The Silent Urge Series

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Chapter 30 - Understanding


~ Spike ~

I guide him up the stairs and he doesn't make any attempt to get loose. I bet he's already packing his things and saying his farewells. What can I do to make him see that we just have to get to some kind of understanding and that this is just the phase where we get there? Just some provoking and testing of limits ‘til we reach some kind of consent in this arrangement. Oh well, so it's all a bit rough with the blood influencing him and me being a demon, but we will get through this, for his sake and my own.



~ Xander ~

When we enter that apartment he gives me a hard shove and I tumble and fall to my knees on the gym mats. I turn around, now lying on my back, propped up on my elbows and look at him, not sure what to expect next. He just stands there, every part of his body is proud, pissed off Master Vampire.

I try to stand up.

"Stay down." He spits and clenches his fist.

I shake my head. Already fucked it up, why not do it properly.

I stand up but before I can finish the motion, my legs are kicked out from under me and I am on my butt again. Spike though, is in the same position as before, as if he never moved.

"I said stay down." He growls dangerously.

"Why? Coz I'm your fucking pet? Have to listen to your every command?" I scream at him and congratulate myself. There is a slight difference between fucking up properly and setting up your own murder.



~ Spike ~

Oh boy, if you knew how a vampire handles his pets you wouldn't make the mistake of comparing yourself to one. You have absolutely no bloody clue.

I fire anyway: "No, but you seem to want to be handled like one."

I see the emotions flare, possessing and blinding him to the reality of the situation and he spits at me: "I don't want to be handled like a pet!"

"But you don't act as if I can trust you. Why are you attacking my other employees?"

"Aagh! I am one of your employees now!" Damn, I didn't mean it to sound like that. Trust me to say the wrong things, but he is one of my bloody employees, he is bartending in my club, isn't he. Can't help it if he's a bit oversensitive about working for me. Pffft.

"You ARE one of my employees!"

"Yes, but… fuck you Spike!" Oh yeah, very reasonable. If you don't tell me what I want to hear, what I want to know, soon, I'm gonna do something drastic.

"Xander! What the hell got into you?"

"Into me? … Nothing! Maybe something got *into* you, whilst I was waitior yor you to show up???"

"What the 'ell are yer talkin' 'bout?" You’d better not be hinting at what I think you're hinting. Told you there was nothing between me and Treck. You still don't trust me. After everything, you still don't trust me.



~ Xander ~

"You don't get it, do you?" I don't get it either but it felt right to say it.

"No, XANDER, I don't fucking get it. Explain it to me!" He actually yells and it satisfies me on an animalistic level that I got him to lose control, even while the alarm bells in my head go off and tell me to run: pissed off vampire for god's sake!

I don't know what to say anymore. How can I explain what I am not sure of myself, what I don't understand myself?

"Well, stay here. Play the fucking drama for yourself, I have things to do, a club to manage, a…"

"A demon to fuck." I cut in, nearly choking on the words or on the tears threatening to fall. I am turning into a girl. Are these effects of the blood?

Spike turns back to me, sharply: "What?!" Eyes flashing gold.

"Go! Fuck that idiot! XanPET warms your bed until you have time for *it*!" I say and go down on my hands and knees. "I'm missing my collar, have you seen it anywhere?" Goofy grin.



~ Spike ~

"That's it? You think I am fucking Treck?" Fuck him. That's what I get for my patience and my consideration of him? He freaks and nearly goes on a killing spree coz he thinks – even after I told him I didn't – I fuck Treck.

"Does it matter? I am just your fucking pet." He sits back on his heels.

"You are not my bleeding pet!"

"What am I then?" he screams, outraged.

"What the hell do you want to be?" Stop sending mixed messages and give me a bloody clue.

"Your god damn lover, you m..urghmpfth." Finally.



~ Xander ~

I can't say anything more 'cause Spike has his tongue deep down my throat. Oh fuck. I'm on my back, my legs parted, Spike between them, perfect fit, on me, kissing like the world's depending on it. Oh fuck, it's so good.

It's mind blowing, pleasure and pain, soothing cool wet tongue and sharp teeth, control and possession. My whole body tingles like it's burning and, only where Spike touches me, the heat cools down. God, I guess I hadn't had a kiss before if this is a kiss. I am whimpering and I don't mind. It seems appropriate.

Now I know what it means to have your breath kissed away. I used to think it was just a romantic exaggeration, but it's not, it's painfully real. I'm struggling to get free, but Spike holds me in place with a desperation that brings tears to my eyes or is that just the lack of oxygen. I consider biting his tongue but remember that that is a complete No-No. So I just wait and when I pass out he'll know I need to breathe. Still human here.



~ Spike ~

Finally he admits it and as soon as the words leave his mouth I pounce at him and dive in. No hesitation, just get it over with and hope it'll be good. My lips touch his and he gasps in surprise, opening his mouth to me and I take it. I push my tongue in and my stomach flutters in response to the wet heat welcoming me.

Never gonna let this one go. Minemineminemine. I kiss him, trying to tell him just how good, how right this feels to me and his lips, his tongue reply to me, showing the same desperation and longed for fulfilment. Never gonna let you go. Mine. Mine.

He struggles and I want to cry out in anger. He's not gonna stop this now just because he has second thoughts already. Fuck his stupid human morals... oh, he just needs to breathe. Forgot about that. Gotta let him breathe before he passes out on me. This time no black outs, no cum stained pants, no sudden panic attacks. This time I want the real thing and he's gonna give it or.. or.. bloody hell.



~ Xander ~

Gasping for breath, I still his face with both my hands, one of my thumbs strokes over his kiss-swollen lower lip. I stare into his eyes, lose myself for a moment in between the lust and expectations in sparkling blue. I take another calming breath before I start to babble.

"Spike, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't make me lose this. Don't make me lose all this. I don't want to lose this, the club and the room and the job and.. and you. Don't wanna lose you."



~ Spike ~

I have to stop myself from smiling too warmly down on him. He is a mess, eyes puffy and cheeks red, he is lovely like this, all dishevelled and with his emotions laid bare.

"Sssh, silly." I sooth him, ruffle his hair and let my fingers tangle in the long, brown strands, then using them to pull his head back, allowing me to devour his mouth again.

"Not gonna let you go anyway." I rasp out, before biting softly on his lush lower lip.



~ Xander ~


Fighting back tears of relief I open my mouth to him, let his demanding tongue enter and meet my own. I moan, his name is like a prayer in endless repeat in my mind and on my lips when they're not occupied with being touched to Spike's.

In contrast to the overwhelming nature of the kiss, the thrusts against me start slow, careful, tender even. Oh god. I want him so much.

My hands slide down his back, fasten on his hips just moments before I meet his thrust, forcefully, deliberately, undeniably. Spike draws in another shuddering breath, grinds so slowly against me that I can feel every painful inch of his arousal against mine.



~ Spike ~

He's not going to bail out, made that clear, he did. He is hard and hot against me but I need more. I want skin. Right now. Right here.

"Clothes off." I moan more than I say it and bite playfully at his jaw before I fuse our mouths together again. He nods eagerly and I smile into the kiss when he grabs the hem of my shirt and starts tugging it out of my jeans.

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*hides under the desk* sorry. more soon. promise.

btw...

I am nominated at the Sunnydale Memorial Fanfiction Awards as Best New Author and
TSUS is nominated as Best Series and as Best Unfinished.
==> http://www.geocities.com/sunnydawards/

Thanks again to everybody who supported me with comments and reviews on this story,
I'd never thought it would get this long or that so many people would read it. Thank you.

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