Healing

Part 4

Spike and Xander were just about done patrolling their end of town when it happened. Spike stopped dead in his tracks, he sniffed the air and turned even whiter then he already was. Xander noticed the reaction immediately and looked around for the threat. If it freaked Spike this badly, it couldn't be good.

The greasy-haired vampire stepped out of an alley about thirty feet ahead of them. It looked like any other young fledge, Xander didn't see what the problem was, then he looked closer. The vamp was wearing a very familiar looking jacket. It was a tan leather bomber style coat with a pit-bull emblazoned across the back. One of the guys from last night had been wearing that coat. Spike must still be able to smell the kid on the jacket. Not good.

"Spike, it's not him. Okay? Just some dirty fledge who ripped off the coat."

"You sure, Xan?"

"Yeah. But if it makes you feel better, pretend it is him. Go get some revenge."

The smile that lit up Spike's face was pure evil. It reminded Xander that Spike was a Master vampire, and not to be fucked with.

"I can do that."

Spike turned and stalked after the hapless fledge. He didn't know what hit him. By the time Spike was done exacting his revenge, the fledge was begging for the stake. Spike himself was covered in blood, he had broken every bone in the vampires body, had pulled the hair from his head, ripped his pants down and impaled him with a pole he'd found in the alley and torn his dick completely off and forced it down his throat. The fledge would never understand the reason for his brutal treatment, why his executioner kept repeating the phrase 'see how you like it, fucker!' or why there was a human standing by watching with an almost happy expression on his face. He smiled in relief when the stake finally pierced his heart.

"You feeling better?"

"Much. Thank you Xander, that was quite... therapeutic."

"Lets go home then, you need a bath."

"Sounds good. I'm bloody well covered in blood and vamp dust."

As soon as they entered the apartment Xander pushed Spike toward the bathroom.

"Leave your clothes on the floor, I'll come get them in a minute and throw them in the wash. I'll leave some sweats on my bed for you."

"Ta mate."

Spike stripped off and climbed into the shower. The hot water felt fucking fantastic. He hated not being able to shower after patrolling. It was one of the many draw backs of living in a crypt. No shower, no cable, no company, because really, who wants to hang around in a musty old crypt? It was good for his image mind you, but that was pretty much shattered as far as Xander was concerned. He heard Xander come in and gather up his discarded clothing. The boy really was turning out to be a good friend. He hoped he didn't somehow fuck this up.

Xander threw Spike's things in the wash and then headed back upstairs to the apartment. He had locked the door behind him when he left - can't be too careful. He figured Spike would still be in the shower. For an evil vampire, Spike sure liked his creature comforts. Hot water, cable TV, human food. He was a strange demon, but Xander was surprised to find that he really enjoyed Spike's company. He had gotten to know him while they were in forced co-habitation in his parents basement. Aside from the human/demon thing they had a lot in common. They both had bad experiences with love, they both hated Angel, they both found Willow to be scary and dangerous when it came to magic, and neither of them had the balls to say it to her face. They enjoyed watching sports on TV, thought most sitcoms were trash, loved Monty Python, hated Anne Rice books, and something Xander would never admit, but was pretty sure Spike knew, they both thought that Buffy was a bit full of herself. And yeah, the fact that Spike was a guy, and therefore could do guy things with him didn't hurt. He couldn't see himself drinking beer, playing pool and checking out girls with Buffy or Willow.

Spike heard Xander come back into the apartment as he was towelling off. He wrapped the towel around his waist and walked across the hall to Xander’s room to get dressed. As he said, Xander had left a pair of track pants on the bed for him and a white muscle shirt. Spike slipped them on and wandered out into the living room.

Xander watched Spike walk toward him, his pants were a bit big for the smaller man, hanging precariously from his slender hips. The shirt - one that Anya had bought and was too small for Xander to wear - clung to Spike like a second skin. His hair was still damp and tousled, sticking up all over the place. All in all, it made Spike look very sexy. Xander shook his head at that thought. Sexy vampires were a no-no. Best to get in the shower and not think bad thoughts about the emotionally distraught *sexy* No! not sexy, *hurting*! Hurting vampire.

"I'm gonna grab a shower, turn on the TV if you want, or whatever, make yourself at home."

"Sure mate, you okay Xan? you look a little flush, and your heart rate is up."

"Yeah fine, ran upstairs from the laundry room. I'll be out in a minute."

Xander jumped in the shower and banged his head against the tiled wall. This was sooo not the time to get the lusties for Spike. And damn, the vamp knew something was up. He needed to find some way of keeping his thoughts from going down the dark path. If Spike weren't such a mess right now he wouldn't be so concerned. Then again, he wouldn't be here either.

"God, I don't even know if he likes men that way."

After a quick shower, Xander donned a pair of boxers and a T-shirt and headed for the kitchen. He phoned in an order for pizza and grabbed a couple beers from the fridge. Walking back into the living room he handed one to Spike.

"You eat?"

"Yeah, while you showered."

"Good, I ordered pizza, no garlic. Should be here in about twenty minutes."

"Sounds good."

"Anything decent on?"

"Nah, the sports channel's got curling on. What kind of bloody sport is that I ask you? As bad as golf if you ask me."

"No shit! And the worst is, both of those so called sports pre-empt wrestling all the time!"

"Ah now there's a sport with some action, not to mention some nice looking bodies to ogle."

"Definitely! That Tori is H.O.T. hot!"

"If you go for that type."

"Well, yeah, Who were you talking about?"

"Me? Well, I always liked brunettes myself. Now Lita, she could throw me around any day."

"Ah! So my vampire friend has a wish to be tossed around by a sexy brunette then?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. But all I seem to get, is tossed around by a pissed off blonde. And she isn't even making it fun for me."

"I know your pain my friend, I certainly do. Rarely do we get what we really want."

"Ain't that the bloody truth."

Xander left once more to transfer Spikes clothing from the washer to the dryer. The pizza arrived shortly after and the two men settled on a movie while they ate and drank a few more beers. Clothing was retrieved from the laundry room and eventually Xander started to nod off on the sofa. He dragged himself to his feet, intent on going to bed.

Ah, now for the fun part. What to do about Spike? Leave him on the couch again and face a repeat of last night or ask him to share the bed and look like I'm coming on to him? Decisions, decisions.

"I'm beat Spike, I'm going to bed."

"Alright, night then."

"You want to... I mean, you... Oh hell! I'm not being a perv okay? But you can sleep with me if you want to. If you're tired that is, or you can stay up and come to bed later... Or sleep out here if you want. Stop me before I turn completely into Willow with all this babble speak, would you?"

Spike laughed and stood up. He slung an arm around Xander’s shoulder.

"Wouldn't dream of sharing a bed with you if you turned into Red, I'd likely wake up a rodent or something equally yucky."

"Yucky? Spike, are you afraid of rats?"

"Oi! I was alive in London in the late 1800's. Rats could kill you!"

"Don't worry, I'll keep your secret."

"Yeah, I trust you would."

Spike followed Xander into the bedroom. Xander pulled his shirt off out of habit and then turned around to find Spike watching him.

"Oh. I can ah, put it back on. Sorry."

"No worries mate. Don't bother me none, I usually sleep naked. Speaking of which, you got any shorts or something I could sleep in? The pants bunch up."

"Yeah sure, no problem."

Xander grabbed a pair of shorts and tossed them to Spike before turning his back to give the vampire some privacy, not to mention keep himself from thinking naughty thoughts. Spike found the whole situation rather amusing. Xander had seen him naked, hell he had bathed him, and yet here he was turning away to protect his privacy. As if vampires had any modesty! Spike put on the shorts after removing the pants and the top.

"All done, you can turn around now."

"Okay, uh which side do you want?"

"Doesn't matter to me pet, which do you want?"

"Uh, I usually sleep on the left."

"Right, so I'll just hop into bed then."

Sleep was not coming easy to Xander. His thoughts were drifting back to earlier that night when Spike tortured that fledgling. He knew Spike had enjoyed himself. Why wouldn't he? He didn't expect himself to enjoy watching it so much. He had briefly entertained the idea of dressing a vampire in his fathers clothes and seeing just how therapeutic it was.

Of course he could never do that, it was wrong for humans to torture demons just because they're demons. Besides, he'd much rather torture the man responsible than some dressed up substitution. And wasn't that a pleasant thought to try to sleep on.

Spike lay awake for a while, dreading sleep. He wasn't as put together as he was acting. He knew that sleep would bring nightmares, the memories still fresh in his mind just waiting to be released. He wondered if Xander would hold him again? Maybe he could pretend to roll over in his sleep and curl into him. It was worth a shot.

Xander felt Spike move beside him, he wondered if the vampire was asleep or not. He figured he must be when he rolled into him and curled his body against him. Xander put his arms around Spike and pulled him closer, maybe he would be able to sleep after all. He leaned down and gently kissed Spike's head before closing his eyes to sleep.

Spike was much calmer once Xander pulled him close, the kiss was a nice touch. He now felt safe enough to sleep, knowing that Xander would be there if the dreams got to be too bad. He hated being this weak, but at least he didn't have to face this alone.

Xander woke instantly when the man in his arms tensed up. Spike's whole body was rigid in fear, he was whimpering and Xander was pretty sure he felt the sting of cold tears running down his chest from where Spike's head lay. Xander gently shook Spike.

"Spike. Wake up. You're dreaming again, it's not real. Those guys are gone they won't hurt you again, I promise you, you're safe here."

Spike woke up gradually, he could hear Xander's voice calling him out of his nightmares. He really wanted to wake up and hear what he was saying. He needed to be assured that he was safe.

"...and I promise, I will hunt them down myself if they come anywhere near you. I won't let it happen again, but you have to wake up now."

"Xander?"

"It's okay Spike, you were just dreaming."

"Thank bloody God! Fuck I hate this."

"Do you want to go back to sleep or stay up for a bit?"

"Can't sleep. Not just yet. God you must think I'm such a bloody wanker! What kind of fucking vampire cries for fuck sakes!"

"One who was hurt and abused for no reason? A vampire who's means of defence have been taken from him by his primary food source? Or how about a vampire who didn't deserve to be brutalized by seven drunken humans who acted with less caring then most demons I've run up against? Spike, I don't think any less of you. I never would. Not for that."

"You know don't you? How I feel?"

"Yeah. I do. It was never as bad as what happened to you. But every time it happened I prayed that it would be the last time. That he'd get bored with me and leave me alone. Or that he'd die a horrible death. Finally I started hoping that I would. Just bleed to death on the floor or something, never happened."

"Fuck, I'm sorry luv. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"S'okay Spike. No one else knows though. My friend Jesse, he knew. He used to make me feel better after, you know, hold me and let me cry on him. I needed that. So do you, and I want to help you."

"What happened to your friend?"

"Darla. She vamped him... and then I staked him."

"Bloody hell."

"It was an accident, he was in front of me and I was holding a stake. I wasn't going to kill him, just trying to scare him off. Some one ran past and knocked him into me, he fell on the stake. The last thing I saw was the shock on his face... it still haunts me sometimes."

"So, that why you hate vampires so much?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Angel just clinched it you know?"

"How so?"

"I liked Buffy. He liked Buffy. He got Buffy. Then I find out he's a walking corpse, the thing that she's supposed to kill and yet he still gets Buffy. Then they get groiny and 'hello Angelus' but does she stake him? No. He runs around eating people, terrorizing her friends and trying to kill her. Still no slayage. Miss Calendar dies, Giles is tortured, the world literally had to be on the verge of being sucked into Hell before she did anything about it. Then she ran away with her tail between her legs. Willow, Oz, Cordelia and me spent the entire summer trying to keep control of the Hell mouth. But what really brassed me off about Angel was the way he blamed everything on the demon, as if we were stupid enough to think that his 'soul' was anything more than a conscience. If him and Angelus are so different, two separate entities, then why does Angel have to be redeemed for sins committed by the demon? He killed Miss Calendar, he tortured Giles and he tormented Buffy and the rest of us. But because his 'soul' was restored he expected us to just forgive and forget. He tries to act like he isn't a vampire when he is, that's why I hate him."

" Nice to see that my Grandsire hasn't fooled everyone with his 'poor me' act."

"Yeah, well, mostly I slay with Buffy because I don't want my friends to be hurt. I know it's not black and white, demon against human. There is a lot of grey in between. Not all humans are good, Hell I'd say a whole fucking lot of them aren't, and not all demons are bad, and I sooo don't mean Angel either. Buffy has a job to do, she can't afford to be objective. I can."

"Nice to know pet. I may be evil, but I value my friends. If the chip came out tomorrow, you'd have nothing to fear from me."

"Thanks Spike. I appreciate that. I'd help you anyways you know."

"I know."

"You ready to sleep yet?"

"Yeah. I think I'll be alright now."

"You want me to let you go?"

"No. I mean..."

Xander smiled and gave Spike a reassuring squeeze.

"It's fine. I know, go to sleep."