Lost Memories

“Spike.” For a moment she forgot everything but the man in front of her. She’d missed him for so long, mourned his loss. She did the only thing she could do. She threw her arms around him and squeezed for all she was worth.

With her once again within reach he almost slipped into old habits. He buried his face in her hair and tried to drown in her scent. For over an hour he’d been sitting here contemplating the deaths of his friends and he’d not shed a tear. Now he could feel wetness on his cheeks, but it was nothing but joy, nothing but relief at finally having her so close again.

“I’m so sorry Spike, I didn’t know. Giles didn’t tell me, and Andrew only told me by accident. If I’d known you survived, I’d have come immediately. If I’d known you had an end of the world thing going on, I’d have been here sooner to help. Goddess, I’m just so sorry.” Now she was crying, and she promised herself she wouldn’t do this.

“It’s ok luv, not blaming you. Didn’t tell you I was back, tried to kept it a secret, wanted to be a hero a little longer.” He was still clinging to her, but he just couldn’t let go yet, not when it had been so long since he’d had the chance.

“Spike you are a hero, you saved the world, surviving it doesn’t diminish what you did. You telling us you were alive wouldn’t have made us think less of you. It would have just saved us all the pain of losing you. But that‘s not important now, so what‘s the big evil and how do I help?” She finally pulled away from him and lowered herself onto the stool beside him.

“You missed me?”

“Of course we did, come on, you’re our friendly neighborhood vamp, of course we missed you.” She smiled a little trying to lighten the mood.

We did, not I did. Somehow that made it less personal and a little less pleasing, but only a little.

“All of you missed me? Somehow I find it hard to believe that the whelp spent any time bemoaning my final death.” Now he smiled, trying to hide his disappointment that she hadn’t expressed her own grief over his burning to death at the bottom of a sink hole.

Honestly, Xander had cried, really cried when he learned of Spike’s demise. Part of it was buried grief over Anya’s death that he hadn’t been able to release during their escape from the quickly crumbling town. But she knew that hearing about Spike had been the catalyst. She was also sure though, that Xander wouldn’t want the vamp knowing that he’d actually shed tears.

“Yes, Spike, even Xander was grateful to you and expressed his sorrow over your death.” Completely serious now, she wanted him to have no doubts about the gift he’d given to them, heck to the entire world.

“Missed you lot too, well after I was alive again anyway, but that’s a tale for another time and,” he glanced down at the bottle in front of him, “a little more booze.”

“Spike, what is going on here? What is it that you guys so desperately needed help with? I can feel some serious lingering mojo, but it doesn’t seem like L.A. is in any more dire a situation than usual.”

“‘S not anymore.”

“What happen?”

“Angel took a swing from inside the belly of the beast. Then said “beastie” coughed up all sorts of nasties to maim and murder us all. Got most of us too, only the great poof and yours truly managed to come out kickin’”

“Gunn?”

“Garesh Ka.”

“Lorne?”

“Assassins.”

“Wesley?”

“Sorcerer by the name of Vail, Cyvus Vail.”

“Fred?”

“Taken over a few weeks ago by a hell god by the name of Illyria. Illyria fought with us when all hell broke loose, killed by a few demons who jumped her all at once. Tough bird.”

“Cordelia?”

“Ah, Cordelia, she passed away peacefully in her sleep.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” That was a shock, she didn’t realize that kind of death was an option for any of them.

“Well, there was this whole matter of some kind of possession by a higher being and a hellish pregnancy that resulted in a full grown woman who tried to take over the world, but I wasn’t here for that. Not really up on all the details.”

“I’m so sorry Spike, I should have been here to save Fred, to save all of them.” She was so pissed at Giles. If he wanted to decline to help, that was his right, but he should have told her.

“Already said, not your fault luv, the watcher didn’t tell ya. Trying to protect what’s his, can’t say that I blame him too much either.” At first when they’d lost Fred he’d been furious at the Watcher, but after seeing how things turned out, he was kind of glad she hadn’t been there for the end. He was equally relieved that Willow hadn’t been there, or maybe even more so.

“So, what do you say? Let’s have a few drinks.” She reached for the bottle sitting in front of him and motioned for the bartender to bring a glass.