Nusac
folder
BtVS AU/AR › FemmeSlash - Female/Female
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
46
Views:
8,829
Reviews:
32
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
2
Category:
BtVS AU/AR › FemmeSlash - Female/Female
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
46
Views:
8,829
Reviews:
32
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
2
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Affirmation
A/N This song in this chapter is Affirmation by saveage garden. It can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpvwxK7F2BI
Chapter 39
Faith’s POV
At this point an upbeat pop beat comes to life in the background and she places her hands against my chest pushing me back and out of her personal space. “I believe the sun should never set upon an argument.” She take my hand in hers placing her palm flat against mine. “I believe we place our happiness in other peoples hands, I believe that junk food tastes so good because it’s bad for you, She lifts her eyes up to meet mine with a look of apology upon her face. “I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do.” Strike a nerve why don’t ya.
“I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem, I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone”
”I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned, I believe you cant appreciate real love ‘til you’ve been burned.”Once again she presses her hand against my chest pushing me away. I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side, I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye.
”I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality, I believe that trust is more important than monogamy,” It’s like she wants me to understand her. Needs me to, almost with just the look in her eye. ”I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul,” She takes a step towards me again and places her hand flat against my chest against my beating heart. ”I believe that family is worth more than money or gold. I believe the struggle for financial freedom isn’t fair, I believe the only one to disagree are millionaires.”
”I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned, I believe you cant appreciate real love ‘til you’ve been burned. I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side, I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye.” She turns and walks out of the back door as the guitar solo picks up.
I’m left alone in the kitchen with nothing but an ache in my chest and a deep need to cry. To top it off I have a guitar solo running its way though my head. That is until I see Pike leaning against the doorframe. I don’t know how much he’s seen or heard. It’s Pike, I would have told him everything later anyway.
He twitches his head towards the doorway with his eyebrow lifted as if he’s disappointed that I haven’t followed her.
I need no further encouragement. As I exit the house it looks like she’s heading towards the back gate and out of my life. I jump down the steps and catch her before she can get much closer to the gate. Wrapping my hand around her upper arm to stop her.
She turns and takes in my features to the thumping drumbeat around us. I have no idea exactly what she sees on my face. With my emotions ranging from rage to shear terror at the fact that I could never see her again, it could be anything.
She licks her lips and sighs at me. Seeming to deflate. Her ridged posture giving way to her shoulder slumping. Her hand cups my cheek as she looks up at me. “I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness, I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed, I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists, I believe in love surviving death into eternity.”
“I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned, I believe you can’t appreciate real love ‘til you’ve been burned. I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side, I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye”
Her song finishes to the sound of a fading guitar cord as she rests her head on my chest and I bring my arm around and hold her there. I Lean my face down and resting it on top of her head. “Is that enough?” She asks, for some reason breathless.
”It’s defiantly a start.” I reply with a smile on my face. I take a glance back at the house and see two faces pressed against the window. The moment I see them they disappear. Last thing I want is to be watched right now. Wish I were back home. Could just walk off into the forest for a few hours. ”Do you want to go for a walk?”
I can feel her smiling at me against my chest. “You don’t want to talk in front of Pike?”
“Pike is going to know everything down to the last comma the moment I walk through the door. It’s Buffy I don’t want to see this.” I say honestly.
She nods against me and pulls away. Would it be too much to hope that we could go for a walk with her head still against my chest? I guess it would be a little difficult to walk. She takes hold of my hand as we close the gate behind us. I’m going to take that as a good sign.
We begin to walk in a semi uncomfortable silence. I get the feeling that she’s waiting for me to start this conversation. I’m to say the least a little bit unwilling. You saw what happened last time. Promise that this time I will not open with ‘What happens now?’
She walks us both down the sidewalk and out of Revello Drive. ”What did you want to talk about?”
”Kinda depends on what I can say to get you to stay.” I reply.
Out of the corner of my eye I see her smile. She drops into silence. It’s like I can see the cogs working inside her head. She wants to say something but doesn’t want me to be able to misinterpret it. She pulls me across the road, remembering to look both ways before hand. Took me a couple of days to drum that into her. When she nearly got herself ran over she started looking.
She opens the large iron gates to the cemetery. Even when she’s mad at me she knows what I need. Get me to the vampires to get all of my frustration out. We continue to walk in silence between the head stones. That is until she stops dead and pulls on my hand so I’m standing in front of her. ”What are we?”
”In what way?” Yeah I know delaying the inevitable. I kinda want to get that answer straight in my mind before I have to answer her question. She just looks over at me with a raised eyebrow. No putting it off then. I drop my eyes to the floor. “I don’t know. I wish I did.”
I can’t bring myself to look at her but I hear her sigh before she begins to speak. ”I’m in love with you.” Okay now I can bring myself to look as my gaze cuts up. What did she just say? ”I don’t expect you to say it back. I don’t expect you to even feel it. But it’s killing me not knowing where I stand.”
Speaking would be helpful. I think breathing should come before speaking. I have to force a breath back into my body. “How…” I try my hardest to swallow the lump, which has appeared in my throat. “How long?”
”A while.” She lets out a breath running her hand through her hair. “Too long.”
“Would it make you happy if I said it?” I ask letting go of her hand to lean up against a stonewall opposite her.
She bows her head a bit. ”It would make me the happiest being walking this earth, but only if you meant it.” Silence again. ”I don’t want you to say it for me, it needs to be for you, because you feel it and want to say it.”
At least she seems to understand how hard this is for me, I just don’t get how after all that has transpired today she can have any doubts to how I feel. Or why the hell I cant just say the words.
My head droops to the floor. I examine the blades of grass between my feet. Looking up I take both of Namine’s hands in my own and pull her to stand close to me. I am still leaning against the wall behind me, not knowing if my legs are going to support me once I finish.
Looking into her deep blue eyes I can see myself reflected back at myself. My lip momentarily quirks into a small sideways smirk.
“What’s so funny?” Nam asks with her eyebrows raised, she has picked that up from me.
I furrow my brows at her, take a deep but covert breath. Her eyes show concern at my obvious discomfort. ”I love you Nam.”
For a second my heart stops beating, waiting for her reaction. Luckily it is quick and very, very painless. The most beautiful smile spreads across her face, lighting up her eyes. I can’t help but smile back and let out a long sigh of relief before taking another deep breath. Hell it was a good idea I did take that deep breath, Nam is pressed up against me giving me the kiss of a lifetime.
“Hell if I knew this would be my reward I would have said that a lot sooner.” I say after we finally break apart. I get a hit on the arm for my comment but I don’t particularly care, she is still smiling.
My hands cup her face, wiping away a stray tear with my thumb I give her ‘concerned face’. Nam says nothing, she just smiles up at me as I pull her close.
Chapter 39
Faith’s POV
At this point an upbeat pop beat comes to life in the background and she places her hands against my chest pushing me back and out of her personal space. “I believe the sun should never set upon an argument.” She take my hand in hers placing her palm flat against mine. “I believe we place our happiness in other peoples hands, I believe that junk food tastes so good because it’s bad for you, She lifts her eyes up to meet mine with a look of apology upon her face. “I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do.” Strike a nerve why don’t ya.
“I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem, I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone”
”I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned, I believe you cant appreciate real love ‘til you’ve been burned.”Once again she presses her hand against my chest pushing me away. I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side, I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye.
”I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality, I believe that trust is more important than monogamy,” It’s like she wants me to understand her. Needs me to, almost with just the look in her eye. ”I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul,” She takes a step towards me again and places her hand flat against my chest against my beating heart. ”I believe that family is worth more than money or gold. I believe the struggle for financial freedom isn’t fair, I believe the only one to disagree are millionaires.”
”I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned, I believe you cant appreciate real love ‘til you’ve been burned. I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side, I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye.” She turns and walks out of the back door as the guitar solo picks up.
I’m left alone in the kitchen with nothing but an ache in my chest and a deep need to cry. To top it off I have a guitar solo running its way though my head. That is until I see Pike leaning against the doorframe. I don’t know how much he’s seen or heard. It’s Pike, I would have told him everything later anyway.
He twitches his head towards the doorway with his eyebrow lifted as if he’s disappointed that I haven’t followed her.
I need no further encouragement. As I exit the house it looks like she’s heading towards the back gate and out of my life. I jump down the steps and catch her before she can get much closer to the gate. Wrapping my hand around her upper arm to stop her.
She turns and takes in my features to the thumping drumbeat around us. I have no idea exactly what she sees on my face. With my emotions ranging from rage to shear terror at the fact that I could never see her again, it could be anything.
She licks her lips and sighs at me. Seeming to deflate. Her ridged posture giving way to her shoulder slumping. Her hand cups my cheek as she looks up at me. “I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness, I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed, I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists, I believe in love surviving death into eternity.”
“I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned, I believe you can’t appreciate real love ‘til you’ve been burned. I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side, I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye”
Her song finishes to the sound of a fading guitar cord as she rests her head on my chest and I bring my arm around and hold her there. I Lean my face down and resting it on top of her head. “Is that enough?” She asks, for some reason breathless.
”It’s defiantly a start.” I reply with a smile on my face. I take a glance back at the house and see two faces pressed against the window. The moment I see them they disappear. Last thing I want is to be watched right now. Wish I were back home. Could just walk off into the forest for a few hours. ”Do you want to go for a walk?”
I can feel her smiling at me against my chest. “You don’t want to talk in front of Pike?”
“Pike is going to know everything down to the last comma the moment I walk through the door. It’s Buffy I don’t want to see this.” I say honestly.
She nods against me and pulls away. Would it be too much to hope that we could go for a walk with her head still against my chest? I guess it would be a little difficult to walk. She takes hold of my hand as we close the gate behind us. I’m going to take that as a good sign.
We begin to walk in a semi uncomfortable silence. I get the feeling that she’s waiting for me to start this conversation. I’m to say the least a little bit unwilling. You saw what happened last time. Promise that this time I will not open with ‘What happens now?’
She walks us both down the sidewalk and out of Revello Drive. ”What did you want to talk about?”
”Kinda depends on what I can say to get you to stay.” I reply.
Out of the corner of my eye I see her smile. She drops into silence. It’s like I can see the cogs working inside her head. She wants to say something but doesn’t want me to be able to misinterpret it. She pulls me across the road, remembering to look both ways before hand. Took me a couple of days to drum that into her. When she nearly got herself ran over she started looking.
She opens the large iron gates to the cemetery. Even when she’s mad at me she knows what I need. Get me to the vampires to get all of my frustration out. We continue to walk in silence between the head stones. That is until she stops dead and pulls on my hand so I’m standing in front of her. ”What are we?”
”In what way?” Yeah I know delaying the inevitable. I kinda want to get that answer straight in my mind before I have to answer her question. She just looks over at me with a raised eyebrow. No putting it off then. I drop my eyes to the floor. “I don’t know. I wish I did.”
I can’t bring myself to look at her but I hear her sigh before she begins to speak. ”I’m in love with you.” Okay now I can bring myself to look as my gaze cuts up. What did she just say? ”I don’t expect you to say it back. I don’t expect you to even feel it. But it’s killing me not knowing where I stand.”
Speaking would be helpful. I think breathing should come before speaking. I have to force a breath back into my body. “How…” I try my hardest to swallow the lump, which has appeared in my throat. “How long?”
”A while.” She lets out a breath running her hand through her hair. “Too long.”
“Would it make you happy if I said it?” I ask letting go of her hand to lean up against a stonewall opposite her.
She bows her head a bit. ”It would make me the happiest being walking this earth, but only if you meant it.” Silence again. ”I don’t want you to say it for me, it needs to be for you, because you feel it and want to say it.”
At least she seems to understand how hard this is for me, I just don’t get how after all that has transpired today she can have any doubts to how I feel. Or why the hell I cant just say the words.
My head droops to the floor. I examine the blades of grass between my feet. Looking up I take both of Namine’s hands in my own and pull her to stand close to me. I am still leaning against the wall behind me, not knowing if my legs are going to support me once I finish.
Looking into her deep blue eyes I can see myself reflected back at myself. My lip momentarily quirks into a small sideways smirk.
“What’s so funny?” Nam asks with her eyebrows raised, she has picked that up from me.
I furrow my brows at her, take a deep but covert breath. Her eyes show concern at my obvious discomfort. ”I love you Nam.”
For a second my heart stops beating, waiting for her reaction. Luckily it is quick and very, very painless. The most beautiful smile spreads across her face, lighting up her eyes. I can’t help but smile back and let out a long sigh of relief before taking another deep breath. Hell it was a good idea I did take that deep breath, Nam is pressed up against me giving me the kiss of a lifetime.
“Hell if I knew this would be my reward I would have said that a lot sooner.” I say after we finally break apart. I get a hit on the arm for my comment but I don’t particularly care, she is still smiling.
My hands cup her face, wiping away a stray tear with my thumb I give her ‘concerned face’. Nam says nothing, she just smiles up at me as I pull her close.