Quantum Xander II: In Wake of the Curse

Part 39

When Xander got home, he found Spike sitting on the sofa and staring at the television. He had a half-full bottle of beer in his hand, but it looked as though he had been holding it for some time. Xander sat next to him and gently removed the bottle and set it on the coffee table. Spike turned his head and looked at him.

“Things go alright in L.A.?”

“Yeah, fine. How was your night?”

Spike barked out a bitter-sounding laugh and shook his head.

“Peachy. Had a nice trip down memory lane, nearly killed Buffy’s boss, and oh yeah - got the trigger taken care of.”

“Er, that’s… good?”

Spike snorted.

“Yeah, well, I’m my own man again. No more being the First’s bitch.”

“What was the trigger?”

“A song my mum used to sing to me. Was her favorite.”

Xander took Spike’s hand and intertwined their fingers. He knew that this had to be hard on him.

“You alright?”

“Fine.”

“And Wood?”

“I let him live. On account of I killed his mother.”

“The slayer back in the seventies?”

“One and the same. Bugger tried to off me tonight. I walked him home - he led me into his garage to kill me; it was full of crosses. He played the song. Unleashed the beast in me.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah. Made me relive my first night as a vampire. I sired my mum, she was sickly and I wanted to make her better, stronger, like me. I killed her, gave her a demon, and then I had to dust her.”

Xander didn’t know what to say to Spike. Sure, he had dusted his best friend - a boy he was in love with but didn’t have the guts to tell him. But to have to stake his own mother?”

“I never was a good demon - too soft. Angelus always knew; he saw right through me. I became Spike to erase the man that I was, the man who even as a vampire wanted his mother. He never called me Spike - always William. I hated him for it. For reminding me of who I was, of what I had done. The things she said to me, Xander. They were horrible.”

“Shh. It wasn’t her. It was the demon; your mother loved you. I’m sure of it.”

Xander pulled Spike into his arms and held him. The vampire went willingly. He knew that Xander wouldn’t judge him for his weakness, for needing the comfort of being held.

“She did. I figured that out tonight. All these years I’ve been carrying that around with me, thinking that my mum didn’t love me. The First used that, got inside my head and brought out all that rage and anger.”

“But it can’t now? The trigger is inactive?”

“Yeah. It’s gone. I know now that that wasn’t my mum that said those things to me. I’ve made peace with my past.”

“I’m glad. You want me to turn him into a kitten? You could bet him in a poker game and purposely lose.”

Spike chuckled.

“Nah, pet. Bloke did me a favor actually. I guess I owe him for making me figure things out. ’Sides, Buffy’s right pissed with him; he’s blown his chance with her - should be punishment enough.”

They sat in silence for a little while, Xander holding Spike to him and running his hands up and down the vampire’s back in a soothing motion. It was comfortable, relaxing. Spike shifted a bit till he could look up at Xander. He smiled at him as their eyes met, and slowly leaned in to kiss him.

The kiss was soft, a mere brushing of lips. When it was finished, Xander licked his lips and grinned.

“That was nice.”

“It was. Let’s go to bed, love. I want you.”

“Okay.”

They turned off the television and the few lights that were on. Xander locked the door as Spike emptied the remainder of his beer into the kitchen sink. There was no mad dash for the bedroom. No frantic kissing and pulling at clothes. It was routine - domestic. The bedroom door closed and they both helped the other to undress. There were kisses and soft words of love exchanged and when they were finally naked, they climbed into bed and reached for each other.

Lying on their sides, face to face, they held each other and kissed softly. It wasn’t about passion this time, it was about love. It was Spike finally accepting that he was loved by Xander, no matter what happened. The world could end tomorrow, but tonight they had each other and that was enough. More than enough; it was everything.

Spike withdrew from the kiss and buried his face into Xander’s neck. He sucked on his mark and then kissed his way up to his ear. He ran his tongue along the shell of his mate’s ear and then nipped the soft lobe.

“I want you to take me, Xander. I’m ready. Make me yours.”

Xander moaned at the husky tone of his lover’s voice.

“Are you sure?”

“Very sure. I want this, love. I want you.”

“Okay.”

Xander rolled them over so that he was on top of the smaller man and resumed kissing him. He really liked kissing Spike; it was something they hadn’t done very much of before the other night, but after the first night that Spike had taken him against the bedroom door, they had shared a lot of kisses.

Xander reached blindly for the nightstand and managed to get the drawer open and find the lube while never leaving Spike’s lips. He opened the tube and squeezed some out onto Spike’s belly. The vampire jumped slightly at the cold sensation on his skin but quickly forgot about it as Xander moved his lips across his cheek and down to his neck.

As he licked and kissed and sucked on the pale skin of Spike’s throat, Xander coated one of his fingers in the puddle of lube and gently began circling Spike’s pucker. After a moment he slowly inserted it.

“This okay?”

“Yeah, love. S’good. More.”

Xander withdrew the finger and returned it a moment later with another one. He began to slowly pump them in and out of his lover, stretching him carefully. He twisted them suddenly and Spike arched off the bed.

“Fuck! There again! Do that again!”

Xander smiled and repeated the action, rubbing his fingers over Spike’s sweetspot. He lowered himself so that he was lying between the vampire’s spread legs and could watch his fingers as they disappeared into his mate’s body again and again. Spike was purring and thrashing his head on the pillow.

“More, Xander! Please!”

Xander added another finger and at the same time moved up so that he could take Spike’s cock into his mouth. The dual sensations were too much for Spike and he vamped out and screamed as he came. Xander swallowed everything and continued to finger-fuck his lover as he brought him to full hardness again with his lips and tongue.

“Are you ready for me, Spike?”

“Yes, love. Ready. Now.”

Xander slicked himself against Spike’s stomach and then positioned his cockhead at Spike’s opening. He locked eyes with his mate and then slowly pushed inside.

“I love you.”

“Love you too, pet.”

Spike wrapped his legs around Xander’s waist as the man slowly thrust in and out. The heat was like nothing he had ever felt before. He could feel Xander’s pulse beating inside of him, as if they were one being.

Xander never wanted this feeling to end; this connection he felt with the blond was overwhelming. He leaned forward further and captured Spike’s mouth with his own, kissing him deeply as he continued to make love to him. He didn’t care what problems tomorrow brought because right here, right now, everything was perfect. Spike was perfect.

“You are so perfect, Spike. So right and beautiful. I love you. So much.”

Spike closed his eyes and felt his chest constrict with emotion. He had never felt so cherished and loved as he did at this moment, with this man. He knew then, that no matter what the future held, whatever happened when the other Spike came back, he would still be wanted by Xander, would still be loved. It was enough to bring tears to his eyes.

Xander saw the tears as they leaked from the corners of Spike’s eyes. He kissed them away gently and then kissed each closed eyelid.

“Spike?”

“M’fine, love. Just… that was … no one has ever said such things to me. Thank you.”

Spike leaned up and pressed their lips together again. Xander smiled into the kiss and reached between them to grasp Spike’s erection in his fist. He felt like he had been hard forever and desperately needed to cum. He wanted his mate to cum with him.

“Can’t last much longer, Spike. You feel too good. Cum with me; I want to feel your muscles as they squeeze me tight.”

“Fuck, keep talking like that and I will.”

Xander chuckled and picked up his pace slightly. He kissed Spike again as he shifted slightly to make sure he was hitting the vampire’s prostate on every thrust. Spike growled and bucked up to meet each thrust as Xander began to pound into him harder and faster. Spike’s eyes bled to yellow, his fangs dropped and his ridges came out. Xander purposely nicked his tongue on one sharp canine and thrust his tongue deep into his lover’s mouth. Spike sucked on it eagerly as he bucked and thrashed underneath him. Finally, he released Xander’s lips and tongue and roared as he came.

Xander watched his lover’s face as his eyes flew open in unseeing ecstasy. He felt Spike’s muscles clamp down hard on his shaft as Spike roared and spilled over his fist. It was too much and Xander threw his own head back as he came inside of his mate for the first time, claiming him as his own. He collapsed on Spike’s chest, panting for breath. He felt Spike’s arms come up around him even as his legs flopped down to the bed.

“Bloody hell, Xander. That was amazing. I could feel your heart beat inside me.”

“Mmm.”

“You’re so damn warm, too.”

“Mmm.”

Spike chuckled softly and hugged his mate tight.

“That all you can say, love?”

“Nope. Love you.”

“I love you too, Xander. Thank you.”

Xander lifted his head and looked into Spike’s eyes. He frowned a bit and then asked,

“What for?”

“For accepting me. For loving me. Even when I’m acting like a git. I’m sorry about the other night; I was being an ass.”

Xander was still confused. Then realization dawned on him.

“Oh, you mean when you walked away from me right after the blowjob without so much as a kiss or a thank you?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that.”

“I’m not. It got us here didn’t it? I mean, if I hadn’t been a little pissed at you, I wouldn’t have made that crack about Angel, and you wouldn’t have stormed in here and taken me against the door. True?”

“True.”

“So it’s all good then. No regrets.”

“None at all.”

“Not even Buffy?”

Xander had to be sure that Spike was okay with not ever being with her again. He needed to know that it was over from Spike’s perspective, as well.

“Not even Buffy. She’d never love me the way you do, the way I wanted her to. When she looks at me, she’ll always see the vampire who tried to force her to love him - the monster who tried to kill her again and again. She’s a slayer; I’m a demon. It would never have lasted. I still love her, Xander. But I’m no longer in love with her.”

Xander rolled off of Spike and pulled the smaller man into his arms. He tilted his head up and kissed him. When he pulled away he smiled.

“I’m glad you’re not in love with Buffy anymore. I understand that you love her; I do too, but I’m not in love with her either. I’m in love with you.”

Spike’s shocked expression made Xander laugh and he rolled out of bed and pulled Spike to his feet.

“Come on, we’re in desperate need of a shower. I’ll wash your back if you do mine?”

Spike nodded and followed him into the bathroom - a goofy smile on his face.