Days Like These Keep Me Warm

Disclaimer I don't own any of the characters from Buffy, Joss Whedon and his good friends do.

Rated: NC-17 for acts of sex and strong language.

Genre: Romance / AU

Characters: Buffy and Spike and some of the others pop up.

Feedback: Yes please, makes a girl feel wanted at outforawalkbitchuk@yahoo.com, really reviews boost my confidence and criticism helps me improve my work. Or review on the site.

Summary: Buffy is a homeless girl who hopelessly follows William around the streets of a British seaside town, he doesn't realise this though because the poor man is blind….much Spuffiness [AU]

Authors Note: I will admit that the basic premise if taken from the Charlie Chaplin movie City Lights in which a blind girl falls for a homeless man, only I've swapped the genders and the setting and well most other things.. This is a Spuffy fic because I can't help but love Buffy and Spike, oh Joss Whedon please somehow make them get together in Angel, pretty please?

Okay, again thanks for all the wonderful reviews, I've created a website to host my Buffy fictions, which at the moment stand only at two, its pretty basic, I don’t have any real web skills but if you wanna check it out visit www.geocities.com/outforawalkbitch/index. I will, I will get this fiction up on the Spuffy archives; I just need to get around to emailing a beta.

Chapter Three: I Fell In Love With A Sweet Sensation

This had to be a dream, no way could any of today be really happening //I'm gonna wake up any moment, realise I still don’t know him, end up still stalking him, my William// She sighed inwardly as she glanced around his living room, standing in awe at the copious wealth of records he had. Vinyl, CDs and tapes were all stacked up on one and other on the shelves that covered the walls. Buffy scanned the names and recognised most of them as British or American punk bands //He truly does wish it were the 70s//

"Pet are you going to sit down or not, you putting me off guard by pacing around all the time" he remarked. He had been sitting for a few moments, trying to figure out what she was doing, he did feel awakened when he couldn't tell what someone was up to and Buffy well //she doesn't like to talk much// he conceded. Their walk home had been fairly quiet, he wanted to ask her questions the usual, where were you born, family all that but he found it hard to speak to the girl, even though he couldn't see her, he imagined on their way back to his place that she wasn't really paying much attention //But why would she? She's just being helpful, that's all, she will leave any moment, they never want to stay//

"Sorry, erm, shall I get going? Are you settled?" As usual she began to panic, she should get going, this wasn't her chance to get a warm place for the night, she had no right to invade his personal space, if anything it made it worse, she wanted to be with him so much it was making her chest tighten in anguish, she shouldn't attempt this, she shouldn't bother being his friend. She would always want more and he would never want that, no there wasn't any point in trying to get this job //Whoever invented unrequited love should be shot// she considered but then realised why would anyone invent such a painful thing, no one would want to be in such heartache over caring for someone, loving someone and never being able to tell them "Can you like, erm, without sounding patronising, can you get yourself to bed, or do you need help?"

"And what would you do, undress me?" William retorted raising his eyebrow, he wished he could see her facial expression, he didn't even know why he said that, it was pretty provocative and what did he want her to say, yes? //oh shit I d wad want her to say yes, fucking hell, why am I flirting with her, I don't even though what she is like, who she is//

"Erm, I didn’t mean it like that" Buffy blushed //oh shit he does know I've been following him, oh fucking hell, no, this has to be a nightmare, let me wake up, please// she begged to herself and stumbled backwards, crashing her back against the kitchen counter.

"I'm joking love, I'll be fine" William tried to reassure his guest but he could tell she wanted to leave, he heard her pick her bag up and move towards the door //I don't want her to go, if she does, she won't come back, I know it and I need to find out what she's like, who she is//

"Cool, so yeah goodnight you know, have a nice sleep, erm bye" Buffy mumbled, she was completely disheartened by the last few minutes, she wanted to sleep and forget about it all, because no matter how much she wished this was a nightmare she knew it was reality. All I want to do it make sure his okay, I can't even get that right//

"Wait, you don’t have to go yet" William pulled himself up, Strummer automatically followed him as he carefully walked towards where he figured Buffy to be.

"I don't?" Buffy quizzed and moved closer to him, placing his arm on hers //he wants me to stay? Why, he should be telling me to leave him in peace, if he knew what I was like, how I'm nothing he wouldn't want me here//

"Hmm, no go, I don’t want to force you into speaking to me out for some fucked up sympathy, pity" William shook his head, self loathing gradually built in his body, working its way through his entire being //I am worthless, she's just being kind for the sake of it, she wouldn't want someone like me loving her, every time I'm with someone it messes up, she has a life, she shouldn't bother with me, I would only hinder her chances of living a normal life. Oh fuck why I am like this for, thinking about a relationship with a stranger, I must be lonelier than I know and so fuck my face is getting really sore// William backed away and fumbled to find his seat, when he did sit down he bowed his head in shame //She must be looking at me disgusted//

"I don’t pity you" Buffy admitted, she really didn't know whether she should sit down or not, after all his mood kept changing and she found it hard to know when he was being genuine, she gazed at him as he slumped further into his chair, he looked tired and drained and his face was swelling up. She decided she had to do something for him, it was only right and if he didn't want it he could tell her to fuck off. She turned around and headed to the kitchen "Where do you keep your first aid kit?" she questioned, placing her bag back down and rummaging through various draws.

"What?" He frowned, being snapped out of daze, she really was staying //she must be a saint putting up with me//

"Your face, it's swelling up from where you fell" Buffy explained, all she could find were various tablets for anxiety and panic attacks and this deepened her concern for William further //he doesn't deserve this, he is a wonderful person, why is he hurting? //

"Try the cabinet nearest the fridge" He advised he was still very confused by this woman, she entered his life only this afternoon and that had been pretty fleetingly and yet now she was turning into Florence Nightingale, who was this Buffy Summers? "But pet you don't have to, I didn't ask you to say so you could become my nurse" //But why did I really ask her to stay, deep down I do want her to look after me//

"I don't mind" Buffy declared truthfully //If I can just show him I can do something useful, maybe he could I don't know love me somehow, one day, god I rather be in his company and never have him then never get to be his friend at all// She finally found her desired articles in the cupboard William had directed her to and started picking items up. The smell of the food in the kitchen began to make her hungry, her stomach growled at her, but even though she could see plenty of food that she would more than willingly eat she resisted as strongly as she could //I may lie to him but I'm not stealing from him, he doesn't deserve that//

Buffy wandered back over to the living room and sat herself down on the coffee table that resided in front of William and Strummer, she gently tore off stripes of lint and bathed them in antiseptic lotion before she reached out for his hands, where he had fallen over, his hands had been gazed and she gently wiped the grit away, concentrating solely on the job.

"Can I ask a personal question girl?" William winced, whatever she was using was stinging like crazy but he held back the pain //can't have her thinking I'm a complete little kid//

"Erm sure" Buffy replied, trying to sound happy, whatever he would ask she was bound to lie to him, its not like she could really tell him the truth, being in prison, being homeless were hardly the biggest qualities he would want in a friend.

"Don't you have a life, friends?" William commented, he found it very odd that Buffy had been out on then aln alone and that she didn't seem to be panicking at informing her friends where she was at //well it must be well past midnight now//

"Why do you say that?" Buffy exclaimed a little defensively as she finished tending to his hands and got up to sit on the edge of his chair //I am so close to him, so close, god I don’t want tto eto end//

"Because I don't understand why you didn't flee the moment you helped me into this place" He conceded, he could sense she was near to him and the self loathing that had filled his body was giving way to a mixture of intoxicating excitement and equal fear.

"I, thing is William, I" She stammered nervously, leaning in to wipe his forehead clean //I could kiss him if I wanted, I could kiss him then run, and at least I will have that memory to relieve, or I could stay and lie to him again and again// Before she had a chance to make her decision, William gripped hold of her hand.

"I get it you think by becoming my friend, by helping me I will put in a word with Rupert for you, help you get the job!" He yelled, his panicking and fear had crashed down on him, he didn't want her to be close it would only mess up, she would only ruin him, betray him, his body was reacting to the anxiety he had ever since he lost his sight //I can't trust women, I can't, I've never admitted it before, but its true, I can't//

"No, no, the job isn't important" Buffy tugged her arm away from his grasp around her and stood herself up, throwing the lint down on his shoes, she felt angry at him, she would be so grateful if someone looked after her just once, like Angel used to //even if we were in so much trouble he took care of me, I wanted to do the same for William, I wanted it in return// “I just wanted to look after you, if you don’t want my help tell me to go and I will and I do have friends and a life, I was trying to be helpful, I could be at home revising for exams but I'm not" she rose her voice, trying to draw attention to the last bit //yeah like I have friends and exams, I shouldn't be angry at him seeing as I'm hardly telling him the truth, I should go, I should, but I really don't want to//

"Sorry, really I'm sorry, I'm angry at myself, at my life" He tried to explain his mixed emotions but he didn’t know what to tell her, he had been living in such a charade with his friends that facing up to his true self, his bitter mind that threatened to consume him whole at times "I'm just depressed, mood swings, tonight I took a trip down memory lane and its got be thinking about things I want to forget but can't"

"Oh, is that why you collapsed, was it like an anxiety attack, I wasn't snooping around but I saw your medication" Buffy approached the topic carefully, she didn't want to pry into his life too much //even though I do want to know everything about him// she decided to sit down again and chose the coffee table, in case he decided to flip again //not that I blame him//

"I suffer from claustrophobia, shit I can't believe I'm telling you all my fucking shit" He ran his hands through his hair //she must think I'm a emotional freak, a physical wreck// “Love I'm sure you have better things to do"

"No I don't tell me, please, I don’t like to see people upset over things that aren't their fault you know" Buffy carefully placed her hand on his leg in an effort to comfort him, she felt slightly happy that he was upset because it meant he was opening up to her, but then this made her feel guilty //I don’t really want him to be distressed just so I can look after him, that's just wrong//

"I'm not upset" William affirmed a little too defensively, but he knew he was and hated how this complete stranger seemed to know him so well, it made him want to trust her, but unable to //my stupid body, my mind can't get over what happened before, but I should give Buffy a chance//

"Trust me I know how to cover up trying to cry so others won't see, and how you smile so everyone thinks your fine and how you feel so sad inside, its not worth carrying on but you think maybe it will be okay, that it could change, it has to right" Buffy let her emotions, her experience of depression and pain and heartache rush out of her mind, she was telling him basically her own understanding of what its like to blame yourself for stuff " Do you sometimes feel that everyone else got your share of luck of good fortune that you missed out?" she questioned.

William nodded in agreement, it was like she was suffering the same torture as he was, like she was living a lie like he did //none of my friends really understand what's going on with me, Buffy knows more// "I do actually, I feel like too much bullshit has happened to me and I can't stop it and what I'm like, kind and popular, its all a charade pet, I'm more open to you than my friends and I don't even know you"

"It's like the sad clown" Buffy mused leaning forward and resting her hand in his "Happy on the outside, sad in the inside"

He nearly opened him mouth in shock at how she seemed to know what he was feeling "How? That? I mean can you read minds?"

"I wish I could, it would make everything easier" Buffy smiled to herself, she felt incredibly natural speaking to him, maybe its because she had been practicing in her mind, imaginary conversations of how she would talk to him if she ever got the chance "I'm not saying I can relate to you because I'm not you know blind but you, your so kind and loving and you may have this charade but its for the good of your friends, and William I hope somehow you get over whatever is making you depressed"

"And you are you the sad clown, living under a charade?" He quizzed, finding himself entwine his fingers around hers further //okay so maybe I am developing feelings for her, its not like I haven't fallen for women quickly before, but then again that ended in disaster, maybe I should back away from this, even though I don't want to//

"Kinda, I guess we all are, it's getting on" Buffy glanced at the round clock that adorned the north facing wall, it read 12.50am, she really should be finding somewhere to sleep, even if she was having the greatest night of her life speaking with him //it could change in an instant, he could get angry again, I could slip up, reveal my true life, I should just keep this moment perfect//
"I should let you go to bed"

William took a deep breath, his idea to back away from Buffy, to make sure she could never harm him by never letting her get close wasn’t going to work because he had really felt like he had found someone who could get inside his mind and understand his confusion, so he ended up blurting out a request "Do you want to stay the night?"

"Pardon?" Buffy exclaimed, she had just been preparing to get up, she had been looking at him one last day wondering if she would get to see him again and //I have heard him right, did he ask me to stay?//

"I guess you live in the student village, it’s a pretty dangerous time of night” He began to ramble, when he wanted her to stay it wasn’t in the kind of sense she had probably taken from it, he well //I don’t like being alone, I thought it be nice if she was around the morning// “Drunk people are around, I wouldn’t want you getting hurt, its dangerous, you know pet, really dangerous"

"I don’t know, I mean it’s a nice offer but" Buffy hesitated //but well how can I refuse him// she gazed to where he sat, he was looking around dazed, and obviously he was embarrassed by his offer //if only he knew how much this means to me//

//I have a spare room" William continued //I am digging myself into a hole here, she’s gonna think I want to shag her or something, like I’m some perving lonely man who entices young ladies, William you are a pillock!//

"That's not it, I mean" Buffy was trying her to to sound like she wasn't completely desperate but also she was stopping herself from saying //I love you for this day, for everything you have done for me in the last 12 hours//

"Pet you don’t have to say yes, the offer is there" William steadied himself on the arm of the chair and got up, he felt like a fool for even asking it, but something made him want to make sure she was okay, because he had a strong feeling she wasn’t and well //there’s nothing worse than having no one//

"Okay, yes, thanks" Buffy responded just as he was walking into another room “I won’t make a sound, I promise”

William didn’t answer, he was kind off shocked she had accepted his offer, he smiled to himself as he walked into room, he wished he knew what she looked like as he turned to acknowledge her, all he saw was a familiar blackness.

TBC.>>>>