Nobody Loves Me

::Quick note:::

The site says I only have 2 chapters in this story but I know I put in the third, because I got reviews for it. So if it is still there and maybe I just can't see it I'm sorry and please could you let me know. Email me at Jwmpuppet@aol.com Thank you very much.

William woke up from a fitful sleep and picked the most comfortable outfit he owned. He had baggy black sweat pants and a black cotton tee shirt. He grabbed his back pack and headed down stairs, he saw Wesley in the living room.

"Morning Will, you look tired why don’t you grab some coffee, I made some."

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea, thanks."

Will went into the kitchen and grabbed one of his fathers travel cups and put coffee, loaded with sugar inside. He took a few gulps and got in his car and began the long drive to school. This meant explaining to Buffy about last night, which Will was not ready for.

He pulled up to the school and parked in student parking. As soon as he got to the entrance he spotted Buffy waiting for him. He walked up to her and smiled.

"William what the hell happened last night? Where did you go and who was that guy you were with. Don’t think I didn’t see you go into the bathroom with him!"

"Shh keep it down will you, silly bint."

William sighed and explained the whole entire story in great detail. Buffy listened attentively while he told his entire tail and waited patiently to speak. Finally he finished with a sad look on his face and Buffy smiled. Telling her the story reminded him of his appointment in a few days and he began think about that.

"I’m sorry sweetie, it will be ok I’m sure it will work out."

"Yeah because I’m lucky with relationships."

Buffy didn’t know how to respond to that because he was right. Even their relationship was awful and ended even worse. She felt guilty about it now, but there was nothing she could say or do to make up for it all. She was glad they remained friends because he meant a lot to her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three days later ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


William was driving to his appointment and was blasting loud punk music to calm down, but it wasn’t working. William had to stop and get a pack of cigarettes, he had been trying to quit but he needed one.

He pulled up to the building and had another cigarette before he went in. He got to Angels office and took a deep breath. He walked in and was immodestly greeted by Harmony.

"Hello Will, nice seeing you again so soon Blondie bear.

"Yeah, um nice seeing you too."

"Angel said you can go right back."

"Oh balls."

"What?"

William looked up at the deep voice and realized Angel had come out to meet him. He looked down at the floor avoiding eye contact and said the first thing he thought of.

"I- I um, it was uh nothing, I didn’t say anything."

Angel looked at Will and couldn’t help but smile. He liked will more than he should but decided it wasn’t a good idea to get involved with a patient. He knew he would have to tell William and that’s what he was worried about.

"Hello Will, first let me say last weekend was an accident, if I had known it was you I wouldn’t have done any of those things. It was dark neither of us realized who we were actually with. I cannot peruse a relationship with one of my patients. So we will pretend like it never happened it was just a mistake.

That word ‘mistake’ hit Will harder than the whole speech. He knew it was going to happen Angel wouldn’t want him and that had hurt enough, but the word mistake cut him deep. All his childhood he was called a mistake by different people and when he got older it didn’t change. He felt his eyes well up with tears and he put his head down so Angel wouldn’t see.

"Hey what’s wrong William?"

William didn’t answer at first, he just looked down as he felt the tears slowly run down his cheeks. God this was embarrassing he couldn’t wipe them or Angel would know he was crying and he had to lift his head sometime. He put his head in his hands and wiped the tears off as best he could, trying to make it look like he wasn’t crying. He wouldn’t look up though because he knew if he saw Angel he would feel the knot in his stomach again and start crying.

"Nothing."

"You know you can tell me."

Angel knew Will was lying he heard the tearful voice and noticed William wiping his eyes. He felt guilty because it was his fault.

"I- I just don’t like that word is all."

"What word?"

"M- mi- mistake."

William was about to break down again. He was remembering every single occasion that he had been called that and he tried sniffing back his tears. All of a sudden Angel spoke again.

"Why don’t you like that word?"

"I- I um, because I hate it! I’m not a fucking mistake, but I am I guess every one thinks so. I don’t understand what is wrong with me! What is so bad about me that everyone who knows me and gets involved with me calls me a bloody mistake!!? Why am I a mistake Angel. . .? I don’t to be one. Please I don’t want to be a mistake anymore."

Angel’s guilt skyrocketed as he listened to the boy rant and rave. He watched as William’s speech became a whisper and as he began crying silently. He moved over to the couch Will was sitting in and wrapped his arm around him and was surprised when he found his lap full of William.

Will was grabbing at Angel’s shirt in his small hand and sobbing uncontrollably. He let it all out, his pain, anger, self hatred. He was whispering over and over "I don’t want to be a mistake" and Angel just rocked him back and forth, whispering in his ear until he finally stopped crying. Angel heard William hiccupping, caused by crying so hard.

He heard sniffling and then William lifted his head off of Angel’s chest and looked up at him with wide, wet, blue eyes. He wiped at his nose with his shirt sleeve like a little boy and Angel’s resolve crumbled. He kissed Will’s forehead and wiped his tears with his thumbs.

"You are not a mistake, I’m so sorry I even said that. I want you, I still do but I could get in trouble."

"Y-you w-want me, you still want me?"

"Oh yes very much, but I don’t know if it is a good idea Will."

"Please. . .don’t give me hope and then take it away! Just tell me, do you want me or not?"

"Yes, yes I do but. . ."

"No don’t say that if you want me you can have me, I’ll be all yours."

Angel didn’t know if William was just desperate for affection or if he actually had feelings for him. Angel looked at the young man in his lap and smiled, he was adorable and sexy. He knew he liked William and he did want him, but could they be together and keep it secret?

"William you do understand that we would have to keep it a secret."

"I always do, I’m good at keeping secrets."

Angel moved William off his lap because they needed to talk and it was distracting. He looked into Will’s eyes and saw every emotion in them. He had a very expressive face, but his eyes were what gave him away. There was sadness, fear, apprehension, hope and adoration shining in them. The hope was what got Angel to decide.

"William what do you mean by you always do?"

"Well I usually have to keep my relationships a secret. The people I was with didn’t want anybody to know."

"William you understand it’s not like that right? We just can’t have people know because well I’ll lose my job and everything."

"It doesn’t matter you can trust me, I won’t tell I promise. Actually I have to tell Buffy because I already told her about the other night and she is going to want to know. She won’t tell anyone, I know she won’t"

"Who is Buffy."

"She is my best friend, ex girlfriend well sort of she used me for sex and I loved her. Now we are just friends."

"I would like to hear more about Buffy."

"I’ll tell you everything now that we are together. . .um uh if we are, are we. . .together?"

"Yeah I guess so William, but we have to control our selves when we are in the office ok? Right now you are my patient nothing more and I’m just your doctor. So tell me more about this Buffy."

"Ok I can do that." Will smiled happily and continued. "Well I can’t really tell you about Buffy unless I tell you about Drusilla and everything. . ."

"Drusilla?"

"Actually it started before Dru, but she was my first girlfriend. It all started with Cecily and a school dance."

"How many people have you been with ?"

"Um as in sex, Dru, Buffy, Anya and um some girl. I don’t know her name, but I do remember what happened. Oh and I kissed Larry once, he was my boyfriend. Well actually he was pretending to be so he could humiliate me but that’s another story."

"Why don’t you start with Cecily."

"Oh yeah, well it was this school dance and everyone dressed up in like Victorian fashion because that was the theme. It was at my old school back in England and well I was rather shy back then so I spent most of it writing poetry about Cecily. I loved her and I was going to tell her that night and maybe ask her for a dance. Well I walked up to the group she was with, it was Charles, John, Christine and Cecily and they were talking about something. Well Charles saw me standing and asked me my opinion. I hadn’t been paying attention, too busy staring at my love and well I didn’t answer."

"Then what happened?"

"Charles took my poem book and read the one I had been writing about Cecily out loud. Everyone laughed, but her. I thought maybe she liked it or liked me and so I followed her when she left the room. She was sitting down and she told me to go away, but I didn‘t.

*Flashback*

"Cecily."

"Oh, leave me alone."

"Oh they’re Bulgarians, they’re not like you and I."

"You and I? I’m going to ask you a very personal question and I demand an honest answer."

William nodded his head causing his glasses to slip lower on his nose.

"Your poetry it isn’t, there not about me are they?"

"They’re about how I feel"

"Yes, but are they about me?"

"Every syllable."

"Oh god."
"I know it’s sudden a- and please if they are no good they’re only words. I love you Cecily"

"Please stop."

"I- I know I’m a bad poet, but I’m a good man. All I ask is that, I- is that y- you try to see me."

"That’s the problem, I do see you. You are nothing to me William, you’re beneath me."

Cecily left William sitting alone on the couch leaving to go back to her friends. He felt himself tearing up and ran out into the streets crying and ripping his poems.

*End Flash back*

"I should have known I didn’t deserve her. I was a nerdy little pillock without a chance and I was stupid enough to say something."

William was surprised how much it still hurt him, then again he was shocked that he cried when Buffy had said the same words.

"She is the one who didn’t deserve you William. I think she is self centered and a cruel heartless bitch. You are better off."

"No, because that’s when I met Dru. She found me crying in a barn and she changed me. I went from nerdy, shy bookworm to Cocky, drug using punk. Back then I thought it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I think it was the worst thing."

"She changed you how?"

"Well I was her sweet William at first, I had my glasses and ironed shirts. She loved teaching innocent little me about a whole new world. Then I was embarrassing and not bad enough so I became Spike. Bleached hair, leather coat, black and red clothes. I was the ’Big Bad’ back then and it she loved the mean side of me. She was my dark princess and I loved her more than anything. We had a lot of nicknames for each other, we were inseparable."

"What was she like."

"She was crazy and stubborn, that’s what I missed most about her. She was already nuts and the drugs pushed her over the edge. She would talk to the stars and her bloody doll. Miss Edith, god I hated that doll it got me in so much trouble."

"How did a doll, Miss Edith get you in trouble."

"See that’s the weird part Miss Edith talked to Dru and told her when I was bad. It was sort of creepy because Drusilla would know about things and she would just say her dolly told her."

"She sounds interesting."

"Yeah but she was trouble. She is the one who got me kicked out of my house, which is a good thing. My father well. . . I don’t want to talk about him right now. My mom she was my world, but she had to go along with my dad because she was ill and he would use it against her."

"How?"

"He was the only source of money and he would refuse to pay for her doctors and medicine, she died a little while after I got booted."

"I’m so sorry Will."

"It’s ok, but I don’t really want to discuss him right now, maybe another time."

"Sure thing tell me more about Dru."

"Oh well after I got kicked out I was moved to a foster home in America. Dru was eighteen so she came with me and got herself an apartment in Sunny dale. She lived on the bad side of town and I used to sneak out and come see her every night. One day I just never came back to the home and I lived with Dru. We did drugs, every type of drug and drank all day long. That’s when I had sex with the mystery girl, Dru wanted a threesome on ecstasy and I couldn’t dent her anything. We were bad and she got me addicted to all kinds of things. Drugs, alcohol, sex and violence. Then we ran out of money and I had to get a job to support our habits and live."

"Where did you work?"

"For some guy, the anointed one, he was in charge of this underground drug industry. I used to call him annoying one, well yeah I would sell drugs for him. From coke to weed to anything else and well that is when I first met Buffy."

"She was a customer?"

"Oh dear god no! I was in the Bronze looking for customers and I watched her dancing. She was beautiful, but I would never cheat on Dru. Well I went out back to make a sale and she came out and flipped out. See Buffy is a white hat, against all things unholy and bad. She kicked my ass, even know I won’t admit it to her and well she told me to get out of there."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah, well I went home to my dark princess only to be told I taste like ashes or some shit. She knew I liked Buffy before I did which is weird, because I never said a word about her. Drusilla was claiming I didn’t have to and that she saw her dancing all around me. Dru left for Peru and I went back to my foster home. A couple months later I was adopted by Rupert Giles and he just happened to tutor Buffy. She hated me but she didn’t tell old Rupes about the whole drug thing."

"That is good of her."

"She did later on mind you, after Drusilla came back. Yeah she came back to me and I was happy again. We started up our old routine, me sneaking out to see her and coming home wrecked. Well Buffy and me would fight all the time because Dru wanted her dead. We actually got physical when we fought, because she would try and stop me from selling. Finally she told Giles about what I had been doing and he caught me sneaking in one night."

"What did he do?"

"We screamed, yelled and ranted but he didn’t hit me. Well I ran away, back to Dru and found her with another man. It broke my heart seeing her with another person, but that wasn’t the worst part. Later on I found out she cheated on me the whole time we were together."

"Damn William, she was trouble. So what did you do after that?"

"Went back to Giles and begged him to take me back. I promised him I would clean up and I’m still straight, well. . . Drug wise I am"

Angel laughed at him. "What happened to Dru?"

"Well she came back but I was in love with Buffy when she got there. She told me I couldn’t be saved and that was the day I decided to tell Buffy I loved her."

"Well I would like to hear about that, but we don’t have enough time. Will you tell me about Buffy next week?"

"Yeah I’m going to need the whole hour just for her anyway."

Angel noticed William looked sad and didn’t understand why. He got a pen and one of his business cards and wrote his home and cell numbers on the back.

"Here, my number is on the back maybe we can do something tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yea Will, when I told you I wanted to be with you I wasn’t lying."

"Oh ok then I’ll call you."

"Alright, make your next appointment with Harmony."

"Don’t I get a kiss? Just a little one."

Angel looked at Will and noticed he was blushing and they way he bit his bottom lip was making Angel want to do more than kiss. He leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Will’s sweet mouth before deepening it. The kiss only lasted a minute, but that’s more than Will had expected. When he left Angel’s office he had a goofy smile and pink cheeks. He made his next appointment, which was in four days and left. The whole way home he was smiling and thinking of what to tell Buffy.

As soon as he got home he said hello and ran upstairs to call her and tell her the whole story, but she didn't answer so he decided to wait. He slept great and dreamed of Angel the whole night.

Authors note: Hello! Thank you for the reviews, I loved them!! Reviews make me happy! Thank you Melissa for the help you have to start writing again you are slacking my friend. I hope you all liked this chapter the next one will be coming soon I promise! Keep reading and reviewing and Thanks again!!