How to Woo a Vampire

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Buffyverse belongs to Joss Whedon and the challenge idea to Stephanie M.

A/N: BEWARE this chapter is a bit on the gory side. Dismemberment, torture, and mutilated dead bodies in general all show up in this chapter, so beware. It also contains a good amount swearing as well.

This story takes place after Crush in my altered timeline, meaning no Glory, and Riley’s still here, instead leaving for good, with a unit of thirteen soldiers and a doctor (15 people) to help the slayer.

Chapter Two

“Stupid bloody slayer I offer to stake my own sire, my dark princess for her. I show her that the bloody perfect farm boy is a cheating, bite-addicted ponce. What does the bloody bitch do, she beats me up and goes back to him. I risk my life I help her and try to show her I love her and she keeps me out all night looking for some stupid demon until I have to run home at dawn to avoid being burnt to a bloody cris …
What the bloody fuck is this?”
Spike finally noticed, in mid rant, as he ran back to his crypt as dawn approached, that directly in front of his crypt was a body. It was not just any body, but the mutilated and obviously tortured corpse of young man in fatigues, very familiar fatigues.
It takes Spike all of two seconds to figure out someone has left him a pressie in the form of a tortured dead soldier boy, confused but now excited he quickly rushes over to the body though still wary of encroaching daylight. As he gets closer to inspect the mutilated corpse, he sees the face missing having been flayed from the bone. While that was the most obvious aspect of the mutilation, the skin had been flayed in other places most notably the bare parts of the chest seen through the shredded shirt. Both arms were obviously broken and the right ulna was sticking out of skin. The fingers on the right hand were also broken and missing on the left. There was a large blood spots on the right knee and the crotch and Spike guessed the man had probably been beaten before being tortured.
Before Spike could take a closer look to try identifying some of the minutiae of the mutilation, he realized the sky was lightening and he should get inside before he did burn. As Spike jumped over the body, he nearly tripped over a small box hidden behind the body. The small box was wrapped in a reflective blood red paper and placed underneath the curly silver bow was a plain white envelope with 'Spike' written on it in a messy, yet equally familiar handwriting.
He quickly grabbed the box and spit on the body while thinking of who he can call to grab the body during the day so the slayer won’t find it the next night. Because he knows who will get blamed for the boy’s murder, and Spike doesn’t want another slayer beat down so soon after the last, which he was still feeling.
After calling a demon he knew that would clean up the body for free, he sat down on the ratty chair placed in his crypt he pulled the letter off the box and placed it on the arm of his chair to unwrap the box. He removed the bow and threw it across the room and then ripped off the red paper, revealing a plain car board box splotched with still wet blood. He opened the box, throwing the lid on the floor, revealing the missing face of the soldier staring at him. Spike stared down into the box for a moment, seeing not only the face but also seeing an eye a few fingers, what looked to be the knee bone and what looked to be the genitalia, before tipping his head back and laughing. After he finished laughing about his present he rummaged through the box, seeing all the pieces of the soldiers placed there including what looked to be toe nails and an ear. Putting the box down Spike reached for the letter.
Opening the letter, he wonders who could of wrote it and in turn who killed the soldier. The letter read:

“Spike,
You know its interesting the way life works, who would have thought I would be wooing you now. Oh I know who I apparently look like, Grandmummy told me all about him, but point to remember my Spike, I’m not him no matter how much you or her want me to be. Wooing you masquerading as a dead guy is beneath me, so I’m going to let my own natural charm do the talking. But hey pressies never hurt, and like a knight in shining armor I perform your revenge, until you are able to do it for yourself. Enjoy the gifts, it’s the first of many. Till the morrow.

Your
Nummy Treat”

It took Spike a few minutes of reading and rereading the letter for the meaning of the letter and signature to sink in and once it had he could only think of one response, “Oh bloody hell.”