminded himself that he couldn't think of her as anything else if he was to continue to be in her company.

"You seem to be taking the bulk of the babysitting duties, when are Buffy and Xander due back?" he asked

"Xander's due back late tonight and Buffy's back tomorrow afternoon" she replied, sad that he hadn't questioned her definition. Perhaps it was just as well that her resolution of earlier today seemed to tie in so nicely with his view of how they should interact. She was so busy worrying about this that she didn't notice his relief at the news that Buffy was due back soon.

He finally persuaded Willow that he was well enough to be left on his own and she headed home after they had completed their walk. Both were glad of the solitude provided by their free afternoon and returned to their respective "corners" to brood on the situation again.

When Buffy returned she found a mge fge from Giles on her machine “Call me as soon as you get in – we need to talk”. This sounded urgent and she realised she had missed this part of their relationship. Not that she wanted demonic disasters to crop up regularly to provide her with an excuse to rush to Giles’ apartment, but she did miss the openness they had once had. She sighed “I’ll be more relieved than him when he finally remembers who I am.” Dumping her bags she headed straight back out.

She was startled by the look on his face when he opened the door to her. “Giles, are you OK?” she asked and shut the door behind her as he moved to the table.

“I know” he said in a quiet voice “Buffy, I have remembered that you are the slayer and I am your Watcher”

“Woohoo” she shouted and jumped into his arms. “Thank God you’ve finally remembered, I’ve missed you sooo much Giles”

He smiled rather worriedly and moved away from her.

“OK, don’t overdo the excitement and celebration there” sookeooked at him closely “Is this just your famous British reserve and you’re actually dancing inside?”


“This isn’t really about celebrating” he said sadly

“Oh god, what else did you remember?” she sat next to him and took his hand in hers “Tell me”

He looked at her hand holding his and then looked into her eyes “So far, I’ve got Jenny, Angel, Angelus, Wesley, the Mayor and Principal Snyder”

“Great” she said, exasperated, “No half measures there then, where do you want me to start?”

“Alphabetically” he said and looked directly into her eyes, willing her to tell him the truth.

Blowing her cheeks out she took her jacket off, moved to the chair and sat down. “OK, Angel’s first I guess” she looked a little worried “Angel is first?”

He nodded. “Glad to see you learned something after all those hours in the library!” he said dryly.

“OK, Angel, he was, I mean is, a vampire with a soul” she started in a rush and then settled into story telling rhythm. “He was cursed by some gypsies and now has a soul which means he spends the rest of eternity fighting with the good guys to atone for his past misdeeds”

“Is this how I used to sound lecturing you?” he asked and gave her a small smile to continue.

“You were way worse” she smiled back “You had advanced pacing going on at the same time”

“Anyway” she continued. “When I first moved here to become slayer, Angel kind of took it upon himself to watch over me and things kind of got weird because we fell in love” she stared him straight in the eye, looking for any sign that he didn’t believe in the story so far.

“This is just about the point where Angelus comes in?” he asked, relievher her of the need to explain the circumstances surrounding the transition.


She nodded and looked down “Uhuh” she was silent for some time. “At the beginning you told us Angelus was the worst of his kind and by the time I sent him to hell to stop Acathla we weren’t disagreeing with you” he started to say something but she shook her head “Let me get through this first”. He nodded and she took a deep breath “During the time when Angelus was wreaking his particular style of vengeance he killed Jenny because she knew how to restore his soul and return Angel.” She stared at him and started to cry “I’m so sorry Giles, you shouldn’t have to go through this again!”

He moved over to the arm of the chair and sat down, holding her in his arms “It’s part of our history and I need to remember as much as I can to begin getting back to normal and being your Watcher again”

“It wasn’t just Jenny, he also tortured you into helping open the gateway with Acathla” she mumbled into his sweater “He did unspeakable things to you for fun, so bad that you never did tell us everything”

“I think I remember most of it now” he whispered “At least, I hope there isn’t much more to recall”

They sat, holding each other for several minutes until Buffy wiped her face with her sleeve and sniffed “Any chance of a good old British cup of tea?”

He smiled “Of course” he said, heading for the kitchen “Anyway, I think we got to the Mayor in our list?”

She filled him in on the Mayor, Ascensions in general and then Principal Snyder while he made the tea. By the time they had returned to the living room with their drinks they were both smiling at memories of the talent contest and Snyder’s volunteering of them all. “For making me direct that bloody show he deserved to be eaten by a gisnaksnake” Giles announced “OK, that only leaves Wesley?”

Buffy laughed “Mini Giles” and sipped her tea.

“What!” he asked incredulously and took his glasses off “But from what I can remember he was an insufferable, whining, cowardly ..” he sat indignantly while Buffy let him run out of steam.

”What I mean is” she smiled hugely “that we all agreed that you would have been just like him without the “mad, bad and dangerous to know” thing you pulled off when you were younger”

“You know about that!” he asked and put his head in his hands “Oh dear God, how much did I tell you”


“You didn’t actually tell us that much at first” she conceded and waited till she saw the relief in his face “It just kind of became apparent when you turned into Ripper and had seth mth my Mother on the hood of a police car one night”

Her giggling was not doing his blood pressure any good. He had taken up pacing with extreme prejudice and was rapidly wearing a trench in the carpet when he finally stopped and looked at her “Stop bloody laughing and tell me I didn’t let Ripper do that?” His pleading look settled her giggling slightly and she had recovered enough to squeak out “Twice” before she collapsed back into the chair and put a cushion over her face to mask the laughter.

He looked about helplessly and then, finally, started to laugh as well “Your mother!” he finally gasped out which caused both of them to lose it again. Sanity had almost returned when Buffy delivered her coupe de grace “She said you were very good”. When she finally related the tale to Xander and Willow later she would admit that if ever a moment was suited for Kodak it was the look on his face at this point!

After she explained about Ethan Rayne and his particular influence on their knowledge of Giles’ past they started to talk about getting back to normal in their Watcher/Slayer routine. “I feel fit enough to get back to training with you again” he announced “but I’m not sure how we’re going to persuade Willow that you should be getting self defence lessons again” he laughed and she looked at strastrangely.

“So long as you promise to wear the helmet she won’t mind too much” she suggested.

“Perhaps I could ask that Xander and Willow don’t spend as much time with me to negate the possibility of them asking any questions, how did we get around this before?”

She was really confused now “Why would they ask questions?” she asked “So long as I promise to be gentle with you they won’t mind”. “In fact” she continued “Xander is actually getting pretty good at beincondcond bad fro from the left in our scenario re-enactments”

He paled a little “Xander knows”

“Of course he knows, so does Willow and Anya and Cordelia and Oz and..”


“Did I not explain the concept of a secret identity to you when we started working together?” he asked

“Yup, on several different occasions and using lots of different long words but, by that time tcoobcooby Gang were getting pretty good at team slayage and general synchronised demon dissing so you gave up!”