Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

“You know, there’s something oddly weird with sneaking into a military base.”

Xander looked over his shoulder at his companion. “Look, Sunnydale itself is weird. The guy who owns the comic book shop hides cat ears under his baseball cap. Cordy just about became the new Bride of Frankenstein earlier this year. I’m being driven insane by weird voices in my head. Sneaking into somewhere with weapons is as normal as you’re going to get.”

Oz just shrugged. “I’m just saying it’s weird.”

Xander grit his teeth and tried not to snap at him. It wasn’t Oz’s fault that the stars, or whoever it was whispering in the back of his head, was getting louder. Telling him what was going to happen at the Mall. To Spike.

Plus there had been the barrel of fun at the Library, where he freaked everyone out with his Amazing Kreskin impression and then Buffy and Miss Calendar had nearly had a bitch fight in the middle of the room.

That had been oddly disorienting. It was almost like he could see their emotions, the red of anger and a sickly green that spoke of betrayal. Add in the blackish swirl that was the Hellmouth and the other auras or whatever the hell they were from the books and it was like a rainbow had puked all over the room, leaving a mess of sickening swirls.

He found a deserted area of the base and pulled out a pair of wire cutters and carefully cut a small hole in the fence. For an Army base it had really sucky security, which was a damn good thing.

After all, he didn’t have the memories of a soldier to draw from in his head, like his alternate did in another time and place. All he had were wacky voices and colors and visions.

Still, he’d rather be in the closet with Spike than Cordelia. Just watching that in his head had made him feel…squicky.

There was a quick flash in his head and he could see himself kissing Willow and Xander nearly tripped as he sneaked around the side of one of the warehouses on the base to hide behind a few of the crates left outside.

Of course, he made the mistake of bracing his fall with his hands and he was hit by a new mental image that came so quickly all he could make out was a feeling of pain/anger/fear and a flash of some kid getting harassed by an officer. Xander tried to shake his head, unaware that he was mumbling to himself.

“Hey, you okay?” Oz’s voice sounded like it came from a long tunnel and Xander tried to focus. Before he had a chance, Oz had put a hand on his arm and shook him gently.

The image he was hit with was frightening, and Xander scrambled back, trying to break contact. “No! No, no don’t touch me! Just…stay back, gimme a second.”

Xander could feel his chest heaving and he grit his teeth, trying to stop the voices and the barrage of images flashing behind his eyes. It was almost like watching one of those old movies that flickered. Nearly everything his saw with his new “gift” was out of focus, and flickered in an out.

And the damn voices in his head had started howling like a pack of dogs. They were really starting to get on his nerves.

He took a few deep breaths and thought of Spike. How he smelled, how his hair felt when Xander would run his hands through it. The blue of his eyes. How he would sometimes smile at Xander, and it wasn’t about snarking or anything like that but it was just pure and honest affection.

“Right. Okay. That is so not fun. No wonder she went nutty. I’m feeling kinda like a box of Screaming Yellow Bonkers myself. Shit.” He ran his hand through his hair and then looked at Oz. “Okay, I have no idea what all that meant but I saw you, the full moon and a reddish brown rabbit being chased by a wolf around an old couch. Interpret as you will, after we get this done. If I'd known I was going to be this weird, I would have asked for a fucking instruction manual. Good gods.”

Oz looked at him weirdly, again. Xander already hated it; it was a look that mixed confusion and fear and worry and it was getting on his nerves and he hadn’t even been psychic for 24 hours yet. He knew he was going to have to get used to it, though; that was how most people would look at him from now on.

But he really hoped Spike wouldn’t.

“Never mind, if I figure out more I’ll tell you. Let’s just get this done, before I start talking to people that aren’t there.”

“Okay. I can do this.” Oz stopped for a moment and looked at him. “What are we going to do again?”

“We’re going to sneak in and get something that will make the Judge guy go boom really big.” Xander smiled evilly and gave a weird laugh. “Fire is fun!!”

He turned around and sneaked towards the munitions building, chuckling under his breath. Okay, so the crazy thing bothered his friends; he’d just have to play it up some, really freak them out.

His hand was on the door when a voice called from behind. “HALT!”

Oz was in front of him and they both put their hands up at the sight of a rifle pointed at them. Xander knew he felt like someone had knocked the air out of his lungs and his friend didn’t look much better.

"Identify yourself right the hell now!”

Oz went to speak but something made Xander step forward. Now the voices were singing some weird, haunting sort of song and without realizing it he started humming along.

“Xander!”

“Wha—huh?” He didn’t really know how long he’d been listening to the song, but it was like he was waking up and Oz’s hushed whisper had broken…whatever it was.

“What did you do to him?” Oz gestured at the Army guy and Xander looked at him closely. The rifle that had been pointing at them was now sagging in his grip, the barrel pointing at the ground. His eyes were kinda glazed and his mouth was slightly open. There was a small bit of drool, too, which was really unattractive.

Not that he went for the follow orders, uniform kind of guy anyway.

Xander looked at Oz and just shrugged. “I have no idea. Maybe the Jedi Mind Trick? Bene Gesserit Voice from Dune? Let’s not look a gift psychic horse in the mouth, okay? Let’s go get that rocket launcher.”

“Have I mentioned how weird all of this stuff is lately?” Oz’s voice was deceptively bland as he followed Xander.

******

He waited until after Buffy blew the Judge into a hundred or so little tiny bits at the Mall before slipping away in the chaos. That had been sort of fun, seeing the look of surprise on Angelus’s face as he dived for cover. Deadboy had not seen that coming and his face had twisted into a mask of rage and fear and frustration.

And watching the Giant Evil Smurf get blown to bits was fun, too.

He looked around, and everyone was busy. The large group of fledges had scattered, and between them, Giles and Ethan and their crossbows were taking the few brave stragglers out. He didn’t have to be psychic to know that Angelus would be torturing the ones that ran as soon as he caught them and, oddly enough, Xander kinda hoped they would just keep on running until they got somewhere safe. Egypt, maybe.

Willow and Oz were picking up Judge bits and putting them in freezer bags. They’d take them back to the Library later and pack him away in locked boxes that would be shipped to about a hundred or so Watchers that Giles knew of. The boxes would then be sent to other people and buried in places which demons and humans alike tended to avoid.

He didn’t see Cordelia, but she wasn’t watching him so he was free to slip out the side door to the parking garage. Not the one where Buffy and Angelus were doing their kung fu/broken relationship dance, the one on the other side.

It was mostly empty, because just about everyone with a brain started running at the sight of a rocket launcher. There was a sedan behind one of the concrete pillars, though, and Xander ran up to it, his bag of weapons thrown over his shoulder, and he worked on getting the car jimmied open as he ignored the now almost deafening voices that only he could hear.

They couldn’t have been stars. Stars were far away, but these sounded almost like a crowd of people in a football stadium, and he was standing right in the middle of them. It was like being in the middle of a freaking peanut gallery or something.

Finally, he managed to open the car door and got to work hot-wiring it. That didn’t take as long, thank god, but before he could close the door he found himself shoved painfully over the gearshift and a slim body replaced him at the wheel.

“Finally. I thought it was going to take you forever, psycho-boy. God. I thought your boytoy was being a bad influence by teaching you this sort of shit. And if you think I’m letting you drive, you’re crazier than I thought.”

“Cordelia? Umm, what are you doing?”

“Driving you to, well, wherever it is that Mr. Bad Dress Sense has Spike. That is what’s happened: Angelus has Spike and you need to go off and rescue him, right?”

“Right, but, Cordy, this is dangerous. I can’t let you…”

“Okay, listen up. You are not letting me do a damn fucking thing. I may be gorgeous but I am not air headed enough to be a damsel in distress. I make up my own mind, thank you very much. It’s a good thing you're gay; if you had a girlfriend, she would have to put some serious training time into you. Now, point to where I need to drive you and let's get this rescue on the road before the others figure out where we’ve gone.”

“Umm, there’s a warehouse, near the docks. I’m not sure where. I’ll know more when we get closer.” And having Cordy there was a relief, in a way. He had backup, someone to help.

It didn’t hurt that Cordy acted pretty much the same around him. Oh, there was the “are you totally insane” look, but it was pretty much the same one she’d always used on him so he was used to it. And Cordy was the type of person that said what she thought. If you didn’t like it, tough cookies. It was refreshing.

“Hey, Cordy? I’m gonna say something and I just want you to know I mean it as a total compliment. Because I really don’t want to piss off the woman who’s driving, okay? You know that line from Dolores Claiborne that Vera Donovan says? About how “Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.” You kind of remind me of that.”

“Aww! I get that, and I think that’s one of the sweetest things anyone’s ever said to me.” There was a flash of a superstar grin before Cordelia turned to look at the road. “Now shut up and tell me which way. I’d like to get this done before we’re old. And I’m so thankful we didn’t take my car because, really, vampire blood has got to be hard to get out of the upholstery.”

*****

In the end, it was surprisingly easy. Sure, there were a few guards around the warehouse but Cordy had gone in as bait and, between the two of them, the eight minions hadn’t stood a chance. It looked like Angelus had taken the majority of his forces across town and, while fledges were stupid, none of the runners had come back.

The warehouse...well, it was icky. All empty and dank and cold and it hurt him to think that Spike had been there for days. And Xander could feelhim, the voices strangely quiet now that he was there, and it was hard to be careful and not run across the empty open floor of the warehouse to the small office where he just knew Spike was.

But he didn’t. They were careful. Because, hey, Master Vampire lairs weren’t the best places to hang out, and Angelus was more than slightly psycho. Xander knew. He was now an expert at psycho; he had first hand experience at it.

Nothing jumped out of the shadows at him, though. No fledges or anything else. He tried not to look in the corners. There were too many…leftovers lying around. Vamps weren’t the neatest things, and it made Spike’s habit of leaving dirty ashtrays all over the house look positively sanitary.

For her part, Cordy was keeping her eyes on him. He wasn’t sure if it was to make sure he didn’t have a screaming fit or because she didn’t want to see anything either.

A few steps away from the door the voices came back, but this time it was like they were trying to be quiet. Urgent, but quiet.

“We’ve got to hurry. Angelus is coming back and he’s not a happy camper.” Xander tried to open up his brain, tried to feel if there was anyone in the room with Spike but all he got was pain/longing/regret and the sense of Spikeness that was his lover. “Come on!”

“I think I’ll just…stand guard while you get Spike.”

Xander just nodded. Cordelia sounded like she was ready to bolt. He owed her big time, him and Spike both. He’d have to tell her that, later when there wasn’t the fear of imminent death.

He opened the door, and instead of opening it slowly he pushed it, hard. It slammed against the wall and he knew there wasn’t anyone behind it.

Spike was in a corner and looked up at the sudden sound. Xander had to fight off a grin; he had never seen his lover speechless before.

“Xan? What the bloody hell…?”

“Hey, thought you could use a lift. That is, if the Judge didn’t burn your personality out. He didn’t, did he? Because that would be bad. Come on, we gotta go. Angelus is on the way back and he’s kind of pissed off right now. He didn’t like the birthday present I got Buffy.”

Spike gave him an odd look and Xander just bent down and pulled one of Spike’s arms around his shoulders and picked him up. Spike was dangerously thin, and Xander tried to ignore the shifting bones in his legs and the damp feeling of blood on the back of his shirt.

“What do you mean, Angelus didn’t like your pressie? That was a nice bloody blouse you bought! And don’t forget the duster, pet; can’t go anywhere without it.”

Xander rolled his eyes and moved so that Spike could use one arm to snag/grab his duster and pull it close. “Nah, I got her something else as a last minute gift. A rocket launcher. It was so cool.”

He left the office and nodded to Cordy and they started running out. Time was short; he could almost feel Angelus getting closer. Spike kept quiet, but Xander could tell he was mainly trying to not drop his jaw at the fact that someone else was helping Xander. Xander knew that no one had ever tried to help his lover before, not really. It had to be kind of weird.

Cordy opened the door to the back seat of the still running sedan and then jumped into the front seat. Xander placed his lover carefully in the back before slamming the door and running over to the passenger side and picking up the bag that he’d had when he was in the Army Base.

“Xander! Let’s go!”

“Gotta leave a parting gift, Cor. Hold on.” He pulled out the mass of gray putty that he’d stolen, and the thing that looked sort of like a complicated egg timer. He could do this; just pretend it was Play Dough and a microwave timer and not C4. He set the timer for five minutes and ran back to the warehouse and hid it under the stairs leading into it. Hopefully, Angelus would have too big of a mad on to smell the explosives.

He ran back, jumping in the front seat as soon as he could. “Go! Go! He’s almost here!!”

Cordelia took off like a shot, leaving half of the rubber from the tires on the road as he pulled out in front of a car. They waited for signs of pursuit, not talking until Cordy pulled off the road at a nearby burger place.

“Okay, we’re in public. We’ll look less obvious if we’re not acting guilty.” There was the sound of an explosion, making all of the windows shake and the nearby diners stop eating and look to see what was happening. “What the hell?”

“Umm, yeah. High grade explosives. I got them at the same time I got the rocket launcher.”

“You are just so fucking weird, it’s not even funny. Give me some money; I’m going in for milkshakes. Sorry, Fang Boy, you’ll have to make do with strawberry, not blood.”

Xander silently handed her some money out of a pocket and waited for her to leave before turning around to look at Spike. Now that it wasn’t so dark, he could see the bruising on his face and the gaunt, hollow look that meant he hadn’t been feeding.

Xander smiled softly. He’d rather see bruises and a sort of amazed look than hatred, or a pile of dust. “Hey. Missed you.”

It looked like Spike was having a hard time swallowing. He looked smaller, and vulnerable too, which Xander didn’t like. He liked it when Spike was the strong one. He made mental plans on how to get blood into the house without Angelus knowing, figuring Willy would tell and that the butcher's would be a safer bet, even if it wasn’t human.

“God, Xander…you came after me. That…”

Xander shook his head and put a hand on Spike’s leg. “I know. Listen, just…keep strong until Cordelia drops us off at home and then we can talk. And, believe me, there is a whole shit load of stuff that’s happened. I think I blew a big enough hole in the side of that place that Angelus will have to change lairs, though, and he’ll be more preoccupied with finding somewhere safe to spend the day than chasing after you. We’ll get through this, it’ll be okay.”

Spike just nodded and laid his head back. Xander turned around and noticed Cordy coming out, actually carrying three drinks. He shook his head. He hadn’t planned on having her along but he really couldn’t have done it without her. Willow would have freaked or been upset about Spike and Buffy…well, she probably would have wanted to stake Spike first thing.

She opened the door and got in, handing him a shake and passing one back to Spike, who took it with the oddest look. Cordy ignored it. Xander checked his out, and it was chocolate.

“Man, Cor, I so owe you. Anytime, anywhere, you name it. Hell, if you want, Spike will kill someone for you and I’ll give you an alibi and hide the body.” He grinned.

Cordy smiled as she put her drink in the slot for it and backed the stolen car out of the parking space. “Just remember, Xander: diamonds really are a girl’s best friend.”

*****