Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

Xander sighed and fought the urge to bang his head against the table. He’d been to some really crappy birthday parties before; hell, he’d had them back when his Mom still gave a damn, but Bobo the Evil Clown had been topped by an Evil Arm in a box and an extra Slayer that popped out of nowhere.

He was sure he could figure that last part out if it weren't for the fact that his eyes had dried out from lack of sleep sometime earlier in the day. Or had that been yesterday? He wasn’t too sure anymore. The others had noticed even, and he had been questioned by Willow and Buffy both about his new boyfriend and whether they were fighting.

And for once he was glad he’d told the truth. That Will was out of town on business and he hadn’t heard from him, how worried he was. How he was afraid he’d been hurt or killed by something because Will would never just up and leave him. And he’d been taken out the day before and stuffed full of chocolate and comfort food and for the first time in a long time he felt like he’d belonged with his friends, like they were the Three Musketeers again.

Now it was Buffy’s turn to be the recipient of the sugar rush, but instead of getting to dig into the strawberry cake with real butter cream icing and the three different kinds of ice cream. Not to mention the pâté and guacamole that Cordelia had brought because while she might have been lowering her status to come to this party she had brought the chips and dip. And of course it was high quality chips and dip because god forbid Cordy brings a dollar bag of chips and a tub of dip from the dairy case.

Xander shook his head and tried to focus on the extremely weird conversation going on around him. He knew he was losing track of his inner babble but he was just so damn tired and the dreams kept on getting worse and worse, never letting him sleep more than an hour at a time, and he really just wanted to crawl under the table and take a nap.

“There is a great evil arising here and my Watcher has sent me to stop it.”

But he can’t take a nap because they seem to have an extra Slayer. One with a weird attitude and who won’t even look at him or at Oz, who was having a quiet, composed panic attack at his first brush with a vampire attack.

Oh, yeah, and Buffy got an Apocalypse for her Birthday; how fun. Silly Xander, he’d bought her a blouse and some wooden Chinese Hair Sticks that he’d carved into stakes. If anyone could appreciate a hair accessory that was a weapon, it would be Buffy.

And, of course, Cordy, who he promised he’d make a pair for next weekend.

“Please, tell us something we don’t know, Miss Cleo! And just what is the deal with two Slayers both here? Don’t you Watcher type people talk to each other at all?” That was his Cordy, always ready to take charge and tell people what they were doing wrong. But for once he agreed.

Or he would have if he had been totally awake. As it was, he was doing well to sit at the table instead of sliding under it.

“I can’t believe it. I mean, I’ve heard the legends but I never thought that anyone would be able to do…it.”

And there was Angel, being all mysterious again. For some reason, he sounded different to Xander but he just couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Then again, he’d managed to avoid Deadboy for the past couple of weeks for the most part so that could be it. Everyone turned to look at Angel, and Buffy quietly asked for more information. “Angel?”

“It-it's a legend… way before my time... of a demon brought forth to rid the Earth of the plague of humanity... separate the righteous from the wicked... and to burn the righteous down. They call him the Judge.”

“And this is…is he?”

“It’s part of him, not all of it.”

And from the really wigged out look on Giles’s face, Xander just knew this was extra special bad. Super Sized bad. And he wondered if this Judge was what was keeping Spike from calling.

Or maybe what had killed him.

Buffy looked confused and Xander wasn’t much better. “Umm, can someone explain a bit more? Give me a backstory, maybe?”

“The Judge could not be killed. The people of the land raised an army and still most of them died. Finally, they were able to dismember him and locked away the different parts. They sent each box to a different corner of the world, buried under tons of rock in each place and the men who knew the locations were put to death so that no one would even be tempted to find him.”

Surprisingly enough this came from Kendra, the new Slayer in town. She was pretty, and exotic, and had fought just as well as Buffy against the vamps that had crashed the party.

And Cordelia was right, she did sound like Miss Cleo.

“We…we need to get this out of town. Quickly. Before whoever it is that is putting the pieces together gets a chance to do anything else with it.”

“I could take it.”

“What? Angel, no! Whoever takes this is going to have to be gone a long time and I…”

“It’s the fate of the World, Buffy. How can I not do this?”

And maybe he was just sleep deprived but that sounded…corny. Like Angel had been reading some of the more cheesy comic books that Xander had.

“No, I think that, since we have two Slayers, who we have Xander to thank for…”

Xander gave a silly bow, trying to appear normal. Hey, who knew that CPR would cause a new Slayer to pop up?

“We should send the box with Kendra back to her Watcher. They in turn can take it to the Council, where samples can be taken and it can be kept safe until they find a way to destroy it. That should…in theory, of course, keep the Judge from—reanimating.”

Kendra gathered up the box. “When do I leave?” And then there was more discussion and Angel was putting in another bid to let him hide the box and Xander just let it flow around him.

He had to do something about the dreams, tonight. Or else when it came time to fight he wouldn’t be able to do anything but maybe die messily. And that wouldn’t be good.

Cordy came and sat down beside him, tired of the Watcher/Slayer/Slayer/Vampire discussion going on. Willow and Oz soon followed and they all just sat there.

“So…vampires, huh? That’s kind of…freaky.”

Xander grinned at Oz. Most people would be totally freaking out, but not him. “Yeah, man, freaky doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

“You know what’s really weird? The Hellmouth thing, well, it explains a whole lot.” Oz nodded to himself and then fell silent. Xander really hoped this thing with Oz would work out. Willow needed someone steady; someone to calm and ground her and Oz was like…the ultimate in calmness.

“Xander, are you alright?”

He gave a tired smile. “Not…not really, Wills. I’m just worried, you know? Something could have happened and we would never find the body.”

The next few minutes they just…talked. About the Birthday Party that would have been and how Willow bought funny hats and had gotten Giles to wear one. About what they got for her since it didn’t look like they’d have time to unwrap them, what with the killer arm and all.

Finally Giles had put his foot down and Kendra was on her way, her dark skin looking sallow with worry. In the darkness of the club, her red shirt looked like dried blood and for some reason Xander worried about her, even though he didn’t know her.

He shook his head and tapped Cordelia on the shoulder. “Hey, can…can I get you to drop me off somewhere?”

“Sure. What happened to your car?”

He gave a kind of rueful laugh. “Was kinda afraid I’d hit a pole or something, the way I’m feeling. I don’t think I’ve slept more than a couple hours a night for a week now.”

She looked worried but nodded and grabbed her purse. “Sure. Where are we going?”

Xander stretched and got up. “I think I need to see a certain Chaos Mage about my dreams. And since Giles will no doubt go on to the Library to research, this is the perfect time.”

******

“Sorry you weren’t invited to the party but, well, Buffy’s still adjusting to the idea of you and Giles.”

“Don’t worry about it, Xander. That's quite all right. To tell the truth, there are better things I can do than attend a seventeen year old girl’s birthday party.” That was said with amusement and not anger and Xander was glad that Ethan wasn’t upset at being left out. It was just…the party had been for Buffy’s friends and Ethan…wasn’t.

Maybe when Spike came back he and Ethan could hang out together while the Scoobies did stuff, except that when Xander had thoughts like that he imagined explosions and body parts being missing.

When Spike came back. Not if.

He was sitting on Giles’s couch with a half drunk cup of herbal tea and he’d already babbled about Spike being gone and the dreams that wouldn’t let up and he was ashamed to know that he had been on the verge of tears. That’s when the tea came out and he’d had to laugh at that. Now, now Ethan was thinking and Xander was just sitting there, waiting.

“Tell me, Xander, what do you know of lucid dreaming?”

He frowned. “I don’t think I’ve heard of it. Well, other than out of that movie, Dreamscape. Isn’t that where you take charge of your dream or something?”

Ethan sighed and Xander got the feeling he’d disappointed him somehow. “Xander, I’m going to tell you the truth. You can do a lot of things; crystals, herbs, burn sage, special meditations that will help you. But I think you just need to stop running in your dreams. For whatever reason you’re having them, you need to face up to that and then they’ll stop.”

Xander sighed and fiddled with his teacup. He remembered when the nightmares came to life, thanks to that kid, Billy, and how good it had felt to finally stand up to Bobo and just slug him. But something inside him knew that whatever was haunting his dreams was a hell of a lot worse than being naked in front of class and a clown.

“As to the whereabouts of your…Spike, well, I will look into that for you, in return of a favor.”

“What…what kind of favor?” Xander bit at his lip. This was Ethan; his favor might not be that nice and might come back to bite him on the ass.

Ethan sat back and did that thing with the hands being steepled in front of his face that Xander always associated with Spock. “That would be the catch, I’m afraid. Until I called you for it, you would not know.”

Xander nodded. He figured it would be something like that. He would have liked to press his luck, reminding Ethan that he’d encouraged Giles to get back together with him, but he was afraid that he’d used that up with Ethan’s continued silence about Spike. He wasn’t even surprised. When Cordelia had dropped him off at the apartment, he’d expected exactly this.

His English teacher, Ms. Faulkner, taught his Creative Writing class and one of Mythology. He'd gotten the feeling more than once that she knew what was real in Sunnydale and they'd talked. She had even given him some book on Native American mythos and he'd read some of the stories and had been more than interested.

And he'd always been reminded of Ethan when he'd read of Coyote and Raven. Trickster gods that would help humans, but for a price. But the chaos they caused always seemed to teach a lesson somehow, but it didn’t always turn out good for the guy making the deal.

He nodded. “Can I call you with my answer in the morning? Or whenever it is when I wake up? I think I’d like to try the dream thing first. If that gives me a clue where to find Spike, well then, I won’t owe you anything.”

Ethan laughed, a happy one, not one of the evil laughs you hear on TV shows. “Good choice, my boy! For that answer I will give you twenty-four hours to make your decision. Now then, do you need a ride home or would you like to stay here for the night? I can assure you that Giles won’t mind in the least; he’s been rather worried about you.”

Xander got up. “No thanks, it’s not too far from here to where I’m staying. And I get the feeling I’m going to need to be in my own bed for this.”

Ethan nodded and got up to show him to the door. Xander paused just before leaving. “Ethan, I know I don’t know you like I do Giles but…thanks. For listening, I mean.”

Ethan gave another one of those sly smiles. “You’re quite welcome, my boy, quite welcome. In fact, you don’t need to mention it.”

Xander looked at him then nodded before walking out into the night. He’d gotten Ethan’s message and had figured out that if Giles found out what he was about to do he would not be happy.

Because if there was one thing he remembered vividly from Dreamscape, it was the fact that people could be killed in their dreams.

******

In between the pain and the periods of unconsciousness, Spike couldn't help but wonder if there was any deity a demon could pray to. Who would to a good favor for a demon, though?

Then again, what good and proper demon acted like a sap over a human? Spike laughed to himself. He’d always been Love’s Bitch, but the first time was in love with someone worth it, it was a fucking human.

Humans were just so damn breakable. He should know, he’s been reminded recently just how people like Xander that he'd broken.

And now, knowing his love, Xander was about to be right in the line of fire to be broken again. And there wasn’t a bloody thing he could do about it. The last beating had been the worst and his legs still didn’t work.

But his brain did, and in between imagining the worst Spike swore at himself in a hundred different languages. He was a fucking idiot to try to find something out. To leave his Xander alone.

Unprotected.

“Well, look here. Still brooding, I see. Must be a family trait. Don’t worry, Spike, I’ll let you have some real fun soon. Have to say, the Slayer loved her present. She even gave me something in return.”

A body was dumped on the floor, a dark haired girl that smelled of power and Spike could only be glad it’s not Xander or one of his friends. The box was set down on the table and his tormentor sat beside him.

“You know, Willy-boy, this is going to be so much fun! And. believe me, I’ve been in short supply of fun these last few years. I have to say, I’m going to hate giving up the charade; these last couple of weeks have been so amusing. Buffy’s about ready to meet the real me, though, and once I take care of her little fan club, well, she’ll make a wonderful addition to the family.”

Spike snorted and started to look through his pockets for his flask. It was amazing how the lessons on not showing what he was really feeling on his face came back. Drusilla might have drained him but it was this person, this thing, that had killed him and Spike had risen from the ashes like a demonic phoenix. He took a long pull, the alcohol a welcome distraction.

“You know, it’s been a hundred fucking years and I still hate you just as much now as I did then. Maybe more.”

Angelus grinned. “Come now, William! Isn’t it nice to have family again, at the very least?”

*****