Freakin Christmas

Thought I would put up another short chapter tonight. Time off work allows for more writing I guess.

Please let me know what you think. Again with the begging.

Thank you guys for the feedback!!!

Disclaimer - Part one


Faith’s POV

She was still outside. Yeah, I can feel her. Weird, huh? It’s gotten more intense. This connection we have. I’m not sure why, but it’s nice, at least most of the time. Sometimes it gets too much like when we get into an argument or something and she hangs the fuck around, kinda like she was doing right now.

So was I supposed to sit here and wait for her to leave or what? Why the hell was she still here anyway? Fuck Buffy, why the hell do you do shit like this?

Okay I was going to count to one hundred and if she was still out there I was going to go out there and … well I was just going to go out there and see what the hell she was doing.

I looked out the window. Still out there. What do I do?

I finally opened the door. She was sitting on the steps outside of my apartment with her back to my door. “Uh B,” I asked, “whatcha still doing here?”

She turned around, “huh?”

“Don’t you have to like go home or something?”

She chose to ignore my question. “Where are you going?” She asked.

“Come on. I already told you. You already know. Your super buds are going to be wondering why you’re not back yet.”

She sighed. “Why do you do that, Faith?”

I sat down beside her. “Do what?” I asked, looking out into the night.

She turned to me, “Do this,” she said, making a sweeping motion with her hand. “Hide behind this tough act. It gets on my nerves Faith. It really does.”

I turned to look at her. She looked tired. “Gets on your nerves? What the fuck Buffy? Why do you do that?” She looked inquisitive but I wouldn’t let her interrupt, “Don’t. You always sit in judgment of me. You know it must get tiring being so much fucking better than everyone else. I just don’t know how you do it.” Hah.

She turned away from me, “Fuck you Faith,” she said simply, “Fuck you. You are the one who doesn’t want to let anyone in. I just want to… I don’t know, I just want something.”

What was she talking about? Why do I never understand her? “What? What do you mean, you ‘just want something.’ What do you want, B? Cause I gotta tell ya, I’m sick of trying to second guess you all of the time.”

She stood and turned around to face me, “Second guess me? You’ve got to be joking. All I do is sit around and wonder what the hell is going on with you. What your stupid little secret is with Anya? Who it is you have feelings for? Why the fuck do I care?”

I stood too. “My stupid little secret? See, this is what I’m talking about. Why the fuck do you care, B?” I couldn’t look at her. I chose to look down at my feet. You know my shoes were really interesting, if you just took the time to study them.

I heard her sigh again, but I didn’t look up. I didn’t want to look her in the face. It felt like we stood there for hours, but it was probably just a few seconds. Finally I heard her speak, “One day Faith,” she spoke slowly, “I really hope we just …” her voice started cracking. Oh fuck B, don’t cry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I couldn’t look up. She continued, “I really hope we fix this.” She finished, gulping.

Don’t look up Faith, don’t look up. I couldn’t look her in the eyes, and so I tried my voice. It sounded thick in my throat, “me too B.”

And then she did the most incredible thing; she leaned forward and put her hands on my cheeks, bent my head down and kissed my forehead. I felt my stomach tighten when she pressed her lips to my skin. I couldn’t look at her. I think I was crying.

She took my hand and I continued to look down. I saw her turn to look to the side, away from me. She ran her thumb inside the palm of my hand, back and forth not saying anything for a moment. I was looking down and she was looking away. I wanted to say something, to tell her that I wanted to fix it too. But I couldn’t. She finally sighed and let go of my hand, and turned to walk away. Only then did I look up.

I watched her walk a few steps, and then she stopped. She didn’t turn around but only stood still for a moment before she spoke, “You know Faith,” she said very quietly, “Sometimes I think you are the only thing real in my life.” I saw her shoulders sag, she still didn’t turn around, “I don’t want to lose you. I hope you understand that.” She never turned back around but just stood still a moment longer before walking away.

I stood and watched her leave. I should have run after her. Told her that she was the only reason I got up every morning. The only reason I was alive. And yet my chest felt like it was going to explode every time I took a breath, and so I just stood there like an idiot and let her leave. I looked down at the hand she had been holding and took another shaky breath, turned around, and walked back inside.

Buffy’s POV

Stop crying, idiot. Why do I let her do this to me? Why can’t I just tell her everything? Why didn’t I drive to her apartment? All of these thoughts were running through my head as I ran back home. Tears streaming down my face.

I stopped about a block from my house and tried to pull myself together. I wiped furiously at my eyes, thinking, albeit probably in vain, that I could make myself a little more presentable before going back inside.

Finally I made it home and walked into the house. Dawn barreled over me at the door.

“Where’s Faith?” She asked, too goddamn chipper for words.

“She’s not coming,” I said, taking off my coat.

Her face fell, “Why not?” She asked accusingly.

“I don’t know,” I said moving past her.

She followed me into the living room. The gang was all there. “Why not?” She tried again.

“I said I don’t know, Dawn.”

“Well, alrighty then,” Willow interrupted, standing up, “who’s hungry?” She asked looking around the room. She moved over to me, and put her hand on my arm. “Are you ok, Buff?” She whispered.

I nodded and followed the guys into the dining room.

We sat down silently and fixed our plates. At that point I was wishing for a tall glass of something and was thankful when Tara pulled out the wine bottle.

“Oh, oh,” Dawn said, “Can I have a glass?”

I must have looked at her with the ‘are you crazy’ glance, cause she just huffed and mumbled, “Spoilsport.”

“It is so nice to sit around and celebrate the birth of our Lord Savior,” Anya said after a few moments of silence.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up at her.

“What?” She asked, turning to look at Xander, “isn’t that what Christmas is? I thought you people worshipped this carpenter person.”

Xander looked like he was going to try and explain. Good luck, I thought.

“Well, see,” he started, “We aren’t actually religious. I mean, I don’t think any of us are. Are we?” Everyone shook their heads. “So we just, you know, celebrate the more festive parts of the holiday. Not the actual bible-y parts.”

“Oh tradition. I see. Well that makes sense. We used to have traditions. Every ten years we would ritually castrate a man. It was quite fun. Afterwards we would all have punch and sing songs. Sometimes it got messy, especially if he was a screamer. Luckily I was very good with the knife, so when it was my turn to do the ritual I would just take it and…”

Xander grabbed her hand, “Well alright honey. Think that’s enough sharing for right now. Maybe we should eat before we talk about castration?” He asked.

The rest of us nodded our heads vehemently.

“Oh, was that inappropriate?” Anya asked, looking at Tara.

Tara smiled at her slightly, “Well, it’s not really polite to speak about umm…castration at the dinner table. But you can tell us later if you want.” Tara, always trying to rectify the situation.

This made Anya smile, “Of course I will. I just don’t get it sometimes. It’s like Faith coming out of the underwear store in the mall. I mean, it was obvious she was wanting to buy Buffy some sexy panties or something. I don’t know why she just didn’t ask me to help her pick them out. I am incredibly sexy and would have instantly known what to get. I don’t get the shyness of you people. Why is talking about panties inappropriate?”

Everyone stopped eating. Faith wanted to buy me panties? What???

“What?” I said.

Anya actually put her hand over her mouth, “Uh-oh. Damn. I forgot the secret. I will never learn this stuff. Please, just forget I said anything and then Faith won’t kill me.” She stated, sort of matter-of-fact like.

I know I must have looked as freaked as everyone else. Willow’s mouth was hanging open so wide I could have crawled into it. Okay, scary visual there. Tara was fidgeting in her chair. Xander looked like he had already gotten his Christmas present. And Dawn was laughing. Yeah laughing.

“What the hell is so funny?” I asked her. I couldn’t take my eyes off Anya though, who was busy eating, and smiling at me.

Dawn caught her breath. “I’m sorry but you and sexy panties,” she stopped and started laughing even harder. Oh great Dawn, glad you find this hysterical. She wiped at her eyes, “It’s just you and Faith. What a joke?”

I could feel my face getting red, “What do you mean what a joke?”

“Oh, come on Buffy. Faith is like this hot super chick or something.”

Treading a thin line here, little sister. “And what am I?”

“You’re like my creepy older sister.”

Ok, I am going to kill her. Merry Christmas to me. Dawn’s slow death. And painful. Did I mention painful?

Xander grabbed my hand, “Ok, everyone just calm down a minute. I’m sure this was all just a misunderstanding. Right honey?” He asked looking at Anya.

She nodded, “Oh yes. Misunderstanding. Faith was not buying panties for Buffy. Dawn is right. That makes no sense.”

Which one of these am I going to kill first?

Willow spoke up, “so how about it being Jesus’ birthday?”

Tara patted her hand, “Why don’t we all just eat?” She asked. “Our food is getting cold. And then maybe we could open a few presents. You like that Dawnie?”

Dawn nodded vigorously, and started stuffing her face. Apparently the idea appealed to Anya as well, who clapped her hands and started eating as well. Yes, I thought, enjoy your meals now, cause I am pretty sure it will be the last ones you eat.

I stared at my plate for a minute, and then realized that I wasn’t hungry. I would just be glad when this whole damn holiday thing was over.