The Silent Urge Series

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Yay, reviews. Thank you soooooooooooooooooo much!!!

I finally got the job I worked hard for the last couple of years and that means stability in my life for once. Best thing - I've time to write again. I'm nearly done with Chapter 41 already. Bad news for you... this whole fic is coming to an end: 51 chapters I think, because that's my lucky number. *grin* Who wants a happy ending??? *evilgrin*

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38 - Fighting Doubts

~ Xander ~

I will most definitely not go out of the way! What the fuck is going on? I’m not some kind of thing they can decide over on their own! I struggle and finally manage to turn around while still holding onto Spike who changes into his true face, growls loudly at Angel, who also wears the demonic part to the front, and advances slowly.

Just great Xander, how did you manage to get yourself between the two pissed off Master Vampires again? Ah right, drank the blood of one of them and refused the blood of the other. Pure genius.

“No, Angel, not going to happen. I’m not leaving before someone explains this macho shit to me!”

“Come on, pet, move before you get hurt.” Spike says in a low voice and did anyone ever notice that he’s fucking lisping with the fangs out? Guess that’s hysteria making me laugh over this little detail now. Spike shoves me slowly away from him and to the side but I keep holding onto him. I’m not gonna let them fight this out like rabid dogs.

“No. You stop this, right now. Both of you.” I glare at Angel, but it has no effect. He’s nearly reached me, but before he can touch me, Spike’s grip gets painful around my arms and there’s a bit of struggle, he’s hurting me with hands like forceps, squeezing my flesh to the bone so hard I can feel the blood vessels burst. “Spike.” I pant and then I’m shoved away, I stumble, hit my knee and my hip on the kitchen counter and my wrist screams in pain when I catch my own weight awkwardly on that hand before hitting the floor. “Ow.” I groan.

Seems like my painful moaning is enough reassurement to Spike that I’m still alive and he doesn’t seem fazed at all, continues to clench his fists while he waits for Angel to make the first strike.


~ Spike ~

Told him to get back before he has himself hurt. Stupid boy. Adorable, loyal and courageous, but damned stupid. Impressive stunt he performed though, would have laughed if my Sire wasn’t waiting to beat the shit out of me. I just hope he didn’t twist anything serious. Don’t smell blood, heart and lungs sound okay. He’s alright.

“You don’t touch what is mine.” I growl before I charge forward and bounce right back. Angel was ready for my attck and just threw me against the counter. Ow. Guess he’s not on animal blood anymore. I throw punches in the direction of his face and try to kick him in the balls, but he reflects everything easily. Damned bastard is fast, strong.

“And you’re gonna hinder me how?” Angel asks, voice like honey, dripping with false empathy. “You’re weak as a kitten, my boy.”

Enraged, I concentrate on putting everything in one left hook and finally feel how my knuckles make painful contact with his chin. His head flies back, but he turns back immediately and grabs my wrists in an iron hold. Bloody, fucking fantastic.


~ Xander ~

That fucking hurt. It hurt! Fuck, it hurt! Oh my god. I just realized. Spike can hurt me. That’s great, that’s absolutely great! I’d do the snoopy dance if there weren’t more pressing matters at hand. Alright, Xander, just get back between the two pissed off Master vampires who now both can hurt you.

There are decisions in a man’s life that make you squirm with the lack of choices: Ass or throat to Angel? What’s most uncomfortable for me? Having Angel’s dick press against my ass or having his teeth within inches of my throat? Which makes me feel even more vulnerable?

Throat to Spike – for obvious purposes. I wriggle in between them and barely manage to avoid vital injuries. Spike’s snarling at his sire, spittle hitting my face – thank you – and I feel Angel’s growl vibrating against my neck. The little hairs there erect and a shudder creeps down my spine.

“Spike! Spike! Listen to me, claim me. Come on. I can be yours.” That certainly gets me Spike’s attention. “You can do it. You can hurt me without the chip going off.” I tell him, staring into his eyes, willing him to take me seriously.


~ Spike ~

Must’ve hurt his head or something. Doesn’t know what he’s saying. Stupid, devoted puppy.
“You don’t know what you’re asking. Claiming is forever. I don’t even know if I can with the chip and you… we’ve got to talk about stuff.” I say and Angel grins at me over the boy’s shoulder. Gotta rip that grin off of his face. I growl and Angel winks at me before he starts speaking.

“Right, listen to him, Xander, because if Spike claims you it’s too late anyway. No way to get rid of your addiction anymore. He claims you and gets bored? He stops giving you blood and you’re gonna die. How much do you really like your new boyfriend?”

“I trust Spike.” Xander’s brown eyes bore into mine, his fists knocking against my chest lightly. “I trust you.” He repeats, whispered, fisting my shirt hard.

“Trust Spike? I never trusted Spike, not for a second in his whole existence.” Angel says as he slides back into his human face and laughs.


~ Xander ~

Angel, Angelus, whoever, whatever, laughs. He actually laughs. The bold cynicism underlying his last words would be enough to make me see red. For Spike it’s complete betrayal. I wonder how often and how deeply Angel must’ve already hurt him in the past.
I use all my strength – which is not much – to hold my pissed off Master vampire back. I’ve never seen him as angry as this. The only thing holding him back is that he might hurt me again.

“Maybe that’s where’s your mistake.” I cut in sharply before Angel can add anything more. Wonder is slowly growing in Spike’s eyes and I allow myself a small smile. Gently, I extract myself from Spike and turn around carefully. Don’t want to give either of them an opening for an attack. Angel takes a couple of steps back, allowing conversation.

“Listen – as far as I understand this whole lore thing… If Spike claims me, you get off of our asses, that’s right, right?”

Angel stills and looks at me curiously.

“You’re suprising me again, Xander. Stronger inside than I’d give you credit for on first glance. Your Daddy shaped you up nicely, didn’t he?”

Touché.


~ Spike ~

“Shut the fuck up!” I yell at my Sire. My boy doesn’t need any of his nasty comments. He doesn’t have any right to speak about things he doesn’t understand. “Xander’s mine. He’s not up for discussion.”

“Ouuh. I noticed him before you ever had the chance. When I first came to Sunnydale, I couldn’t bear to be around him. He smelled like everything I wanted to shake off: fear, guilt, torture, submission. But over all he smelled used and I’ve always been a fan of shiny and new, extraordinary things. I didn’t want him, offered him to you.” Angel pauses for dramatic effect. “Remember the school that evening?” He waits for my nod. With faked boredom I roll my eyes and do him the favour, nod once. “You didn’t want him. You threw him away, didn’t you?”

“So what? I changed my mind.” I shrug my shoulders and strengthen my grip on Xander’s hips. He knows I will not change my mind again.

“Yeah, so Angel, nice to know we weren’t meant to become best friends. Thanks for the heart-to-heart. I just want to know if you’re going to back off when Spike’s able to claim me.” Xander breaks in, sounding pissed and indifferent at once. Damn hot.
Angel smiles that sweet smile again. “If my boy asks me nicely?”

“Spike? Would you?” Xander doesn’t sound unsure, he just seems to need my confirmation out in the open for Angel to hear, too.

“Course I’d do it – he’s got to leave us alone. Lore says so.” And it’s time for me, finally, to smile smugly at my bastard sire.


~ Xander ~

Okay, so this is not the best idea I’ve had in a while, but I really don’t see any other way. The addiction is there. Don’t really understand it, but I need Spike’s blood and I’ll continue to do so until I die. At least, that’s what I get from the bits and pieces of their previous fights. There’s no way to ask about that without showing weakness, lacking trust or hesitation in my resolve.

Spike and I – we’re good together. We’ve seen each other’s worlds; have helped each other out in desperation. My addiction, the blood exchange made me feel him deeper than any other person I know and I’m sure his intentions are true to what he says. Everything’s happening way too fast. Barely a couple of weeks ago I was living in my parents basement, terrorised by my own father and now I’m the blood-addicted pet of a Master vampire owning a demon club. I’d call that progress!

“Could you back off?” I spit at Angel, pushing back against Spike.

“Xander – get back to your senses.” Angel is suddenly all Angel again and doesn’t even refrain from using that Giles-voice. “I really can’t let you throw your life away.”

“Shut the fuck up!” I echo Spike’s words. “It’s my life and I’m not throwing it away. I’m dedicating it to Spike, to my…, to my lover for the lack of a better word.”


~ Spike ~

“Mate.” I prompt, voice low and serious. Sire’s eyes fly open in renewed shock. Didn’t think I was going through with this, with Xander as my Mate, did he? I grin.

“Right, I will become Spike’s mate and you’ve got to decide, right now, on what side you wanna play. Either you are Angel or you’re Angelus. You can’t switch this vampire lore shit on and off as you please.” Strong words, pet, really good. You’ve got him.

“Xander, you don’t even know what you’re committing to!” Angel tries again, but this time I cut him off.

“The boy’s right. You’re my Sire, you’d want me to claim a Mate, to broaden the Clan, the blood line. You sure wouldn’t stand between me and my chosen Mate. Choice is yours – be my Sire or be Angel.” I pull Xander even harder to me. I breathe in his scent and listen to his fast pumping heart.

I want Xander and I’ll give anything for him, but I dread to hear Angel refuse his last vampiric anchoring.

I dread to hear my Sire refusing me.


____________tbc?________________________________________

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