That Could've Been Me

Chapter Three: Anger

“What’s a Hellmouth?” asked Maggie. “Or do I want to know?”

“It is the center of mystical energy in this town,” answered Giles, walking into the room. “It tends to attract demons and practitioners of black magic. The Spanish who first settled here called it Boca Del Infierno -- roughly translated: Hellmouth.”

Willow smiled at Maggie. “Demons are always trying use the Hellmouth to cook up something. An apocalypse or whatever.”

“Oh,” said Maggie weakly. “I realize now, that I didn’t want to know any of that.”

“What did the Tweed Collective have to say?” asked Buffy.

“Well, using Faith’s information about Kakistos’ henchmen, they were able to determine that he is in fact headed towards Sunnydale and will probably be here by tomorrow.”

Buffy glanced at Faith who had turned pale. “Is there some good news to go with that?” she asked.

“The Council is pleased that you’ve decided to return, Buffy. And they think it’s good that Faith is here. Kakistos has been ravaging the land for far too long. We’re quite optimistic that two slayers can actually get rid of him once and for all.”

“So, do we have a battle plan yet?” asked Buffy clearing her place at the table and taking the dishes to the sink.

“I think you should try slaying him,” he answered sardonically.

“Ha ha. Don’t you have any watcher wisdom to impart?”

“Buffy,” said Willow sounding surprised. “You used the word ‘impart’ correctly in a sentence. I’m so proud of you.”

“Been workin’ on extendin’ the vocab,” she answered with a grin.

“As grateful as I am at your efforts to discontinue slaying the English language, could we perhaps return to the matter at hand?” Giles looked exasperated.

“Hey,” said Buffy, still smiling, “you started it, makin’ with the sarcasm. ‘I think you should try slaying him,’” she mocked with a bad English accent.

“Yes, yes,” he waved away the truth of her statement. “I think your constant barrage of sarcasm and insolence grants me the right to a few remarks of my own.” His eyes twinkled a bit as he feigned irritation.

Buffy got serious. “Should we start with training and sparring or briefing?”

Giles regarded Faith for a moment. “As much as it may pain you,” he said, “we need as much information as we can get. We’ll start with a question and answer period before you train and spar.” Faith swallowed and nodded.

===========

The two slayers faced each other as they circled around the mat. Buffy was a little out of shape from her no-slay summer but Faith still wasn’t getting many punches through. Her briefing with Giles still occupied her thoughts. In actuality, it was the memory of Kakistos’ laughter as she ran away from the horrifying scene of her watcher’s painful, bloody demise. His booming, gleeful laughter ran on a repeating loop in her head.

Buffy noticed openings that Faith was exposing. *Wait for it…wait for it…There!* Buffy swept Faith’s feet out from under her and pinned her to the mat.

“That took entirely too long, Buffy,” said Giles from his place on the sideline.

She stopped staring into Faith’s eyes and turned to answer her watcher. “Yeah well, I’ve only been to one hell dimension this summer. I guess I’m a little rusty.” She stood and offered a hand to Faith.

“Do you know why Buffy was able to get past your defenses?” asked Giles in his best stern watcher voice.

“Yeah,” she said ruefully. “I caught myself dropping my guard a little too late. Until Kakistos, the vampires I’ve been fighting are pretty crappy fighters.”

“Yeah,” agreed Buffy. “How are you supposed to become a better fighter if everyone around you sucks?” She crouched into a fighting stance and beckoned to the younger slayer. “You ready for some more, Grasshopper?”

Faith shook out her hands and arms and nodded. Buffy lunged at her and a fierce exchange of fists and elbows ensued.

“To answer your question, Buffy,” said Giles, raising his voice to be heard above the grunts and blows of the girls, “you’re supposed to listen to your watcher.”

“Watcher words are all fine and good but there is no substitute—.” She paused to swat away another flurry of Faith’s fists. Finding yet another opening, she grabbed one of Faith’s wrists and neatly twisted, toppling her face first to the mat with her arm behind her back. “—for kissing mat. Is there Faith?”

Faith yelled wordlessly with anger and humiliation and frustration as she struggled against Buffy’s hold. Buffy grinned at Faith’s show of anger.

Maggie rushed into the room at the sound of her daughter’s distress. When she saw Buffy holding her down and twisting her arm, she started for the sparring pair. Giles quickly grabbed her around the waist and held her fast. “Not a good idea,” he said quietly.

Buffy spotted Maggie struggling against Giles. “Oh look,” she taunted Faith, “your mommy’s here to save you.” Faith struggled harder.

“Let go of me, you bitch!” growled Faith.

“Such language from mommy’s little girl!” teased Buffy, gleefully.

With another forceful yell, Faith yanked herself free of Buffy’s hold and planted a brutal kick into the older slayer’s ribs, knocking her down.

Popping back up, Buffy bounced on her toes as she circled Faith. That kick cracked a couple of ribs and hurt like a sonofabitch but there was no way in hell Buffy was gonna let her see that. Not yet anyway. “Not bad, Grasshopper.”

Faith was prowling about the mat staring at Buffy with angry eyes as she shook out her twisted arm.

Giles was reassuring Maggie. “See? Your daughter can hold her own. Let Buffy continue the training session.”

“Training? What kind of—.”

“Shh. Just watch.”

Giles’ confident tone quieted her for the time being and she watched the two slayers fight.

Buffy stopped the verbal taunts and was fending off a flurry of punches and jabs, her ribs giving a twinge every time she moved her left arm. The slayer in Faith noticed Buffy favoring her left side. At the first opportunity she jabbed her in the ribs. Buffy barked in pain and backed up a few steps. Faith advanced, pressing her advantage.

“Yeah, that’s it. C’mon slayer,” Buffy goaded. “How ‘bout I beat you down in front of your mom?”

Faith charged. But it was a sloppy charge and Buffy grabbed both of her wrists and flung her across the room to crash against the wall.

Again, Giles had to hold Maggie back as Faith extricated herself from the tangle of equipment that was knocked down during her flight. Shaking with rage, Faith headed for Buffy.

“HOLD!” shouted Giles. Both slayers stopped in their tracks. “I believe it’s time for a break.”

Buffy wasted no more time. As her breathing calmed from her exertions she asked, “The first time I pinned you, why were you distracted? What were you thinking about?” Buffy’s questioning gaze fixed on Faith.

Faith frowned. She was still breathing hard from the workout and her emotions. Finally, she mumbled, “Mary. I was thinking about Mary.”

“Bullshit.” Faith snapped her head around to glare at Buffy. She continued, “Thinking about your dead watcher isn’t gonna keep you from seeing a basic sweep coming from a mile away. What were you really thinking about?”

There was silence as everybody waited for Faith’s answer. Her eyes darted around and then filled with tears.

“C’mon little girl,” said Buffy sounding exasperated. “Quit the waterworks and answer the question.”

Maggie came to her daughter’s defense. “Leave her be. Can’t you see that she’s grieving?” She struggled against Giles’ hold but he wouldn’t relent.

“Butt out, Mom,” said Buffy heatedly.

“You leave my mom alone!” shouted Faith, her voice breaking a little.

“Answer the damn question! What were you thinking about?!”

“Kakistos!” Faith shouted finally. “His laugh. Kakistos’s laugh.”

“Why was that so hard to say?” Her voice was gentler. “What are you leaving out?”

“I was afraid,” she whispered finally. “I’m afraid and I don’t know if I can even face him again.”

“You don’t have to,” said Maggie desperately.

“Yes she does, Maggie,” answered Buffy, her voice quiet and dangerous. She turned back to Faith. “What were you thinking when I was mashing your face into the mat?”

Faith stared at Buffy in confusion. The answer was so obvious. “I got pissed off.”

“And how did that change your fighting?”

“I got sloppy.”

“Not at first. Think about it, Faith. Before you let your anger control you, you pulled out of my hold and kicked me in the ribs. Then, you noticed me favoring my left side and took advantage. After that, I poked you some more and then you got a little sloppy.”

Buffy could see the gears turning in Faith’s mind as she processed this information. “How do you think I lasted this long as a slayer? I didn’t have a watcher until after I was called. Most of my training was ‘on the job’ so to speak. I survived because I know how to use my anger. When you got pissed off, what happened to your fear?”

Faith didn’t answer. She didn’t need to.

Seeing the realization on Faith’s face, Buffy answered for her. “That’s right. You use anger to get past your fear. After that, you have to learn to control your anger. Do you get it now?”

She nodded. “I think so.”

“Good, ‘cause my ribs hurt like a motherf--. Umm. Like hell. I think you cracked a couple of ‘em.”

“I’m sorry,” mumbled Faith.

“Don’t be sorry. Think of it as proof. Proof that you can fight this guy and win.” She looked at Giles who had finally released Maggie. “I need to nap. Let my ribs heal before patrol tonight.” He nodded.

“I’ll continue training Faith. I think she should patrol with you tonight. We’ll discuss a plan of attack against Kakistos tomorrow morning.”

===========

“Your mom is a really good cook,” said Buffy. They were strolling through the seedier industrial section of Sunnydale near the freeway.

“Yeah. Mom cooks when she gets anxious. She cooks a lot. Sometimes she’s a little high strung.”

“I guess these last couple of days have been a little hard on her, huh?”

Faith gave a short humorless laugh.

“What’s so funny?” asked Buffy.

“Nothing. There’s nothing funny about this.” Faith took a deep breath and stopped walking. “Buffy, I’m so scared I can hardly see straight. I’m turning sixteen next month and I’m afraid I gonna be killed before that!”

“Fear is a fabulous adrenalin booster right before you get pissed off. You’re not gonna die, Faith. You’ve already proved that. This next battle with khaki-trousers may be the time you kill his ass. Maybe not. You may have to run again. That’s fine, too. As long as you remember the first rule:--,”

“Don’t die. Yeah, I remember.”

“Good. Stick with me, kid. You’ll be fine. You’ve got a vicious kick, y’know. My ribs still hurt.”

“I’m so—,”

“Don’t apologize, dammit! A little love tap like that isn’t gonna keep me down. I can take a beating. I’ve been beat up worse than that in my time. Shit, I’ve even been drowned once and that didn’t keep me down.”

“What was that like? Dying I mean.”

“It pissed me off. Then I kicked some vampire ass and I felt much better.”

Faith laughed a genuine laugh this time and Buffy’s heart beat a little faster at the sound of it. “So you’re turnin’ sixteen in a month, huh? That’s good. Now I don’t feel—,” *like such a perv. Fuck!* I almost said that out loud! “umm, so old,” she finished awkwardly.

Faith didn’t seem to notice Buffy’s discomfort. “Yeah,” she said sarcastically, “sweet sixteen.”

“Ah yes. Cynicism at the ripe old age of sixteen. You’re a slayer alright.”

As they turned the corner Buffy caught sight of a few men standing in front of an old warehouse, usually abandoned. She put her arm out to block Faith from walking out into the open. They ducked back around just as one of the men looked in their direction. “You feel that?” whispered Buffy, referring to the vamp cramps in her gut.

“Yeah,” breathed Faith.

Buffy peeked around and saw five vampires standing around a black limo. One of them matched Faith’s description of Mr. Trick. “I think your boy arrived a few hours early,” she whispered to Faith.

“Kakistos is here?!” she asked in a panicked whisper.

“Don’t know for sure but his little buddy Mr. Trick is here.”

“If Mr. Trick is here then Kakistos is here. Shit!” She looked at Buffy. “What are we gonna do?”

“Well, first we need to be sure that what’s-his-face is actually here. So, we’re gonna sneak around, spy-like, and peer in some windows until we spot’im. Then we’ll decide from there. Got it?”

Faith swallowed nervously and nodded, “Got it.”

A few minutes later, Buffy was standing on Faith’s shoulders looking through a dirt encrusted window at a group of people. One of them was quite a bit bigger than the others but he had his back turned. “I think I spotted him but I can’t see his face. He’s big right?”

“Oh yeah,” Faith answered from below.

Buffy hopped to the ground. “I wanna hear what they’re talking about,” she said as she prowled the perimeter. Faith followed, her eyes darting about in fear. When Buffy found a side door she opened it and peeked in. Finding it unguarded, she sidled in with Faith a step behind.

The warehouse was dark and dusty with piles of old, rotting building materials laying around. The two slayers had no trouble finding a hiding place. Kakistos’ booming voice was easily heard inside the building.

“Now, where is my slayer? Where is Faith?” he asked looking at Mr. Trick.

Buffy felt Faith trembling as she pressed against her in their hiding place.

“She is here but it will take some time to find her,” answered Mr. Trick sounding unruffled by his intimidating master. Kakistos growled low and menacing. “I’m already on it,” Mr. Trick added hastily. “I’ve sent out the team out to survey the town. If we hadn’t left in such a hurry, I would’ve had time to lay some groundwork. It’ll take some time to gather enough locals and set up shop.”

“I don’t care about any of that,” growled Kakistos. “I just want Faith to play with before I pull out her still-beating heart and eat it!” The last few words were shouted and Mr. Trick nodded sagely pursing his lips as he thought.

“Sooo,” he started, “you don’t want to take in a show tonight?”

The ancient vampire sighed. “No. Light and shadow theater is not sufficient amusement while The Slayer is still breathing.” He twisted his “hands” as if her were crushing something. “Rrrrrrr!” he growled. “I want to crush her head until her brain matter is oozing onto my hands! I want to—.”

“Cut it out, man!” complained Trick. “You’re makin’ me hungry.”

“Enough of your insolence!” shouted Kakistos. “I tire of your incessant banter!”

Listening to the huge vampire fantasize about Faith’s gruesome death was getting on Buffy’s nerves. *He’s goin’ down. Tonight.* Buffy led Faith back out into the less scary alley. “We’re gonna hit’im tonight,” she said grimly with no preamble.

Instant panic flared brightly in Faith’s gut. “What?! No! That’s stupid! We need to go to Giles first!”

“No.” Buffy was firm. “We need to do this now. Right now. We’re never gonna get a better opportunity than now.” Faith was starting to hyperventilate but Buffy pressed the matter. “Trick just sent out his flunkies. It’s just the two of them in there. And, they probably don’t even know about me. We still have the element of surprise and they have reduced numbers and a lack of knowledge. We have to strike now.”

The rampant fear made Faith look like a little girl and Buffy ached for her. She closed her eyes and fought the words of comfort back down her throat. “Suck it up!” she whispered harshly through gritted teeth. “You’re a slayer, goddammit!” Faith clenched her jaw and nodded, swallowing a few times as tears of dread dropped down her cheeks.

“Ok. Ok. Ok.” Each repetition grew more sure until her eyes met Buffy’s. “I can do this. We can do this. Let’s do this.”

“Alright,” said Buffy, nodding with approval, “it’s time to get pissed off.”