Life (or Unlife) Goes On
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Threesomes/Moresomes › Angel(us)/Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
23,106
Reviews:
100
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Threesomes/Moresomes › Angel(us)/Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
23,106
Reviews:
100
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Bittersweet Memories
A/N: Thanks to everyone who continues to read. Anyone who wants to review and is not logged in can at the moment, I won't change it back unless I get trolls or flames. I don't mind criticism as long as its constructive and you either tell me why you don't like something or how I can improve whatever it is that you don't like so please Reveiw.
Reveiws:
Bubbysbub: Wow, thankyou, I don't know what to say to that lovely praise. Once I started writing it that chapter came to me really easily, compared to this one, that I'm still not happy with but have run out of ideas to improve, anyway please enjoy
Sir Magus: Thanks for the praise, i really like reading details in a story and so I always try to do the same with my fic, thankyou for the reveiw, I hope you continue to enjoy
Pixel: Is it? Whoops, sorry. I did ask is anyone knew his last name a couple of weeks ago because I had a look and couldn't find it anywhere so I made it up. On the show they never said his last name and then he died and we didn't even see a graveston nor was he mentioned ever again so I decided it wouldn't matter if I made it up. Thanks for the review, hope you keep reading
Chapter Thirty-Six
Xander’s POV
I see red. I have always felt annoyed by what Giles said then even though I don’t think that even back then I believed it. If only Jessie hadn’t fallen on my stake but he was evil, who am I kidding? He needed to be dust, just like Drusilla does now, its not like we can resoul every single one of them.
“No Xander, that’s not what I meant. What I mean is that you could of told me, maybe not then I was a stranger but later, I would never have judged you. Even if it was just to talk about what you liked about him, the good times.” He wants me to talk about it fine, I’ll tell him something I feel so guilty for, something I’ve never been able to voice.
“Fine you want me to talk, what about how I can’t remember the last time I saw him, not the human him. Well I saw him in the crypt when Jessie, Willow and I ran from Darla but I didn’t actually talk to him, I was to busy running for my life but I don’t remember the last time before that. Did I see him after school just before I went home or was the last time at lunch? What did I say to him? I don’t remember, I know we were going to meet up at the Bronze and then sneak off but I can’t remember what the last thing I said to him was. I mean he was young, he was there one day and it was normal and then suddenly he was gone and I don’t remember.” I break down, I can’t hold back the sobs, giant tummy twisting, throat choking sobs that hurt to get out. I fall to the ground but before I reach it four strong arms grab me and pull me back into two cool bodies.
“That’s it Xanpet let it all out we’ve got you.”
“Are…are you three together?” I hear Giles ask incredulity
“Is that a problem?” I can almost see Angel’s back-off expression even though I have my eyes closed and head buried in Spike’s shoulder.
“No… its…its just that your hate for each other is legendary.”
“Well you know what they say about love and hate, watcher. Reckon you’d know all about that with the chaos mage.” I can also hear Giles pulling out his glasses to wipe them. I slap Spike’s head for the comment.
“You want to go up to our room Xander, we can if you want.” I look up to stare into Angel’s eyes and I know that even though he would go up to the rooms if I asked he needs to stay here. He needs this chance to grieve properly because everyday we are just to busy and I need to stay too. I still have to talk about Anya.
“No its okay, we need to do this now.” Making an effort I get out of their combined laps and go sit in my own seat. Everybody soon comes back out and I watch Dawn walk down to the front with the priest. She has grown up so much since the days of when she had a crush on me. I admire her so much for growing up like she did, knowing that her childhood memories weren’t real, losing her mum and sister when she did. At least she got Buffy back but then being always in her sisters shadow and being the ordinary girl while chaos is raging around her and knowing about what goes bump in the night. Dawn takes the front and introduces herself.
“Hi I’m Dawn Summers as most of you know and I’ve been asked to talk about my mother Joyce Summers. Now those of you who aren’t original Scoobies, who never met her are probably wondering why she is being included when she didn’t run around averting apocalypses and died from natural causes. The reason why she is included is because she was a phenomenal woman as anyone who met her would attest. I actually went and asked everyone who did meet her what they remembered most and I am now going to read them out to you so that you can see for yourself what type of woman she was. Okay so Spike told me that the first time he ever met my mother he was trying to kill Buffy and mum hit him over the head with an axe and told him to stay away from her daughter. The other memory of her he shared was that anytime he came past the house she would have hot chocolate with marshmallows and lend a sympathetic ear on his girl trouble. Giles remembers her strength, how she took everything that happened in her stride, zombies trashing the house, Buffy ending up in hospital, he says that she was always strong and it radiated out of her, lending strength to those around her. Willow remembers how she always had time to ask you how you were doing and she seemed to really take an interest in the response. Xander told me that she was what he always thought a mother should be firm but understanding and kind. As for my sister and I she was always there for us, after dad left she raised us by herself and I will always remember her warm arms around me just holding me and the sound of her laugh.” When Dawn comes to sit down after almost running from the front I squeeze her hand just offering comfort. She just gives me a sad smile.
Next the overhead is turned on with Willow there and Dawn starts crying harder, I take her into my arms like she was a little girl. We all loved Tara; I don’t know how anyone couldn’t. Well Tara’s family didn’t seem to like her much by the way they treated her but I don’t understand how they could have done that to someone as sweet as Tara. After Buffy died she was often the voice of reason except for Willow, it took her a long time for her to say something against Willow. Poor Dawn was left in that house with Tara’s cooling body for hours. That really hurt that Tara was just left there for hours but Willow was into the vengeance and magic, I didn’t know about what had happened and I was too busy trying to help Buffy to work out why Willow had blood stains on his top. As for Buffy, she was trying not to die again. Tara was definitely a champion even though she wouldn’t have thought she was but she did so much to help us. Especially the time Glory hurt her, it must have been terrifying but she didn’t betray Dawn.
I feel so drained and the next hour seems to go in a blur, even when I was standing in front of everyone I couldn’t actually work out what I was saying its like I was cut off from my mind and body. It was all automatically doing everything that needed to be done whereas the part of me that’s me was off somewhere else. Andrew talked about Jonathon, I know it was heart wrenching and tears were falling down my face, something about Jonathon’s last words. I know that Faith and the other slayers talked about the fallen potentials especially Molly and Amanda. Then Gunn and Giles talked about Wesley but I couldn’t tell anybody what they said. Finally the memorial was unveiled and they showed all the fallen's pictures on overhead but my brain is a fog. I just want to shut down, the urge to drink and take pills is unbearable, and I need to shut down completely.
“Xander…Xander look at me.” I look up to concerned chocolate-brown eyes. “Its over, we did it baby, it’s all over now.” The words seem to be coming from a long way off; they don’t seem to be making sense. My whole body is shaking and it is thrumming with the need, the need for bliss, I’ve gotta get some pills or something right now. Another thought enters my fog-covered mind. You can’t you promised. I did, didn’t I and this time I can’t screw up. With an effort, I open my mouth.
“I…” it comes out as a squeak so I clear my throat and try again. I need to start working again. “I need,”
“What do you need pet? We can go up to our room if you want, we don’t need to mingle.” I nod at Spike and try to convey what I need on the off chance they might actually let me have it.
*****
Angel’s POV
I’m emotionally exhausted, I don’t want to think. What I would like is a glass of good whiskey and a nice slow blowjob from Spike but instead I need to try to work out what Xander wants, as he seems to be having trouble expressing himself.
“I need…” he says again. I am feeling a little frustrated but looking over at him, I see that he is shaking and his head is down as if he is ashamed or embarrassed. Then it strikes me what it is that he needs, the same thing I do but he can’t have it, as he isn’t over the addiction and it is probably a good idea if he never has it again.
“Xan,” I start to say but he cuts me off.
“Please.” I know he needs to forget or at least be at peace for a while but drugs are not an option. Wait a minute I have an idea, he wouldn’t be averse to sex.
“Come on, I need to get out of here, let’s go upstairs and then we can talk, Is that okay Spike?” I ask ‘cos Xander has already nodded and is getting up to go.
“Yeah I might go out later, I need to kill something.” We quickly walk through the foyer where most people are congregated talking, thankfully no one tries to talk to us or stop us on the way upstairs.
*****
Spike’s POV
The funeral is finally over and there are only a couple of hours to daylight, I really need to kill something. Its my reaction to having too many emotions, I either need to bash something up or I need lots and lots of sex which is not going to happen so I need to go patrolling. I don’t want the first time for the three of us to be a trying to forget everything thing, it should be special. Stake me now I sound exactly like William the Bloody Awful Poet. When did I become such a ponce? Maybe I always was one. I’m rudely shocked out of my thoughts by warm lips meeting mine and a hard cool body plastering itself to my back. After a fairly chase kiss Xander moves back a little so that I can see into his eye. It is sparkling with amusement and lust. Amusement?
“You were brooding.”
“WHAT? I don’t…”
“You were in your own little world, Angel and I have been talking while you were off with the fairies.”
“Yer, wot you been talking about luvs?”
“How we have decided as long as you agree, that we have waited long enough and after the events of the last few days especially tonight we need to reinforce how we feel about each other by being more physical.” I laugh at this,
“Only you could complicate let’s shag into that mouthful and frankly I can think of much better ways to occupy your mouth.” Stuff it, I can show them this way how much they mean to me even if it starts as a means to forgetting.
“Really?”
“Oh definitely.”
*****
A/N: Please review and yes bubbsybub, the next chapter is chock full of smut
Reveiws:
Bubbysbub: Wow, thankyou, I don't know what to say to that lovely praise. Once I started writing it that chapter came to me really easily, compared to this one, that I'm still not happy with but have run out of ideas to improve, anyway please enjoy
Sir Magus: Thanks for the praise, i really like reading details in a story and so I always try to do the same with my fic, thankyou for the reveiw, I hope you continue to enjoy
Pixel: Is it? Whoops, sorry. I did ask is anyone knew his last name a couple of weeks ago because I had a look and couldn't find it anywhere so I made it up. On the show they never said his last name and then he died and we didn't even see a graveston nor was he mentioned ever again so I decided it wouldn't matter if I made it up. Thanks for the review, hope you keep reading
Chapter Thirty-Six
Xander’s POV
I see red. I have always felt annoyed by what Giles said then even though I don’t think that even back then I believed it. If only Jessie hadn’t fallen on my stake but he was evil, who am I kidding? He needed to be dust, just like Drusilla does now, its not like we can resoul every single one of them.
“No Xander, that’s not what I meant. What I mean is that you could of told me, maybe not then I was a stranger but later, I would never have judged you. Even if it was just to talk about what you liked about him, the good times.” He wants me to talk about it fine, I’ll tell him something I feel so guilty for, something I’ve never been able to voice.
“Fine you want me to talk, what about how I can’t remember the last time I saw him, not the human him. Well I saw him in the crypt when Jessie, Willow and I ran from Darla but I didn’t actually talk to him, I was to busy running for my life but I don’t remember the last time before that. Did I see him after school just before I went home or was the last time at lunch? What did I say to him? I don’t remember, I know we were going to meet up at the Bronze and then sneak off but I can’t remember what the last thing I said to him was. I mean he was young, he was there one day and it was normal and then suddenly he was gone and I don’t remember.” I break down, I can’t hold back the sobs, giant tummy twisting, throat choking sobs that hurt to get out. I fall to the ground but before I reach it four strong arms grab me and pull me back into two cool bodies.
“That’s it Xanpet let it all out we’ve got you.”
“Are…are you three together?” I hear Giles ask incredulity
“Is that a problem?” I can almost see Angel’s back-off expression even though I have my eyes closed and head buried in Spike’s shoulder.
“No… its…its just that your hate for each other is legendary.”
“Well you know what they say about love and hate, watcher. Reckon you’d know all about that with the chaos mage.” I can also hear Giles pulling out his glasses to wipe them. I slap Spike’s head for the comment.
“You want to go up to our room Xander, we can if you want.” I look up to stare into Angel’s eyes and I know that even though he would go up to the rooms if I asked he needs to stay here. He needs this chance to grieve properly because everyday we are just to busy and I need to stay too. I still have to talk about Anya.
“No its okay, we need to do this now.” Making an effort I get out of their combined laps and go sit in my own seat. Everybody soon comes back out and I watch Dawn walk down to the front with the priest. She has grown up so much since the days of when she had a crush on me. I admire her so much for growing up like she did, knowing that her childhood memories weren’t real, losing her mum and sister when she did. At least she got Buffy back but then being always in her sisters shadow and being the ordinary girl while chaos is raging around her and knowing about what goes bump in the night. Dawn takes the front and introduces herself.
“Hi I’m Dawn Summers as most of you know and I’ve been asked to talk about my mother Joyce Summers. Now those of you who aren’t original Scoobies, who never met her are probably wondering why she is being included when she didn’t run around averting apocalypses and died from natural causes. The reason why she is included is because she was a phenomenal woman as anyone who met her would attest. I actually went and asked everyone who did meet her what they remembered most and I am now going to read them out to you so that you can see for yourself what type of woman she was. Okay so Spike told me that the first time he ever met my mother he was trying to kill Buffy and mum hit him over the head with an axe and told him to stay away from her daughter. The other memory of her he shared was that anytime he came past the house she would have hot chocolate with marshmallows and lend a sympathetic ear on his girl trouble. Giles remembers her strength, how she took everything that happened in her stride, zombies trashing the house, Buffy ending up in hospital, he says that she was always strong and it radiated out of her, lending strength to those around her. Willow remembers how she always had time to ask you how you were doing and she seemed to really take an interest in the response. Xander told me that she was what he always thought a mother should be firm but understanding and kind. As for my sister and I she was always there for us, after dad left she raised us by herself and I will always remember her warm arms around me just holding me and the sound of her laugh.” When Dawn comes to sit down after almost running from the front I squeeze her hand just offering comfort. She just gives me a sad smile.
Next the overhead is turned on with Willow there and Dawn starts crying harder, I take her into my arms like she was a little girl. We all loved Tara; I don’t know how anyone couldn’t. Well Tara’s family didn’t seem to like her much by the way they treated her but I don’t understand how they could have done that to someone as sweet as Tara. After Buffy died she was often the voice of reason except for Willow, it took her a long time for her to say something against Willow. Poor Dawn was left in that house with Tara’s cooling body for hours. That really hurt that Tara was just left there for hours but Willow was into the vengeance and magic, I didn’t know about what had happened and I was too busy trying to help Buffy to work out why Willow had blood stains on his top. As for Buffy, she was trying not to die again. Tara was definitely a champion even though she wouldn’t have thought she was but she did so much to help us. Especially the time Glory hurt her, it must have been terrifying but she didn’t betray Dawn.
I feel so drained and the next hour seems to go in a blur, even when I was standing in front of everyone I couldn’t actually work out what I was saying its like I was cut off from my mind and body. It was all automatically doing everything that needed to be done whereas the part of me that’s me was off somewhere else. Andrew talked about Jonathon, I know it was heart wrenching and tears were falling down my face, something about Jonathon’s last words. I know that Faith and the other slayers talked about the fallen potentials especially Molly and Amanda. Then Gunn and Giles talked about Wesley but I couldn’t tell anybody what they said. Finally the memorial was unveiled and they showed all the fallen's pictures on overhead but my brain is a fog. I just want to shut down, the urge to drink and take pills is unbearable, and I need to shut down completely.
“Xander…Xander look at me.” I look up to concerned chocolate-brown eyes. “Its over, we did it baby, it’s all over now.” The words seem to be coming from a long way off; they don’t seem to be making sense. My whole body is shaking and it is thrumming with the need, the need for bliss, I’ve gotta get some pills or something right now. Another thought enters my fog-covered mind. You can’t you promised. I did, didn’t I and this time I can’t screw up. With an effort, I open my mouth.
“I…” it comes out as a squeak so I clear my throat and try again. I need to start working again. “I need,”
“What do you need pet? We can go up to our room if you want, we don’t need to mingle.” I nod at Spike and try to convey what I need on the off chance they might actually let me have it.
*****
Angel’s POV
I’m emotionally exhausted, I don’t want to think. What I would like is a glass of good whiskey and a nice slow blowjob from Spike but instead I need to try to work out what Xander wants, as he seems to be having trouble expressing himself.
“I need…” he says again. I am feeling a little frustrated but looking over at him, I see that he is shaking and his head is down as if he is ashamed or embarrassed. Then it strikes me what it is that he needs, the same thing I do but he can’t have it, as he isn’t over the addiction and it is probably a good idea if he never has it again.
“Xan,” I start to say but he cuts me off.
“Please.” I know he needs to forget or at least be at peace for a while but drugs are not an option. Wait a minute I have an idea, he wouldn’t be averse to sex.
“Come on, I need to get out of here, let’s go upstairs and then we can talk, Is that okay Spike?” I ask ‘cos Xander has already nodded and is getting up to go.
“Yeah I might go out later, I need to kill something.” We quickly walk through the foyer where most people are congregated talking, thankfully no one tries to talk to us or stop us on the way upstairs.
*****
Spike’s POV
The funeral is finally over and there are only a couple of hours to daylight, I really need to kill something. Its my reaction to having too many emotions, I either need to bash something up or I need lots and lots of sex which is not going to happen so I need to go patrolling. I don’t want the first time for the three of us to be a trying to forget everything thing, it should be special. Stake me now I sound exactly like William the Bloody Awful Poet. When did I become such a ponce? Maybe I always was one. I’m rudely shocked out of my thoughts by warm lips meeting mine and a hard cool body plastering itself to my back. After a fairly chase kiss Xander moves back a little so that I can see into his eye. It is sparkling with amusement and lust. Amusement?
“You were brooding.”
“WHAT? I don’t…”
“You were in your own little world, Angel and I have been talking while you were off with the fairies.”
“Yer, wot you been talking about luvs?”
“How we have decided as long as you agree, that we have waited long enough and after the events of the last few days especially tonight we need to reinforce how we feel about each other by being more physical.” I laugh at this,
“Only you could complicate let’s shag into that mouthful and frankly I can think of much better ways to occupy your mouth.” Stuff it, I can show them this way how much they mean to me even if it starts as a means to forgetting.
“Really?”
“Oh definitely.”
*****
A/N: Please review and yes bubbsybub, the next chapter is chock full of smut