A Gift from Evan

I wince as yet another one of my tops rip open. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why are all of my tops either tanks, tubes or too small? What am I gonna do? I can't go running down the street naked. I’ll be in jail faster than I can say, ‘Hey cops, funny story...’

I look around for the phone. Right, good idea, Faith. Who am I gonna call, who's not gonna think I'm nuts? Oh, Xander! A guy. One that I have a certain degree of power over. Also one of Buffy’s closest friends… But she’ll have all her new college pals now, so he might not... Who am I kidding, he so will. I’ve just gotta find a way to not tell him.

I pick up the phone and dial the number to his basement. He answers.

"Hello, Xander," I say.

"Who is this?" he asks, but I was expecting that question, see.

So I say, "You don't know me. My name is Evan. Faith gave me your number in case of emergency."

"Is something wrong with Faith?"

Er. Yeah! She's got a penis now. Too soon? Okay, I’ll tell him,
"She's not feeling too great and she's asking to see you."

"Okay, pal, what's going on?"

Uh-oh.

"Nothing, Xander. Look I'm being serious. She says you and her have a special connection."

"Really?" He asks, taking a moment. "I'll be right there."

"Great, thanks.” I quickly slip in, “And bring over a shirt and some pants."

"What?" he asks.

"I dunno, I think she's delirious or something. She must have got hit in the head while she was slaying. She says grab something black, she likes black."

"Faith wants me to bring over some of my clothes?"

"Not necessarily, you could go and buy some," I say. But maybe that's too much. "Or whatever you can bring is good."

---------------------------------

I open the door, let Xander inside and close the door behind him. I turn the lock, just in case.

"You must be Evan," he says. He looks around. "Where's Faith?"

"She's not here," I say but it comes out all menacing and shit. Give me a break, I'm not used to this voice box yet.

He looks at me like alarm bells are ringing in his head and then he screams. He’s freakin’

"Xander, no." I try.

"Stay away from me," he yells and throws the pile of clothes in his arms at me.

"Xander, stop."

"You psycho. What have you done with Faith?"

"Nothing," I say advancing. He runs back and picks up my phone. “Stay back.”

"Xander, you don’t understand,” I try again.

He runs to my bathroom and locks it.
"Yeah, the police," I hear.

Shit, he's calling the cops. What else can I do?
"Xander I AM Faith!" I have to scream.

He goes silent and slowly opens the door. He looks at me speechless.

"Now hang up or when I get my body back, I'll tell all your friends you have a really small dick."

"I do not," he says back, offended.

"They don't know that," I remind him. "And I'm pretty sure B'd slap you into next year if you tried to show her."

He clutches onto the phone real tight and only slightly lowers it from his ear.
"How do I know you're really Faith?" He asks.

My God, what a fucking cliché. This is the part where he asks me a whole bunch of questions, I’ll answer them all right and then he’ll go, “It really is you!” and then we’ll hug.

"Er.. I dunno, ask me something." I deadpan.

"What’s my middle name?”

“What?!” I say.

”Wrong,” he replies and he picks up the phone again.

“Wait!” I order. “How the fuck would you expect me to know that? X-man, I’ve spent about two seconds with you since I got to Sunnydale and those were the two seconds that we spent banging.”

“Please stop making references to the fact that we had sex,” he begs. “And it was so not two seconds.”

“I’ll never stop,” I tell him, menacing voice and all. “And if the cops come, I’ll tell them too. Pretty soon, all the headlines are gonna read ‘Xander Harris, as gay as the day is long.’ And you’ll never be able to get a woman again.”

“Dear Lord,” he shrieks.

That worked, man?

“Say if I believe you and you really are Faith, why are you a man? Have you been messing with magic, ‘cause I gotta say Faith, messing with magic is just wrong. It leads to bad, with the women and the chasing. Being locked in a basement with Cordelia and having all these feelings but then with the women and the chasing and the oldness of the women doing the chasing.”

I just stare.

He catches the message and asks me, “What did you do?”

Why lie? "Nothing, man. This crazy guy just came and told me... just turned me into a man." There's no need to tell him *everything*.

"A demon?"

"Maybe, I dunno." I run my fingers through my lack of hair. "He said that it'll wear off in ten days."

"Faith, you can't believe this nut-case demon. We have to tell Giles and everyone, see what they say." Well, at least he believes me. Or wants to believe me.

"I can't," I tell him. "I kinda already told B that I was my cousin."

"Huh?"

"She came by earlier and I sorta, kinda told her that I was my cousin, Evan."

"So where does she think *you* are?"

"Outta town. Look Xand, we only have to keep this up for ten days."

"We?!!" He shrieks. "No. I have nothing to do with this. If it all blows up, I'm gonna act shocked. Shocked!"

"S'at mean you're not gonna rat me out?" I have to be sure.

"No-one'd believe me if I did."

Cool.

"So you're just going to pretend that you're someone else for ten days?" he asks, looking like he’s not liking the idea.

I smile. "What harm could it do?"

-------------------------------

"Buffy!" Willow called for the fourth time.

Whipping around, the slayer watched her friend approach her, a dreamy smile plastered across her features. "Hey, Will."

"I've been calling you for about a half-hour."

"I'm sorry, I was elsewhere."

Mirroring her friend's excitement, Willow asked, "Oooh, elsewhere where?"

Unable to stop beaming, the freshman picked up a slow-ish place. "Nowhere important."

"You have 'guy' face," Willow told her. "You met someone. Who is he?"

"He's no-one," Buffy replied.

"Wow, that was a total guess," Willow confessed. "But now I know there's a guy. C'mon, Buffy spill. What's he like?"

Relenting, Buffy replied, "Okay, okay. His name is Evan. He's really tall, blonde, so cute and really pensive. Like he really thinks about what he's going to say before he says it."

When the slayer paused, Willow felt obliged to ask, "But?"

"But, he's Faith's cousin," Buffy completed, stopping to turn and face her Wicca friend.

"Oh.”

"And she's away. I can't have her come back and find out that I've been with her cousin. That wouldn't be fair."

"She’d get over it."

"I don't think so," Buffy disagreed. "See, the other night... Well... She kind of, sort of kissed me… a little."

"NO!" Willow screeched.

Buffy nodded to the contrary.

"Oh," Willow uttered again, now fully realising the slayer's dilemma.

"But you should see him, Will," Buffy continued. "He's so... unbelievably hot."

The wicca took a moment. "I say go for it,” she decided. “You never know, Faith might be happy for the two of you."

"I don't think so," Buffy told her friend.

"So, you're just not going to do anything," the red-head asked.

"Not without Faith's say so," Buffy replied. "She means way too much to me... Just not in that way."

"Who'd have thought," Willow mused. "I just thought she was really, really friendly with the innuendos and stuff."

"Me too. I was so shocked."

Walking toward their class, both girls recollected the evidence that proved otherwise.

------------------------------------

"Wow," Buffy merely commented, entering the library and gazing near-speechless at the size of the room.

“Oh my gosh, isn’t this amazing?”

“It’s cosy.”

Her eyes wide with excitement, Willow beamed looking at the multitude of literature available to UC Sunnydale students. “Y’know, I never wanted to hurt Giles’ feelings but occult books aside, our old library didn’t have the greatest selection. But this…”

Overwhelmed, the slayer decided, “Yeah, this is great… Y’know, if we ever need a place for the Nuremberg rallies.”

When shushed by a nearby librarian, the wicca lowered her voice, “See, we even have to whisper,” she realised. “It’s like a whole new world.” Excited, the red-head raced over to the first bookcase looking through the non-fiction reads on offer.

Feeling utterly bewildered, the slayer paced through the University library. *Get a grip, Buffy,* she told herself, finding the list of books she was to need for this semester.

Glancing back for her seemingly missing friend, Willow located the slayer making her way towards the bookstore store within the library. Picking out a copy of ‘Introduction to modern novels,” she raced beside her. “Here,” Willow offered, handing Buffy a basket for the large texts in her arms.

Loading the basket, Buffy stated, “I can’t wait for mom to get the bill for these books. I hope it’s a funny aneurism.”

Glancing around for the last book on her own list, the wicca mused aloud, “Introduction to psychology. Oh, up there,” the red-head spotted.

Buffy moved to the bookcase. “I’ll get it,” she offered reaching up for the text, noticing, "Y’know, this store discriminates against short people.”

“I think there’s a protest next week,” Willow informed her.

~ Faith POV ~

I glance around for the free snacks the girl in the courtyard promised me they were serving at the library of UC S. But zero joy. Not surprised though; this place is fucking huge. There must be like a million books in here. I keep looking and notice B at one of the bookcases, reaching for a mother of a hardback that's way high up. She knocks it over and it's about to hit some poor squatting dude on his head. I swoop in and catch it just before it does and the dude looks up, gets up and walks away.

"Here," I say, handing it to Buffy.

"Evan," she remembers, handing the book over to Red who's checking me out too.

"Hey," I say back. "Do you go here?" 'Cause I'm not supposed to know.

"Yeah," she says, looking at me blankly. "Are you transferring here?"

Why else would I be here? No seriously, give me a reason. "Yeah, I just enrolled," I lie. Though why, Faith. Why? Now she's gonna ask what classes you're in.

"Oh. What classes are you taking?"

See. Shit, I don't know what classes there are. I glance at the book case and read off it, "Psych and Pathology." I pick up one of the books.

"Me too," she gasps. "On the Psychology. No on the Pathology."

Great. That's just THE most perfect thing that I could have said. I should win 'Moron of the year.'

Red clears her throat.
"Oh," Buffy remembers. "This is Willow."

"Nice to meet you, Willow," I say. "You take Psych too?"

"Yeah," she beams. Fan-fuckin-tastic, now both of them can be watching out for me.

"Maybe we'll see each other in class," I say.

"Oh I'm sure we will," Buffy says. "We have Psychology now."

You're killing me, B! "Nah, I don't have Psych 'til later,” I try. “I’m pretty sure I have another class right now."

"There's only one Psychology group," Willow clears up for me. "It’s actually intro Psych – 105. Professor Walsh's. And her class fills up pretty quickly, so we’d better hurry."

Now what do I do? If I fess up and tell 'em I lied, B's never gonna fuck me. She's gonna think I'm crazy. On the upside, this professor Walsh may be a nice chick. She might not mind me sitting in. "Lead the way," I say, letting Buffy do so and dropping the book in my hand once her back is turned. Seventy five dollars for one book? Who the fuck wrote it – Elvis?

TBC…