Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

*****
Spike found himself staring at the ceiling, the dark curtains that hung in their bedroom keeping the light out. By all rights he should be sleeping; after all, it was the first time in a long time that he was well fed, more than halfway healed, warm and, well, safe.

Safe. That seemed like such an odd concept. Xander had actually ridden in to the rescue like the bloody white knight that he was, dragging along that bint he hung out with and carrying him off into the damn freaking sunrise like some sort of hero from Mills and Boone.

Him. A Master Vampire, being rescued from his Grandsire by two teenaged humans. Yes, it helped that he loved Xander but still, in a way, it stuck in his craw. He wasn't used to being the rescued; he was the rescuer.

But he couldn't deny, not even to himself, the eminent feeling of joy that he'd gotten once he realized one of the two heartbeats entering the lair was his boy's. To tell the truth, he hadn't been expecting anyone to come and rescue him.

In the past, when they were all Family, Dru had come and distracted Angelus sometimes during one of their...sessions. But he had never been sure if it was because she was trying to help him or because she had just wanted her “Daddy's” attention at the time.

He sighed and tried to shift around into a more comfortable position while not disturbing Xander. There was still something...off, about his love. He just couldn't put his finger on it, but Xander had been nearly exhausted as he helped Spike set his bones and heat up blood that Spike had delivered. The bint, Cordy, said that his Xan hadn't been sleeping in days, and when Xander had started to talk Spike had stopped him and said that nothing would happen until they were both well rested.

But it left him damn curious. He had noticed the dark circles around Xander's eyes and the way he was sort of jumpy and now, when they were safe and tucked up in their bed, Xander was still twitching, just a bit, in his dreams.

Just what had happened to his boy while he had been held captive by his bastard of a Grandsire?

*****
“And just what in the bloody hell were you thinking? Thought you had better sense than to trust Dru, even if it was a fucking dream!!”

Xander crossed his arms across his chest and frowned. “I was thinking that you were dead or dying somewhere and I didn't know shit and that stuff with the Judge was going to happen if I didn't do something. It's not like I knew it was going to be a psychic powers and the ability to see and hear all sort of funky crap! For all I know it could have been a map with a big red X on it saying “Spike is here!” I was tired and scared and at that point I would have made a deal with the Devil himself to save your ass. Silly me, I would have thought you'd be happy!”

Spike grit his teeth and choked back about the first ten things he wanted to say. It was obvious that Xander was near the edge, despite having a good six hours of sleep under his belt. Six hours wasn't going to make up for days of missing sleep and if Xan was anything like Dru those six hours hadn't been dreamless.

Spike wasn't sure whether or not he should kiss Xander stupider, or shake him until what passed for his brains started to work. “You don't know what you've done, pet, you just can't understand...”

“What Dru was like? Or these damn powers? No, I don't understand. Silly me; here I thought you'd help.” Spike watched as Xander's jaw clenched and it was obvious that he was hurt as well as mad. “You really don't get it, you fucking ass. I would have done anything...”

“No, you don't get it, Xander! Angelus will know that you're the one who rescued me. That bomb may have blown the building to kingdom come but the scents outside won't be washed away until there's a heavy rain. And I'm willing to bet that he's had minions listening to you, even hanging about in the ceiling of your damn school so he'll know you have the same gift as Dru had. He'll be after you now. You might as well have put a fucking apple in your mouth and rung the dinner bell!!”

“So what if he does? You won't let that happen. At least, I thought you'd help me. Protect me. What, tired of dealing with crazy people? Going to leave me now that I'm nuttier than a fruit cake?”

Spike growled. “Didn't say that, you twit. Just think you went and leaped without the looking, that's all. You've got a target painted on your back and you don't know what Angelus will do to get a hold of you. He broke Dru because he was bloody bored, but when he finds out about you he'll make you his personal hobby.”

Xander scuffed his shoe on the ground. “Well, you won't let him. Besides, how is he going to find out?”

“He isn't as stupid as Angel, luv. He'll connect the dots real quick, like. He'll do whatever it takes and you just can't understand how fucking evil he can be.”

“Fuck you, Spike! I've seen what he's like so don't you damn well tell me I don't understand! He makes Charles Manson look like a kid in juvenile. I saw what he was doing to you and what he had planned and I had to do something and if you don't like it you can sit on it and spin!”

“Xan...”

“Don't you “Xan” me! I walked into that warehouse last night not knowing if Angelus had gotten the Judge to burn out your humanity yet. That was what he was going to do to you, by the way, take every bit of William that was left over, every bit of you that was able to love me and burn it away until you were as dark and as twisted as he was and I wasn't about to just walk away. You fucking asshole, I knew that was a possibility and I still went in there. You know why? Because even if you were all perverted I still wanted to be with you, you jackass!”

It was the first time they had really fought and the sound of Xander's shouting had Spike stopped in his tracks. His lover's anger was an almost palpable thing, causing a strain between them that Spike didn't like at all.

“Xander, what the hell are you saying, luv?”

“What I'm saying, luv, is that I walked in there last night and if you weren't still you, if you'd been changed already, I was going to get Cordy to run and let you turn me, you son of a bitch!”

Xander's words hit Spike right in the gut, and they hurt just as much as if Xander had hauled off and hit him with a baseball bat. While he had thought of turning Xander, the thought of his boy under the rule of Angelus made him retch.

He took a deep breath and was about to unleash his opinion on Xander when he really looked at his boy. Behind the anger was hurt, and Spike realized that he put that look in his lover's face. His own anger drained out of him and Spike ignored the body language that said 'don't touch me' and gathered up Xander in his arms.

“'M sorry if I hurt your feelings, pet, believe me. I'm just worried what will happen with Angelus. I may be evil but Angelus, well, he makes me look like a nancy-boy, and it's like he came back even more insane than he was originally. Think nearly a hundred years of living with the soul drove him even further around the bend. And he's always loved to take anything I held important away from me, loved to beat the bloody tar out of me for acting too human. He gets a hold of you, luv, and he'll make you hurt for weeks before turning you, and there won't be a damn thing I can do to stop it and I love you too fucking much to let that happen.”

For a moment Xander was stiff in his arms before he started sagging and Spike had to hold him up. “So, you're not mad at me?”

“No, not really, luv. I'm worried and scared. Don't know what that bloody bastard will do, and I don't know how this...thing is going to affect you. There were times I didn't sleep because Dru would be off her rocker about something that the Stars said, or having nightmares and would tear at her hair and there was nothing I could do to help. Don't want that for you, Xan. I can't stand to see you hurting.”

Spike pulled Xander over to the nearest bit of furniture, which happened to be the couch, and soon they were both curled up on it. It was almost a signal, and Xander started shaking and for a moment Spike was afraid he was going to cry.

“It's just... I was so damn scared and didn't know what to do and, yeah, Ethan knows but while I like him I don't trust him, and I could talk to Cordy about you being missing but that was it. No one else knew and I had to act all normal and inside I was just dying and I couldn't sleep and it was just terrible, Spike. If you ever have to leave again, you're taking me with you because I really can't stand it.”

Spike nuzzled the top of Xander's head, inhaling the scent of his boy and enjoying the soft feel of Xander's hair against his face. “Not gonna promise that, luv, so don't ask me. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Anything. If that means I have to leave you, then I will.”

Xander's voice was muffled where his face was pressed into the crook of Spike's neck and he could feel the warm tickle of breath hitting his collar bone. “That's stupid, Spike. I mean, if we're apart he can use us against each other. If we're together we can protect each other.”

Spike chuckled. “There is that. We'll see, luv, take things as they come.”

They sat there for a few moments and Spike just soaked in the warm feeling of having Xander pressed up against him. It would have been so easy just to start kissing him and never stop, but Xander needed reassurance, not sex.

At least for the moment.

Xander sat up and rubbed at his face. Spike didn't see any traces of tears but there for a moment he'd been on the edge. He hated that his fear for Xander had come out as anger at the boy. He'd have to be more careful in the future.

“So, I guess that was our first big fight. Huh, and it wasn't even over you killing people and stuff. Weird. What next?”

Spike leered at Xander. “Usually it's the really good make up sex, pet. It's the best thing about having a good row.”

Xander slapped at him halfheartedly. “Not that next! Not that it isn't a good idea. No, I mean the next where Angelus is going to be coming after us and the torture part. Any way we can avoid that?”

“I don't rightfully know. Wanker had over a hundred years on me, and now that ol' Batface and Darla is dead he's the Master of our Clan. That's a big thing in the vampire world, not that I ever paid much attention to politics. I could ask to be let go from the line; it doesn't happen much but it has happened. More often or not the Master just lets the Childer roam, like when Darla and Angelus left the Court. Problem is, Angelus is all keen on making his family again. Wanted me, even though I bloody well didn't want to be there, and was able to keep me. He wants the Slayer, as a replacement for Darla. Git has a thing for blonds.”

Spike found himself holding Xander as tight as he could. “He'll find out about you, pet, if he doesn't know after you nearly blowing him away last night. He'll want you to replace Dru.”

“Any chance he was standing on top of the bomb when it went? Vampire or not, if it blew him into bits he's not going to pull himself together.”

He couldn't help it, he chuckled. “Nice as that would be, pet, I don't think we're that fucking lucky. Nah, ol' Broody Pants probably went to one of his back up lairs and is plotting against us as we speak.”

“Gee, thanks for being so optimistic.” Xander poked him in the side. “I mean it, what can we do to get him before he gets us? He's been mind fucking Buffy for weeks, and while I can see stuff, it's weird and unfocused. Right now I just keep on getting the moon and I know it's connected to Oz, but that's it. It's like my third eye is stuck on one channel and I can't find the remote. And the damn voices-- I refuse to say it's the Stars-- are doing their Wolfman Jack impression. It's annoying. At least they're not so loud this morning.”

Spike sighed. “Well, first thing first. We need to find you some training or books or some such. I know a few things that helped Dru but maybe you can be trained, since you're not completely barmy.”

“Monkey nut crunchy blue.”

Spike looked at Xander and, while the boy had a totally serious face on, he could see the gleam of amusement in his eyes. Spike grinned and tackled him, wrestling around until they were both in the floor, laughing.

“Forget what I just said, pet. You're a total loon!”

Xander grinned at him and then rolled them across the floor until he was on top. Spike couldn't help but feel aroused at the playful look on his boy's face. Xander leaned forward and kissed him. His mouth was warm and Spike opened his own mouth so that their tongues could meet.

He shifted his hips and soon they were on the floor, rubbing against each other while still in their clothes. Spike groaned in the back of his throat and pulled Xander closer, thrusting as fast as he could and still keep kissing.

They were both still dressed for bed and wearing sweatpants, and the feel of his cock pressed against two layers of fleece to meet Xander's had him panting. He had resigned himself to never having this again, and here Xander was, warm and alive and in his arms.

It was the best aphrodisiac Spike could ever imagine.

It didn't take them long; they had been away from each other for too long to be able to draw any type of love making out. Xander thrust harder and then bucked on top of him and the scent of semen hit Spike's nostrils and he found himself following his lover over the edge.

Spike found himself lying on the floor, with a warm, sweaty, sticky Xander on top of him, his chest heaving. Spike could feel the beating of Xander's heart against his own still chest. He hugged Xander as close as he could get and kissed whatever available skin he could find. “God, I fucking missed you.”

“Mmmm, ditto.” Xander had that muzzy sleepy sound and Spike couldn't help but find him cute. He couldn't let anything happen to Xander, he'd face the dawn first.

“Hey, you got one of your Scooby meetings later, pet?”

“Uhhh, yeah, after five. Cordy covered for me skipping out last night, said that she would tell them I was following a figment of my imagination or something, but we're supposed to meet at the Library later. Why?”

“'Cause I think I got an idea of how to deal with Angelus, but it'll be complicated.”

“Hmm? How?”

“There's only one way for a vamp to go against the head of his Clan. I'm going to declare a Blood Feud. And you're gonna help me, luv.”

*****