Hope

Title: Hope (3/?)

Author: QueenC

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: Angel(us)/Cordelia; Dawn/Connor; Willow/Spike

Disclaimer: Do I *look* like Joss Whedon to you?

Distribution: Anyone I send it to. If anyone else wants it, just let me know!

Spoilers: Anything and everything.

Summary: AU. Cordelia returns to Sunnydale to face her past, bringing with her a surprise no one expects.

Authors Notes: Ok. This story is completely AU after Season Two. The premise to it is that Cordelia and Angelus had a relationship. Once he was re-cursed, she left town, never telling anyone where she was going. Hence, she is *not* in LA working with Angel. She never even graduated high school. Also, as in all my fics, Angelus is Spike's sire. I don't care what kinds of drugs Joss is on. Words in *'s are emphasized. Words in 's are thoughts. Words in ~'s are flashbacks.



******

Cordelia realized what she had said one second too late. However, before she could apologize and attempt to correct her faux pas, all hell broke loose in the hotel.

Gunn and Fred both jumped up from their spots on the couch, each moving quickly to the weapons cabinet on the far wall. Gunn grabbed a sword, handing his girlfriend a stake and cross. Then, they turned to face the vampire that was still standing on the stairs, staring at Cordelia.

Connor growled loudly, pulling the battle-ax from his belt. With his free hand, he spun Angel around, holding the weapon to his throat.

Cordelia watched the scene unfold her eyes wide. She noticed that the only person who wasn't responding was Ariana. In fact, the Seer was merely standing there, observing everyone else. That was when Cordelia realized that no one intended to stop his or her actions, until it was too late. It was up to her.

"No!" the ex-cheerleader cried, taking a step towards the stairway. "Don't hurt him!"

Everyone froze, looking at her. She locked eyes with the youth, praying to whoever would listen that he believed what she was about to say.

"I was wrong. H-He's not Angelus. He's Angel. He has his soul still," she stated softly, turning her gaze to the former Scourge of Europe, who had turned his head to look at her. She blinked back tears, and looked at the ground as the truth of her statement smacked her in the face. "He still has his soul."

Gunn looked from the strange woman to his boss, then back again. Finally, he put his sword back, nodding at Fred to do the same. "Conner, man, listen to her. That ain't Angelus. That's Angel," he said, walking slowly towards the confused teen.

Connor looked at his father, uncertainty in his eyes. Angel slowly turned back to look at him. "It's me, son. Cordelia was just confused. She hasn't seen me in a very long time," he stated.

Finally, Connor released him, taking a step back. Then, he looked at the woman who had caused the chaos. "Why did you think he was Angelus?" he demanded.

Cordelia wasn't sure how to respond. She looked around the room, took a deep breath, then murmured, "Because the last time I saw him, he *was* Angelus."

Angel walked down the remaining stairs, his eyes locked on the woman that had haunted his dreams for the past five years. "You know I'm not, right, Cordy. I'm Angel, " he emphasized, guilt washing over him as her eyes brimmed with unshed tears.

"Yes," she whispered so softly that even he had to strain to hear her. "You're Angel."

The hotel grew silent for a moment, each person lost in his or her own thoughts. Finally, Ariana broke the tension. Smiling, she walked directly up to the visitor.

"Well, welcome to Angel Investigations, Cordelia. I'm Ariana. That's Gunn, Fred, and the dashing young man on the stairs wielding the weapon is Connor. Why don't you come in and have a seat. Any friend of Angel's is a friend of ours," she stated cheerfully, reaching out to take the woman by the arm. The poor thing looked as if she were about to collapse at any moment.

Cordelia flinched, moving out of her reach. She glanced at Angel, who was simply staring at her, his face unreadable. "This was a mistake. I should go," she whispered.

"No!" Angel suddenly said, his voice much sharper than he had intended. Quickly, he moved towards her. "You just got here, Cordelia. Please, just come in, if only for a minute." He stopped in front of her, not even noticing when Ariana walked away, giving them their space. "Please, Delia," he said softly, looking into her eyes. "I just want to talk."

The young woman glared at him, the fire that she hadn't felt in a long time re-igniting within her. "Don't call me that," she snapped. "You don't have the right to call me Delia." Seeing the hurt look that crossed his face caused her to sigh. "I'm sorry. It's just...this is too much, Angel. I thought I was ready."

He nodded, sadness filling him. She was going to leave. He hadn't seen her in five years, and, just like that, she was going to disappear again. He felt the demon within him screaming at him to do something. Force her to stay, if necessary. However, he ignored his inner voice, instead stepping back. He turned around, unable to watch her leave yet again.

Then, he heard a voice that stopped him in his tracks.

"Mama, I want to stay."

Slowly, the vampire turned back around, his eyes landing on a little girl that stepped from behind Cordelia. She was young, maybe five, at the most. Her dark brown hair was pulled up in a ponytail, and long eyelashes framed her chocolate colored eyes. And, from the expression on her face, it was obvious that she was sick of being ignored.

Cordelia sighed, looking at her daughter. "Hope, honey," she said softly, pleading with her eyes for the girl not to make a scene. All she wanted to do was leave this place, go back to her hotel room, and forget that this day had ever happened. However, it was obvious that Hope had other plans.

The child stomped her foot, her hands going to her hips. "No! Mama, I want to stay here. I belong here."

Angel watched the entire interaction as if he were witnessing a movie in slow motion. "Mama?" he whispered, looking at Cordelia. "She called you mama. Why did she call you mama?" he asked, unaware that he sounded very much like Xander had the night before.

The woman turned to him, her eyes wide. Slowly, resignation settled over her face. "Angel, we need to talk."

******

"Man, they've been up there for a long time," Gunn said, looking towards the stairs. "Are we sure it's a good idea, leaving them alone like that?"

Fred smiled at her boyfriend, patting his hand affectionately. "I'm sure they're ok, Charles. I mean, she sure didn't seem like she was going to let Angel get too close to her," she stated, looking at Ariana. "Isn't that right, Ana?"

Ariana looked up from her vigil over Hope, nodding distractedly. "Yes. They're fine. Just catching up." That being said, she once more looked at the little girl who was sitting on the floor, coloring happily.

Another child. Angel had yet another child. Oh, granted, Cordelia hadn't confirmed that before going upstairs to talk to the man that wore her ex-lover's face. However, she didn't need to. Even if the Seer hadn't had new abilities that gave her the opportunity to sense blood bonds between people, she would have been able to see the similarities between not only Angel and Hope, but Connor and Hope as well.

"Well, that's all fine and good. But, I'm not waiting around to find out whether the vampire coming down those stairs is going to be good or evil," the street smart demon hunter suddenly stated, standing up. He gave his girlfriend an expectant look. "You wanna go out? Maybe catch a movie, go to the park?" he asked, smiling in what he hoped was a seductive manner.

Fred blushed, quickly standing. "Oh, Charles," she giggled. Then, realizing that no one was even paying them attention, she whispered, "I'll race you to the car."

Gunn smiled. "Hey, Ana, we'll see you later, ok? Call if there's a vision," he said. Then, the duo ran from the hotel, laughing the entire way.

Ariana watched them go, a maternal smile on her face. Then, she noticed Connor out of the corner of her eye. He was standing in the corner of the room, his arms crossed over his chest, studying the child on the floor.

"Connor, honey, why don't you come over and say hello," the woman suggested. "I'm sure Hope would like to meet you."

At the mention of her name, the girl looked up, glancing from Ariana to Connor. Shrugging, she turned her attention back to the picture she was putting the finishing touches on. "Don't need to meet him. I already know him," she muttered.

The woman blinked, unsure if she'd really heard what she had thought she'd heard. "You can't know him already, honey," she said gently. "You just got
here today."

Hope sighed, putting down her crayons and sizing up the woman that her mother had told her to mind. "I know I just got here. But, I *have* met him before. We've met lots of times in my dreams," the child stated. Quickly, she turned to look at her half brother. "Isn't that right, Stephen?"

Connor's eyes went wide at the use of the name he'd been called his entire life. He nodded his head, unsure how to reply. If he agreed with her, then everyone would think he was crazy. However, he wasn't accustomed to lying for no good reason, either.

Ariana felt chills going up and down her spine. Slowly, she glanced at the young man, her voice barely a whisper. "How did she know that name?" she questioned, her heart in her throat.

The teenager looked away, his mind drifting back to his years with Holtz. Although he hadn't remembered the dreams earlier when he had first seen Hope, they were all coming back to him now. For as long as he could recall, he'd had dreams in which he would talk with a young girl. A girl that appeared to have been the child sitting before him now.

"She's right. We've met before. Somehow, in my dreams, before I came here..." he sighed. "She showed me how to escape Quortoth."

The Seer nodded, unsure what to say. Finally, she managed, "Well, I guess it makes sense. Vampires aren't supposed to be able to have kids. Yet, Angel's had two. Of course you would both share a very unique bond."

Hope shook her head, smiling. "You don't get it. But, you will, soon enough." That being said, she began coloring another picture, humming softly to herself, completely unaware to the strange looks she was receiving.

Ariana blinked, looking at Connor for some potential insight to what the girl had said. However, he merely shrugged and headed to the kitchen, muttering something about finally getting something to eat. The Seer sighed, glancing towards the stairs. < I hope Angel's having better luck at making some sense of this than I am. >

Meanwhile, upstairs, Cordelia was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching as the vampire she'd once loved paced back and forth, his eyes flashing from brown to gold as he attempted to get some control over his raging emotions.

Angel glanced at her, growling softly. He could smell her slight fear, and arousal. And, he could see the raw emotion in her eyes. However, he didn't care.

"How could you, Cordelia? How could you keep my child from me?" he finally asked, facing her. "I deserved to know about her! I had a right to be there when she took her first steps, and said her first words! How could you take that from me?"

The young woman glared at him, all of the anger and pain that she'd bottled up so many years ago coming to the surface. Quickly, she stood, looking him in the eye.

"How could *I*? How could you say those things to me that night? Huh? How could you take my love and throw it back in my face like that?" she shook her head, tears in her eyes. "No, I won't let you do this. I *won't* let you turn this into my fault. You destroyed me that night. You took my heart, ripped it into little pieces, and laughed the entire time. If *anyone* owed anybody anything, *you* owed *me*! I owed you nothing!" she practically screamed.

Angel took a step back, his eyes wide and his anger temporarily forgotten. "Delia, that wasn't me. That was," he stopped suddenly as she slapped him hard across the face.

Shocked, he touched his cheek, looking at her. When she spoke, her voice was eerily quiet. "I told you once. I won't tell you again. *Don't* call me Delia," she hissed. Then, she coldly added, "And, for the record, just like it wasn't you who did all of that to me, it also wasn't you who fathered Hope. Angelus did. If anyone deserved to see her grow up these past five years, it was him, not you."

The vampire opened his mouth, then snapped it shut as he realized that she was right. He lowered his gaze, unsure what to say next. Finally, he looked at her, his eyes full of remorse.


"For what it's worth, I'm sorry for that night. I," seeing her visibly stiffen, he amended, "*Angelus* was angry. He thought that he was going to lose you because of Drusilla. So, he did the only thing that he knew to do. He turned it all back on you. Just so you know, he did love you, in his own way."

Cordelia gasped, her eyes widening. Slowly, a sad smile filled her face. "I know. I mean, I always thought so. But, thank you for telling me," she replied.

Hesitantly, he reached his hand out, running it along her cheek. "You've changed so much. You've grown into a beautiful woman, just like I always knew you would," he whispered softly, stroking her soft skin. "I missed you. We both have, demon and soul."

She closed her eyes, losing herself in his touch. Finally, she looked at him, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Angel. I wish I could say the same. But, I haven't. Missed you, that is. Angelus, yes. I missed him so much it hurt. But, not you. You were never mine to miss."

The former May Queen felt her heart breaking all over at the look of loss that crossed his face. She forced another smile, stepping away from his feather-like touches. Clearing her throat, she attempted to change the subject to something less painful. "Hope wants to stay here. I think she feels some connection to Connor. Is that ok? Because, if it isn't, I could check into another hotel."

Angel smiled, nodding. "I would be insulted if you didn't stay here," he said. "It's not like I don't have enough room."

Cordelia laughed. "I had a feeling you were going to say that," she teased. Then, the smile faded as she raised her eyebrow and inquired, "Now, about Connor. Care to elaborate on how he came to be, or should I start guessing?"

******

"I don't understand it."

Cordelia sighed, running her hands through her hair. "It's actually quite simple, Connor. You pick up the receiver, like this, then punch in the numbers, like this, then hold this end to your ear, and talk into it once someone answers on the other end. See?" she demonstrated, placing the telephone to her ear. Smiling, she handed the cordless to him. "Now, you try it."

Connor rolled his eyes, giving her a good-natured growl. "No. I know how to use it. I understood that the first time you showed me. What I mean is, I don't understand what to say." Guessing the smart reply that was about to follow, he interjected, "*Besides* ''hello''."

The woman laughed, placing the telephone back on its cradle. "Ok. What to say. Let's see." Slowly, she began pacing, wracking her brain for the easiest way to explain telephone conversation to him. "Well, you just talk about your interests. What you like to do. What your hobbies are."

The young man sighed, pulling himself up on the counter. He sat down, swinging his legs back and forth. "Cordelia, I fight demons. That's what I do. It's all I know how to do. I hadn't even seen a movie until a few months ago. And, even that ended in a fight!" he said calmly. However, inside, he was a quivering mess. There was no way that he was going to be able to have a normal conversation with Dawn. He was going to end up sounding like a freak.

The brunette shook her head, sitting beside him. "Connor, you're trying too hard. Just relax. You can't pretend to be someone that you're not. That never works. Just be yourself. Talk about what you're convertible with." Seeing he was about to protest, she held up her hand. "If you honestly don't think that you can talk about ''normal'' things, then ask about her. Find out what she likes to do. Girls love to talk about themselves."

Connor smiled, his eyes lighting up at the possibilities that option opened for him. "Ok. I can do that," he stated. "I'll ask about her."

Cordelia grinned. "Exactly! And, if that fails, you can always talk about the demon that you guys fought!" she frowned, suddenly shaking her head. "Wait. On second thought, you might want to hold onto that until the second conversation. That might remind her how you tried to be all noble and made her feel inferior."

Angel watched from the other side of the room as Cordelia and Connor both laughed at something that had been said. He smiled, turning his gaze back to the little girl sitting in front of him. She was staring at him, an intense look on her face.

"What is it?" he finally asked, smiling as she began chewing on her bottom lip.

"You're different," she said.

Angel blinked, taken aback. "Different? What do you mean?" he questioned.

Slowly, she stood, taking his face in between her small hands. The child peered into his face, inhaling deeply. Then, she let him go, taking a step back. "You smell different than the other monsters I've met. But, I can still see the darkness, too."

The souled vampire stared at her, not sure what to say. She was starting to sound like Drusilla, and he was far too out of practice to try to figure out what she meant. However, the meaning of her words suddenly hit him. "Oh! You mean my soul! You can smell my soul, can't you?" he asked, grinning when she merely nodded. Then, a horrific though occurred to him. "Hope, just because I'm a monster doesn't mean that I would ever hurt you. You know that you're safe with me, right?"

Hope studied his face, unsure how to respond. "Mama says that you're nice. So, I guess so," she eventually stated. Then, she grew somber, averting her eyes.

"What is it, little one?" he wondered, frowning at her sudden change. She refused to look at him, merely shaking her head. Angel sighed, unsure what to do. It was obvious that something was bothering her. However, he didn't know how to find out what it was if she wouldn't tell him.

Hesitantly, so not to scare her, he cupped her chin in his hand, raising her head. Once he'd captured her trouble gaze, he gently inquired, "Hope, what's the matter?"

"I'll forgive you," she whispered softly. "You'll have to do it, and I'll forgive you. But, first, you have to be honest."

Angel was confused. "What? Honey, I don't understand. What do you mean?"

"She had a vision, Angel. So did I. And, it's not good."

******