Kathy's Revenge

Chapter 30
Faiths POV

Am I going fucking mental?

What the hell happened to me, why couldn’t I stop myself doing those things… why was I back there… what if I am going the same as Buffy? What if I’m having some kinda breakdown too… then I’ll have to go off with Giles and do all this shit with nature and shit… That is so not me…

Everyone has gone back downstairs to give me some ‘alone time’ as Buffy called it. And what if I don’t wonna be alone? I want a smoke! I sit up gingerly and swing my legs off the bed. I walk down the stairs, through the kitchen and out the back door where, as usual I find Spike with a lit cigarette in his mouth.

“May I?” I ask picking up his smokes off the garden table.

“Sure.” I take one out and spark it up. Nice, lovely, nurturing nicotine… mmm.

I sit on one of the metal garden chairs with my legs open, leaning forward on my elbows.

“You gonna hit me if I ask?” Spike says flicking his cigarette to the middle of the garden.

“I’m fine Spike, really… I just don’t know what the hell happened or why and that’s kinda freaky but I gotta just deal with it… I mean its not like I haven’t relived stuff before… only before it was always the bad stuff I had done not what others did to me.” I bite the nail on my little finger on my left hand. “And plus, I was usually asleep.”

“Yeah you’re just fine.” Can this guy be more sarcastic? I give him one hell of a glare. He holds his hands up in surrender. “Sorry just say it how I see it.” He makes his way over to me and takes another cigarette out of the packet and lights up. Chain-smoking much. “So erm… What was that back there anyway? If you were reliving it, then it’s a memory.”

“That’s right.” I take a long pull on the lovely nicotine filled cancer stick. “Me and B had a fight a while back. I lost as you could see.”

“So…” He pushes me for more.

Just been through it thanks not really wanting to do it again “Drop it Spike.” I don’t mean to snap as much as I did, he actually flinches. “I just don’t want to do it again.”

”Sure.” He takes a long breath, the cigarette forgotten in his hand, which hangs limp from his bent knee. “You’re going to have to talk about it eventually though.” I hate it when people are right.

“She stabbed me, I lost. Long, long coma afterwards. All sorts of not pretty when I woke up.” The back yard in front of me disappears and images flash before me. Riley beneath me having the time of his life. The blonde hair on my head cascading down onto his chest. Followed by a flash of white light. I’m falling headfirst down the Summers’ stairs. That flash again. I’m smashing my own face in while in Buffy’s body. Again with the flash. My fist connects with the face of a young girl in the red over coat. And again. getting fed up of the white. Luckily this time in front of my eyes is the back yard I left behind a few moment ago.

I put my face in my free hand trying to shake the images out of my short-term memory. “For fuck sake.” I say between gritted teeth.

Spike eyes me, not knowing what to say. “Flashbacks… I hate fucking flashbacks!” I scream violently stubbing my cigarette out on the table.

Spike hangs his head down and doesn’t look at me… I guess crazy Faith isn’t someone he wants to meet. I get up off the chair and head back to my room to try and get some much-needed sleep before the slayage tonight.

The room is dark, I am laying in bed as my seven year old self. I can’t go to sleep, he always comes when I am asleep and then I am not ready for it. I need to stay awake so I don’t cry when he comes and wakes me.

I stay as still as I can, I always hope that he wont come for me but he always does. My eyes are getting heavy I am having a really hard time trying to keep them open. Slowly my body goes heavy and my eyelids droop down. And I begin to dream.

I am running through a field in a pretty red dress with pink flowers on it. My shoes are the old style white things with big gold buckles on the top, they have started to go slightly green from the wet grass. I am holding a piece of string in my hand, I look up and see my big red kite floating on the air, I smile up at it.

I am being pulled from my dream, I feel cold, slightly sweaty hands on my upper arms, they’re like vices clamping down, these will cause bruises just like last time, and the time before that, and the time before that…

I try to snap myself out of the sleep state but I don’t manage it until I am downstairs in the kitchen. He throws me at the pantry door and sits down on one of the breakfast bar stools, picking up his bottle of beer. He looks down at me as if I am made of dog poo, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes already and he hasn’t even done anything yet.

He narrows his eyes at me, his gaze burrows through me. I keep my head down and hug my knees, maybe if I stay like this then I might be able to protect my ribs this time.

I start to feel tired again, he always does this… makes me wait for ages before he does it, I just want it over and done with so I can crawl into bed and think about dying before a dreamless night.

I hear him get up off the stool and stumble over to me. I hear his ragged breathing as he approaches me. He doesn’t even try to make me cry with words anymore he just goes straight to the pain.

I feel him kick me hard in the stomach, the pain is unbearable but he carries on going even though I am screaming. I feel a really sharp pain in my left arm, it hurts like hell and I cant handle the pain. I try to stand up whilst floods of tears run down my face. I hold my arm to my chest, I think it’s broken… he takes this opportunity to punch everywhere he can reach. My stomach, my chest, my back, my legs, my face gets the worse beating though.

He doesn’t care about the bruising or how I will look in the morning. All he cares about is making my life a misery and drinking.

I know the bruises will be gone by school on Monday… he knows this too. Why do I have to heal so good? I just know that if people at school saw me with all the bruises and stuff then someone would come and rescue me but since I am not allowed out anywhere then no one will see me till Monday.

I feel blood pouring from all over my body, my nose feels huge and my left eye is almost closed because of the pain and enormous swelling.

Time passes, I don’t know how long all I know is that with every last breath in my body I want to die.

The pain keeps coming and coming, never stopping, never ending. Eventually I pass out with the pain.

I sit bolt upright in my bed. My eyes almost don’t see the walls of my present day room opposite me. I bring my knees up to my chest and hug them to my body. Not taking my unblinking eyes off the wall. Can’t close my eyes. Can’t think about anything, why can’t it just “LEAVE ME ALONE!”

I don’t realise I’m screaming till the door crashes open and the red head runs through it. She’s kneeling in front of me in a moment. “Faith are you okay?” She pushes a strand of hair out of my face. I let my eyes blink and rest on her. I need to forget. If just for a while I need to forget. So I lean forward and kiss her.

”Make me forget.” I say as I take a breath. “Make me forget.”

She leans forward pushing me backwards her hands finding the base of my t-shirt. I hear the door close and assume she used magic. My knees part and allow her body to slot between them. I lean back on the bed while she holds her self up with one arm her other hand making itself busy.

I lean forward to take her lips again and slide my hands up her back. I rest my head on the pillow and open my eyes.

Kakistos’ vampire features glare down at me with a snarl on his lips.

I feel my eyes widen. I let out a huge scream as I manage to get my hands below him under his ribs and push. He flies to the other side of the room and crashes into the wall. As he hits the floor he’s my redheaded girlfriend.

I fall off the other side of the bed still trying to escape the memory. I bring my knees up once more and bury my head in my hands. Scratching my scalp trying to rip the memories out of me by force. I think I’m rocking back and forth but I’m not sure.