The Brink Of Your Mind

Bitter Oblivion
A/N: In season three, Faith suddenly drops out of two episodes; lovers walk and the wish. Why? Here’s my take on that, inserted into my fuffy’verse. Flashbacks contained in #~#~#.



Who the fuck knew that Sunnydale was it’s own pocket of boiling weather and freaky heat waves? I mean, Jesus, I’ve only just stepped out of city limits a’m s’m suddenly freezing my ass off. And I didn’t shove anything other than a clean set of clothes in my bag. Cause this is southern cal right? Who’d need a jacket on a night like this?

Faith stopped walking, taking a moment to turn around and look back at the glowing streetlights of the city behind her, trying to decide if it was worth it to go back and get her leather. She knew exactly where it was; hung up on the shower rail. She could be in and out in ten minutes if she hoofed it quick. She caught sight of the clock tower, noticing the time to be a quarter past twelve, and without another thought, turned around and carried on walking.

It’d be patrolling time, and right now she was trying to minimise her contact with the other slayer, not maximising it by taking the short cut through the back of Restfield cemetery. Sure, she knew a longer way around and back to her motel room, but who could be bothered at this time?

She folded her arms over her chest, hunching her shoulders against the chilled breeze that seemed to have come out of no where, and ducked her head, starring right at the blacktop. You weren’t allowed to actually hitch a ride, for some reason. But hey, if someone sees you walking and offers you a lift, then that’s ok.

Every law has a loophole in it. You just have to find it.

But she was in the middle of nowhere, with only Sunnydale behind her and open desert in front of her.

It was going to be a long night.

~ ~ ~

“So what happened?” Buffy shrugged her shoulders, looking in the opposite direction of her best friend, and hoping that the red head would drop the issue. Of course, it’s not like Faith had blown up in front of the whole cafeteria at her, thrown her chair half way across the room, before slamming out and leaving the room in silence.

No. She actually threw her chair out the window.

And, of course, willow was busy getting her food and wasn’t at their table to hear what had set Faith off in the first place. So, *of course*, she now wanted to know about it. She’d stead fastly refused to tell Giles anything about Faith’s past, telling him in no uncertain terms, that a) it was non of his business, even if he was going to be the dark haired girls watcher and b) no one wanted to know those kind of things about someone they knew.

Jesus, *she* didn’t even want to know them. And even though she tried not to, she couldn’t help but pity Faith, even if it was just a litbit.bit. Because no child should have to go through, what she went through. And not only that, Buffy didn’t even see all of it. She saw snippets and chunks, with nothing in between. Kind of like a MacDonald’s.

And no matter how much she’d tried to hide that pity from her partner in dust, she had the feeling that Faith felt it. As if it were a tangible thing, like she could touch it or taste it in the air. She came to Sunnydale hoping to find an equal when it came to their shared burden, not someone to take pity on her, to coddle her.

She sighed to herself, running the pad of her thumb back and forth across the stake that was in her pocket; unmindful of the splinters she was getting in the digit.

How do you eveplaiplain that to someone? ‘Oh hey, I know about all the shit you went through as a kid, because the devil showed me.’ That one would go down a treat. And trying to explain that the devil didn’t want her taking over his dimension? Forget about it.

“You have to know what was said Buffy! Come on! You were the only other person there!” the blonde looked at her friend out of the corner of her eyes, and found herself non too pleased that the red head seemed to be getting some form of glee out of whatever it was that set the other slayer off. As if she was fishing for something.

“Why do you care?” she pulled up short of the back gates and turned to Willow, looking her dead in the eyes and freezing her to the spot.

“I wasn’t… I.. what do you mean?”

“Faith, why she blew up, why do you care?”

“Because.. She’s my friend and..” her words were cut off short by Buffy’s snort of laughter and the shaking of her head.

“Willow, I love you, but you just suck at lying.” Without another word, she turned on her heel and walked off into the night, the apprentice Wicca trailing behind her, with a confused look creasing up her features.

~ ~ ~

Always wanted a trans-am. Faith ran her hand over the doorframe as she gripped the steering wheel in her fist, listening to the music washing over her. About two miles out of the city, this guy had pulled over. He was hot, with a bitchin’ car and nice tunes. Pity he was a vampire.

Apparently going out to L.A for something or another. She wasn’t really paying that much attention to what he was saying. Just concentrating on the soundlessness of his heart, and the way he only inhaled for air when he was speaking.

The fight was over in minutes, if you could even call it that. The only reason he lasted that long was because Faith didn’t really feel like staking his ass just then. She was angry, and full of repressed memories that she’d rather have stayed buried.

He’d taken off the roof panels, so it was pretty easy to get him out of the car; she just grabbed his coat and yanked him out. That was why she loved slaying so much. She held ultimate power over this vampire, could do with his life exactly what she pleased. She could form her own army if she wanted to, but she had way too much fun ramming their cold hearts full of wood. The adrenaline rush that over came her as she was getting near to the kill, the way her whole body hummed with the mystical power that gave her the god given right to run around after dark, and save everyone from a world they didn’t believe in, and didn’t want to know about.

It almost made her feel like a god.

That’d been about half an hour ago now, but at least she wasn’t cold anymore. She’d found the roof panels in his truck and fixed them back on, before cranking the heater up to full blast. Maybe the desert really does get frozen cold during the night. You know, like the dark side of the moon?

It really was a beautiful night, with the stars out and the desert blowing in the wind like it does. It couldn’t have been better. And yet, there was still that nagging little voice in the back of her mind, the one that kept telling her to go back to Sunnydale and find out exactly what Buffy knew about where she came from. And exactly how she found out about it.

Or maybe she’d just guessed. But the sceptic in her doubted it highly.

#~#~#

They were sat at the same table they were always sat at; the one near the window so they could see outside as the seniors ran around off campus, while the rest of them were stuck in school grounds. Well, except Faith, seem as though she didn’t go to school here. She enjoyed the atmosphere though. kind of friendly and bubbly, whilst being hostile and targeted at the same time.

She was leaning back on the back two legs of her chair, swinging one of her feet and banging it in a steady rhythm against one of the up-raised front legs as she studied the people around her. It was amazing what having the gifts of a slayer will do to you. She came into a room and she was immediately looking for the exits. Sizing the people around her up, and not in the bar fight kind of way either.

Like how now, she knew the fat kid in the corner weighed in at about 210 pounds, that the blonde girl working the register was on some kind of drug and that she’d planned out and memorised the best possible escape route, in case something went down. How she could smell the captain crunch on the dark haired kids breath, on the next table over, and that she could read the tiny writing that was stitched into some kids bag, from across the room.

Cordilia was sitting over there near one of the side doors, her cronies hanging around her like she was some form of god, as she bent over a note book and ignored them all with practised ease. She hadn’t seen Xander around yet today, but that wasn’t unusual for any day that ended in a ‘Y’, and red was over at the counter, looking down into the trays of and and crinkling her nose.

What the hell was wrong with that girl? It was food wasn’t it? Not that Faith was complaining too much; whatever red didn’t eat (which was usually most of what she got) she’d give to her.

“..And Willow’s mom, god. Don’t even get me started on that nut job.” She tuned back into what Buffy was saying and caught the end of her sentence. Red’s mom? How did she fit into a conversation about homework from her last period?

“Damn B, I just don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, even a crappy parent’s better than non, right?” she shrugged, hoping her answer was the best one that she could of given, and started to look around the room again.

“Yeah, like your dad. What a peach. Did he go to charm school?” her foot stopped banging her chair, her eyes froze on that small spot of grease over on the far wall, and it felt as if she’d also stopped breathing too. Like her heart was about to burst out of her chest and land in a soppy mess on the table between them.

How had she known about him? When did she find out? Was that pity she could hear in her voice?

Oh fuck no.

She dropped her chair back down to the floor, and without looking at the blonde, pushed it out and stood up. That was when Buffy reached out and put her hand on her arm, calling her name.

“Just don’t!” she didn’t mean to raise her voice that loud, or make everyone within the café shut up and stare at her, but she couldn’t have helped it if she tried. It was either shout, or lash out. And she’d seen Buffy in action, so no thank you. “Who the fuck gives you the right to say that? Who the FUCK gave you the right to even breathe that kind of talk to me?!” she picked up the chair she was sat on and heaved it away from her. She didn’t even watch where it was going, and while she hoped it didn’t hit anyone, she wouldn’t have turned around even if it did.

“Faith I..” the brunette held up her hand, cutting off Buffy’s words, and staring down into her face.

“Don’t Buffy. Ok? Just… don’t.”

#~#~#

She reached over and flicked off the radio, the guitar riffs not helping to drown out the white noise or to smother the day deep down inside of her head. Instead she tried to focus on the road, not really giving a shit where she was going, or where she’d end up being.

She just knew that she needed to get out of dodge for a while, get clear of the rage that was eating up at her, knowing that when the anger drained, all that’d be left was the memories and the pain of a childhood she’d tried to hard to forget.

And she’d die before she ever let Buffy see her like that.


To Be Continued