Passion On Prom Night

CHAPTER THREE;
SONG; CRY - RIHANNA

They parted from one another in silence. They dressed in silence. Neither of them knew what to say. They had held onto each other for what felt like hours when really it had just been moments. Cordelia had been the first to move by slowly un-wrapping her legs and shifting back, causing Xander’s member to depart from her warm sheath. Xander seemed to take that as a hint and rather than stumble around awkward conversation, he’d taken a step back and pulled his boxers back up around his hips, followed by his trousers. His shirt had never actually been removed, just unbuttoned and while Cordelia slipped off of the desk, legs weak and shaking, he began to button them back up slowly, refusing eye contact. His previous dominance had dissolved rather quickly and now he felt just as vulnerable and uncomfortable as she did. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to reach forward and hold. He wanted to turn around and leave. He didn’t know what he wanted and nor did she.

When she left the room, arms wrapped around her chest and thong back on, Xander didn’t follow her immediately. He remained where he was, pretending to be focused on doing up his tie when really he was just staring ahead at the desk, remembering what they had been doing just moments before, the stench of their arousals still thick in the air. He could hear Cordelia shuffling around back in the library, slipping back into the expensive dress that he had bought her – the very same dress that had gotten them into this mess in the first place. Did this mean he and Cordelia were getting back together? He had wanted that for so long and then he had started to give up hope. The relationship between him and Cordelia had caused him stress, grief, irritation...but it had also caused him excitement, joy, happiness. She had been his stability – his gorgeous and very demanding stability. Yet, it hadn’t been enough for him apparently because he’d wanted Willow as well. Deciding not to get lost in unhappy thoughts, he finished doing his tie and tugged his collar done, turning and moving out of Giles’ office, making a mental note to go back and tidy it before he left.

When he re-entered the library, he caught sight of Cordelia already dressed, though one of her straps was hanging off her shoulder rather than resting neatly on it where he had torn it. She was sat at the table that they usually sat down for their meetings; the table he’d been sat at when she first arrived. Her face as hidden in her hands and she wasn’t exactly glowing like most people did after sex. His mouth felt dry as he shuffled nervously on his feet, biting down on his lower lip. Several times he opened his mouth but closed it seconds later like a fish out of water. Finally, he spoke, taking a step forward as he did. “So...you know, when we had back to the prom, do you...well, I was thinking maybe we could....dance and...and talk – “ He was stuttering slightly, feeling stupid. He felt nervous asking her to dance after just having sex with her; how lame was that?

“Don’t.” Cordelia interrupted, looking up at him. She looked tired and withdrawn and...was that a shimmer of regret he could see in her eyes? Well that was a stab at his ego.

“Don’t what?” Xander asked, a nervous and innocent smile breaking out on his face, his eyes shifting from side to side. “I was just – “

“Don’t act like everything is okay.” Cordelia finished, pushing herself up to her feet, shrugging the ripped strap back up on her shoulder before smoothing her hands over her stomach, trying to decrease her dress.

“Isn’t it?” Xander asked, tilting his head to one side. He looked confused and currently resembled a wounded puppy dog. He wasn’t sure what he had done wrong. She had told him she wanted this; he had been gentleman enough to check in the first place! He lifted one hand, rubbing it across his face, before letting it fall back down to his side. “I mean, it seemed okay back in there...was it not okay?” He asked and it was obvious that his last question was him trying to figure out if he had really been that bad in bed – or in this case, on the desk.

Cordelia couldn’t help but smile lightly as the insecurities he was showing. “It was okay back in there.” She reassured him with a nod, cheeks flushing slightly as she remembered the way he had made her moan, made her shudder, made her come. “It was better than okay; it was...wow.” She couldn’t really think of a word to describe it really. She had also known sex would be good, but...she just hadn’t really expected that, even if she did have an aching throb now.

Xander grinned like an idiot when she said this and he took a couple of steps towards her, however, she took two steps back. He stopped and frowned. “Then what’s the problem?” He demanded.

Cordelia closed her eyes and hung her head, counting to five before reopening her lids and looking back up at him. “Xander; this isn’t going to work. What happened in there was...amazing, but...it can’t happen again. We can’t happen again.” She lifted one hand and ran her fingers through knotted hair, trying to tame it, her eyes looking anywhere but at him, not wanting to see the hurt expression on his face. God; she hated the fact he made her feel guilty. She shouldn’t feel guilty. He had hurt her first; he had cheated on her. He had shown that he had no respect for her or their relationship. He had turned her into the mess she was now. This was all his fault damnit, why did she feel guilty? Her hand dropped away from her hair and she finally made direct eye contact with him, staring at him but before she could speak, he did.

“Oh right. I get it.” He spat out bitterly, shaking his head in disbelief. “Cordelia Chase can’t lower herself to date a loser for a second time so she uses him one night then discards him like yesterday’s beef jerky, right?” He commented. Damn; why did every woman he slept with discard him afterwards? Did nobody want him to stick around for round two?

Cordelia looked almost hurt by his words, but they also triggered anger. “It’s not like that!” She snapped.

“Oh no? Then what is it like? You want to keep your dignity until after graduation, like you said earlier? Don’t want to ruin that little bit of popularity you’ve managed to save? Oh wait; let me guess, you still want to give it a go with Watcher boy and I was just convenient for the night, huh?” Xander was being rude and he knew it, but he was angry and not to mention rejected.

“Maybe it’s because you broke my heart and now I can’t look at you without remembering what you did, moron!” Cordelia’s voice was suddenly louder than it had been before and she glared at him with a look that could kill.

Xander stared at her for a few moments, before looking away. “Well, your broken heart didn’t seem to mind much when we were – “

“My body wants you, Xander. I want you.” Cordelia interrupted him. “I think a part of me always will. Our whole relationship...it was built around this burning desire that we had. There was so much sexual tension and lust between us. And – “

“Oh; so you figure if you get it out your system, you can graduate and move on with your life? Forget about me?” Xander asked.

“Yes.” Cordelia answered, not even bothering to defend herself. Xander looked shocked that he was actually right. “Don’t you think I deserve to? Forget, I mean. I want to forget. I want to forget the way you used to make me smile, I want to forget the way I used to turn to butter every time I looked at you or you touched me...I want to forget everything and I was able to do that when I was angry at you. I hated you after seeing you with Willow. I was so mad...and my anger helped me forget all these mushy and stupid feelings that I had! And then you had to go and buy me some stupid dress and I couldn’t hate you anymore!” She cursed herself for allowing tears to well up in her eyes.

Xander seemed speechless for a few moments. Once again, his mouth opened and shut several times and when he saw the tears threatening to fall, he actually had to look away for a few moments. Cordelia had always acted so tough; like a brick wall that could never be broken. He never actually understood just how hurtful his actions with Willow had been. He’d never understood how wrong he had been. Slowly, he turned to look at her and shrugged his shoulders in defeat. “I’m sorry.” He murmured. “I’m sorry, okay? But...but that’s in the past. I would never hurt you again, Cordelia. What else do you want me to say? I want you, you want me. I want to make this work. I want to make you happy and make you melt...I don’t want to forget. If we both want each other then...what else is there? What else could you possibly need to convince you, Cordelia?”

Cordelia stared at him, before shaking her head in disbelief. “You don’t get it, do you?” She looked away before sighing. “What else is there?” She repeated. She considered it for a few moments, rubbing her lips together before shrugging. “How about ‘trust’? How about the fact that every time I look at you and her, I wonder if something is still going on? If Miss I’m-So-Innocent isn’t as innocent as she makes out? Or the hard truth being that even if you’re not doing it with her, I’ll always wonder if you’re doing it with someone else?”

Xander had nothing to say. He hung his head in shame and brought his arms up to fold over his chest, refusing to look at her, refusing to look anywhere, just staring at his feet as he listened to her shaky voice. He wanted to rewind time; go back to when he was holding her in his arms. “Okay. So if that’s how you feel, why tonight? Why let it happen?” He asked, looking back at her. “Was that just a bit of fun?”

“No. It was goodbye.” Cordelia told him honestly. “And...it was thank you.”

Xander laughed coldly. “Great; I buy a girl a dress and she prostitutes herself to me for the night. I should splash my cash about more often. Hey; here’s a wacky idea, what would you do if I bought you a car?”

Cordelia didn’t bother to defend herself. She blinked away the tears and looked away, licking her lower lip in nerves. “That’s not fair, Xander.”

“Yeah? I’m getting the feeling a lot of things aren’t fair right now.” Xander hissed back through gritted teeth. Cordelia opened her mouth, ready to say something else, but she was interrupted by the sound of the library doors opening.

“Cordelia – there you are. Everyone’s been looking all over for you, they just announced you as...” The sound of Willow’s voice trailed away as she noticed Xander was also in the library and how tense the atmosphere around them was. “Uh...is everything...okay? You two crazy kids didn’t happen to get attacked by prom-destroying dogs did you?” She questioned, assuming the worst had happened.

Cordelia slowly turned her head to gaze at Willow and watched her for a few moments, before shaking her head. One hand lifted and she brushed underneath her eyes, attempting to clean herself up. “No; nothing like that. Everything’s fine. I just felt a bit dizzy so I came in here for a bit of quiet. Xander was just being his usual annoying self and hiding from demon bitch – oh sorry, Anya.” She rolled her eyes and the old Cordelia seemed to return instantly. The tough, sarcastic one that didn’t care; the one that couldn’t be broken or hurt. “So; what’s up? Why is everyone looking for me?”

Willow didn’t look convinced – for a start, Cordelia’s dress was ripped and Xander’s tuxedo jacket was on the floor, rather than on him. Her eyes flickered back and forth on both of them and she noticed the way Xander flinched and clenched his fists when Cordelia spoke, though he remained silent. Clearing her throat, Willow decided not to question and looked at Cordelia. “They just announced you as prom queen.”

Cordelia lifted her eyebrows; she’d expected to be more excited than this, but she felt nothing. She felt empty after her encounter with Xander in all honesty. Therefore, rather than screeching and jumping up and down with joy, she merely shrugged her shoulders. “Well duh. Of course they did; who else was going to win it?” She scoffed. “No need to sound so desperate. It’s always good to keep the adoring crowd waiting for something like this, but of course, you’ll never know that unless they start giving out awards for ‘worst fashion sense of the year’, huh? Although, I heard they were doing something like that in the year book so fingers crossed, huh?”

“Hey!” Xander finally spoke up, automatically jumping to Willow’s defence. Cordelia’s head snapped in his direction and she stared at him. Xander recoiled as he realized he had just proven everything Cordelia had said moments ago when they had been on their own. Willow would always come first, even if he didn’t like it. Even if he didn’t feel for her like that anymore. She was his best friend and he would always put her before Cordelia and Cordelia would never be able to accept that due to the past.

“Sorry. I forget losers stick together and all.” Cordelia muttered, rolling her eyes and beginning to walk, moving towards the exit. “Especially you two...” She muttered as she moved past Willow and Willow’s eyes widened in shock and offence. Cordelia said nothing more; she pushed the doors open and moved through them, however on her way out, both Xander and Willow was certain they heard a noise that sounded similar to a sob.

Cordelia and Xander didn’t speak of their passionate night ever again. They continued like normal, insulting each other and bickering like a married couple, driving everyone around them insane. They graduated with a big bang, both managing to survive and they both moved on with their lives. Cordelia moved away, heading to a new life in LA. She moved away from Sunnydale, from the Hellmouth and Xander Harris and thanks to that night, she was finally able to start forgetting properly. Xander never quite forget. Every now and then, he would look back and he would be filled with regret. He regretted screwing things up in the first place. He regretted hurting Cordelia. He regretted ever buying her that darn dress.


THE END.