Helpless

Title: Helpless
Part: 3/?
Author: My Reality Girl aka Jessie
Pairing: W/S
Rating: NC17
Warning: Deals with rape
Disclaimer: Not mine never was - just borrowing them for a while!
Feedback: I live for it! Email me at myrealitygirl@yahoo.com
Note: This is A LOT different from what I normally write - if you think I didn’t’t pull it off let me know! - I set myself a challenge, the question was “why would Spike shave his head?” obviously inspired by James Marsters recent radical new look. I wanted to see if I could write one funny and one sad fic - with that question in mind. Here’s the sad one - anyone else want to give it a try?
Note 2: This part is for SPIKESBUFFYBOT1 - hope you like it!! And I hope you think Spike gets what he deserves!! LOL.
Website: where all my fic lives! http://www.freewebs.com/myrealitygirl/


Part Three

Spike never returned to his crypt, he couldn’t face it. He had t onc once with Willow at his side - a few weeks after the attack. They had stood outside for over an hour - Spike summoning the courage to just open the door.

Willow had watched and waited, giving him all her strength as he finally pushed open the heavy wooden door.

Spike stood on the threshold - his eyes cloudy as he replayed that night over in his mind.

The beatings, the pain, the voices bouncing off the cold stonewalls - all clamoured for attention in his mind.

< I can’t do this - I can’t go in there - Blood hell Red why did let you talk me in to this >

The crypt itself was exactly the same as the night he had fled - his clothes strewn across the floor, ripped and bloodied. Dried blood, his blood, coated the side of one of the sarcophagus’s.

“No-one’s been in here?” Willow asked quietly, her voice a little surprised - her eyes moving slowly over the scene before her.

“No - they wouldn’t dare. The other vamps know me - or at least knew me. I’m the ‘Big Bad’ remember?” his voice gruff in the darkness.

Looking down at the little witch Spike knew he could never go back in that place again, and told as much to Willow.

“So don’t” she answered simply.

“Where am I gonna stay Red? I could find somewhere new I guess - wanna help?”

Willow shook her head “No”

“Oh - course not. Things to do I suppose” his voice showing traces of the hurt he was feeling.

< Thought we were friends >

“No dummy - I mean you don’t need somewhere new”

“I’m NOT staying here. I CAN’T!” he insisted - fear in his voice.

“Who said you would have to?” she frowned, getting a little lost in the conversation.

“YOU DID!” his voice rising, anger tickling at her brain.

“For a smart vamp you really are a dumb guy you know that. I meant - why not stay with me. The basement’s been kitted out as a games room. My parents did it years ago. Wanted me to have ‘my own space’ - really it was somewhere to send me when their loud obnoxious friends came over. You can stay there. Not like they’re ever home anyway - plus I could use the company” her voice was quiet - suddenly shy as he stood watching her.

Spike thought for a moment, his head tilted in consideration - then a huge grin spread across his handsome face - now completely devoid of any injuries.

“Think your parents will go for it Pet?”

Willow smiled “They already have - I told them you’re an old friend of Giles’s, that you’ve just moved to America - starting a new life. Not a complete lie is it?”

Spike nodded in understanding - it would be a new life, a life in which he had been made a victim. His life would now be a catalogue of memories -in which he would remember them as either ’before’ or ’after’ THAT night.

“I guess not”

“So wanna live with me Spike?” Willow asked, a little uncertain of his desire to move in with a fellow ’victim’.

“Sounds like a plan”

Willow reached a hesitant hand to him - his eyes lit on it for a moment, understanding how much courage that small action had taken - Spike took it gently, his fingers closing around hers.

She looked up and smiled “Let’s go home”

“Yeah - like the sound of that” he grinned - then paused as he saw mischief dance in her eyes - Willow laughed as she told him, in her best ‘cartoon dog’ voice.

“That’s my boy!”

“Bloody hell! Wish I’d never told you that!!!” he laughed - setting off across the graveyard, he looked down at the little redhead walking by his side.

“So I better start calling you ‘Junior’ huh?”

“Try it and I’ll set Buffy on you!”

“Anything but that!” he laughed, walking towards his new home - with a friend he never thought he’d have had a few weeks before.

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Getting Spike settled into the basement was more work than Willow had counted on.

They had painted the walls either cream or white - anything to get some ‘natural light’ into the dark space - the only light was two long thin windows that ran along the wall at ceiling level, so at least Spike could have some light, adding some velvet covers over them meant he’d be able to walk around though in a nice non-fatal way.

Xander had offered to put some dividing walls up, the once large room now had a walled off area that was his bedroom.

Spike had slowly become reacquainted with the group. Weary at first in case they asked too many questions - until he realised that Willow had warned them not to - all they knew and needed to know was that he had been attacked whilst protecting her.

Spike had felt a little sick when he heard that part, but he kept quiet - Xander had told him that Willow had explained that she’d killed the attackers when Spike had led them to her place, after he was beaten.
Spike had only nodded in agreement and kept quiet.

He could tell Buffy was burning to know, but she hadn’t asked - out of respect for Willow’s wishes, Spike thought that told him a lot about how much her friends valued and trusted her to tell them anything she felt they needed to know.

Once the walls were up and new carpet laid - with much swearing from the assembled men on how it done ‘properly’ - the fun of interior design begun!

Spike left it to the girls - and they went wild.

It seemed that Spike had some money tucked away for a rainy day - quite a lot of money it seemed - which was lucky for him, because with those girls having a shopping spree (on someone else’s money) that rainy day had arrived - but as it was it had turned in to a MONSOON!

Soon though, with them all the helping Spike’s apartment/basement was complete - sitting back on his first night there he looked around - pleased with what he saw.

The creams and whites of the walls had been broken up by different colours - or ‘accents’ as Anya kept telling him.

The lounge had splashes of red and gold, the kitchen green and silver, the bathroom was left a stark white - right down to the towels, and his bedroom - oh his bedroom! It his favourite room - Buffy, Anya and Willow had decided on blue but had argued on which shade, which is how Spike now had every shade of blue imaginable - from electric to baby fought for attention.

His furniture was pine and all in place - including his new bed.

Spike smiled as he remembered the shopping trip to find it.

The whole Scooby gang had ended up going. Willow and Buffy had played on the bunk beds; Giles had seemed to favour a large waterbed.

< Go figure? >

Anya and Xander had almost got kicked out of the store - they had been told, politely, by three different salesman to not ‘test’ out any more of the beds - Spike had wandered away from the blushing teens, his eyes drifting over the many styles and beds available until he saw it - his bed - it just screamed ‘Spike’ a king-size pine monster, heavily carved and slightly gothic looking - with a headboard of intricately carved columns.

Buffy didn’t like it at all - oh, she had when he’d first chosen it - the dislike had set in as they had tried to manoeuvre it down the basement steps!

It was just the two of them as Willow had a late class, Giles was meeting Olivia and Xander and Anya were having sex, Spike knew this piece of riveting information because Anya had called and told him, Spike had a sneaking suspicion that she had called during daily sex-a-thon!

< Nice!!! >

“Why the hell didn’t you get a single?” Buffy griped, tugging and pulling the monstrosity down the narrow stairs - Spike who was at the other end grinned “I like lots of room”

Buffy rolled her eyes “Yeah right - haven’t noticed anyone rolling around with you lately?” shouting as the bed skidded down a few of the steps.

“OI WATCH IT!”

“Sod off - so WHO has been rolling around with you then Spike?” Spike just raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

< None of your damn business >

“Willow?”

Spike’s head shot up and his eyes narrowed “Willow already told you that nothing like that’s going on - why don’t you believe her?”

“Willow told you I asked that?” a blush creeping up her cheeks.

Nodding Spike continued “We’re just friends - nothing more” thinking he’d finally got the message through he bent and started pulling the bed in the direction of his room.

“Why?”

Spike frowned and paused in his exertion to look puzzled at the Slayer - she stood arms crossed looking a little angry.

“Eh?” completely lost now with this conversation.

“I said why not Willow?”

“NOW you WANT me to date Red?” his eyes wide at her statement.

Buffy shrugged, walking over to help again she asked “Your one of the few men she seems to let get close - I mean close as in sit next, stand next to - I don’t see her do that with anyone else but Xander and Giles. Your cute, for an evil blood sucking demon and she’s pretty - you look good together - anyway she’s always happier when you around” smiling slightly at his shocked expression.

Finally sliding the bed in to position, she straightened and turn to him “I’m outta here - just think about what I said okay. I don’t know what happened when you got hurt - but I do know it brought you two closer together, don’t throw the chance away. Oh and if you hurt her I’ll make you pray for sunlight, got it?”

Spike nodded dumbly as the slayer smiled and left.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Spike felt a little shell-shocked. His mind replaying what she’d said.

< Me and Red? Slayer’s right Red is pretty, gorgeous in fact but, but Nah it would never work. She needs someone better than me! Someone who’d be gentle - not my strong suit. Stupid Slayer! But I wonder… >

He had feelings for Red - there was no denying that. Protecting her was what had put him in this situation in the first place - just the thought of those bastards touching the small girl had his demon raging.

< Could it work? I could be gentle - couldn’t I? I’d never hurt her, be patient, give her - us - the time WE need to work out our shit. Wonder what Red would think of it though? Don’t want to scare her off >

As he sat there he heard the door of the house open above him, Willow’s soft footsteps crossed the lounge into the kitchen, pausing by the fridge - for a soda - then more soft steps as she crossed to the door at the top of the stairs, he heard a small knock and called out “Come in Red”.

Walking into the lounge he waited while she came down the stairs, a smile crossed her face as she saw him.

“Hi - everything finished?”

Spike nodded as she sat next to him on the couch, a small gap between them - just enough to be comfortable without being noticeable, not like the chasm she used to insist on.

“Yup” he told her, sitting back as she stayed and chatted for a while. Telling him about her day, her assignment for class - history - Spike was good with that seeing as he’d actually witnessed most of the major points in it! - When it was time to leave she stood and bid him “goodnight”

Spike had sat and listened to her for more than an hour, laughing at her chatter - adding his own thoughts to her homework. As she stood to leave he had the sudden realisation that he needed her - not just in a sexual way but in a ‘she completes me’ way.

Catching her soft hand in his larger one, he smiled in to her startled eyes and never breaking the connection between them he pressed a soft kiss to her palm.

Willow frowned and sat back down, like her knee’s didn’t know how to support her anymore.

< Good sign! >

“Spike?”

“Yes Pet?”

Looking at him quizzically she asked “What’s going on?”

“Oh - um - well you see the thing is… Bloody hell. Look I like you, you know that right?”

Willow nodded “I like you too”

“Good - well. I’m not going to push - you know I’d never push. I …. This I a lot harder than I thought it would be!”

“What is?”

“Me - asking you. If you want, would - could. DAMMIT! Look, a relationship - me and you. What do you think?” his voice low - his soft blue eyes never leaving her face.

“OH - I oh. What brought this on? You know…. I haven’t, couldn’t” she stumbled a little - feeling flustered, and a little overwhelmed by his announcement.

< He wants me? Like that? - I can’t - dammit he’s cute though. And sweet, kind, funny gorgeous!! Could I be with him like that? He knows about me. He’s been there - he understands. I just wish I wasn’t so scared. >

Biting her lip she looked at him really looked at him - confusion in her eyes - but something else he saw in those green depths made Spike want to jump for joy.


< INTREST!! I can see it! She’s interested. There’s a good dollop of fear and confusion in there too, but interest never the less! >

Taking her small hand in his he smiled at her “You brought this on. Your a beautiful girl Willow. I know your past” as her head dipped he placed a gentle finger under her chin and lifted her face to his once again “like you know my past - we have done nothing wrong Luv - so why should we be punished. I won’t push you on this - I just want you to consider it”

She nodded “I won’t lie Spike - I’ve thought about this - us - too. I’m just not sure I can ever be more than friends, with anyone. The thought of being intimate - it still scares me. You know it’s not you don’t you? Can I think about it?” her voice worried.

Spike nodded “Of course - I told you I won’t push” - just knowing she found him attractive, after all she knew was a big step. Then to find out she’d been thinking about it too! - BONUS!

“Night Spike” Willow rose and left - Spike tilted his head watching the little witch leave - “Night Red” he whispered as he heard the door close softly behind her.

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Climbing in to her bed that night, Willow thought of the cute vampire sleeping in the rooms far below her.

He was gorgeous - Willow couldn’t deny that < I’m not blind! > His sweet, caring, funny personality had been a surprise though, a nice surprise.

< Could I? Could we? He wants me. Like that! I want him too. Oh SHIT! The question is Willow can you get past your past and maybe, just maybe have a future with Spike. >

Willow lay awake for hours, thinking of all the pro’s and con’s - okay so maybe there was no downside to this and only lots and lots of con’s - just thinking about him made her tummy go squishy ( in a good way of course)

< All you have to do Willow is go down those stairs - I’m sure Spike would take over from there! >

Finally unable to take any more doubts she sat up, her resolve face firmly in place she went in search of Spike.

Knocking gently on his door - getting no answer she took a deep breath and went in. Looking at her watch she was al little surprised to find it was 4.00am.

Willow’s bear feet padded softly across the carpet to his bedroom. Knocking on the door, this time she heard a mumbled.

“Wasisit?”

“Spike?” she whispered, pushing the door open, she saw him sprawled face down on the bed, his arm bent under his head - his face turned towards her.

< He looks like a child! All sweet and snuggly >

“Pet? You okay?” he asked, sitting up slowly, drawing the covers around his waist - leaning back against the headboard - his chest bear to her gaze, rubbing his hand absently over his shorn head.

Spike was thankful he’d worn boxer shorts to bed - he smiled at her as she nodded, taking in her bare feet, pale green shorts and t-shirt. Her face looked a little worried, but she had still come to see him.

“Come in” he whispered - wondering why he did, they were the only ones in the house but deciding that it was the darkness that had made him do it - not the fear of her bolting at any sudden noise.

“Hi” Willow told him - walking slowly to the bed and sitting down on the edge.

Spike waited for her to speak again - he could see so many emotions flashing across her face that he really didn’t know why she was there - fear, confusion, wonder, realisation, and finally one that made his long dead heart jump -HOPE.

“I um - I’ve been thinking about what we were talking about - about me and you, us. About us being together.”

Spike nodded - his whole body going tense as he waited for her decision.

After what seemed like forever she lifted her head and looked at him “I’d like to give it a try. You have to understand though that if… if I can’t - it’s not your fault. It’s mine - okay? Just all this junk in my head still”

Spike nodded and crawling towards her slowly across the bed looked at her seriously “Not your fault - none of this. Remember that okay? For me” Willow nodded, thankful that he understood her fears.

“Can I kiss you goodnight pet?” he whispered - Willow froze for a second - thoughts crashing through her mind - pushing them away she smiled and told him softly “I think I’d like that”

Making no move to hold her, Spike lent forward and gently brushed his lips across hers - Willow sighed at the first contact and screwing up every bit of courage she had - kissed him back.

Spike’s brain screamed! The feeling of her warm lips sliding against his own made him want to hold her so much - digging his nails in to his palms he resisted the urge to pull her tight against him.

He could feel the tension coming off her in waves but she kept on kissing him - her lips a little clumsy and inexperienced at first - but that only added to the sweetness of the moment.

Taking a deep un-needed breath Spike pulled back - Willow opened her eyes and smiled.

“Okay?” he asked, a touch of concern in his voice - but a moment later he knew it was unfounded when she threw caution to the wind and placing her small soft hands on his thighs leant in for another searing kiss.

Spike was still reeling from the contact when he nearly jumped out of his skin, as he felt Willow sweep her tongue along the seam of his lips - groaning he couldn’t hold off any more - opening his mouth under hers he was rewarded with a sigh and a shy tongue sweeping into his mouth.

Spike barely knew how he was keeping things together - flexing his fingers he slowly reached out and lightly wrapped his arms around her waist, Willow paused for a moment - pulling back she looked at his worried expression and smiled, curling her hands tentatively around his neck - Spike grinned as he lowered his lip to hers again, almost growling in pleasure when she began stroking his nape with her short blunt fingernails.

Willow was in heaven - his hands holding her felt wonderful - rather than feeling worried about his hands she felt exhilarated, his touch was light, non threatening and Willow was responding to him more because of it.

Spike had never thought a simple kiss could make him feel so alive - he wanted her in the worst possible way but knew if he took things to far to fast she’d run, and Spike decided that kissing Willow was one of the most erotic and sensual acts he had ever partaken in.

Spike and Willow continued their gentle explorations of emoutmouths, Spike growled low in his throat.


Willow moaned - pulling back she looked at him a little shocked, her lips red and full from the many kisses they shared.

“Did you just growl?” she asked, laughter in her voice - her eyes holding a sparkle that he‘d never seen before - Spike nodded “Yup - sorry”

Willow shook her head “Don’t be - I liked it” Spike just raised a scarred eyebrow at her “I’m not scared of who or WHAT you are Spike - I think I should be going to bed, don’t you?”

Spike grinned at her “Don’t have to - fancy a cuddle?”

“Um, not sure I should.”

Spike frowned sitting back on the bed - “Won’t try anything pet - trust me?”

Willow smiled “Always - not sure if I trust myself though” laughing at the shocked expression on his face, willing herself on Willow lay next to him.

“Just keep your hands to yourself Pet” he laughed looping his arms around her loosely - Willow giggled and lay her head against his chest, feeling safe for the first time in years - yawning she told him “I’ll try”

As Willow drifted off to sleep Spike thought of the progress they’d made that night, he didn’t just want a simple tumble with Willow - he wanted her, all of her - if he had to wait forever he would. He’d never rush her - never wanted to.

< I can wait - but lord can she kiss! >

Smiling he closed his eyes and let sleep take him - his dreams full of a certain redhead.

T.B.C