Chase This Night

Part 9

No, that wasn’t the worst of it. Not even close. It wasn’t when the rest of the gang came charging ‘round the same corner, waving their flashlights and knocking into each other like dominoes. It wasn’t even the high-pitched man-scream that Xander let loose the minute he saw me.

Nah, some things are to be expected I suppose.

“Buffy! Get the hell away from her!” Riley hollers as he draws that excessively large gun. Please, I can feel my eyes rollin’. But that ain’t the worst of it either.

The rain is finally starting to let up. Going from an all out downpour to a slight drizzle. ‘Sunny’-dale my ass. Lightening is still exploding behind rust-colored clouds, like flashes of paparazzi. And the whole world, in this hollow red second, feels like its waiting. This is all so surreal.

I look around at all of them in a quick gesture, my wet hair whipping around and blocking my vision some. Everyone is just standing there, the light rain wetting their clothes matting their hair, but it can’t wash away the shock on their faces. They would look like statues if it weren’t for the small puffs of breath I can see in the chilled air. It almost feels like I’m watching the whole scene unfold, like I’m outside myself. And all by myself.

No one has said anything, and Riley’s words still hang frozen over us all. It looks like its up to me to try and diffuse this situation some… I’m so screwed.

“Look, just chill ok guys?” I put my hands up as I say it, hoping soldier boy will turn the testosterone down just a bit. But my words just seem to set everybody off, it’s a sudden chaos and the force of it seems to hit me in the chest.

“What?!” From Xander

“Are you KIDDING ME!” Riley again. It’s all at once.

“You, BITCH! You expect us to CHILL?!” And I swear I have never seen Red look this cold, so hard and full of hate. Willow takes a few steps towards us, one look at her tells me she’s not that shy, timid little slip of a girl that I met the first night I rolled into this town.

No, she has new eyes now. They’re directed at me and it’s frightening. Something very dark is running through that girl. She’s changed. It’s all changed.

But that’s still not the worst of it.

The wind picks up again and the ground shakes with the vibration of thunder, tiny pinpricks of water stinging our faces.

“Sweetie h-hold on a sec we don’t know w-what’s going on…” It amazes me how Tara’s voice can be so gentle, in the face of all this madness. She’s looking right at me, rain drops clinging to her lashes like clear pearls… and I feel anger from her too, but the compassion there gives me hope.

It’s short-lived, of course.

“Oh I know what’s going on! The psychotic uber-bitch is back to murder us all!!” Xander chimes in and promptly returns to his hiding place… behind his girl. But his eyes still tell me he meant every damn word. I remember his eyes, when I saw them tangled in clean white sheets in a dirty little motel room. All youth and innocent wonder. He looks older now.

This is all getting so far outta control. This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. Everyone is shouting, at each other, at me, at Buffy. It’s all a whirlwind of confusion. Noise and venom swirling with the rain, making the air a bitter cold that I can taste.

She hasn’t said a word. Its like she’s frozen in her panic, her fear and… regret? Fuck what kinda game is she playin’… I want her to say something, anything. I want her to step closer to me to take my hand ‘cause mine are shaking so bad right now.

My lips still ache from her kisses, I can still feel her body pressing into me… inside me, soft and hard at the same time …so warm. I need to see her eyes. Like in our dream I could see into her soul, all that hazel light pourin’ over me tellin’ me without any words that it was all gonna be Ok.

And I NEED that now.

“Buffy look at me…?” my voice is soft but I know she can hear it. I hate the pleading tone of it but I just can’t help it. I’m gettin’ desperate here! I gotta know what she’s thinkin’ if she’s still feeling what we had just a few minutes ago… before everything got shot to hell.

I need her eyes, but she looks away. She looks confused. And that one instant hurts so fuckin’ bad.

So this is the worst of it then. And all of a sudden it becomes strikingly, painfully clear what’s gonna happen next.

I wish I were dreaming…

“I-I… everybody just SHUT UP!!” I can hear the panic in her voice… it trembles. All the noise suddenly stops. She won’t look at me.

And I feel myself breaking… frail slivers of glass. I miss my nightmare.

Lightening suddenly flashes close. Striking a nearby tree and everybody jumps. I can’t seem to move though. A flaming branch comes crashes to the ground illuminating everything in flickering shades of red.

There’s no getting outta this one now. Its one of those ‘back against the wall’ type moments I can feel this tension building, its rushing through my veins and its pure fight or flight.

And I’m so fuckin’ sick of running.

“Listen! I- I just need everyone to…to just calm down for minute!” she takes a step away from me when she says this… it feels like miles. I feel my jaw clench, teeth grinding as I try not to scream. Please tell me this ain’t happening.

“We’re listening babe, just tell us what the hell is goin’ on. Did she try to hurt you!?” I hear the safety click off Riley’s gun, his thumb sliding over it like an after thought. Would it really be that easy? Is that all I am?

“What!? Riley no!” B says, and she walks over to him, putting a hand on his raised arm. “Put that damn thing away!”

He obeys like a good little puppy. Buffy stays next to him though, and I can feel my muscles tense, the Slayer in me makin’ ‘em burn. I need to run, or I’m gonna hit somethin’… hard. I know what’s comin’… I know what she’s gonna start spitting excuses, half lies that got nothin’ to do with what’s really happening here. And I feel like such an idiot, how could I have thought… GOD I thought she understood! Was it all just in my head? Was I just foolin’ myself here?

He drapes a massive arm over her shoulders. I wanna rip it off.

“Yeah, just explain it to ‘em B.” Explain it to ME damn it! My voice sounds tight… strained. It’s not because of the lump in my throat… its not ‘casue my eyes are burning… Its ‘cause I wanna shout.

Why, Buffy?!

It all happened so fast, there had been so much need in her eyes…I can still hear those desperate whispers in my head… she said she wanted me, I said I loved…

Oh... Fuck….

“Umm well…” She starts eyes darting. Just like a script, she can’t lie for shit. “Faith just got here and...”

“Shouldn’t she be in jail!?” Xander throws in.

“Yeah, umm… well I don’t know what’s up with that but... ah…”

“Well, why is she HERE?” He interrupts again. And I wait… we all wait.

“I – I don’t know…” She says it soft, eyes on the ground. I expect to see my heart there. All busted open and bleedin’… I know she can feel me, warm tingles should be a comfort right now… but it just makes me feel dirty. How can she just throw me away?!

“I don’t know what she’s doing here…” She meets my eyes then… with that dirty lie on her kiss-swollen lips. And just for a second I let her see it all… let her see how I’m destroyed, and then I throw down the shutters, ‘cause cold and indifferent is what I do.

Did I really expect more than this though? For her to stand up for ME? The one that hurt them all so deep, cut them to the core? Did I expect her to really believe how I’ve changed… how its all different now? How its ALWAYS for her? All for her…

I guess I did… I guess that’s why I feel my soul is in tatters.

“She um, just escaped…maybe? And I don’t know if she’s got a… ah… plan? Or something…so maybe we should talk… casue’ ya know, talking is um… good?”

B’s really on a roll, but I stopped listening a while ago. Its all just kinda numb now. And yeah, REALLY can’t lie for shit. But the gang all buys it… appropriate frowns of concern on their faces. Puppets. I gotta get outta here.

“Yeah, talk…” I hear Xander agree.

“Right. Care to explain then… Faith?” Willow spits out my name as she steps forward, closer to me than any normal person would dare. I finally tare my eyes off of B and I realize… Red ain’t so normal, not anymore, and not by a long shot. Her blue eyes flash to black for half a second and I gotta take a step back.

“Willow, don’t! j-just let her talk…” Tara grabs her girl and now all eyes are on me…

Fuck, I’m so screwed.

TBC