Complement

II - Little Earthquakes

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...yellow bird flying get shot in the wing ~ good year for hunters ~ and Christmas parties ~ and I hate and I hate and I hate and I hate elevator music ~ the way we fight ~ the way I'm left here silent ~ oh these little earthquakes ~ here we go again ~ these little earthquakes ~ doesn't take much to RIP us into pieces...
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She was still numb, still couldn't believe her Mom was actually gone.

'Why?'

How was she supposed to survive without her? How was she going to take care of Dawn? She was the one who was supposed to go first; the life expectancy of a Slayer was short at best. Who was going to take care of Dawn when she was gone? It was all too much; she couldn't think straight, she needed to get out of the house, and away from the ghosts that haunted her here. But she couldn't, she had to be here when Dawn came home. Could not leave her little sister alone with the ghosts that she knew haunted her too. She sat down on the couch and waited for her sister, staring into space, letting the numbness surround her. She jumped when the phone rang, and for a second wasn't even sure what the sound was.

"Hello?"

"Buffy." "Daw"Dawn. Where are you?" She looked at the clock and saw an hour had gone by while she was sitting on the couch. Where did it go? Where had she gone?

"I'm at the Magic Shop with Willow and Tara, canIstaytheirhousetonightplease." Dawn rushed out.

"Um, ah, sure, if you want to, I guess."

"You sure you'll be OK?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine, trt tot to drive Will and Tara crazy, 'K..."

"Ok....Bye."

"Dawn...Wait!"

"Yeah?"

"Love - You, be good. I'll see you tomorrow..."

"Me too, bye Buffy..." Before she even hung up the phone, Buffy felt the need to get out of the house bearing down on her again.
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She walked out into the too bright afternoon sun. She didn't have any particular destination in mind. Away was all she could think clearly. She wandered aimlessly, letting her feet take her where they willed. Two hours later, she blinked in surprise when she found herself standing outside of Angel's old basement apartment. Why here? She hadn't been here in a long time, too many bad memories and too many good.

She felt herself move forward, as if something was drawing her here. No, as if SOMEONE was drawing her here. She walked up to the door, stood on her tippy toes and felt for the key over the door. The key was still there and for some reason it didn't surprise her. She put the key in the lock, hesitated and as if against her will or perhaps a little afraid of what she might find inside, she unlocked the door.

She returned the key to its hiding spot, entered, closed and locked the door behind her. 'It looks the same,' she thought as she went from room to room running her hands lightly over everything in her path. Memories of her time spent here with Angel idly drifted through her mind.

She had only been in the apartment a few minutes when she heard a noise outside the door. The sound of a key being inserted into the lock was unmistakable.

'Oh shit!'

She quickly ran behind the Chinese Screen in the corner of the living room and hid. Who knew what might come through the door, this was the Hellmouth after all.

She heard someone - thing? - enter, her Slayer senses telling her immediately that it wasn't something demonic. Briefly, she thought she should reveal herself but immediately pushed the thought aside. Her Slayer instincts again? She listened as the person crossed the room, heard a click and music start to play softly. Gregorian Chants, god she hadn't heard them since Angel had lived here.

Silently Buffy moved to the side so she could see around the screen.

'Gotta love that Slayer stealth.'

The light in the apartment was dim as dusk settled upon Sunnydale. It was the time of the day that some called the tween hour, when it was neither day nor night. The hour when the veil between the mundane and magical was lifted and the two coexisted on the mortal plane.

Buffy was feeling the effects of the tween, there was something so surreal about all this. Here she was, the Slayer, hiding from what she could now tell was a woman standing by the fireplace. There was something eerily familiar about her Buffy thought as she lazily let her eyes roam over her.

She was dressed in a workout top and pants. Her long dark hair flowed out from unthe the bandana on her head. It fell softly onto painfully thin, but what Buffy saw, were well-muscled shoulders. Buffy's gaze traveled down the other woman's back and she could see her ribcage protruding through the skin of her back. Her eyes moved down to a waist that was far too thin, over softly rounded buttocks, to long legs. It was almost obscene all that muscle on such an emaciated body. How was it even possible to be both at the same time? The woman's skin glowed palely; she had the look of someone who hadn't seen sunlight in a very long time. Buffy couldn't help but wonder what could have befallen the woman to have caused such deterioration.

The woman began to move in what Buffy recognized as Tai Chi. The movements she was using were the ancient ones that were no longer taught, and known by only the oldest of the art's practitioners. As she watched her, she could see a blue silhouette begin to radiate from the woman - Her aura? The aura expanded and Buffy felt the tranquility, calm and peace that surrounded the woman, reach out and encompass her. She saw as the aura shimmered, the intensity of it begin to dim. The woman hesitated, her movements became jerky, and her body trembled. Buffy saw her freeze as her hands passed in front of her face. She saw her take a deep breath and within seconds, the young woman regained her focus. Buffy was once again surrounded, and cradled by the tranquility, calm and peace. The sight before her transfixed her, then the woman turned and Buffy gasped when she saw her face, the peace and tranquility shattered.

Faith turned quickly towards the screen her eyes flying open at the gasp. She knew, even before she saw her hiding there in the shadows, who it was. She had sensed her the minute she entered the apartment, but had brushed it off as her imagination. She knew from experience that no matter how much, how hard, you wished for something it very rarely came true.

For Faith, it had never come true.
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"B?" she whispered softly.

'What the fuck was she doing here? Ao, so, so fucking tranquil, serene, while MY world is falling apart around me,' Buffy raged silently.

Buffy stood and stepped out from behind the screen. Time stood still as the two Slayers stared at each other. Buffy was stunned again by how thin Faith was. Taken aback by her gaunt, but still beautiful face. By the calm, pain-filled haunted eyes. Her eyes trailed down to Faith's concave stomach and she saw the pale scar.

'The scar I gave her.'

She wanted, almost needed to reach out and gently caress away the scar, erasing the hurt, the pain she had caused.

Faith stared at Buffy, drinking, almost drowning in the sight of her when she stepped from behind the screen. She watched as Buffy's eyes were drawn as if against her will to the knife scar on her abdomen. The constant reminder of Buffy that Faith would always carry with her. The constant reminder of the Faith that she never wanted to be again. Faith wanted to cover the scar. Wanted to say it was all right, that she was five by five, but the words failed her. She saw Buffy raise her head to look at her and once again felt herself falling into those amazing eyes.

Buffy stared into the eyes of her one time friend, and her now enemy? Her emotions ran the gamut, pain, regret, sorrow, remorse, hate, all there, all mixed up. She saw Faith take a hesitant step towards her, her hand reaching out as if to touch her.

"B?" she said again, breaking the spell.

All the emotions Buffy was feeling were replaced by an icy coldness at Faith's hesitant step. She launched a flying kick at her, catching Faith squarely in the chest and knocking her to the floor. She heard Faith's head crack against the floor. She jumped on top of her and began pummeling her. She was ranting, screaming, cursing Faith, cursing god, and cursing the world as tears flowed down her face. Her punches fell but there was no real power behind them.

Faith moaned in pain as her head hit the floor.

'Fuck, why always my head? I'm gonna be brain dead if this keeps up.'

A hysterical giggle almost escaped her at the absurdity of that thought given the seriousness of the situation.

'Shit my head must have hit harder than I thought.'

She was stunned she hadn't expected Buffy to attack her. Attacking first, asking questions later had been her style not Buffy's.

'FUCK, B's not supposed to know I'm here FUCKFUCKFUCK.'

Faith's instincts were yelling at her to knock Buffy off her, but she ignored them. There was a small part of her that believed she deserved this. Payback for all the pain she had caused Buffy. So Faith remained unmoving and let the other Slayer take it all out on her. Her own silent tears joined that of the golden-haired Slayer.

Buffy kept pummeling Faith, until there was nothing left but the overwhelming grief. She rolled off Faith and fell to her side on the floor, wrapping her arms around herself, the sobs coming from the depths of her soul. She cried for everything, for everyone lost to her, for the ones she couldn't save, for herself, for Faith, for her Mom, for the pointlessness of it all.

"God I'm so alone." She whispered aloud, unknowingly.

Faith cautiously moved next to the sobbing Slayer. She reached out tentatively and with care gathered Buffy into her arms. At first Buffy resisted her, then turned and buried herself deeper into Faith's arms. Faith whispered words of comfort to her, letting her know she was safe, not alone, never alone. She tightened her arms around Buffy as she continued to sob.

Faith never wanted to let her go, wanted to keep her safe forever. Oh god she knew what it was like to be in this much pain, and her heart was quietly breaking for the golden-haired Slayer.

Buffy's sobs tapered off slowly. Feeling safe for the first time in god only knew how long, her body exhausted, she drifted off to sleep.

Faith heard as her sobs gradually stop, her breathing become even and steady. Knew she had fallen to sleep. She gazed down at her as she rested in her arms. Had Buffy opened her eyes at that moment she would have been amazed at the depth of love coming from the eyes that looked upon her. Eyes that kept that love hidden away until there was no around to see it.

Bit by bit Faith inched herself and Buffy backwards, closer to the fireplace. She leaned back, still cradling Buffy in her arms. She gently brushed away the tears from Buffy's face. Then soothingly stroked her golden hair. Her fingers tracing a path delicately along Buffy's jawbone. She inhaled deeply the scent that was uniquely Buffy, letting it fill her senses. She then leaned down and softly kissed the other Slayer's forehead. Her own tears still fell silently, for Buffy, for herself. For what had been lost, all that could never be, until she too joined the other Slayer in sleep.
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Buffy drifted up from sleep as the sun was just beginning its assent in the morning sky. She snuggled deeper into the warmth of the arms that surrounded her. She raised sleep-laden eyes to the face of the woman who held her so loving, held her so safe. She looked so innocent, so young in her sleep. Buffy reached up and tenderly stroked the cheek of the Rogue Slayer. She couldn't remember ever feeling this safe, not even with Angel.

She noticed the tear tracks on the other Slayer's cheeks. Maybe she had changed.

'And maybe there was no such thing as vampires,' came the unbidden thought.

This was Faith, the same Faith who had tried to destroy her life, the same Faith who had threatened her Mom. Her Mom who had never hurt a fly, who now lay dead and buried. It echoed in her mind. 'The same Faith who had threatened Mom, HER MOM!' With that echoed thought came rage, an all consuming rage.

Crazily it suddenly all became Faith's fault. Maybe if she hadn't gone to the dark side, had stayed here where she belonged. Had been here to help share the Slayer burden, Buffy could have spent more time with her Mom. Could have seen what was happening, could have stopped it. Had Faith done all that then maybe Buffy's Mom would still be alive. The thought that she was laying in the arms of Faith, who, was in her mind now the one to blame, safe and warm, while her Mom lay in the cold embrace of the ground sickened Buffy. She sat up and flung herself away from Faith. The same hand that had been just tenderly caressing Faith's face drew back and viciously bitch-slapped her.

Faith instinctively curled herself into a ball to protect herself the instant the blow registered in her mind. She started trembling, waiting for the next to fall. What the fuck happened? One minute she had been having the most wonderful dream. She had been holding Buffy in her arms, had felt her warmth, felt her snuggling deeper in her embrace; it had seemed so real. The next minute she was being hit. What had she done to piss off the guards again?

'Guards? Wait! Jail?'

She wasn't in jail anymore! She hadn't been dreaming, it had been real, Buffy had been in her arms! Faith could almost still feel her there. The reality of who had just struck her was like being struck all over again, only this time the impact was more painful than any physical blow could ever be.

Buffy flinched when she saw Faiths reaction to the slap.

'God what happened to her in jail?'

As quickly as the sympathy rose in her for the Dark Slayer, Buffy squashed it. The icy coldness from the night before settled around her again. Its numbing effect seduced and comforted her. Her anger was righteous, she thought wildly. She looked down at Faith without emotion, almost clinically, and saw how her bottom lip trembled in an effort to keep the tears from escaping from her eyes.

Those eyes that were filled with so much hurt, so much pain and... and... and... love?...NO! Filled with pain and hurt Buffy had caused.

'FUCK THAT!!!'

Buffy chose not to believe what she was seeing. After all, she had firsthand experience at how good an actress Faith was. 'What that stupid expression,' Buffy thought, 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.' And reaffirmed to herself, 'I'm no fool!'

Faith looked up at Buffy; it was taking all her energy not to cry. But try as she might she couldn't keep the hurt out of her eyes. She didn't recognize the woman standing in front of her. This wasn't the Buffy she knew. No, she thought sadly this wasn't B, she was more Dark Faith, than B. She had been expecting anger from Buffy; she knew she deserved her anger. She also knew grief did strange things to people, made them act strange, react strange, but in her wildest dreams, she never expected this. She felt a shiver go up the back of her neck, making her hair stand on end, as she looked up into Buffy's cold, hate-filled eyes.

"Bu..."

"DON'T! DON'T say a fucking word. What game are you playing now? How are you planning on hurting me this time, huh Faith, huh tell ME!!" Buffy screeched.

"I would never h hhhur.."

"What, wouldn't hurt me, is that what you were going to say? That you're here to help. Turned over a new leaf, is that it? So I should just forgive and forget. Was that how you were going to play it? Set me up, figured you had an edge, since I'm all alone, no Angel, no Riley. Try to sedu..- what? - t-t-take advantage of me. Figured it'd be easy. Well FUCK YOU! Not going to work! You're nothing! You're Disgusting! You Murderous bitch! So crawl back to whatever gutter you came from you skanky whore, and leave me ALONE!!" Buffy shrieked at Faith. Her body trembling from the rage, her fists clenched at her side.

She watched with cold unbelieving eyes as tears silently fell from the Rogue Slayer's eyes.

"Tears Faith, for me, I'm touched." Buffy said, smiling cruelly. "I think you missed your R-E-A-L calling, you should have been an actress. Almost believable. Nice touch though..." she sneered.

"Buffy.............I'm sor..." Faith stammered...

"I

T O L D

Y O U

I F

Y O U

E V E R

T R I E D

T O

A P O L O G I Z E

I

W O U L D

B E A T

Y O U

T O

D E A T H."

Buffy hissed slowly venom dripping from each word, as she raised her clenched fists poising them to strike.

Faith raised her hands up in self-defense. Fear streaked through her, then she just let it go. It was almost as if someone else was pulling the strings, as if some outside force was making them reenact the past. Faith dropped her hands with a sigh of what was a kind of relief. Relief that it would all finally play out, like it should have played out all those months ago. She heard herself say quietly.

"Go ahead..." and then retreated deep into the recesses of her mind.

Back to the place she knew so well as a child. Now, like all those years ago, there would be no Angel to stop the blows that were to come.

Faith closed her eyes and awaited her fate at Buffy's hands.
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Buffy saw the fear flash in Faith's eyes. She saw Faith through a red rai raise up her hands to defend herself, only to lower them with a sigh of relief.

'Relief?'

She saw as the light went out of Faith's eyes as she retreated. She saw it wasn't behind Faith's usual wall of indifference, but instead into a state of resigned acceptance, into a sort of nothingness.

The words Faith whispered an echo from the past, in this macabre game that Fate seemed to be playing with them. Only this time there was no Angel to stop Buffy. She watched, as if it were a dream, as Faith calmly closed her eyes, and as her own fists started to descend.
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Fate continued to play its surreal game with them. Buffy heard Angel in her mind, as clearly as if he were whispering in her ear.

'This is not gonna happen...I know Faith did some bad things to you...And you can't possibly know what she's going through...'

The voice changed as he trailed off and now it was Faith's raspy voice whispering to her from the past.

'You have no idea what it's like on the other side! Where nothing's in control, nothing makes sense! There is just pain and hate and nothing you do means anything. You can't even...'

"Understand, is that what you were going to say Faith?" Buffy quietly whispered.

'I can, I can, Faith,' she thought as her fists fell harmlessly to her side. 'I so can understand. Right now, right here I can,' and the horror of what she had almost just done turned her stomach. She had been completely out of control, blaming Faith for everything that was wrong in her life. Blaming her for her own mistakes. Trying to force on her, her own guilt. Blaming her irrationally for her Mom's death. Her anger was justified. Just as Faith's would be justified. They had both made mistakes, each paying the price in a different way.

But kill her? Killing Faith would be like killing a part of herself.

'Kill Faith, how could I kill her I looo... what? OHFUCK! I CAN'T do this not now nothere notever!'

It was all too much, Buffy was on overload. It was staggering; she couldn't handle any more, the grief, seeing Faith, the, the, the...

Buffy looked into Faiths eyes, and for a brief second she let what she truly felt for her show. Then she turned and fled the apartment.
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Faith opened her eyes warily when the blows didn't come. She watched Buffy; her head was cocked to one side as if she were leaning in listening to someone whisper in her ear. Faith concentrated, she took a deep breath and let all of her Slayer senses free. Almost, almost, she could swear she heard Angel's words from the past. She looked intently into Buffy's eyes, and she knew what was happening behind those eyes. That night, the words, were permanently etched upon her mind. For a brief moment Faith could swear, that when Buffy had gazed down so intensely at her she saw love for her in Buffy's eyes. Then she was gone running out into the early morning light.

Running, just like Faith had always run. It was ironic, it was sad, it was almost funny, in a very twisted fucked up way.
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...we danced in graveyards ~ with vampires till dawn ~ we laughed in the faces of kings ~ never afraid to burn ~ and I hate and I hate and I hate and I hate disintegration ~ watching us wither ~ black winged roses that safely changed their COLOR ! I can't reach you I can't reach you ~ give me life ~ give me pain ~ give me myself again ~ Tori Amos
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Continued in Chapter III - Halo