So Damn Domestic

Five Days Later. BPOV


I’ve had a lot of time to think lately since I’m not really allowed to do anything. Especially right now because I’m alone. The kids are asleep and Faith took Tucker for a walk since he won’t stop barking. She hasn’t been walking him as much because I’m very clingy now that I’m so close to my due date. And as hard as I try I can’t seem to get my mind off of some of the bad times me and Faith have gone through. Mostly a few years ago when she was gone for three, almost four months. After we got together and realized that our relationship was going to work I didn’t think there was anything she could ever do to make me hate her. But I was wrong.


I kicked her out because I hated her. I couldn’t stand to even look at her anymore. We were driving each other crazy, we weren’t even sleeping in the same bed. Faith slept out on the couch a lot. We were both lonely and we wanted things to get better we just didn’t know how to make it happen. And one day I had enough and I wanted her out. I got my way and for the first couple days it felt like I could breathe again. I actually felt better now that she was gone and I felt really sad about that. But I just kept telling myself that things were over between us. We could never make them work. And because of that I did some completely stupid that I really wish I could take back.


(Flashback to many years ago)


She’s gone. She’s finally gone. She’s been gone for two months now and things are getting better. Matthew still cries for her and he asks me almost a hundred times a day when she’s coming and I keep telling him that she’s not. I keep telling him that she doesn’t live here anymore but he refuses to accept that as an answer. He’s angry with me but he’s starting to get better. Seeing her on the weekends always puts him in a good mood on Friday because that’s when Xander picks him up and takes him over to his place to see her. But on Sunday when Xander brings him home he’s sad and angry and he won’t even look at me. My little boy hates me and it’s all her fault.


If she would have just stopped pushing me, if she had just kept her mouth shut then we probably wouldn’t hate each other right now. But I might as well be honest. We fell out of love a long time ago. It started with the fighting and when I realized that we don’t love each other that’s when things got really bad. That’s when we couldn’t even share a bed. And those nights were so lonely. Knowing that she’s in the house, wanting to feel her strong arms around me, to feel her gentle fingers inside of me, and not having her there...it was hard. And the one night I tried to get her to come back into the bedroom it blew up in my face. I gently woke her up and asked her to come into the room with me and she flipped out and said the only reason I want her in there is so she can fuck me. It was true but I wasn’t about to admit it.


And things just built and built and none of us were happy. It got to a point where we couldn’t even control our voices, even if we tried. Matthew was hearing all of these hateful things and it upset him really bad. I couldn’t let it go on like that. Not only were me and Faith not in love anymore but it was hurting our son. So I made a decision that I didn’t want to make. I told her leave, to get out and she thought I meant just for the night. But I told her to pack her bags and find another place to stay because I just couldn’t handle it anymore. She wanted to wait. She didn’t want to leave in front of Matthew. I think her father just walked out on her and her mother like that, I don’t know, she never talks about him.


Anyway, she wanted to wait until his bedtime so she could tell him that she loves him and give him some kisses and hugs without alarming him too much, and then she was going to grab her bags and go. But I wouldn’t let her do that. I wanted her gone and right the. I packed her bags for her and threw them at her and told her to get the fuck out. I said some really fucked up things to her just to piss her off and when she was mad enough she left. She threw her bags into the trunk of her car but then she came back.


She picked Matthew up off the floor and I had a moment of panic. I thought she was going to take him with her, so I ran up to her and tried to take him away. That freaked him out so much because neither of us have ever done that. But she told me she just wanted to say goodbye so I backed off but stayed close just in case she made a dash for the door or something. She hugged him and kissed him a couple of times and told him that she loves him more then anything in the world but she has to go. When he asked why she told him that it’s because ‘I don’t get along with Mommy anymore, so I have to leave’.


He flipped out, started screaming and crying and clinging onto her for dear life. And as much as it hurt her she walked over to me and gave me an impatient look. It took both of us to make him let go of her and he tried really hard to go back to her but I had a good hold on him. She leaned in and gave him one last kiss on his temple and she left. That was the hardest night I think I’ve ever gone through. He cried himself to sleep after she left but when he woke up he started looking for her. He called out her name, searched every room of the house, looked in the backyard and the front yard and when he saw that both her car and her motorcycle was gone he fell down and started crying again. It took me hours to finally calm him down.


She called the following day and it took all my will power not to scream at her. See, when you love someone as much as I loved Faith, and then that love goes away it’s a horrible feeling. You feel hollow and hurt and a little confused and the empty holes fill up with anger and hatred and to hear the person’s voice is an almost sickening thing because now you hate it when you used to love it so much. But she wasn’t calling because she was pissed and wanted to yell. She was calling to work out a custody arrangement.


We still haven’t signed the papers yet. The adoption papers that will let the world know that Matthew is also Faith’s. Legally he’s all mine and if I wanted I could keep him all to myself and there’d be nothing she could do about it because the United States family court system still doesn’t know about magic and that two women really can conceive a child together. But to keep him all to myself would be cruel and inhumane for both her and him. As much as I want to I can’t keep him away from her. He’s hers as much as he’s mine, and as much as I hate her I’m not going to deny her seeing our son. So we made an arrangement. Every Friday Xander is going to pick him up in the morning before we has to go to work. Then on Sunday afternoon Xander is going to bring him back. This way Faith has most of the weekend with Matthew and we don’t have to see each other.


So it’s a lonely Saturday night right now. He’s with her and I have nobody. So I’m going out. I haven’t gone out in so long I can’t even remember the last time I did. I’m not dressed up too fancy or anything and I don’t really plan on doing anything other then dancing and maybe having a few drinks. I’m going to have some fun because now I can breathe. I can finally let loose and get rid of everything that has been building over the last year or so. Besides, I’m sure Faith has gone out a few times. I haven’t asked Xander about it because I’m afraid of the answer. I don’t know if I’m more afraid that he’ll say no then yes. If the answer is no then that means she’s waiting around and pining for me. I don’t want her to pine for me, I want her to move on.


I’m not going to sit around and pine for her. I hope she doesn’t think that I’m going to because I’m not. I wanted this, I needed this, and now that I have it I’m not going to sit around and feel bad about it. Yes there’s sadness and pain and a little longing, I’m not heartless. I miss her, but not enough to let her come back. She was my lover for almost six years and I do miss the better times when we were happy, when we were in love. But that’s gone now and I don’t we’re going to get it back. So we need to move on. And that’s exactly what tonight is about, it’s about moving on, leaving the past in the past and turning over a new leaf or whatever the saying is.


I pull into the parking lot of the club and find a great spot. I wonder why it isn’t taken? Oh well, no use dwelling on it. I hop out of my car and pop the trunk. I loop my keys around my belt loop with the key ring and put in my purse in the trunk and walk into the club. It is bumpin in here. Lots of people, great music and it’s ‘ladies night’ which means drinks are half off for the women tonight, so bonus. I have about a hundred dollars in my back pocket so if I want I can get completely wasted tonight, but I’m not going to do that. A few drinks to lighten my mood but that’s about it. I find a table and put my coat on the back of my chair and walk over to the bar.


“Shot of tequila please,” I tell the bar tender and pull out a five. Then I feel something brush against my arm and I look over and see a redhead sitting next to me. Her arm had brushed up against mine when she sat down on the stool. She looks at the bar tender and smiles a little.


“Make that two shots of tequila, and I’m paying,” she says. I try to tell her no thanks, that I’ll pay but she insists. “Really, it’s my treat. Besides, it would be rude if I let you pay since I’m probably going to be hitting on you soon.” Well, she’s blunt isn’t she? I’m about to explain to her why I don’t want her to hit on me when the bartender comes back with our drinks. She puts a twenty down on the table and says ‘keep ‘em comin’. I toss back the shot and it burns my throat and I start to cough. I look over at the redhead and she smiles a little.


“Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve had any of this.” And I’m not going to bring up memories that’ll make me sad by remembering who I was with and what I was doing the last time I had this. Well, I guess I should say ‘who I was doing’. I put the glass back on the table and the bar tender fills it back up and I quickly swallow that one too. But I have to stop for now. I need to pace myself if I want to have control of my limbs.


“I’m Ginny Ginger. I know it’s a little strange, but nothing I can do about that,” the redhead says and holds out her hand. I look into her eyes and I can see the playfulness, the desire, the possibility of flirtation and something else that I can’t quite put my finger on but I like it. So I go against my better judgment and I shake her hand and give her my best smile.


“Well, Ginny Ginger, I’m Buffy Summers. As a fellow person with a funny name I know what it’s like to be teased so you don’t have to worry about that from me.” She smiles and laughs a little. Her laugh sounds so sweet and I can’t get enough of it. I came out here just looking to dance but I think there might be more here. I know I can’t take her home or go back to her place or get a motel or anything but there may be a little kiss action by the end of the night. Baby steps is the key. I can’t rush anything because if I do it could make everything so much worst then it already is.


We have a couple more drinks. A vodka martini for her, a Jamaican sunrise for me. After we have a couple of those we head out to the dance floor. I really like this song, I’ve never heard it before but I really like it. It has a great beat, one I can really move to and Ginny isn’t having any trouble keeping up with me, which is kind of surprising since I’m a slayer. When that song finishes another one starts up. The beat is slower, but it isn’t a slow song. No, this is a song that would be perfect to fuck to. I’ve heard this before, I own the CD that the song is on, I’ve had sex to this song before with Faith. But I don’t feel guilty about listening to it and dancing with this other woman. This sexy as hell redhead that I’m having dirty thoughts about. And it scares me that I don’t feel guilty.


I feel her hands on my hips and she moves closer to me. One of her legs slips in between mine and I quickly suck in a breath of air. It’s been so long since I’ve had any touch. It’ll be eight months next week. I kept count, how pathetic is that? Faith and I just couldn’t be together like that anymore. It was too weird so we stopped. That’s when she started sleeping on the couch. But enough about Faith. We’re broken up so I shouldn’t be feeling guilty about this woman and her oh so soft hands caressing my back. And I don’t have to feel guilty that I’m practically humping her leg on a dance floor.


“You wanna get outta here?” she whispers in my ear. I pull my head back a little so I can look into her eyes. She smiles and keeps dancing and then looks over towards the front of the club, where the door is. The music seems to fade and time seems to stand still. Should we leave together? If we leave together then heavy physical contact will ensue, no doubt about that. But do I really want that? Having sex with this woman would signify that I really am ready to move on. Am I ready for that? I guess I am since I’m grabbing onto her hand and leading her off the dance floor. I leave my coat because it’s just a cheap one that I got about a week ago. If she has any stuff here she doesn’t want it because she isn’t saying anything. We walk out to the parking lot and to the spot where my car was. I say was because it’s being towed away.


“Wait What the fuck are you doing?” I yell at the driver of the tow truck. He informs me that I parked it next to a fire zone so it’s being towed. Then he gives me a slip of paper telling me where I have to go to pay the...eight hundred dollar fine, and pick up my car. Eight hundred dollars, that is such bullshit. But there’s nothing I can do about it, and there’s no use getting pissed at him for doing his job. I feel a squeeze on my hand and I turn around and look at Ginny. I forgot she was standing there.


“Don’t worry about it, Buffy,” she says and stands really close to me. I can feel her breath of my face and I can smell the alcohol but it’s not bothering me right now. She looks into my eyes, the light from the lamppost is making the blue of hers sparkle and shine a little brighter. She softly brushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear and starts to lean down. I subconsciously lick my lips and my eyes close when our lips are on centimeters away. But then there’s a loud smack sound and we both jump back as a large group of people stagger out of the club, laughing and being loud and having a good time.


That little moment we had going a second ago is ruined, we both know it but that doesn’t stop her from leaning down and kissing me. I don’t respond at first because I’m so surprised. But then my mind catches up with my lips and I kiss back. It’s soft and sweet and when she pulls back she looks into my eyes and smiles really wide. She says that her car is parked about a block down and she holds onto my hand again and waits for me to make my decision. With my mind made up we walk towards the street, little words are said because there’s no need for them. We both know exactly what’s going to happen as soon as we get back to my house, there’s no need to try and make it any less slutty by pretending we’re going to see each other after tomorrow morning.


I get the front door unlocked after a few minutes of trying. As soon as we got out of the car I pressed her up against it and kissed her for all I was worth. I figured I should go ahead and get this night started so there won’t be any awkward moments. And while I was trying to unlock the door she was standing behind me, her arms wrapped around me and kneading my breasts while she sucked on my neck. I throw the door open and we almost fall through. But I keep my balance and we stumble through the door. I toss the keys down on the little table and close the door.


I press her up against it and roughly kiss her. It’s almost violent, and I stick my hand up her shirt and roughly knead her breast. She isn’t wearing a bra. I break the kiss and pull her shirt off and toss it across the room. I don’t give it another thought as I look down at her very ample breasts. I don’t have to lean down too far since she’s taller then me. I wrap my lips around one of her rock hard nipples and start to suck. She grinds against me, I can feel her heat on my stomach and it’s driving me crazy. I want her, I need her and I’m going to have her.


I feel her push me back and I look at her with some confusion. I watch as she reaches down and takes off her shoes. She tosses them to the side and I do the same thing. Then she reaches down to the hem of my shirt and takes it off and tosses it somewhere across the living room. I step forward and kiss her deeply and wrap my arms around her waist and I start to back us up, leading us towards my bedroom. When we get to the hallway she presses me up against the wall and breaks the kiss and strongly sucks on my neck. I moan and groan and grind up against her. The heat and wetness between my legs is unbearable and I want that strong tongue of hers up inside me.


I feel her hands on my back and she unhooks my bra. She pulls back from her very wanted attack on my neck and drops my bra to the ground. She leans down and sucks on my right breast and I start moaning louder. I bury my fingers in her luscious red hair and it only encourages her to suck harder and gently bite my aching nipple. I groan loudly and pull her head away from my chest. I kiss her deeply and grind against her a lot faster and harder then I was before. I push her backwards and continue to make our way towards my room. But we stop by the door and I hold her up against the wall. My hands work their way down to her waist and I unzip her skirt and she steps out of it. Hmmm, no bra and no panties. I’d say she was really lookin to get some tonight.


I reach over and open up the door and hold onto her hand and lead her inside. She shuts the door and locks it as we walk over to the bed and now I’m getting a little nervous. I guess she can sense it because she wraps her arms around me from behind and gently caresses my stomach and lightly kisses my neck. There’s no going back from here. I need her as much as she wants me so I can’t say no, even if I wanted to. I pull down the covers to the foot of the bed and sit in the middle of it. I give her my best ‘come hither’ look and she smiles a devilish smile and crawls up on the bed. She’s on all fours and she leans up a little to kiss me and she pushes me lightly until I’m on my back.


“Let’s take these off, ok?” she says and tugs at the button on my pants. I nod my head yes and kiss her again. When she gets the jeans unbuttoned and unzipped I lift my hips up and she pulls them down and takes my thong with her. She drops both items to the floor and sits back and admires me for a few minutes. She looks into my eyes, the only light is the thin stream coming through the window from the street lamp. But because I’m a slayer I can see her, all of her and she is beautiful, I will admit that. And I’m able to watch as she trails her hands from the tops of my feet, up my legs and she stops at my knees. She gives me a little look, almost like she’s asking for permission and a look of longing is my answer. I slowly spread my legs for her and she lies on her stomach and gets comfortable.


At first she just looks at me but I need her to touch me. And when I’m about to vocalize that she leans forward and laps at my juices that have coated my sex and the insides of my thighs. I moan and my head falls back onto the bed. I close my eyes and just feel as that strong tongue licks at my lips. She swirls it over my clit and I buck my hips really hard and I feel her giggle. It sends vibrations through me and I think I’m going to come just from feeling that. But then I feel her tongue plunge up inside of me and I scream and buck against her face. She holds me still by my hips and does this weird swirly thing. I don’t think I can hold out much longer.


“Baby, just let go,” she whispers, her voice is deep and husky and before I can respond she gently flicks at my entrance with the tip of her tongue. I start moaning again and I can feel my orgasm building. Then she wraps her lips over my entrance and starts to suck. I arch my back and try to buck my hips but she still has a good hold on me. God, she’s really strong. I wonder if she’s a-oh God


“Uuunnngggghhhh,” I moan loudly. “Oh God, oh God, oh God, right there, a little harder,” I tell her as she rubs against my G-spot with her tongue. She increases the pressure and I lose control. I start screaming and moaning and shaking all over as my orgasm rips through me. I don’t even know what I’m saying, but I can’t stop. It’s been so fucking long since I’ve had one this good. So fucking long since I’ve felt someone else’s touch. I feel her shift around on the bed and lies down next to me and gently sucks on my neck. I think she might have a little bit of a neck fetish goin on. When I come down from my high I slowly open my eyes and I slow my breathing down. I can feel the sweat coating my skin start to cool and it feels a little gross.


“You ok, baby?” she asks and gently kisses my neck. She’s not sucking on it anymore and I’m glad. I don’t want too many hickies. I nod my head yes and I turn my head so I can reach her lips with mine. She just gave me the best orgasm I’ve had in a good long while, it’s only right that I at least try to return the favor. I’ve only been with one other woman before and I don’t know if...if...what is her name? I know it starts with a G, or maybe a J. Oh well, I don’t know if this person is going to like what I can do. But I suppress my fears and nervousness and kiss her deeper. She moans into my mouth and I feel her hand snake it’s way into my hair and she gently massages my scalp. I try to roll her over onto her back but she puts her hand on my shoulder and pulls back from the kiss.


“No, no baby. I stay on top, alright?” she says and the look in her eyes hardens just a little bit. Great, leave it up to me to bring home a redhead with control issues. Isn’t there a saying about redheads and that all of them are control freaks with a fiery temper and once they get their claws into you they never let go? I don’t know. And I’m a little too busy to really care right now. She kisses me again and gently pushes me onto my back again. But then she breaks the kiss and straddles my waist. She smiles at me and gently caresses my stomach and then my breasts. I start moaning again and my nipples get ever harder. But then she stops and now her hands are gone. I open my eyes and she’s smiling a devilish smile.


“Sorry baby, didn’t mean to tease but it’s my turn now.” Then she grabs onto my wrist and puts my hand on her strong stomach. I can feel the muscles rippling under my touch as I softly brush my fingertips across the hot skin. I’m barely touching her and I love the way her body is reacting to me. I move my hand lower and her breathing is starting to quicken. “Hurry up baby,” she says a little impatiently. I do what she says ‘cause I don’t wanna make her mad now that I’m starting to think she’s a slayer. A normal human would never have been able to hold my hips down like that. But I’ll ask her about it after, maybe not even at all. It doesn’t matter because I’m never going to see her again. Well, I might see her, this town is pretty small, but we’ll never be together again.


“That’s it baby,” she says when my fingers finally brush between her legs. I put my middle finger in between her folds, my index and ring finger on either side and I gently explore. I feel something, it feels like...metal? Holy shit, she has a piercing. I start to toy with it a little. I gently tug at it and her hips start to rock and she closes her eyes. She leans forward and holds herself up with one hand on each side of my head. Her breathing is getting heavier and her breasts are jiggling a little. I can’t help but smile at that. I lean up as far as I can and gently suck on her hard nipple and enter her with my two middle fingers. She grunts loudly and starts to grind against my hand.


“That’s it baby. Don’t hold back on me. Fuck me harder.” I’m pretty sure my neighbors heard that. But I don’t care. I don’t have to move my hand any faster because she starts grinding her hips harder, taking complete control of the situation. Yep, a control freak, that’s what I picked up tonight. Oh well, at least now I can slack off a little bit and it won’t really matter. As long as she comes and then goes everything will be fine. Wow, when did I get like this? I have no idea but I don’t like it. Ok, I need to focus here. I start pumping my hand harder and I add another finger. She starts grunting harder, her breathing is even quicker and I swear I can hear her heartbeat. I feel her walls contracting against my fingers so hard I think there’s gonna be bruises.


Then she throws her head back, her hair is bouncing around her shoulders and she looks so beautiful as she comes. I feel the gush of it rush onto my hand and she squeezes tight and holds me inside of her. I try to move my fingers but I can’t. She lets out one more grunt and she slides off of me and lies down by my side. I look over at her and I can’t help but smile at the satisfied look on her face. I did that, I put that look there. I lean in and give her a kiss on the lips. Now that we’ve both been satisfied, for tonight at least, I’m really fuckin tired, and she doesn’t look like she’s going to be moving any time soon. I wrap my arms around her and give her neck a little kiss as I snuggle in closer to her. It feels good not to fall asleep alone.


I wake up to the sound of the shower. What the hell? I open my eyes but slam them shut when the sunlight violates my vision. What the fuck happened last night? Let’s see, I went out to the club, met that redhead...Gia?...I can’t remember her name. But we came back here. And my fucking car was towed God dammit. I don’t know how I’m going to talk Giles into giving me that much money without telling him what it’s for. Maybe I should get a job or something so I can pay for it myself. No, that’ll take too long and plus if I did that I’d have to put Matthew in daycare and that’ll cost a lot. Either that or Faith would have to watch him during the week. Weekends are enough.


I look over when I hear the shower shut off. Seriously what is her name? This is gonna bug the hell outta me. I know it starts with either a G or a J. I’m just not sure which one. I’ll just ask, if it’s brought up. She’ll probably just want to get her stuff and leave. And her stuff is all over the living room too. And in the hallway. Maybe I should go get her stuff for her so she doesn’t have to look for it. I think that would be a little rude if I make her do it. I am the one that threw it all over the place. I should probably go put on some coffee too. And make some breakfast. I’ve never done this whole one nighter thing, knowing that it’s just a one nighter that is. Parker was an ass who strung me along. But me and...Georgia?...both know that this is just a one time deal. So should I make her breakfast? She did give me something great last night. Yeah, I think I’ll go do that right now before she gets out of the bathroom. Damn, too late. She walks out of my bathroom wrapped up in a towel.


“Hey baby,” she says and walks over to the bed and sits down next to me. I smile and lean up to meet her halfway in a kiss. It’s slow and tender and kinda short because she pulls back and looks into my eyes and smiles. “I woke up a while ago and I made some breakfast. I hope you don’t mind.” I smile at her and hold onto her hand. She’s so sweet. I figured she’d want to get the hell out of here, isn’t that how these things work? But she stuck around and she even made me breakfast.


“No, I don’t mind.” I don’t know for a fact that she made some for me. She just said that she made breakfast, she could have just made it for herself. “I take it you wanna get outta here?” She wrinkles her eyebrows a little bit. “Now that you’ve had breakfast I guess you just wanna go?” Then smiles and shakes her head.


“Baby, it’s not like that. I made some for both of us. I haven’t had any yet. I couldn’t find the coffee or else I would’ve made some.” Fuck, that’s right we’re out of coffee. I mean, I’m out of coffee, since I’m the only one in this house that drinks coffee. I sit up and hold the blankets around my chest. I guess there’s no point. I mean she was sucking on my breasts last night. But I’ve always been modest I guess. I was the same way with Fai...everyone I’ve slept with.


“I have some stuff you can change into if you want.” I tell her and she smiles and looks down at herself. How does she look this good? I probably look like hell and she looks like she was just beaten with a pretty stick. “I can get it for you. I have some shorts and a shirt, it’s really baggy. I bought a few of ‘em, ya know, to wear around the house when I don’t feel like wearing anything else.” She smiles and says something about loungin around clothes and then kisses me deep. I wrap my arms around her back and try to pull her closer to me but she pulls back with a smile.


“So where are the shirts?” her voice sounds a little gravely. I point to the drawer and she gets up and walks over to the dresser. I look at the picture on my nightstand and pick it up while she looks through them. It was taken at Matthew’s birthday party. Me and Faith tried so hard to get along that day for Matthew’s sake. We didn’t fight until we got home from the park. Matthew had gone over to Willow and Kennedy’s because I knew we were going to fight as soon as we got home. I didn’t want Matthew to hear it.


“You don’t have to do this,” I tell her and she looks at me with a questioning expression on her face. She’s holding up two of the baggy shirts from the drawer. There’s a dark blue one and a pink one. I sigh and put the picture back on the nightstand. “Being nice, pretending to care. I’ll understand if you just want to leave.” She gives me a sexy smile and walks back over to the bed, she puts a little more sway to her hips. I smile back and scoot down a little further on the bed.


“Well, I was thinking that we could have breakfast together and then afterwards I could have you for a little after breakfast snack ‘cause you were so tasty last night.” She leans down and kisses me. She runs the tip of her tongue over my bottom lip and I open my mouth and invite her in. I cup the back of her neck with my hands and I start to pull her on top of me. She does this swirly thing with her tongue and I moan into her mouth. I’m almost fully on my back when she pulls back.


“No, baby. Breakfast first ok?” I smile and nod my head yes. She really is quite the control freak. So we get up and slip on the shirts, she takes the dark blue one but I put the pink back and put on a black one. I really don’t feel like wearing pink right now. We go into the kitchen and she pulls the plates out of the microwave. She put them in there to keep the food warm. It looks pretty good. Fried eggs, toast, hash browns, bacon. Just your standard breakfast stuff. She hands me a fork and we eat our breakfast without talking much. I’ll compliment her every once in a while but it doesn’t really lead to a conversation. When we finish I take the dishes over to the sink. Might as well let them soak for a while. So I’m running the hot water over the plates when I feel her wrap her strong arms around me and then I feel her soft, full lips kissing my neck.


I shut off the water and turn around in her arms. I kiss her hard on the mouth and wrap my hands around her back and pull her body against mine. She does that swirly thing again and I start moaning and grinding myself against her. I feel her hands rubbing my sides over the shirt and she pushes me up against the counter. I feel her right hand work its way in between our bodies and she slowly makes her way from my stomach down to where I need her most. I pull back from the kiss when I feel her fingers softly brush my slick lips and I moan really loud. She doesn’t waist any time and she enters me with two fingers.


“Oh God yes,” I moan out and pump my hips against her. We start up a slow rhythm and she leans down so she can suck on my neck. I feel her other hand reach around behind me and she lifts me up a little and I wrap my legs around her waist, which makes everything so much easier. She starts to suck on my throat and she gently scrapes her teeth across my sensitive flesh. I’m so fucking close. Just oh so close and as soon as she’s done with me I’m going to sit her up on the counter and eat her because I didn’t get to taste her last night. But then every muscle in my body freezes when I hear someone over to my right clear their throat. I open my eyes and slowly turn my head and see...oh fuck. Busted.


(End flashback)


FPOV


“Here ya go you ol’ geezer,” I tell Tucker and put his water bowl on the ground in front of him. He starts to lap up the water very loudly and almost chokes once or twice. I’m going to have to stop walking him as much. He just can’t take it anymore. We give him the medicine the vet prescribed but it doesn’t really help. I think I should take him back in or something, maybe get a stronger dosage of the medicine. “Alright, come on.” He’s done with the water now. I open up the backdoor and walk in first and he has a little bit of trouble walkin up the two steps but he manages. I shut and lock the backdoor then put his leash in the drawer that has most of his stuff.


I pop my neck ‘cause it was feelin a little tight and then I stretch my arms above my head as I walk into the living room. I stop cold when I see B sittin on the couch, the T.V. is on but she’s not payin any attention to it. She has a blanket wrapped around her pretty tight and she has some tears slowly creepin down her face but she’s not wipin them away. It’s like she doesn’t even know they’re there. But it’s the look in her eyes that’s freakin me out the most. There’s so much pain and I’m pretty sure she’s pissed at herself right now. Why? I got no fuckin clue but I think she is. I walk over and sit down next to her and put my hand on her arm.


“Hey B, what’s the matter baby?” I ask and she snaps out of whatever little world her mind had gone to. She looks at me and wipes her tears away but she doesn’t say anything. She looks down at her hands and she keeps her gaze there. What is goin on inside of that head of hers? “Buffy, please. You can tell me anything, remember?” She nods her head yes but she doesn’t say anything. “I’ll try to understand, you know I will.” She nods her head again and she inhales deeply and holds her breath for a few seconds and then lets it out really slow.


“I was just thinking,” her voice sounds pretty fuckin strained. Maybe I should go get her some water or somethin. “About the time we broke up, and the first time you dropped Matthew off because Xander was out of town or something like that.” Why the fuck is she thinkin about that? “Please don’t get mad.” She’s lookin at me now and I guess she saw my expression darken a little and she sounds so fuckin desperate, like she thinks I’m gonna hit her or somethin. I never wanna hear her voice sound like that again. “I don’t want to think about it but...I dunno, I just can’t stop.” I sigh and wrap my arms around her and she leans against me. I remember the break up too. I remember all of it and it fuckin sucked.


(flashback)


I can’t believe her. I can’t believe she kicked me out of our fuckin house What the fuck was she thinking? Who fuckin knows what she’s thinkin anymore. She’s probably gone totally fuckin insane. This is all her fault, ya know. If she hadn’t turned into such a bitch then we wouldn’t have fought like we did. But she had to keep yappin her mouth like one of those little fuckin ankle biter dogs until I couldn’t fuckin stand it anymore and I fuckin yelled at her. The first fight was all it took. We said way too many fuckin things that can’t be forgiven and we both refused to forget, so the one fight turned into at least three a day and now I’m here.


I was stayin at Red and Kennedy’s for a while but seein them bein so fuckin happy all the damn time I just couldn’t stand it. Plus Red is B’s best friend so she’s bias and was on B’s side and Kennedy fuckin whipped as hell so I bounced outta there before they started fightin ‘cause of me. Me and Xander relate better then him and B, so he tends to lean towards my side a little more. So he’s lettin me stay in his guest room, well my room now I guess. I’ve been stayin out of their way ‘cause they wanna start a family but before they have the kid they wanna redecorate everything and Katie’s been doin a lot of planning and I don’t wanna get in her way ‘cause that woman is meaner then the devil incarnate.


So I just stay in my room most of the time. I eat meals with ‘em but only when they ask me to, otherwise I just eat back here. I keep the room clean ‘cause that’s the polite thing to do, I guess. They’re lettin me stay here for free, the least I could do is keep the room nice. I don’t watch a lot of T.V. even though I got one back here. Nope, I sleep, I shower, I eat and then I drink. And drink, and drink, and drink. But it’s gettin a little better, I’m down to six bottles a day. Well, not every day. It’s starts on Sunday, late in the day, and once the pain isn’t as bad I’ll stop and just sit in my room and think about better times. But on Thursday I don’t have any. I throw all the bottles out and I make sure the room is nice and aired out so it won’t smell like it ‘cause Friday morning Xander goes and gets my boy.


I can’t believe that bitch will only let me see him on the weekends. And not even the whole weekend. Most of Friday, all of Saturday and some of Sunday. That isn’t a whole weekend. That fuckin bitch just wants him all to herself. If I hadn’t been the one to call I wouldn’t see him at all. There’s no way she would’ve called me to set somethin up. And it’s not like I can argue about the schedule ‘cause if she wants to she can take him away for good. She can move or something and take him with her and there’s not a fuckin thing I’d be able to do about it. I can’t take her to court to fight for joint custody ‘cause the family court system doesn’t know that two woman can make a kid. They’ll look at the birth records and see that B gave birth and then they’ll give him to her and then I’ll never see him again.


We don’t do much over here except for sleep. I take him to the part mostly and we play and hang out. Or I’ll take him to the movies and then we’ll go out for dinner or somethin. He always asks too many questions about the house if we stay at Xander’s. It’s easier to distract him from things I don’t wanna talk about when we’re out doin something. I wanna take him to the coast, just get away from everything for a few days. I wanna take him to Bodega Bay, camp out by the beach, maybe teach him how to fish. If we go I’m gonna take him to Jenner beach to see the seals ‘cause they like to hang out there. I know he’d like that. But I won’t be able to do any of that without askin B first. ‘Cause if I take him we’ll be gone for longer then the weekend, I’d wanna go for a week. Leave early on a Friday morning and then come back the next Friday.


She’ll never go for it. She’ll probably think I’m gonna steal him away or something. Pack all my shit in the car and take him with me. Like I’d ever do that. I’d only ever do that if I had a good fuckin reason to. And B isn’t abusing him so I don’t have a good fuckin reason. I couldn’t keep him from her, that’d be way too cruel. Even if she’s the one that kicked me out it doesn’t matter. He needs her as much as he needs me. And she needs him as much as I need him. So I can’t leave because I know if I did and took him with me she’d die, or hunt me down and kill me and then take him back. Either way someone’s dyin and it wouldn’t be fair for him.


I can’t believe I didn’t sign those damn papers. We went through all the fuckin trouble to get ‘em, paid a lot of money for ‘em and they’re really fuckin important, but nope. B wouldn’t leave me alone long enough for me to fuckin sign ‘em. If I did I would be able to take her ass to court and get more time with him and there’d be nothing she could do about it. She wouldn’t be able to keep him from me outta spite or else the judge would give him to me or somethin. I don’t know exactly how it works ‘cause everyone I know got sent to live with their moms ‘cause their dads were dead beats. So I don’t know how a custody arrangement works or what happens when one person breaks it.


Right now she’s only lettin me see him ‘cause she knows he needs me, but how long will it be until she stops caring? I know her good enough to know that she doesn’t want me to see him at all, so what happens when she gets sick of sending him over here? What happens when she wants to do something with him on the weekend and she doesn’t let me see him at all. Even if it’s just that one week I don’t think I’d be able to handle it. I can barely handle the situation as it is. But I’m tryin to deal.


Even though I’m callin her a bitch and shit like that I don’t really think that, well, at least not a lot. I still love her, I’m still in love with her. I want her back but she won’t take me. I haven’t tried talkin to her yet because she’s still pissed at me for all the things I said to her. But it was all defensive stuff. She attacked the drinking problem that I used to have, said I was pretty fuckin close to becomin my mom. She didn’t say those words exactly. No, it was somethin like ‘and look at you now, twenty-six years old and you’re a fuckin drunk. Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, does it?’ She burnt me so I burnt back. I’d say somethin about her fucking Spike or somethin about Angel ‘cause I know those two things hurt her the most.


But it’s all over now. I’m livin at Xander’s and she’s forgetting all about me while I’m drinking myself stupid. One of these days I’m gonna pass out and not wake up at all. Either drink myself to death or into a coma. Maybe that would make it all better. If I die this all goes away. No more pain, no more suffering, no more thinkin about B and how much I miss her. No more wishing she’d take me back, no more drinking until I pass out, no more tears because corpses can’t cry, can’t worry, can’t feel pain. But I can’t kill myself ‘cause if I do I’ll never see Mattie again. Never get to teach him all the things that B can’t. God, what the fuck have I become? I never thought I’d ever see the day I’d think about killin myself ‘cause a girl dumped me. Then again I never thought I’d be in a relationship or become a mother. So I guess anything is possible.


“Mama,” I hear him whine and I roll over onto my other side. For the last hour or so I’ve been starin at the wall, thinking all those thoughts you just read. The bed’s a full size so there’s plenty of room for me and him. He doesn’t have his own room over here ‘cause this house is a three bedroom and Katie is plannin on turning the third into a nursery so the floor is all torn up where she wants new hardwood floors and shit like that. So me and Mattie share this room. I don’t have a lot of stuff for him over here. He has two drawers and some stuff hangin in the closet and a box full of toys in the corner of the room, and some books are in the nightstand drawer but that’s it.


“Mama my tummy hurts.” I’m not surprised. He got into an egg roll eating contest with Xander last night. Mattie can be very competitive, and I’m proud that he is, but last night he ate ten egg rolls and won by a landslide. Xander was only able to eat four. These egg rolls are pretty big, so Mattie ate a little over five pounds of grease, cabbage, egg, and some other vegetables, and some little bits of chicken. And this was after he had seven fried shrimp, ten pieces of sweet and sour pork, almost a whole pound of noodles and chow mein, and five fortune cookies. He was in some real fuckin pain last night, had to give him some medicine to calm his stomach down. He almost got sick a couple times but he held it all in.


“Well yeah it does, you ate way too much food last night,” I tell him and look into his eyes. I guess he’s still in some pain. His stomach is bloated about three times it’s normal size. I really don’t wanna be in the room when all that gas decides to come out. Yep, really, really don’t wanna be in the room. Maybe I can send him and Xander to the store or somethin to pick up some ice cream or somethin. Nah, that’d be too mean. Mattie would get way too embarrassed. He’s at that stage now where he gets embarrassed about stuff. He doesn’t worry too much about Xander, he’s never really like Xander and I can’t figure out why. But if he goes into a store and all that gas comes out he’d probably hide in the back storage room and never come out.


“Come here.” I hold up my arm and he scoots closer to me and snuggles in with his back pressed against me and I wrap my arm around him. I don’t really have much in the way of sleep wear so all he’s wearin right now is some sweat pants, and his Spiderman underwear. I really need to do some shopping for him. But where would I put it all? I could put the box of toys in the closet and then buy like a big storage bin or something to put his clothes in. I’ll have to go to Target on Monday or something and check it out. I give him a little kiss on his temple and run my fingers through his hair with my other hand. “I love you more then anything in the world, did you know that?” He shakes his head no.


“Do you love me more then Mommy?” he asks in a...scared voice? Is he afraid I’m going to get mad? I can’t believe he just asked that but I’m not mad. Surprised, shocked, and confused but not mad. I guess it’s safe to say that I do love him more then B. I’d die to save either one in a heartbeat, but if I ever have to choose between them I’d have to choose Mattie. And it’s not because B broke my heart or anything like that. I’d feel the same way if we were still together and happy. I’d never get over it if B died. I’d never be with anyone else, I’d mourn her everyday, but if Mattie died, I’d die, there’s no getting around it. But I love both of them differently. Mattie’s my son and B is...was my everything else. I sigh and try to think of way to explain this ‘cause I don’t think I’m doin a great job explain it to you, so how the hell am I gonna explain it to him? I guess lying is the easiest way out of this one because he’s too young to understand.


“I love Mommy a lot. I love her more then I love myself and the world. But I love you just a tiny bit more.” I make sure to keep my tone light and upbeat to reassure him that he didn’t ask anything bad and that I’m not mad at him or anything like that. “But don’t tell her ok? It’s our little secret.” He nods his head yes and rolls over so he’s lying on his back. I put my head back on my pillow and stare at the wall on the other side of the room. How am I gonna make things better? How am I gonna bet B to take me back? I want to be with her so fuckin bad that it hurts, it physically hurts and I don’t know how much more of it I can take.


“Mama?” he asks and I let out a little ‘yeah?’ but my voice sounds distant. I look at his face I can’t tell he’s havin a hard time figuring out exactly how he wants to word the question he’s gonna ask. “You and Mommy aren’t together anymore...” Ouch. Jeez, way to pour salt on the wound. “And when Chrissy’s mommy moved away she got a new mommy. Chrissy said she’s a step-mommy. How come I don’t have a step-mommy?” B has got to stop taking him to the park to play with the other kids. How the fuck am I going to explain this? I sigh and roll over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. We’re both lyin in the exact same position: one hand above the head and the fingertips are lightly stroking the hair. The other hand on the stomach, and our legs are straight. This is my favorite ‘thinking’ position. I guess it is for him too.


“You don’t have a step-mommy because I haven’t met anyone else that I can fall in love with. I don’t know if your mommy’s met anyone, you’ll have to ask her.” I think that’s the best way to explain it. I don’t want to tell him that I’m pining over Buffy ‘cause he’ll tell her that and I don’t want her thinkin I’m pathetic even though I am. And I don’t want to use Mattie to find out what’s goin on in B’s life. We only talk about her when he brings her up and even then I keep it short and change the subject very quickly. But I’m curious, so sue me. “Has your mommy met anyone else? Has she made a grown up friend that she spends a lot of time with?” I look over at him and his eyebrows knit together.


“No. I don’t think so. She talks on the phone a lot with a girl named Sissy.” My jaw clenches and my fists grip the sheets hard enough to almost rip them. Sissy Ronalds is an intern at the slayer facility in Cleveland. She’s in fuckin love with Buffy, or it’s just a really strong crush or something and if B’s talkin to her a lot then they might be plannin on hooking up or something. I have no doubt in my mind that Sissy would try to worm her way into B’s life even more then she already is. They e-mail each other a lot and talk on the phone every once in a while, but now that I’m gone it looks like Sissy’s plannin on making her move or something. I can’t think about this anymore or it’ll drive me insane.


“I don’t wanna go back home,” he says and wraps his arm around my stomach. It’s Sunday morning right now. He’s going back to Buffy’s today. In a few hours actually. Xander usually drops him off at noon but I’m not going to until one. Xander had to go out of town last night so I have to drop him off. He tried callin B last night but she must’ve gone to bed early or somethin ‘cause she didn’t answer the phone. Maybe she was takin a bubble bath or something.


I remember when we were still together when she needed a night alone I’d take Mattie out to a movie and then out to dinner and B would stay home and spend an hour or two in the bathtub. She lights candles and uses the bath salts and shuts out the overhead light and plays some soft music. It’s her time to wind down. I don’t even want to think about what else she could have been doing because it’ll just piss me off beyond all reason. And I really don’t feel like bein in a bad mood today.


“I know, but you have to. Your mommy needs you. She misses you too much.” I have to hold back the tears that wanna fall. It’s going to be hell dropping him off. I just hope he doesn’t cry ‘cause if he does I don’t think I’ll be able to leave. And if I don’t leave fast enough me and B will probably start fighting. And I don’t want to fight with her anymore. Maybe if I just take it all she’ll stop? Maybe if I don’t fight back, don’t say anything back she’ll realize how big of a bitch she’s being and she’ll stop and we can finally sit down and work through everything? “But I’m going to drop you off today, so you’ll have plenty of time to say goodbye. And uncle Xander is picking you up on Friday.” I don’t wanna mention takin a trip down to Bodega until I’ve talked to B about it. I don’t wanna get Mattie’s hopes up or anything.


“Let’s go get some breakfast ok?” I ask and he nods his head yes. He slowly gets out of the bed and heads for the bathroom. I sit up in the bed and look around the room. What the fuck am I doing here? I don’t belong here. I should be with Buffy, but she doesn’t want me. How am I going to show her that I can do better? I gotta stop the drinkin for one thing. I know she isn’t gonna take me back if she knows that I’m just provin her right. I don’t know what else I can do. I should apologize but she’s not gonna wanna hear that. I know she won’t. She’s too damn stubborn. I get up and slip on some jeans. It’s been too hot to sleep in anything other then a white beater and some underwear. I only wear clothes to bed when Mattie comes over.


I go out into the kitchen and rummage through the fridge. What am I gonna make for breakfast? Eggs sound good. Oh, omelets sound great. Cheese omelets with ham. Yummy. So I pull out the entire bin of eggs, there’s about two dozen in here. Well, that’ll be enough for me but what is Mattie gonna eat? I’m just playin. I always use ten eggs and almost too much cheese. But since Mattie isn’t feelin too good I guess three eggs with a little cheese with be good. I guess I’ll fix his first. I pull out a bowl and expertly crack open three eggs and pour ‘em into the bowl. Then I grab and fork out of the drawer and whip ‘em up.


So back to the Buffy situation. How the hell am I gonna win her back? I need to know if she’s interested or not. I doubt she is but I gotta try. I don’t wanna seem like a stalker or nothin so no flowers until I know for sure if she wants me back. Maybe I should talk to her when I drop Mattie off. She won’t fight in front of him, she never has. We always fought in our bedroom, or in the living room when Mattie was in his bedroom. But as soon as Mattie walked in she’d storm off. He always thought that she was mad at him because she’d leave right when he’d walk into the room. I’d probably think the same thing if I were him. But is she gonna listen to what I have to say? She’s a Summers woman, which means she’s stubborn so there’s very little chance.


After breakfast me and Mattie just hang out. His stomach is still a little upset and Katie when shopping so we have the house to ourselves. So we just sit around in our pjs and watch T.V. Not much else to do around here. He’s still too young to play video games or else we’d be playin Mortal Combat right now. So we’re sittin around watchin cartoons. It’s about time to get ready to leave though. He had a bath last night so I don’t have to worry about that. But he needs to get dressed and I need to comb his hair. Yep, I’m going to do that right now.......any second now and we’ll be ready to go.....ok, we really do need to get ready.


I just pulled up in the driveway at B’s place. Just lookin at the house is bringing back a lot of memories. Mostly good ones, some bad. Maybe dropping him off myself was a bad idea. I keep askin myself if she’s ready to see me, I never even considered the possibility if I’m ready to see her or not. Might be too painful. I might start crying. I might beg for her to take me back and the last thing I’m gonna do is beg. If she won’t take me back then that’s fine, she can be a stubborn ass, but I’m not going to give her the satisfaction of seein me beg.


I get out of the car and help Mattie out of his car seat. Hmm, one of the neighbors must’ve parked their car in front of the fence again. They do that sometimes when their kids visit from college. It must be a new one ‘cause I’ve never seen it before. It’s like a gold-ish Toyota Yaris. Ugly as fuck, why would anyone wanna buy one of those? Mattie holds onto my hand and we walk onto the porch. She’s changed it around a little. She put up some new wind chimes, and there’s a new doorknob. She changed the fuckin locks. I can’t believe her. Does she really think I’m going to break in or something? What a fucking bitch. I knock on the door but there’s no answer. Then again I didn’t knock very loud. So I knock again, a little louder this time and I wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. What the fuck is she doing in there? Is she even home? Her car isn’t in the driveway but sometimes she puts it in the garage. I test the doorknob, it isn’t locked so she’s probably home.


I open the door and step inside. She may not want me here, I may not live here anymore but Mattie does and if she left and forgot to lock the door then we’ll wait until she gets back. As soon as I walk in the door I know somethin isn’t right. Two shirts are on the couch, but they aren’t laid out or anything. No, someone tossed ‘em over there. One of ‘em is B’s, I recognize it. It’s dark blue with sparkles all over it. The other one is a really dark red with little spaghetti straps. My foot bumps into something and I look down. Two pairs of shoes, one of em are B’s, her black clubbin shoes. The others are red strappy sandals, and the straps are broken. Someone wanted out of those really fuckin fast. I wonder why? And yes that was sarcastic.


I can hear the water runnin in the kitchen and I can see two shadows. Mattie tries to walk further into the house but I stop him. I silently close the door and motion for him to stay. As I walk closer to the kitchen I glance down the hallway and there’s more clothes. In the hall is a bra, right outside my old bedroom door is somethin else, maybe a skirt. I hear the water shut off and then a light smacking sound. Definitely kissing. But who is B mackin on? Well, I’m about to find out. I turn the corner and look into the kitchen. A tall redhead, probably three inches taller then me, has B pressed up against the counter. B’s arms are wrapped around the other chick’s back and she’s humpin against her pretty fuckin hard, and this ginger girl is rubbin B’s sides. Her fuckin paws are all over her.


Then one of her hands goes in between their bodies and it slowly slides down B’s stomach until it’s at her pussy. B pulls back from the kiss and moans really fuckin loud. Her eyes are closed so she doesn’t see me standin here watching. I wonder if she’s imagining that skank is me? I wonder if she’s pretending those are my fingers slowly rubbin on her clit. Her eyes are closed so there’s a good change that I’m right. B always keeps her eyes opened so she can look into my eyes and watch me while I make her come. She wants that redhead to be me. She wants me, she’s just too stubborn to admit it.


“Oh God yes,” B moans when this bitch sticks her fingers inside her. It takes about a minute but they start up a rhythm, it’s really fuckin slow but I can tell B is pretty close. Then this bitch reaches down and lifts B up a little bit and Buffy wraps her legs around this skank’s waist. B’s moanin louder now. She’s so fuckin close. I can tell just by lookin at her facial expression. Should I let her come? Nah, I don’t think I should. So, I stand up a little straighter run a hand through my hair and then clear my throat. B fuckin freezes instantly, the redhead stops a couple seconds later. B opens her eyes and slowly looks over at me. The first expression on her face is shame, like when a little kid gets caught with its hand down a cookie jar. Then raw hatred and anger. All I do is raise an eyebrow. B pushes back on the skank’s shoulder and she backs up and lets B down, then she washes her hands off while B glares at me.


“What the fuck are you doing here?” Her voice is harsh enough to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up but I don’t let my expression change. I cross my arms over my chest and give her a challenging look. She gets into her infamous stance and I know she’s pissed. Shoulder’s squared, feet shoulder length part, hands on her hips, pissed off expression on her face. Oh yeah, that’s my B.


“Oh ya know, not much. I was just in the neighborhood so I thought I’d stop by and drop Mattie off, but I can see you’re busy so we’ll be on our way.” She gets a look of panic on her face and she glances over at the clock on the microwave. She must’ve woken up pretty late if she thinks it’s still morning.


“Like hell, you’re not taking him anywhere.” I raise an eyebrow at her and she takes a step forward. Oh, so she wants a fight does she? We haven’t had a battle in a really long time. I wonder who’ll come out on top? Doesn’t matter, all I know is Mattie isn’t stayin here with this skank.


“I’m sure as hell not gonna leave him here while you fuck this skank. I’m his mom too B, did you forget that? You don’t control every fuckin thing about him. If you thought I was bringin girls back to my place would you send him over?” Her expression hardens a little bit.


“You know I wouldn’t. But I don’t really have to worry about that because I know you back to their place for a good fuck. You’d never bring someone back to Xander’s.” She really thinks I’ve been fucking strangers again? I know I’ve been hitting the booze pretty hard but I haven’t touched anyone. I haven’t gone out, I haven’t gotten some so there’s no need to have gotten gone.


“I haven’t been with anyone Buffy. If you don’t believe me just ask Xander. I don’t leave the house at night. Now enjoy your skank ‘cause we’re leaving.” I turn around and walk towards the living room but I feel B’s hand on my shoulder and she whips me around and she gets right in my face.


“You’re not taking him You get him on the weekends and that’s it Now get your fucking ass out of my house ” I push her back and try as hard as I can not to punch her in the face, but the temptation is so fucking big, you have no idea.


“I’m not going to leave him here the morning after you bring some skank home. Fuck Buffy, you didn’t even know I was gonna be the one to drop him off, and you call me a fuckin dead beat?” That was one of the things she used to call me to piss me off. A dead beat because my voice always got so much louder then B’s and after a big fight Mattie didn’t want anything to do with me ‘cause he heard the words I had said to B. Buffy thought I was just ignoring him so she started callin me a dead beat. And now I’m the one callin her it and she gets pissed. She grabs me by my shoulders and slams me up against the wall.


“How dare you, you fucking bitch. Do you know why I keep him for so long? Do you know why I only let him see you two days out of the week? You wanna take a guess?” Well, she asked for it.


“‘Cause you’re selfish and you know the only way to really hurt me is to keep him from me?” It’s a question but it sounds more like a statement and I sound really pissed. The look in B’s eyes hardens a little bit and her grip on me tightens. I’m not going to fight back physically. She can beat my ass until I’m almost dead and I won’t fight back. I’m about ninety-nine percent sure that she won’t kill me so here’s hopin.


“No, because he deserves so much better then a drunken loser, that’s why. He deserves better then you, Faith, because all you do is sit around on your ass and get drunk. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” That’s it I’m not takin this anymore. She wants a fight I’ll give her a fuckin fight. I grab her by the shoulders and launch myself forward. We fall to the ground and I’m on top of her, holding her down. It’s a completely accident, honestly, but my thigh goes in between hers and it presses strongly against her pussy and she groans. Well, now isn’t that interesting?


“I drink to forget about what you did to me.” She struggles to get away but I tighten my grip. She’s going to listen to this whether she wants to or not. “Every fuckin day is the same. Emptiness and pain, and you put it there You kicked me out, you took away everything that means something to me, and you expect me to what? Just move on? Do you really think it’s easy for me to send him back here every damn Sunday? Well it’s not. My insides get ripped into little shreds and it’s all your fuckin fault. If you had just tried a little harder when I was finally ready we could have worked this shit out. And you call me a dead beat? Take a look around Buffy. I throw out the bottles so he won’t see ‘em, but you don’t even have the decency to clean up after a long night of getting fucked ” She’s struggling harder now and I tighten my grip even more. There’s probably gonna be bruises.


“Get off, Faith, get off me ” I can smell her. She likes that I’m on top of her. She likes that my body is pressed up against her. I see the look in her eyes. She isn’t scared or angry, she’s turned on. I guess I was right when I said she was pretending the redhead was me. “Faith get off ” She kicks her legs and her hips buck. I feel her hot center rub against my leg and I hear a moan in the back of her throat. I think she’s the one that wants to get off. She still wants me so maybe there is a chance after all. I get off of her and hold out my hand to help her up but she doesn’t take it.


“I’ll take him out for a little while so you can get the place cleaned up and you can get a shower and send the skank home. But when I get back we need to have a serious talk, you got that?” She nods her head and pulls her shirt down. I turn around that the skank is sitting on the loveseat comforting my boy. Fuck, I can’t believe we did that in front of him. Dammit I can’t believe that skank has her hands on my boy. I should fuckin rip ‘em off. “Come on Mattie, we’re goin to the park for a little while, alright?” He sucks in a deep breath and nods his head yes. He’s cryin though, sobbing and tears are spilling down his flushed cheeks. Damn, I can’t believe we did that. But when we get back things are going to get better. We just need to be honest with each other and everything will work itself out. Here’s hopin.


(End flashback)


BPOV


“I didn’t sleep with her to hurt you.” It’s been years since we separated and I slept with that redhead but we never really dealt with it. That afternoon when Faith got back with Matthew we sat down and talked and realized we still wanted to be together and we worked out most of our differences but we never talked about Ginny, and we never talked about the months we were apart. It was like it never happened. “I didn’t think we were going to get back together and I just…wanted to move on. But I never meant for you to find out like that.” And I didn’t. I would have told her that I slept with someone else, not to hurt her, but to let her know that I was moving on with my life and she should do the same.


“I know,” she says and gently rubs the back of my hand with her thumb. “I’m not gonna lie, it hurt. It hurt a lot.” I turn my head a little and give her a kiss on her neck. She’s holding me from behind and our hands are on my stomach. This is the most comfortable position we can be in because I’m as big as a bloated cow. “It’s not your fault, it’s not like you knew I wanted to get back together. For all you knew I was seein a different person every night of the week.” More tears slip out of my eyes followed by more sniffling. I wish I weren’t so hormonal.


“But that’s all past stuff now,” I tell her and she nods her head. How is she not crying? This is upsetting stuff here. But I guess that’s the difference between me and Faith, she can hide her emotions much better. “I mean, that was years ago, and look at where we are now. I can’t speak for the both of us but I’m still head over heels for you.” She smiles and gives me a little kiss. That’s her way of saying that she still loves me. It would be nice to hear it but I’m not going to push for it. She says it a lot more then she used to so I’m not going to worry too much about it.


“I love you so much.” See, I knew she’d say it sooner or later. “I really don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t taken me back.” Ok, I really wanna stop talking about this now. It’s upsetting the baby too. I can feel him moving around more then he usually does. He doesn’t like it when I’m upset. “But it’s past, like you said. Let’s just forget it ok?” Sounds like a plan to me. She gives me another kiss and I wrap the blanket a little tighter around me. I’m not cold or anything, this is purely a comfort issue. Faith can’t wrap her arms around me as much as she used to be able to so the blanket is helping me feel secure.


Faith starts to lightly kiss my cheeks and neck. She’s not trying to turn me on or anything, I think she just needs to feel me. She isn’t as secure as she wants everyone to think. She has her issues too and I guess this was another one. I feel terrible that I hurt her. I never meant to do that. I really did just want to move on, to try and forget about her but it didn’t work. Even though I hated her at the time, I still loved her. You can only hate the ones you love I guess, or however the saying goes. I sigh heavily and I feel her smile against the skin of my neck. I look over towards the hall when I see something out of the corner of my eye and Matthew is standing there, watching us. Shit, how long was he standing there? How much did he hear? Ok, don’t freak, just play it cool.


“Hey Sweetie,” I say and make eye contact with him. He doesn’t look upset so maybe he didn’t hear us talking about my ‘relations’ with that other woman. And he’ll know what we were talking about. I didn’t say anything in too much detail but he’s sharp, he’ll be able to figure out what I was talking about. “Couldn’t sleep?” He shakes his head no and I reach my arms out towards him. He walks across the room and sits down on the couch. He hasn’t said anything which is concerning. He usually talks a lot, but I guess he’s tired. It’s already...one in the morning. Damn, maybe we should get to bed.


“Why were you crying?” he asks and looks at me with this...intensity in his eyes that I’ve never seen before. He’s dead serious and he’s not going to leave until he gets an answer. Why does he have to be so much like Faith? Reall, would it kill him or Addison to be a little more like me? But I have to tell him something because I don’t want my kids to think that I would just shrug off their questions or I won’t take them seriously. Maybe if I do this now they’ll be more willing to tell me stuff when they’re teenagers. That’s what I’m hoping for.


“I was crying because we were talking about something that happened a long time ago. Do you remember when me and your mama were fighting a lot and she moved out for a while?” He was really young so maybe he doesn’t remember. He is nine now, and all that stuff happened about five years ago, maybe a little longer. So there’s a good chance he won’t remember. He looks down at the floor while he thinks about it. I’m kind of hoping he won’t remember because I don’t want him dwelling on it now that I’ve brought it up.


“Not really. I remember going over to uncle Xander’s a lot.” Well, thank God for that. Then he looks up at Faith and then to me. He looks a little...mad? “Why were you talking about it? Mama’s not moving out again, is she?” Great, why don’t I ever just explain everything instead of letting him draw up a conclusion that’s completely wrong? I guess that’s just me doing what I do best.


“No, Mattie, I’m not going anywhere. We never really talked about it when we got back together. We never really said sorry for all the fighting and being so mean to each other and since we’re up so late we thought we’d do that.” Wow, good explanation. And she says she’s not good at explaining things. She’s most likely going to be the one to give Matthew and the new baby ‘the talk’. I’ll talk to Addison and she can talk to the boys. I don’t know how well Kyle would be in this area ‘cause he’s a demon and I don’t know if demons develop the same as people. Probably not. Ok, let’s stop talking about this now it’s getting a little awkward.


“See? Everything’s ok. It’s late, why don’t you go back to bed?” He nods his head and walks back across the room. He turns around and looks at us and then disappears down the hall. That was a little weird. I thought he was going to argue or something because he does that a lot with me. He listens to Faith a lot better, always has. I sigh and lean into Faith a little more. “Baby, it is getting late, why don’t we go to bed now?” Faith kisses me a couple more times on my neck and she stands up. She holds onto my hands and helps me up off the couch because I’m a bloated cow and I have trouble standing up.


We go into the bedroom and she helps me change into my pajamas. I don’t need help doing this but for some reason she wants to so I’ll let her. It’s silent in here, there’s no words being said because there’s really nothing to say. At least I don’t think there is. We said all we needed to say and now we’re getting ready for bed. Nope, no words needed. But it’s fine, I like the quiet sometimes. We sit quietly together a lot. We’ll be watching T.V. and we’ll just hold each other. The T.V. doesn’t even need to be on, sometimes we just hold each other and we don’t say a word. Sometimes she’ll sit on the floor and play one of her video games and I’ll sit behind her on the couch and run my fingers through her hair and watch. We haven’t been able to do that in a while because of the bed rest but that’ll be all over soon, and then we won’t be able to do it because we’ll be too sleep deprived. Ah, the joys of parenthood.


FPOV


We’ve both been really quiet since we left the living room. That was a pretty close call with Mattie though. I thought for sure he heard us talking about B having sex with someone else. He would have flipped out, I know he would. We’ve been teaching him that sex is something that only two people who love each other do and you’re not supposed to do it with anyone else. If he ever finds out about B and that redhead before he’s old enough to understand all of it...I don’t really want to know how he’ll react.


And all this reminiscing has got me thinkin. I can’t help it. But this isn’t about bad times. This is about one of the best times ever. The first time me and B slept together...yeah, that was pretty fuckin good. And I’m not just talkin about the physical part of it, that was good don’t get me wrong, but that was the first time sex was more then just sex for me. There were emotions goin all over the place, especially afterwards and I felt like me and B grew a lot closer because of it. I know it sounds girly or whatever but I think it’s true. We were pretty much inseparable after that afternoon. I’ll do a flashback so you can see what I’m talking about. You better go get some popcorn or something.


(Flashback)


I can’t believe me and B just had sex. I mean, I’ve been wanting to since Sunnydale, but I never really thought it would happen back then. And we’ve been dating now for like five months or somethin like that but we’ve never gone passed second base. And I pulled back because I didn’t want to freak her out with the whole ‘sex with another woman thing’ because I could tell she was really nervous about that. I was waiting for her to talk to me about it ‘cause I know chicks like B usually talk about sex before actually having it. So you’ll understand why I was so surprised when she started backin me up and when we ended up in the closet and she said she was trying to go to the bedroom...I thought I was gonna come right then and there.


But here we are, lying in my bed together...five minutes after we both came. And she came twice, I felt it. It was the best feeling in the entire world. Way better then I ever imagined it would be. I’ve thought about sex with B over a million times and I never imagined it would have been so...gentle and...loving? I’m not sure if that’s the right word or not. It felt like it and I almost said it to her but I do have some control ya know. She’s breathing really hard still and the sweat all over her body is starting to cool. So is mine. And even though this moment is good and I’m glad it’s happening, I’m nervous. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never done this before, the post-sex cuddles. What do I do? What do I say? Does she want to be held? Does she want to talk or just go to sleep?


I guess it doesn’t really matter. I want to be quiet right now and just look at her. I don’t think she’s ever been so beautiful before. I know that sounds sappy but it’s true. There’s just so much goin on inside me right now. I’ve never wanted to do this before, the after sex cuddling, or talking or whatever it is people normally do. It’s always just been get some get gone. But I don’t want to be like that with her. I want to be better, I want to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her but I think it would sound cheapened if I did it now. I know it would sound like I’m only saying it because she wants to hear it and to get more sex.


Then she looks at me with those moss green eyes of hers and everything just melts away. No more worries, no more fear, and I just want to hold her. But I don’t want to push any limits so instead of taking her into my arms I lay on my side, mimicking her position and I put my hand on her hip. This way if she wants some space she still has it and if she wants me to hold her she can just scoot over a little more. I really want her to scoot over. I don’t know why but having her in my arms is one of my favorite things to do. It makes me feel...secure or whatever. But my eyebrows furrow a little when I see that she’s lookin nervous.


“Was that good?” she asks in a very...timid voice. She won’t look into my eyes. They’re darting all over the place but she won’t look at me. “You made me feel so...” she sits there for a minute or two thinking about what she wants to say. “I can’t even describe how it was.” By the smile on her face I’ll take that as a good thing. “But for you, was that good? Because I’ve never done anything like that before with another woman and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to do something more then just lying there and rocking against you and-” I cut her off with a kiss. That’s usually the only way to shut her up when she’s on the tear like that. Then I pull back and look into her eyes.


“Don’t worry so much. That was great.” Then she gets this little smile on her face and a glint in her eyes. Oh boy, here we go.


“Great but not super?” She’s only playing around. She likes to act like a teenage girl every once in a while and this is just one of those times. It can go on for a long time and I usually have to kiss her really deep to get her to stop.


“It was super.” I feel like a jackass for just saying the word ‘super’.


“Super but not fabulous?” Ok I need to end this before I regret sleeping with her. What the fuck am I talkin about? I’ll never regret that.


“It was good, great, super, fabulous and every other word you can come up with to describe it.” Ha, beat her at her own game. Ah look, now she’s pouting. I take my hand off her hip and gently rub her arm. I don’t know when it happened but we’ve gotten closer to each other. Our noses are only three or four inches away. “Come on B, don’t pout. You know I can’t resist your charms.” She smiles and giggles a little bit. But now we’re quiet again, just looking at each other. This is probably the longest I’ve ever spent talking to someone after sleeping with them. And I just got a really good idea that she’s going to love because it’s girly and all that other shit she likes.


“You know what we need?” I ask and she shakes her head no. She also looks a little...afraid? Does she think I want to do more? I do, actually, but I’m not going to push for it. “We need a song. One that’s just our song and every time we hear it we’ll think of this moment right now. That way we’ll never forget it.” She smiles really wide and gives me a kiss. See, told you she’d like it. But then she pulls back way too soon if you ask me.


“Trust me, I’ll never forget this moment.” We kiss again and this time it’s slow and it feels like it lasts for hours but I don’t want it to end. She starts to pull back but I follow her and I feel her smile against me. Then she turns her head to the side so I’m not kissing her cheek. Cheater. “I need to breathe ya know.” Oh, ok. She is panting pretty hard. Suffocation by kissing, doesn’t sound like a bad way to go.


I sit up and turn on the radio and mess with the knob until I find what I’m looking for. I lay back down next to her and get even closer then I was before. I need to feel her wrapped up in my arms, I just do. The song softly filters through the speakers and I can feel her smile against my neck. I pull back and look at her and sing the words to her. She looks like she’s gonna cry. But it’s a good type of crying. It’s the ‘I’m so happy I can’t control my tears’ type of crying. When the song is over I kiss her tears away and she wraps her arms around me and we just hold each other and listen to the next song. I’m not really paying attention to it though. All I can really think about is how soft her skin is. I can’t wait to kiss every inch of it and show her how good it can be.


(End flashback)


“Baby, what are you thinking about?” I hear B ask and I look over at her. She’s lying on her side facing me, looking at me with those green eyes of hers. God she’s still so beautiful. I smile and mimic her position, just like I did all those years ago. I lean over and give her a little kiss and then leave a bunch of little butterfly kisses all over her face. She giggles a little and pulls back. “What’s gotten into you? It’s been a while since you’ve been...playful.” I smile and lay my head down on my pillow again.


“Just thinking about our first time.” She smiles really wide and scoots closer to me. I wrap my arms around her the best I can. It won’t be long before I really will be able to hold her right. Our little baby is coming out the day after tomorrow. “You were so nervous afterwards. And then you started playin that little word game you liked to play.” She laughs a little but it sounds a little fake. That’s because she’s tired. So I reach over and turn off my bedside table and room falls into darkness. “Let’s go to sleep now, ok?” She nods her head yes and five minutes later she’s snoring. I leave a little kiss on the tip of her nose and she wiggles around a little bit. She has no idea how fuckin cute she really is. And she’s all mine, until the end of forever.