Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me
folder
BtVS AU/AR › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
50
Views:
15,119
Reviews:
42
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
BtVS AU/AR › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
50
Views:
15,119
Reviews:
42
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Three
Part Three
“Xander.”
“Xander? What kind of a name is Xander?”
“It’s short for Alexander, okay? But my friends call me Xander. Only my dear parents call me Alexander or Alex.” Xander’s voice was bitter when he mentioned his parents. Spike thought of Darla and could actually sympathize.
“Name’s Spike. That way I don’t have to keep calling you the boy in my head and you don’t have to keep calling me the vampire.”
“Does this mean you’re not gonna try to eat me once the sun goes down? Like naming the prize pig means you can’t eat him? Because I'm all for avoiding the whole vamp/lunchable showdown. I can tell you’re not some guy who just crawled out of the grave, so you can’t be a minion. Those creeps get dusty fast.”
On the other side of the bed lay his duster and Spike dragged it over and searched the pockets. This conversation called for a smoke. It called for several smokes, in fact. This human named Xander was odd. He lit up and even surprised himself by blowing the smoke away from Xander, instead of at him. “Nah, not gonna eat you. At least for now. All bets are off later, though.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
They sat in silence once again, and Spike was surprised that he wasn’t salivating over the warm blood rushing through his companion’s veins. He was hungry, but his demon didn’t see Xander as food for some reason. He didn’t mind it, though, he did owe the child. He couldn’t go to his final death without making sure his sodding family that abandoned him went first.
“Are you gonna ask what I was doing so drunk? Try to get me to share my feelings?”
Xander jumped, as if he’d forgotten that Spike was there. “Umm, no. If you want to tell me you will. If you need help you’ll ask. I’m not gonna risk, well, whatever it is we’re doing here by pissing you off. I kinda doubt you got the name Spike off the Tom and Jerry cartoon dog.”
Spike took a long drag off the cigarette and thought about what Xander had said. “You know what, kid? You’re pretty fucking smart. A hell of a lot smarter than some people three times your age. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.”
*****
Xander just let his jaw drop. Here he was, talking to a killer, having a reasonably civil conversation, and he’d just gotten the best compliment of his life. From a demon. Not from his friends or teachers or even his parents. But someone soulless who would as soon kill him as look at him. “Okay…too late for that. But, umm, thanks.”
The vampire, Spike, just snorted and smoked some more. Xander had thought about trying to ask him not to, but he figured either his parents weren’t home or wouldn’t notice. Already he was thinking he might survive his half-baked idea of taking a vampire home and he wasn’t going to push his buttons.
But it was interesting, getting to know another vampire besides Angel. Spike seemed a lot more interesting and even with whatever it was bothering him he was a much better conversationalist.
“Listen, Xander, I’m looking for a vamp. Two, actually. Darla, little blond but deadly. A real bitch. And a guy, tall, dark and brooding, goes by the name of Angelus.”
Xander felt his heart trying to climb into his throat. “They’re your friends? I mean, they’re who you were talking about finding last night?”
Spike’s eyes narrowed and he felt as if he were looking into the eyes of a crocodile or some other big predator. Which was accurate, he guessed. He’d bet on this small man against a croc any day.
“Didn’t say they were friends. Just looking for 'em. I take it you’ve heard of them?”
Okay, what to say. The truth was always of the good, especially since he hadn’t dusted Darla, Deadboy did. “Umm, yeah. Darla was here with The Master. Buffy kind of killed him but not before Darla tried to kill her. Deadboy killed Darla.”
“Deadboy?”
“Yeah, Angel. He used to be Angelus but he got a soul. Now he’s the slayer’s boyfriend, sort of. It’s a tortured love affair sort of thing, but he killed Darla for the Slayer. Although if you ask me he’s a bastard, soul or not.”
Suddenly Spike started laughing, a deep laugh and he felt something flop in his middle that didn’t feel quite like fear.
“I knew there was a reason I liked you, kid. Deadboy. I take it you don’t like dear Angelus that well.”
“You could say that. If it weren’t for him one of my best friends would still be alive. Plus he comes in all dark and brooding and the female population of school fawns all over him, despite the fact that he looks twice their age. And then he’s what, 250 or more? And he’s dating a sixteen year old? That’s just icky.”
“You think you might be up to helping me make his unlife miserable?”
Oooh, temptation. He’d learned repression and mortal fear overnight, now let’s play with temptation. On one hand, he hated Angel with a passion. Brooding bastard. But on the other hand, it would make Buffy cry and he couldn’t deal with that.
“It depends on what you mean by help. I don’t care if you set the cowardly bastard on fire, but it would hurt my friend and she’d cry and I don’t want that to happen. I’d have to learn more about what you wanted and why before I said yes or no.”
Spike was silent again and Xander fought off the need to fidget. If he did live through this weird day and night he was going to explode from repressed thoughts and emotions. There’d be little Xander bits all over the room. Like that time when he was eight and he and Jesse put an egg in his microwave and it splattered all over.
“It’s like this. How much do you know about Sires and Childer?”
Xander jumped. Damn it, his nerves were shot and here Spike was just talking without making any warning noise before. “Just what the Watcher journals say. Some I can’t get to; G… the Watcher assigned here keeps most of that stuff locked up and I can’t pick the locks. Mostly that when you make a vamp you’re the sire and the vamp you made is your minion or childe.”
“Close. A Childe is much more precious than a minion. A Sire is a teacher, parent, and lover, everything to their childer. Their entire world is their Sire and the Sire is supposed to take care of the Childe, even after they get old enough to take care of themselves. It’s a blood connection that is as old as time. Can you understand that, human?”
He didn’t answer right away. This was something different, this idea made him think that Giles was wrong and vamps had deep emotions. Spike himself was proof of that. But he couldn't understand the intensity in Spike’s voice.
“Sort of, but I doubt if I get the full…meaning of it. I get that your Sire would be the center of your world, is that it?”
Spike snorted. “That’s just the beginning. Well, Angelus was my Sire. Drusilla turned me but couldn’t take care of me. Angelus did that. Taught me everything he knew, broke me into a million pieces and remade me into what I am. Darla was his Sire and he worshipped at her feet. We were a fucking family!!” Spike’s voice had risen and the pain in his tone was obvious.
“Then Darla, the bitch, had to screw everything up. I killed a slayer for them. The youngest of the group, still mostly a fledge. All to get their approval. Dru, of course, loved it. She loved anything I did. She was quite mad but I loved her all the same. They were my world. Then Angelus left that very same night, haven’t seen him since. Darla kicked Dru and me out on our ears not long after. Abandoned us. Dru…she’d want to go play with the sunlight, or dance off a roof. Get to talking to the stars and just get lost in her head. It was hard to take care of her and me after that, but I wasn’t going to let her go. Dru was all I had left.”
By the end of the speech Spike had gone from angry to quiet. But not a good kind of quiet. No, it was the kind of quiet that hurt so bad you couldn’t talk about it. He didn’t say anything, didn’t want to interrupt him.
“The people in Prague, they noticed how different she was. Figured her for a witch, not a vampire, but the end was still the same. A mob of people tearing my Dark Goddess limb from limb, taking pleasure from her screams. And I…I was trapped. Couldn’t get to her. Had to watch my reason for existing die.”
Damn. That just…sucked. But he really doubted anything he could say would make Spike feel better. He doubted anything could. Spike’s head was in his hands and he looked…broken.
Xander knew that Angel'd had the soul for nearly 100 years. That meant Spike had been in love with his Drusilla for longer than that. He couldn’t even begin to imagine that.
Very carefully, he stood up and walked to where Spike was sitting on the bed. Spike didn’t give any sign he noticed the movement, though. Then he did something he never thought in a million years he’d ever do.
He held a vampire close as the other man sobbed.
*****
“Xander.”
“Xander? What kind of a name is Xander?”
“It’s short for Alexander, okay? But my friends call me Xander. Only my dear parents call me Alexander or Alex.” Xander’s voice was bitter when he mentioned his parents. Spike thought of Darla and could actually sympathize.
“Name’s Spike. That way I don’t have to keep calling you the boy in my head and you don’t have to keep calling me the vampire.”
“Does this mean you’re not gonna try to eat me once the sun goes down? Like naming the prize pig means you can’t eat him? Because I'm all for avoiding the whole vamp/lunchable showdown. I can tell you’re not some guy who just crawled out of the grave, so you can’t be a minion. Those creeps get dusty fast.”
On the other side of the bed lay his duster and Spike dragged it over and searched the pockets. This conversation called for a smoke. It called for several smokes, in fact. This human named Xander was odd. He lit up and even surprised himself by blowing the smoke away from Xander, instead of at him. “Nah, not gonna eat you. At least for now. All bets are off later, though.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
They sat in silence once again, and Spike was surprised that he wasn’t salivating over the warm blood rushing through his companion’s veins. He was hungry, but his demon didn’t see Xander as food for some reason. He didn’t mind it, though, he did owe the child. He couldn’t go to his final death without making sure his sodding family that abandoned him went first.
“Are you gonna ask what I was doing so drunk? Try to get me to share my feelings?”
Xander jumped, as if he’d forgotten that Spike was there. “Umm, no. If you want to tell me you will. If you need help you’ll ask. I’m not gonna risk, well, whatever it is we’re doing here by pissing you off. I kinda doubt you got the name Spike off the Tom and Jerry cartoon dog.”
Spike took a long drag off the cigarette and thought about what Xander had said. “You know what, kid? You’re pretty fucking smart. A hell of a lot smarter than some people three times your age. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.”
*****
Xander just let his jaw drop. Here he was, talking to a killer, having a reasonably civil conversation, and he’d just gotten the best compliment of his life. From a demon. Not from his friends or teachers or even his parents. But someone soulless who would as soon kill him as look at him. “Okay…too late for that. But, umm, thanks.”
The vampire, Spike, just snorted and smoked some more. Xander had thought about trying to ask him not to, but he figured either his parents weren’t home or wouldn’t notice. Already he was thinking he might survive his half-baked idea of taking a vampire home and he wasn’t going to push his buttons.
But it was interesting, getting to know another vampire besides Angel. Spike seemed a lot more interesting and even with whatever it was bothering him he was a much better conversationalist.
“Listen, Xander, I’m looking for a vamp. Two, actually. Darla, little blond but deadly. A real bitch. And a guy, tall, dark and brooding, goes by the name of Angelus.”
Xander felt his heart trying to climb into his throat. “They’re your friends? I mean, they’re who you were talking about finding last night?”
Spike’s eyes narrowed and he felt as if he were looking into the eyes of a crocodile or some other big predator. Which was accurate, he guessed. He’d bet on this small man against a croc any day.
“Didn’t say they were friends. Just looking for 'em. I take it you’ve heard of them?”
Okay, what to say. The truth was always of the good, especially since he hadn’t dusted Darla, Deadboy did. “Umm, yeah. Darla was here with The Master. Buffy kind of killed him but not before Darla tried to kill her. Deadboy killed Darla.”
“Deadboy?”
“Yeah, Angel. He used to be Angelus but he got a soul. Now he’s the slayer’s boyfriend, sort of. It’s a tortured love affair sort of thing, but he killed Darla for the Slayer. Although if you ask me he’s a bastard, soul or not.”
Suddenly Spike started laughing, a deep laugh and he felt something flop in his middle that didn’t feel quite like fear.
“I knew there was a reason I liked you, kid. Deadboy. I take it you don’t like dear Angelus that well.”
“You could say that. If it weren’t for him one of my best friends would still be alive. Plus he comes in all dark and brooding and the female population of school fawns all over him, despite the fact that he looks twice their age. And then he’s what, 250 or more? And he’s dating a sixteen year old? That’s just icky.”
“You think you might be up to helping me make his unlife miserable?”
Oooh, temptation. He’d learned repression and mortal fear overnight, now let’s play with temptation. On one hand, he hated Angel with a passion. Brooding bastard. But on the other hand, it would make Buffy cry and he couldn’t deal with that.
“It depends on what you mean by help. I don’t care if you set the cowardly bastard on fire, but it would hurt my friend and she’d cry and I don’t want that to happen. I’d have to learn more about what you wanted and why before I said yes or no.”
Spike was silent again and Xander fought off the need to fidget. If he did live through this weird day and night he was going to explode from repressed thoughts and emotions. There’d be little Xander bits all over the room. Like that time when he was eight and he and Jesse put an egg in his microwave and it splattered all over.
“It’s like this. How much do you know about Sires and Childer?”
Xander jumped. Damn it, his nerves were shot and here Spike was just talking without making any warning noise before. “Just what the Watcher journals say. Some I can’t get to; G… the Watcher assigned here keeps most of that stuff locked up and I can’t pick the locks. Mostly that when you make a vamp you’re the sire and the vamp you made is your minion or childe.”
“Close. A Childe is much more precious than a minion. A Sire is a teacher, parent, and lover, everything to their childer. Their entire world is their Sire and the Sire is supposed to take care of the Childe, even after they get old enough to take care of themselves. It’s a blood connection that is as old as time. Can you understand that, human?”
He didn’t answer right away. This was something different, this idea made him think that Giles was wrong and vamps had deep emotions. Spike himself was proof of that. But he couldn't understand the intensity in Spike’s voice.
“Sort of, but I doubt if I get the full…meaning of it. I get that your Sire would be the center of your world, is that it?”
Spike snorted. “That’s just the beginning. Well, Angelus was my Sire. Drusilla turned me but couldn’t take care of me. Angelus did that. Taught me everything he knew, broke me into a million pieces and remade me into what I am. Darla was his Sire and he worshipped at her feet. We were a fucking family!!” Spike’s voice had risen and the pain in his tone was obvious.
“Then Darla, the bitch, had to screw everything up. I killed a slayer for them. The youngest of the group, still mostly a fledge. All to get their approval. Dru, of course, loved it. She loved anything I did. She was quite mad but I loved her all the same. They were my world. Then Angelus left that very same night, haven’t seen him since. Darla kicked Dru and me out on our ears not long after. Abandoned us. Dru…she’d want to go play with the sunlight, or dance off a roof. Get to talking to the stars and just get lost in her head. It was hard to take care of her and me after that, but I wasn’t going to let her go. Dru was all I had left.”
By the end of the speech Spike had gone from angry to quiet. But not a good kind of quiet. No, it was the kind of quiet that hurt so bad you couldn’t talk about it. He didn’t say anything, didn’t want to interrupt him.
“The people in Prague, they noticed how different she was. Figured her for a witch, not a vampire, but the end was still the same. A mob of people tearing my Dark Goddess limb from limb, taking pleasure from her screams. And I…I was trapped. Couldn’t get to her. Had to watch my reason for existing die.”
Damn. That just…sucked. But he really doubted anything he could say would make Spike feel better. He doubted anything could. Spike’s head was in his hands and he looked…broken.
Xander knew that Angel'd had the soul for nearly 100 years. That meant Spike had been in love with his Drusilla for longer than that. He couldn’t even begin to imagine that.
Very carefully, he stood up and walked to where Spike was sitting on the bed. Spike didn’t give any sign he noticed the movement, though. Then he did something he never thought in a million years he’d ever do.
He held a vampire close as the other man sobbed.
*****