Breaking a Slayer

Breaking a Slayer: Chapter 31

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Spoilers/Ships: This is AU. Buffy/Spike/Angel.

Distribution: Sure, just let me know.

Feedback: Is always nice.

Rating: NC-17.

Author's Note: Quotes are taken from BtVS ep "The Pack." I'm sorry about the brevity of my latest chapters. I'm having a hard time right now balancing the dreaded real life with the fic life. Blessings! -Rhi

*

Buffy was washing herself all over. She had been for thirty minutes now. It wasn't helping. The interrupted arousal was driving her insanut mut more than that was the pain of her rejection by Xander. She'd always known that some part of him hated her for her relationship with Angel and now he'd confirmed her worst fears. She remembered what he'd said to her when he was possessed by the hyena spirits.

*

Buffy glared up at Xander, who pinned her to the floor, "Get off of me."

Xander ground his hips into her slowly and grinned maliciously at her. "Is that what you really want?" he sneered. Buffy struggled againsm, bm, but he held her arms pinned to the floor with ease. "We both know what you really want. You want danger, don't cha? You like your men dangerous."

Buffy was starting to get scared. This wasn't her Xander, her kind, puppy-dog friendly Xander. "You're in trouble, Xander. You are infected with some hyena thing, it's like a demonic possession!"

Xander continued to grind his hips into hers sensually. The menace on his face completely transformed it and Buffy was newly aware of how big Xander was. He dwarfed her small frame, looming over her with malevolent lust. The hyena spirit had quadrupled his strength and she was afraid that he might be too strong for her. He smiled at her, "Dangerous and mean, right? Like Angel. Your Mystery Guy. Well, guess who just got mean."

Xander growled at Buffy in low tones. "Do you know how long... I've waited... until you'd stop pretending that we aren't attracted..."

Buffy threw him off of her and got up to face him. He got up, too, and began to approach her as she backed away.

Xander looked predatory and dark, stalking her and continuing to talk. "Until Willow... stops kidding herself... that I could settle with anyone but you?"

Buffy looked skittish and trapped. "Look, Xander, I don't wanna hurt you..."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her brutally against the vending machine. His smile was the worst part of it. Xander's face was transformed by that evil sneer to something menacing and truly demonic. He slammed her hands up against the machine and ground himself into her again. "Now do you wanna hurt me?" he asked, still smiling.

Buffy struggled, but the possessed Xander was just too strong for her. He knew it and reveled in his power over her. She could feel his hard-on pressing insistently against her groin, and it frightened her even more. "Come on, Slayer. I like it when you're scared," he crooned, pressingd end enough to bruise her through their jeans with his rock-hard cock. She struggled against him and he held her arms pinned there as if it were easy. He leaned closer to her face and she was afraid he was going to kiss her. Instead he scented her, closing his eyes to savor the smell. "The more I scare you," he inhaled again, right next to her face, "the better you smell."

She didn't know if he was going to kiss her or bite her, but she got the feeling that it didn't much matter to him. He was completely in thrall to the animal possessing him and that animal was not gentle, Buffy knew. Xander pressed even harder against her and she spared a moment's thought to be grateful that he couldn't take his clothes off and hold both of her hands pinned against the machine. He moved in and kissed her roughly on the neck. His hot mouth opennd snd she felt his tongue lick at her skin before he bit down hard.

*

Buffy shuddered, remembering how hard it had been for her to look Xander in the eye after that. She'd had her Slayer powers for her entire young adult life. So she'd never really worried about rape, simply because she was able to overpower any man who'd even dream of doing that to her. Being at the mercy of a man was unsettling to say the least and she wondered sometimes how other women could stand it. Most vampires she met were minions, iesteested in biting her, not using her. And they feared her, not the other way round. Now she understood too well the damage rape did. Understood and wondered if she'd ever truly be rid of the pain it caused her.

Xander held a different power over Buffy, she knew. She needed him. He was her touchstone of safety. He'd saved her life countless times, just as she'd saved his. His opinion…his feelings mattered to her deeply. She trusted him. In many ways, he was the brother she'd always wanted but never had. Now, with her mother gone and her college life destroyed, now more than ever, Buffy needed her friends. How could she possibly tell Xander about the rape after what he'd seen tonight? He'd think that it was her fault. Maybe he was right. Maybe she hadn't fought hard enough. She was the Slayer. She should have been able to bounce back faster, should have been able to fight. And she hadn't. She'd let them use her and use her and use her.

Buffy tried to hold in the sobs that wracked her small frame, but couldn't. How could she believe Angel and Spike when they said it wasn't her fault? They were vampires. They had no morals, at least no human morals. They lived for sensation, for the kill, the feed, the sex.

A small, rational portion of Buffy knew that wasn't true. Knew that Angel and Spike cared, truly loved her somehow. But she also knew herself undeserving of that love. Dirty. Xander was right. She was dirty. A whore. This all must be her fault somehow. If it was her fault then she could prevent it next time. She could do something different, be in control. Fucking vampires wasn't the answer. Xander was right. The hateful word echoed through her head and she cried harder. *Whore!*

*

Xander knew that he'd hurt Buffy's feelings, but reasoned that she would understand how shocked he'd been to find her screwing not one but two vampires in the cemetery when he'd been on his way to help her patrol. Really, she should have known better. What was she thinking doing that out in the open like that. And letting Spike drink from her? He couldn't believe it when Willow told him that. It sounded like Buffy had gone off the deep end this summer after her mom died.

Xander avoided his parents with a passion that bordered on obsession. They were extremely angry drunks, at each other and at him. Had been since he was a kid. He'd learned quickly to get out of his dad's way or risk spending days trying to hide the bruises from his teachers and friends. Willow and Jesse were the only ones who knew about it. Part of his failure in school had been due to the days he'd spent ditching classes so that no one would see the marks on his face; his arms and legs.

His mom had punished his dad for his mistreatment by sleeping with as many different men as she could, returning each time to scream their names and attributes at her sodden husband in front of her little boy. Women couldn't be trusted, not really, Xander knew on a basic level. They would betray you. Not Willow, though. She was different. The only one he could really trust. She'd helped him hide for years, helped him pass tests that he could barely study for because the pain in his body and mind was too much for him to concentrate.

*My dirty little secret,* Xander thought bitterly. *At least I'm big enough now for him to think twice before he hits me. And work, any kind of work at all, gets me the hell out of this damn house.* He thumbed through the want ads and saw one for a basic construction worker. *Hey, I could do that,* he thought and marked it to call later. Anya was out somewhere, and he was really tired. It was getting light out, he saw, and time to sleep. He curled up in his bed and grimaced at the pain from his rebroken ribs. *Ha, Spike as Daddy, wonder what he'd think if I told him that,* Xander thought, groaning at the all-too familiar pain from the bruises and bones. *They're wrong, though. There are some things you never get used to…* He drifted off into a pain-wracked daze, praying for unconsciousness soon.

To be continued…