The Silent Urge Series
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
49
Views:
25,242
Reviews:
182
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
49
Views:
25,242
Reviews:
182
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
37 - D: Doubts
>>>
>>
>
37 Doubts
~ Xander ~
I concentrate on doing nothing, my head resting on my arms when Angel starts to taunt me. My situation is bad enough. Hello? I’m needing a vampire’s blood or I’ll go crazy, as if needing blood in the first place isn’t crazy enough.
To fuck off is what I told Angel, but as soon as I smell the blood my body’s on a different wavelength to my mind. I bite the inside of my lower lip so hard, it splits open and bleeds. At least with the potent smell of Angel’s blood in the air, that soothes the burning need inside me a bit.
It’s hard, but I drag my eyes away from the bleeding wound on Angel’s arm and look over to Spike. He looks wary, impossibly angry, too, but mostly wary of my reaction to Angel’s taunting. Pfft. Angel, really, I’m not that easy. My loyalty is way stronger than my urge for blood.
Still, I wish, someone’d give me some directions. “Spike?”
~ Spike ~
I need to give the boy more credit. I can see him fight the hunger, the need for blood. His will is strong, but he can’t withstand forever. He needs help, needs blood to quench the urge.
“Come here, Xander.” I say and hold my hand out for him. He doesn’t hesitate as I thought he would. His warm fingers close around my hand and I pull him towards me until his chest presses against mine.
His eyes are dilated, their expression a mix of anxiety and hunger. He chews on his bottom lip and I decide that’s my job.
As soon as I lean in to kiss him, he forgets about his inhibitions and kisses me back fiercely. His mouth opens to my tongue and the sweet taste of his (own) blood welcomes me. I refrain from moaning, barely, and dive deeper inside him while my fingers tighten in his hair and pull his head back to give me even better access.
~ Xander ~
Kissing is good, really, but it makes me want to taste Spike even more. I’m trembling with the urge for his blood. It’s hard, but I manage to slowly withdraw from the kiss.
“Spike... please?” I beg, my eyes locked on his. I hope, I really hope, he’ll give me what I want because it’s damn hard to hold back from just taking it. I feel Angel’s gaze burning holes in my back, he’s watching the scene so intently. I wonder what he thinks, wonder what he meant when he said he’d claim Spike back. Still, Angel is nothing to worry about right now. Being in Spike’s arms, being kissed and hopefully fed soon, that’s what’s important. We can deal with Angel later. Still wish he’d just poof.
Spike pulls my head down so that his lips touch my ear. “Gonna feed you now, Xan. Remember the rules.” He whispers and my heart starts hammering in anticipation.
“Please.” I whimper.
I swear I can hear Spike’s skin break when he sinks his teeth deeply into his wrist. The smell of his blood makes me dizzy and, hungrily, I close my mouth around the offered wound.
~ Spike ~
Bloody fucking hell. I just can’t hold back the satisfied moan when Xander starts sucking. The boy swallows me down so greedily, so openly desperate; every vampire’d be proud to call this one his own.
I check on the poof. His eyes, more gold than brown, are fixed on Xander and me. I can pratically smell Angelus pouring off of him. Guess only Angelus himself could find a trap complicated enough to catch himself in it.
I grin at my sire who growls right back. “It’s enough.”
Xander whimpers again, sucks harder, desperate to get more blood. I curl my hand around the back of his head, protecting, encouraging him to take as much as he needs.
“I say when it’s enough.” I say with clenched teeth, hard gaze directly into my sire’s eyes. Com’on, bastard, try to take mine away from me. “He’s mine. I decide.”
Angel smiles sadly and that’s such an uncommon gesture it makes me tremble in fear and I’m shaking inside my boots. Of course, I’d never admit that. I cock my head, eyebrow raised in challenge. “What?”
“That’s the point, boy. He’s not marked. He’s everyone’s, anyone’s.” Angel’s smile grows into something ugly, something sinister. “He’s as much mine as he’s yours.”
“No.” I growl. “No. You promised.” Xander’s stopped sucking and licks on the wound now, closing it with gentle licks. I feel him tremble against me. Damn, he must be scared shitless. “Promised?” He asks, barely audible. I ignore him.
“You said the chip didn’t change anything. You said you’d still accept me as a Master in my own right!” I yell at Angel who has this understanding puppy look on his face.
Angel smiles self-depreciatingly. “Things have changed. You’re not safe anymore. I’m your sire and I protect you from what threatens you. Your... human is a danger to you.”
~ Xander ~
Spike explodes into anger and I just keep holding on to him. He howls with rage at Angel’s words. I wish I knew what they’re talking about. They’re talking Master, Sire, Rights and Property... isn’t there some kind of vampire’s advocate around? I think I need one.
One thing I know for sure though, I don’t want Angel’s hands or mouth or –shudder- cock anywhere near me. I’m a Spike boy, I’m Spike’s boy, pet, mate, whatever and I don’t need bite marks to prove that. Well, maybe in vampiric circles I do. Urgh. Time for something drastic, I guess.
“So, come on, claim me then. Mark me. Whatever. But get that bastard’s rights off of me.” I say, sounding surer than I feel. Spike’s shocked into stillness and just looks at me with eyes of golden fire.
Angel laughs and applauds. “Well, Xander-boy, that’s not exactly the point here. It’s not about you. I’ve the same rights on your ass whether you’re claimed by Spike or not claimed at all.”
I don’t believe him. I really try to not believe him. What the fuck does he mean? “Spike?” Explain please and now.
Spike stays silent, his gaze locked onto his sire while he chews on his bottom lip.
“You see, Xander, if Spike claimed you, you’re his, but as I’m his Sire, everything that’s his is mine, too. Spike’s got a right to veto, still. But I can’t remember a single time he said no to me.” Angel smiles at me apologetically. That bastard!
“Oh shut the fuck up, Deadboy, as if you’d want me in any way.” I finally spit at him, fed up with his game. I’m not gonna let him sway me. Spike wouldn’t do anything I don’t want. I trust him.
“Again, not everything is about you, Xander-boy.” Angel grins at Spike.
“Spike, hello, earth to Spike!” He drags his furious eyes away from his Sire and meets my gaze. Underneath the anger, I can see the fear and insecurity which throws me. “Explain a few things, please?” I ask him, gently, and he looks away.
~ Spike ~
What’s left to tell? Sire’s got it all covered. Boy’s scared. I’m helpless. Buggered, really.
I need time to think. Wish I could leave, take a breather, have a fag, anything. Can’t leave the whelp alone with him. Can’t leave him alone with Xander. Can’t think with both of them waiting for me to share. Come on, Spike, damn it, think!
Oh, I love to feel Xander against me. He’s warm and pliant, strong and loyal. I’m glad we’re reunited, my Sire and me. I can’t give up my Master rights. Can’t. Really, I just cannot cave in and be Sire’s boy again. Not even for Xander…
Oh, bloody hell. The promise of a human, this human, Xander, as my mate, as my Sire’s gift for me, mine for eternity…
Things I’d dreamed of from the moment I woke up in my Sire’s arms and nursed myself on his heart’s blood and here they are on a silver plate only about 100 years too late, but still as seductive as they’d’ve been the first time around - if he’d ever been as considerate then as he pretends to be right now.
Fuck, right, what options are there?
1) Have Xander safe and sound and mine by losing my Master rights and forever live as it pleases my Sire
or
2) Have Xander as long as
a) he does not kill me when the urge overwhelms him completely or
b) he’s not killed by another vampire or
c) he’s not claimed by another vampire who
aa) is not my own sire...
or
bb) is my own sire...
and who’d then have Xander which brings us back to 1). Yeah.
I guess there’s only one choice: option number 3.
“Get the hell out of my flat, my club, my town, my unlife, Angel, before I lose all my patience.” Xander stiffens in my arms, shocked by my sudden outburst. The Poof doesn’t seem surprised at all. He stands up, every movement controlled and dangerously slow. He poorly hides an Angelus-y grin on his face – damn bastard knows me too well - and his eyes flash golden, his face changes when he speaks:
“Okay, my boy, let’s do this the hard way. Xander, you get out of the way now.”
_tbc?_________________________________________________________________________________
>
>>
>>>
>>
>
37 Doubts
~ Xander ~
I concentrate on doing nothing, my head resting on my arms when Angel starts to taunt me. My situation is bad enough. Hello? I’m needing a vampire’s blood or I’ll go crazy, as if needing blood in the first place isn’t crazy enough.
To fuck off is what I told Angel, but as soon as I smell the blood my body’s on a different wavelength to my mind. I bite the inside of my lower lip so hard, it splits open and bleeds. At least with the potent smell of Angel’s blood in the air, that soothes the burning need inside me a bit.
It’s hard, but I drag my eyes away from the bleeding wound on Angel’s arm and look over to Spike. He looks wary, impossibly angry, too, but mostly wary of my reaction to Angel’s taunting. Pfft. Angel, really, I’m not that easy. My loyalty is way stronger than my urge for blood.
Still, I wish, someone’d give me some directions. “Spike?”
~ Spike ~
I need to give the boy more credit. I can see him fight the hunger, the need for blood. His will is strong, but he can’t withstand forever. He needs help, needs blood to quench the urge.
“Come here, Xander.” I say and hold my hand out for him. He doesn’t hesitate as I thought he would. His warm fingers close around my hand and I pull him towards me until his chest presses against mine.
His eyes are dilated, their expression a mix of anxiety and hunger. He chews on his bottom lip and I decide that’s my job.
As soon as I lean in to kiss him, he forgets about his inhibitions and kisses me back fiercely. His mouth opens to my tongue and the sweet taste of his (own) blood welcomes me. I refrain from moaning, barely, and dive deeper inside him while my fingers tighten in his hair and pull his head back to give me even better access.
~ Xander ~
Kissing is good, really, but it makes me want to taste Spike even more. I’m trembling with the urge for his blood. It’s hard, but I manage to slowly withdraw from the kiss.
“Spike... please?” I beg, my eyes locked on his. I hope, I really hope, he’ll give me what I want because it’s damn hard to hold back from just taking it. I feel Angel’s gaze burning holes in my back, he’s watching the scene so intently. I wonder what he thinks, wonder what he meant when he said he’d claim Spike back. Still, Angel is nothing to worry about right now. Being in Spike’s arms, being kissed and hopefully fed soon, that’s what’s important. We can deal with Angel later. Still wish he’d just poof.
Spike pulls my head down so that his lips touch my ear. “Gonna feed you now, Xan. Remember the rules.” He whispers and my heart starts hammering in anticipation.
“Please.” I whimper.
I swear I can hear Spike’s skin break when he sinks his teeth deeply into his wrist. The smell of his blood makes me dizzy and, hungrily, I close my mouth around the offered wound.
~ Spike ~
Bloody fucking hell. I just can’t hold back the satisfied moan when Xander starts sucking. The boy swallows me down so greedily, so openly desperate; every vampire’d be proud to call this one his own.
I check on the poof. His eyes, more gold than brown, are fixed on Xander and me. I can pratically smell Angelus pouring off of him. Guess only Angelus himself could find a trap complicated enough to catch himself in it.
I grin at my sire who growls right back. “It’s enough.”
Xander whimpers again, sucks harder, desperate to get more blood. I curl my hand around the back of his head, protecting, encouraging him to take as much as he needs.
“I say when it’s enough.” I say with clenched teeth, hard gaze directly into my sire’s eyes. Com’on, bastard, try to take mine away from me. “He’s mine. I decide.”
Angel smiles sadly and that’s such an uncommon gesture it makes me tremble in fear and I’m shaking inside my boots. Of course, I’d never admit that. I cock my head, eyebrow raised in challenge. “What?”
“That’s the point, boy. He’s not marked. He’s everyone’s, anyone’s.” Angel’s smile grows into something ugly, something sinister. “He’s as much mine as he’s yours.”
“No.” I growl. “No. You promised.” Xander’s stopped sucking and licks on the wound now, closing it with gentle licks. I feel him tremble against me. Damn, he must be scared shitless. “Promised?” He asks, barely audible. I ignore him.
“You said the chip didn’t change anything. You said you’d still accept me as a Master in my own right!” I yell at Angel who has this understanding puppy look on his face.
Angel smiles self-depreciatingly. “Things have changed. You’re not safe anymore. I’m your sire and I protect you from what threatens you. Your... human is a danger to you.”
~ Xander ~
Spike explodes into anger and I just keep holding on to him. He howls with rage at Angel’s words. I wish I knew what they’re talking about. They’re talking Master, Sire, Rights and Property... isn’t there some kind of vampire’s advocate around? I think I need one.
One thing I know for sure though, I don’t want Angel’s hands or mouth or –shudder- cock anywhere near me. I’m a Spike boy, I’m Spike’s boy, pet, mate, whatever and I don’t need bite marks to prove that. Well, maybe in vampiric circles I do. Urgh. Time for something drastic, I guess.
“So, come on, claim me then. Mark me. Whatever. But get that bastard’s rights off of me.” I say, sounding surer than I feel. Spike’s shocked into stillness and just looks at me with eyes of golden fire.
Angel laughs and applauds. “Well, Xander-boy, that’s not exactly the point here. It’s not about you. I’ve the same rights on your ass whether you’re claimed by Spike or not claimed at all.”
I don’t believe him. I really try to not believe him. What the fuck does he mean? “Spike?” Explain please and now.
Spike stays silent, his gaze locked onto his sire while he chews on his bottom lip.
“You see, Xander, if Spike claimed you, you’re his, but as I’m his Sire, everything that’s his is mine, too. Spike’s got a right to veto, still. But I can’t remember a single time he said no to me.” Angel smiles at me apologetically. That bastard!
“Oh shut the fuck up, Deadboy, as if you’d want me in any way.” I finally spit at him, fed up with his game. I’m not gonna let him sway me. Spike wouldn’t do anything I don’t want. I trust him.
“Again, not everything is about you, Xander-boy.” Angel grins at Spike.
“Spike, hello, earth to Spike!” He drags his furious eyes away from his Sire and meets my gaze. Underneath the anger, I can see the fear and insecurity which throws me. “Explain a few things, please?” I ask him, gently, and he looks away.
~ Spike ~
What’s left to tell? Sire’s got it all covered. Boy’s scared. I’m helpless. Buggered, really.
I need time to think. Wish I could leave, take a breather, have a fag, anything. Can’t leave the whelp alone with him. Can’t leave him alone with Xander. Can’t think with both of them waiting for me to share. Come on, Spike, damn it, think!
Oh, I love to feel Xander against me. He’s warm and pliant, strong and loyal. I’m glad we’re reunited, my Sire and me. I can’t give up my Master rights. Can’t. Really, I just cannot cave in and be Sire’s boy again. Not even for Xander…
Oh, bloody hell. The promise of a human, this human, Xander, as my mate, as my Sire’s gift for me, mine for eternity…
Things I’d dreamed of from the moment I woke up in my Sire’s arms and nursed myself on his heart’s blood and here they are on a silver plate only about 100 years too late, but still as seductive as they’d’ve been the first time around - if he’d ever been as considerate then as he pretends to be right now.
Fuck, right, what options are there?
1) Have Xander safe and sound and mine by losing my Master rights and forever live as it pleases my Sire
or
2) Have Xander as long as
a) he does not kill me when the urge overwhelms him completely or
b) he’s not killed by another vampire or
c) he’s not claimed by another vampire who
aa) is not my own sire...
or
bb) is my own sire...
and who’d then have Xander which brings us back to 1). Yeah.
I guess there’s only one choice: option number 3.
“Get the hell out of my flat, my club, my town, my unlife, Angel, before I lose all my patience.” Xander stiffens in my arms, shocked by my sudden outburst. The Poof doesn’t seem surprised at all. He stands up, every movement controlled and dangerously slow. He poorly hides an Angelus-y grin on his face – damn bastard knows me too well - and his eyes flash golden, his face changes when he speaks:
“Okay, my boy, let’s do this the hard way. Xander, you get out of the way now.”
_tbc?_________________________________________________________________________________
>
>>
>>>