Quantum Xander II: In Wake of the Curse

Part 37

By sunset, Xander had been woken several times - just as Spike promised. He was sore, but it was a good kind of sore. The kind of sore that made soaking in a hot bath feel like heaven. Even better when you were joined by your lover.

The two were silently reclined in the large tub, surrounded by hot water and sandalwood-scented bubbles. Xander was resting against Spike’s chest with his eyes closed. Spike was running his hands gently over the human’s chest and purring softly. It was the very picture of domestic bliss. But Xander, being Xander, had to ruin it by speaking.

“What happened last night, Spike? You were… strange.”

“Not so much. Just not the Spike you’re used to.”

“Huh?”

“You remember a few years back when we first met? The night Angel wanted us to eat you - and not in the fun way? That was me. That was a century of being a demon, socializing with demons, living in Angelus’ shadow. It’s who I was, all I was.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m different. Even before the soul, I knew that I had to be more than the demon if I was going to survive the chip - If I was going to keep the slayer from staking me. Had to draw on my human memories; that little part of William that survived my turning. I came to realize that you lot were not what I had thought you to be. I mean, a bunch of bumbling teenagers kept spoiling my plans? I was embarrassed for my entire species.”

Xander chuckled and Spike kissed the top of his head.

“Then I got to be part of the group, saw how things worked. You were just children, yet you fought things that would scare the living hell out of most adults. And you did it because you wanted to. Had to respect that. Made me take a closer look, and when I did, I liked what I saw. I fell in love with Buffy because she’s more than a slayer, more than a killer of my kind. She’s unique, our Buffy. Had to give Rupert credit as well; for a watcher, he’s an all right bloke. Taught his charge to think for herself, not to just blindly follow orders like most other slayers. Red’s always been a bit of all right. Stood up to me even when I was drunk and out of my head with grief over Dru; would have kept her that night in the dorms. Probably not what you want to hear though, is it?”

Xander shook his head.

“Not really.”

“Right. It’s the truth, though. Always liked Anya, too. Fellow outcast and all that. ’Sides, she embarrassed the hell out of you and Rupert. It was better than telly some days.”

“And me?”

“Couldn’t stand you.”

Spike chuckled as Xander tried to pull away from him. He held him tighter and shook his head.

“No you don’t. You asked and you’re going to listen. Got that?”

“Fine.”

“The reason I couldn’t stand you was ’cause you were always bein’ smart with me. You called me names, constantly reminded me that I was damaged - impotent. By the way, I really should smack you for that. I’m not - nor was I ever - impotent.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Xander squirmed slightly, his tender bum reminding him all too well of how not-impotent the vampire was.

“I think, if things had been a little different- if you hadn’t been so outwardly hostile to me - we might have been friends. We did have the most in common. You being the only male in the group. Well other than dear old Rupert, but he doesn’t count ’cause he’s like the father figure to all you pups.”

“Yeah. You’re probably right. The one Xander I met was already gay and he and that Spike got together right after they had been forced to live together.”

“Mmm hmm. See, so if you had only been a little nicer to me, we could have been shagging each other these past couple years and saved ourselves a lot of trouble. There would have been no almost-wedding, no me falling for my natural enemy, I certainly wouldn’t have run off and gotten my soul for someone who doesn’t even want me.”

Xander turned his head and kissed Spike lightly on the lips. He didn’t want to hurt Spike, but he couldn’t regret the last couple years either. His time with Anya was something he would always treasure, and if not for her, he never would have met his Spike.

“Yeah, but even with all of that, I wouldn’t change anything. I’ve seen my other options and I like my life just fine the way it’s turned out. Curses, broken hearts and all.”

“Suppose you would. You have any luck in L.A. with that spell you were looking for?”

“Oh! Shit I forgot to tell you. I have it. Angel has some weird green demon guy that works with him. He reads auras if you sing for him, so I sang. He gave me a spell, but it has some really rare ingredients and if it weren’t for the fact that he’s you, it wouldn’t even work.”

“How’s that?”

“It calls for the blood of the subject of the spell. Actually it needs my blood, your blood and Angel’s blood. Dru’s would have worked too, but Angel was willing, so it was easier.”

Spike didn’t say anything while Xander rambled on about the rare things he’d need to perform the spell. He was still stuck on the fact that Xander had found a spell. He wasn’t so sure he wanted the other him here. He had only just fully claimed Xander and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to share him just yet. Truthfully, he didn’t know if he wanted to share him at all. He’d done the three-way relationship before with Dru and Angelus. It hadn’t worked out in his favor. Even decades after Angelus had left them, he was still first in Dru’s heart. He doubted things were any different here.

If it hadn’t been for the other Spike, he wouldn’t be with Xander right now. They never would have shared blood and accidentally started this bond. It was obvious by the excited chatter Spike could still hear, that Xander was looking forward to having the other one here. Spike wondered briefly what Xander would do if he refused to give him his blood.

“Water’s cooling off, pet. We should get out.”

“Mmm, I guess so. I like it in here though; you’re comfy.”

Spike smiled and squeezed Xander tightly before shifting him forward and standing up. He pulled Xander to his feet and led him out of the tub. After drying himself off he turned around to find Xander looking at him with a strange expression on his face. He cupped the man’s cheek and stepped closer to him.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“I’m sorry. I just… I realize how hard this must be for you, what with me prattling on about the other you, but I miss him, you know?”

“I know. It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. I hurt you, didn’t I? Just now?”

Spike lowered his eyes and nodded his head slightly.

“A bit. It’s just… What are you gonna need me around for once he’s back? I’ve been through this with Dru and Angelus once before; I don’t think I can do it again.”

Xander pulled Spike into his arms and held him. He kissed his head, his shoulders, his neck and then tilting his head up, he kissed his mouth.

“It won’t be like that. I promise. I love you for you, Spike. Not because you’re him. You really aren’t, you know. He’s different. You’re different.”

“I just don’t want to be pushed aside. I don’t handle rejection well.”

“No? Really?”

Xander grinned and Spike had to chuckle at him.

“Alright, so when do you need my blood?”

“I have to make a few calls, try to find some of the stuff. Wills gave me a list of people to call, so hopefully it’ll only take a few days.”

“Alright. Well, come on. We have to go see the slayer and Rupert. Christ I hope that Andrew isn’t there. Bleedin’ git keeps giving me the eye.”

“Hey! I wanted to ask you about that…”

Xander followed Spike out of the bathroom and into what he was now thinking of as their room.

“…How long has he been at Buffy’s?”

“Since just after I got back from Africa; why?”

Xander groaned and hung his head in his hands.

“Because he doesn’t belong there, and I seem to be the only one who realizes it. Well, other than Anya.”

“Another spell?”

“Vengeance wish. Halfrek.”

“Eh, the kids harmless. Who cares?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”