So Many Tears

Title: So many tears 3

Rating: NC-17

Author: justchiky2Bme

Pairing: B/F it’s not possible for me to write any other.

Summary: Buffy and Faith are together, but with love comes pain. I don’t know where the story is set just put it somewhere in there.

Endorse: The show and characters belong to J.W. and M.E. The story however is mine, so if you would like to archive please let me know, my name must be attached.

Feedback: I love feedback, pretty much anything except for really mean stuff.

Notes: I’m not entirely sure that this is in character, but hey I do what I have to. Thanks to everybody for waiting, I think there was four of you, and thanks for your feedback.



Buffy cried out sitting up in the bed, her body drenched in sweat.

‘What’s wrong B?’ Faith sat up looking intently at the blond. Buffy didn’t say anything for a moment, her chest heaving. The brunette wrapped her arm around the older girl and pulled her towards against her. Buffy sat there, her eyes staring off into space. ‘You ok?’ Faith asked.

‘Just a dream, just….. just a dream.’ The blonde said quietly. Faith kissed the top of her head, then she pulled Buffy back with her laying back down. Buffy buried her head in the brunettes neck and sighed quietly. She felt a wave of comfort wash over her as she breathed in the brunettes scent. After an hour she could tell the dark slayer had fallen asleep, and carefully dislodged herself from her girlfriends embrace. She pulled on her shoes and a jacket not bothering to change, and walked quietly downstairs. The house remained shrouded in darkness and it was still. Quietly she opened the front door and felt the cool air rush over her. The moon rose above her shedding some light across the silenced streets of Sunnydale. She breathed in deeply and tried to shake of the remnants of her dream. Part of her wanted to desperately reach out to Faith and tell her everything, but Faith was in these dreams, and that disconcerted Buffy. She couldn’t tell Faith because she was afraid of the truth. Maybe she could talk to the brunette, maybe everything will be ok, they’re just dreams, they don’t mean anything. The blondes feet moved down the street while her mind wandered through the depths of her mind. Faith loved her that’s all Buffy needs to believe.

‘Hey love.’ Spike stepped in beside her.

‘What do you want Spike?’ Her eyes remained forward while her thoughts remained elsewhere.

‘Is that any way to…’

‘Do you enjoy bothering me?’ Buffy cut in.

‘Fine I can see you don’t want to be bothered. No need to tell me twice.’ He remained walking next to her. After a moment.

‘Look Spike I’m sorry, I’ve just been thinking. You know things have been a little crazy lately with me almost dying and everything.’

‘I noticed.’

‘And……….’ She trailed off.

‘And something is bothering you.’

‘No I’m fine.’ She lied.

‘Then why are you out in the middle of the night instead of with your little girlfriend?’ She hesitated a moment looking down at the cement beneath her feet.

‘I’ve………..I…….can’t sleep.’

‘Here.’ He pulled a flask out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her.

‘Ewwww blood?’

‘No that’s what this is for.’ He pulled another flask out of the other side of his jacket, and took a swig. Buffy opened the one he handed her and smelled, recoiling slightly. Spike chuckled. ‘Cant handle a little drink slayer?’ y gly glared at him and looked back at the flask. Spike looked off into the horizon. ‘Time for me to go love.’ He looked at her and smirked, before turning and walking off. Buffy stood there a few moments staring at the flask in her hand. After awhile she brought two fingers up to her nose pinching it, then took a swig of the foul liquor. She almost gagged as she felt it burn down her throat, but held it down. After a few minutes she brought it back up to her lips and began to gulp it down.

***********************

Faith watched as Buffy disappeared out the bedroom door. The blonde had been doing this for a week now, but Faith had no idea why. She had refrained from following her girlfriend into the night, something told her not to. The blonde’s dreams seemed to becoming worse although Buffy barely showed it. She wouldn’t let Faith in, and the brunette could feel her girlfriend slowly slipping away. Something was seriously bothering her, and this night Faith decided to follow the older slayer. Pulling her clothes on she looked out the window at Buffy’s form moving into the night, then slowly opened the window and began her climb down. Her feet hit the ground with a soft thud. Faith looked up watching to see if Buffy had heard, but the blonde continued walking forward. Faith moved slowly behind trying not to let her girlfriends slayer senses become aware of her. She watched as Buffy moved through the graveyard slowly, in no obvious hurry. Faith felt a brief pang of pain as she thought the blonde was cheating on her with Spike. But Buffy stopped at two headstones, one was lying on the ground partially leaning against the other. Her girlfriend bent over and reached down between the two headstones and pulled something out. At first Faith couldn’t quite make out what it was, then the blonde turned and sat down leaning against the standing headstone. Her hand grasped what looked like a bottle wrapped in a brown bag. Buffy opened the bottle then proceeded to chug the liquid inside. It didn’t take long for the slayer to finish off the bottle and throw it behind her, smashing it against a small stone wall. Buffy reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a flask and took a swig of that. Faith could tell Buffy was acting strangely. ‘Fuck this.’ She thought and stepped out from the shadows.

‘B. what are you doing?’ She walked over and crouched down in front of her girlfriend. Buffy looked at her, eyes glazed over. Faith caught a whiff of her breath. ‘Jeez B what ya been drinking?’

‘What are you doing here?’ Buffy said, slurring her words just slightly.

‘The question is, what are you doing drinking B?’ She grabbed the flask out of the blondes hand and smelled it before pouring it out on the ground.

‘Hey what’d you do that for?’ Buffy glared at her.

‘It’s for your own good B.’ She stuffed the flask into her pocket and tried to pick the blonde up.

‘Stop.’ Buffy growled. ‘What are you doing.’ Faith looked at her.

‘I’m trying to help you but your making it hard for me.’ Buffy chuckled a little.

‘Why do you want to help me?’ Faith looked at her confused and a little hurt.

‘Because I love you.’ Buffy chuckled again lifting herself off the ground at the same time. Faith reached out to help her up but the blonde jerked away.

‘You love me?’ Buffy looked at her angrily. Faith couldn’t understand why her girlfriend was acting this way.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘You love me?’ Buffy said again angrily.

‘Yeah B I love you more than anything.’

‘Tell me Faith, did you love me while you fucked those other girls.’ Faith was taken aback by the blondes harsh words.

‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

‘Don’t play dumb with me Faith.’

‘Look you’re drunk Buffy I need to get you home.’

‘I know, I see it every second, every time I sleep. I can see you and them.’

‘You must have been drinking some strong shit cus I think your delusional.’

‘Did you fuck other girls while you we were together?’ Faith gasped very slightly as she took in her girlfriends words and tried not to act surprised.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Faith said quietly. Buffy laughed a little and shook her head.

‘I never wanted to believe it all those times. But now these dreams…… Don’t lie to me.’

‘I’m not lying.’

‘Please Faith tell me the truth, if you do anything tell me the truth. Did you cheat on me?’ Faith’s mind scrambled to find words that would convince Buffy she’d been faithful but she couldn’t find them. Her head dropped as she averted the blondes eyes. There was silence for a few moments, then the sounds of the blondes sobs drifted towards her. Faith looked up to see her girlfriend had covered her face with her hands and her body shook as she cried. The brunette wanted to hug her girlfriend mak make the pain go away.

‘Baby please don’t cry.’ Faith said as she moved forward, but Buffy looked at her and backed away.

‘Don’t fucking call me baby!’ She said angrily the tears streaming down her face.

‘I’m so sorry Buffy please.’ Faith started begging, something she never thought she’d ever do.

“You lied to me, you said you loved me.’

‘I do love you, I’d die without you.’ Tears began to fall down the dark slayers cheeks.

‘You loved me so much you had to………….’ She closed her eyes and looked away. ‘Why?’ She asked looking back at Faith.

‘It didn’t mean anything.’ Faith tried to move forward again but Buffy backed up.

‘Then why did you do it!?’

‘I don’t know.’ She tried to search for the words. ‘I thought that if I didn’t become too attached to you, if I didn’t let myself love you then it would be easier go through every day knowing that one day you could die. I didn’t want to lose you to watch you die. I thought if I kept doing what I always did then I could keep part of you out of me. But I couldn’t, and when…. When those fucking demons almost killed you I realized how wrong I was.’

‘You think that makes it ok? You think I didn’t have that same fear? You think you’re the only person in this relationship? I love you Faith and I thought you loved me.’

‘I do love you Buffy. Please I’m so sorry, I would do anything for you.’ Faith could feel as her life came crashing in around her. She dropped to her knees, tears falling from her eyes. ‘I’m so fucking sorry, please I love you. Tell me what to do.’ Faith looked at her pleadingly. ‘I’ll do anything to make it better, jus tell me what it is.’

‘I think it’s too late for that.’ Buffy said quietly and walked away, then began to run. Faith collapsed forward on the ground, slamming her fists down, then sitting back up she threw her head back and yelled in pain as she felt her heart being torn apart by her own hands.