Choices

Chapter Thirty-Five

Buffy felt sore. Her eyes cracked open and she rolled to her side. She moaned as she felt the ache in her body seeming to go right down into her bones. Her head hurt and her mouth tasted like lead. She grimaced as the events of the previous night came back. So many vampires; too many for her and Spike. She felt like crying as she remembered the feeling of seeing Spike with a stake pressed against his chest. Then, the feeling that she couldn't help him because she was getting the crap beat out of her. She'd never had such a problem like that before however she'd never been rushed by that many vampires before either. She spotted Spike on a cot across the room from her and she opened her mouth to call for him and then thought better of it. He needed his rest.

"You're awake. How do you feel?"

The voice surprised her and her eyes traveled to the source of the voice. Angel. Oh yes, that was right. He had been there. He'd carried
her here. She remembered him holding her, crying over her nearly broken body. She tilted her head just a bit to look at him.

"My head hurts," she told him and her voice cracked with dryness.

He nodded, "I'll get something for that," and he walked out.
Buffy blinked. She wasn't sure what she thought about him being there. Well, he was doing his duty. He was taking care of her. She looked back at Spike and sighed. Ouch, that kind of hurt.
A second later the doctor came in with Angel in tow. "I hear your head is hurting."

She nodded.

"Headache or just a pain from where you have your stitches?"

"Stitches?"

"Maybe I should brief you on your injuries. You've got two broken ribs-" he looked over his shoulder at Angel. "Do you mind? I'd like to give the patient some privacy."

Angel nodded adamantly. "Of course. I'll be in the hall."

After Angel had left, the doctor closed the curtain. "If you want to push off those covers so I can show you where the breaks are?"
Buffy did as she was told and found a white, firm band wrapped around her just under her breasts. The doctor pointed to the area where her broken ribs were and then showed her with a mirror her stitches on the back of her head. Thankfully, they hadn't had to shave her head in order to put the stitches in. She looked over her body, a feeling of dread overtaking her until she felt as if she couldn't breathe. Great, she was suffocating.

"Miss Summers?"

Buffy was gasping for air and her heart felt as if it were going to race right out her chest. She jumped a mile when the flimsy screen
separating her and Spike was pushed hastily aside. Then, Spike was there, and she was in his arms.

"Breathe, Buffy, breathe luv."

He held her tightly against him as he stroked her hair and whispered "in. out. In. out. Good girl. Keep focusing on that...breathe in, breathe out..."

She focused on nothing but the sound of his voice and the instructions he was giving her. 'Focus on Spike. Focus on Spike.'
When her breathing and heart rate were back to normal, Spike ordered the doctor to get her something for the goddamn pain in her head and
to be prompt about it, before laying her down and nestling her against him. She clung to his shirt, her hands balling it in her fists. The tears that had wanted to come, finally came and she buried her face in his shirt.

"You're safe now, Buffy. No one's going to get you."

"They almost had you," she burst out.

"Nah, takes more than a few vamps to get rid of the Big Bad, kitten.
There's a reason why I'm a master vampire."

"I was so scared," she wailed. "I thought you were going to?I couldn't get to you."

"S' okay luv."

"No, it's not okay, Spike!"

"Stop, pet. Stop before you hurt yourself more. Tender ribs there
huh? Those extra big sobs can't be making them feel too good."

"I always knew that I wasn't going to live forever. I just never got
that close to death before."

"And you won't again," Spike told her firmly.

"What about you? You're just as fragile?you could have been staked."

"Angel came. He saved the day," Spike murmured.

"What if he didn't?"

"Don't focus on that, Buffy. It'll only play with your mind. Only
focus on that he did."

She nodded, but her mind couldn't help but focus on that. If she
died--well, if she had died, there wasn't much she could have done
about it, but what if Spike died? What if he had been dusted? Then
what? The idea terrified her.

"Christ Buffy, you're shaking like a leaf. Stop it. It's not going to help by thinking the way you are. Just stop."

She was trying, she really was. It wasn't until the doctor returned with something for her head added in with something to help her relax
that she stopped wondering 'what if?' and gave into the peaceful sleep that Spike was telling her to get.


Angel had watched the interaction between the love of his life and his grandchilde. He had to walk out before he invaded on what was
obviously a moment meant for just them. The fact was, he wasn't jealous. They had to have that moment together; they needed it to heal and move on past what had happened to them. The only thing Angel found he wanted to do was comfort them and take them both in his arms and tell them that he would never leave them again.
He paced in the hallway, the sounds of Buffy's sobs and Spike's calming voice dying down. He stopped and stared at the door, waiting. A few minutes later, Spike came out, haggard and shooken up. He looked up at Angel, his mouth open and about to say something. Angel cut him off though. It was just something he had to do. He had to make things right and although he had arrived in the nick of time to save them last night; it wasn't enough. The fight was over, but the cleanup was now. Now was what mattered. Now when fear ruled and nightmares would surely reign. Angel did the only thing he could think to do at that moment.

He hugged Spike. Hugged him like a brother, hugged him like a friend, hugged him like a grandsire hugs his grandchilde. He understood Spike's hesitancy. He understood when it took him a full minute to tentatively hug him back.

"I'm going to make it up to you. Both of you," Angel whispered hoarsely.

"I kept telling her you'd come around?have you?"

Angel released Spike and wiped at his tears. He nodded adamantly. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

"So am I. Do you get it now?"

"Yes, all of it."

"So you can accept that she loves us both, together, not one above the other?"

Angel continued to nod until he thought his head would pop off. "I see it now. What you said...about loving her and accepting her love before it was too late..." Angel broke off. "I'm sorry it was almost too late. I'm sorry I wasn't there-for BOTH of you. You were right, Spike. We have had our differences in the past. We have done wrong by each other and we had plenty of chances to mend the past. Both of us were too stubborn and too proud. And here I always thought that I was wiser than you, that I deserved your respect and your obedience. You never gave it to me though, and I'm glad you didn't William. It took me over a century to see the man that you are, even without a
soul. Now I see that it's not me that deserves the respect, it's you. I'm proud to call you my family, I'm proud that it's you that Buffy loves."

Spike stared at Angel wide-eyed with disbelief and shock.

"I've never found myself in this predicament before. I've never had to ask...I've always been the one on the outside-"

"Not true, Angelus. You were family."

"So...can I be again? Or am I too late?"

"Not up to me, Angelus. It's up to the sleeping woman in that room who's going through hell right now."

"I'll do whatever it takes."

Spike looked up at him squarely in the eye. He smiled gently, "I know you will."

Chapter Thirty-Six

Angel found Buffy on her side, staring at the wall, the closed curtains and the hideous orange chair he had slept on. She didn't seem to be focusing on anything in particular, just lost in her own musings.

"Buffy?"

She turned her head towards him, her face expressionless.

"Can I sit with you?"

She didn't respond; she just turned her head back to stare at the wall again. Unwilling to give up, Angel sat himself on her bed, resisting the urge to take her hand in his. He gazed at the closed blinds for a bit before turning to her. "How do you feel?"

She shrugged.

"Does your head hurt?"

She shook her head.

"Do you need anything?"

She shook her head again.

"Are you going to talk?"

She looked at him, "what do you want me to say?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"My mom."

"Anything you care to share?"

She studied him for a long while before speaking. "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing?"

"Why are you here, acting like you care about me and Spike?"

He swallowed, "because I do care about you and Spike."

She nodded and looked away from him again. "We almost died," she said as if that explained everything.

"I know, I was there-"

"Just in the nick of time." She turned back to him. "So, did you want our endless and shameless gratitude? Or do you feel guilty now because you almost lost us?"

She rendered him speechless. He opened his mouth several times to speak, but couldn't find the words.

"You can go now, Angelus. Spike and I will be fine without you. We have been so far."

He clamped his mouth shut and shook his head firmly. "No, I'm not leaving you again. I'm staying. I love you-"

She bolted up in her bed, wincing slightly at the pain she felt with her movements. "You love me? That's a load of crap."

"I know I haven't shown it-"

"Oh no, Angelus. You've shown it. You've just made sure to cheapen anything I feel for you and Spike afterwards."

Angel hung his head, "what I did was wrong. I was hurt and confused-"

"And I wasn't?" She laughed maniacally. "You've known me for how long? And you honestly think that I could EVER hurt you and Spike like that on PURPOSE? I've never been in love before Angelus and you know that. You know why I never have? Because all this time I was in love with both of you. From what I understand, it's confusing enough to love one person, never mind two. But I do...I did."

"Did? You don't...you don't love me anymore?"

She looked away from him. "I want you to go. Send Spike in to see me."

"Buffy, look at me. Look at me and tell me you don't love me, anymore."

"I don't take orders from you anymore."

"Goddammit, Buffy! Tell me if you do or you don't!"

Her head whipped to glare at him. "Would it change anything if I did or didn't?"

Angel met her eyes and held her gaze for a few seconds before shaking his head. "No, it wouldn't."

She shook her head, letting out a disgusted snort.

"I'm staying no matter what. Because I still love you and nothing is ever going to change that." He stopped when her jaw dropped in disbelief.

"You're angry with me right now and you're confused. You've got a lot on your mind and I understand that. I said some rotten things to you and I admit I was a bastard for it. I'm sorry, and if you give me the chance, I'll make it up to you. If you can't...if I've lost the love you were willing to give to me then I understand and I'll accept any lot you give me in your life. If you only want me to be there when you patrol-"

"Like you were so many times after I told you how I felt," she spat bitterly. "At least I can say Spike was there. Hidden, but there."

Her words were like stakes marring his heart, but he pressed on. "Then I will be there when you patrol. I love you Buffy. I never stopped. The last time you came to see me...I knew I couldn't go on much longer without you."

"Do you want a medal?"

"Buffy, give the man a chance to explain himself."

Both eyes darted to Spike. He moved to sit next to her, but she impeded him. "You're on his side now?"

"Buffy, pet, a lot has happened over the past twenty-four hours.

You're not in the right frame of mind right now-"

"He rejected me, Spike," she told him, starting to get worked up.

"I did at one time too, remember pet?"

"It's not the same!"

"Buffy, if you've learned anything from last night, it should have been that life is short and time is precious. Guess what? Angel just figured it out. He knows now, he gets it. Don't push him out of your life because you're angry at the world for dealing with what it dealt you last night. Give him a chance to prove to you that he's still the Angel that loves you just as much-if not more-as before. You've been telling me that Angel is always there when it counts, well he was there when it counted last night. And, he's here now. Something tells me he would have been there anyway, even if we hadn't been rushed by the bloody Calvary."

"Yeah, the last time you said that, he basically told me I was a whore."

"I didn't mean to make you feel that way-" Angel started.

"Just get out!" Buffy shouted at him, pointing to the door. "I don't want you here!"

"Buffy-" Spike started.

"And if you're going to take his side then I don't want you here either!"

Spike clamped his mouth shut and looked at Angel. Angel nodded and silently walked out.

Sitting on the bed, arms crossed, Buffy glared at Spike.

"You're pouting like a baby," he told her flatly.

"I don't care."

"Now you're acting like a baby."

"Spike! Do you not remember what he did, what he said? Do you remember

that he's with Faith now?"

"I don't think he's with Faith, Buffy."

"I don't care if he is!"

"Yes you do. The whole reason why you're so angry with him is because you do care. You care that he could have been with Faith, you care that he rejected you, you care that he still loves you. If you didn't care, then there wouldn't be all this passion."

That stopped her. Her eyes drifted to a far point across the room. She was trying to keep her emotions in check and Spike knew it. He took the opportunity to sit next to her. Placing his hand under her chin, he forced her to look at him. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

"You can't forget that I did the same thing as Angel. It took me a long time to come around and I wasn't exactly a prince about it either."

"Yeah, but you didn't wait until the threat of death to come around."

"You always have the threat of death around you, Buffy."

"And you were there with me just in case even if you didn't want to show yourself."

Spike stopped, biting his lip. She was going bound and determined to use whatever she could against Angel. He knew she had every right to be angry with him. Spike just didn't want the day to come when itwould be too late for them. Angel had already faced that scenario and it had shaken him, he didn't want the same for Buffy.

"He was there to save us. That has to count for something."

She bit her lip and nodded, "it does," she whispered. "Because if he wasn't there, you might not be." The tears were falling freely now.

"All I have done for the past twenty-four hours is cry."

"You need to let it all out Buffy. You keep things in far too much."

She snorted, "I do? Spike, I've cried more in the past two months than I ever have my whole life. And why? Because of you and Angel."

"Love makes you crazy, Buffy. Didn't you know that?"

"I do now. I've come to realize that it has its ups and downs."

Spike grinned. "Tell me about an up. I think I can guess a few downs."

She smiled through her tears and reached for him. He took her in his arms gently and wiped away her tears with the pads of his fingers.

"This is an up. Being loved, held, understood."

"Anything else?" He murmured, resting his forehead against hers.

"Kisses. Kisses are definitely an up."

Grinning, Spike pressed his lips against her ever so gently. She sighed into the kiss and he gathered her up gently in his lap. She rested against his chest, not listening to his heart not beat. She sighed heavily which gave way to a yawn.

"Tired, kitten?"

She nodded.

"To bed with you."

"Stay with me?"

"Of course," he helped her back into her bed and spooned behind her, brushing her hair through his fingers.

"This is an up," she murmured.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Spike knew it was going to take some time for Buffy to heal, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. He knew he hadn't helped matters either. She seemed to have forgotten how long it took him to come around, but he hadn't. He understood both sides, though it had taken some time to do so. He wasn't exactly pleased with how Angel had handled things, but he also knew that it was something that Buffy couldn't hold against him forever. If she did, she would regret it. Much like Angel was now.

She was going to be really mad at him when he asked Angel to move back home.